Heart of Farellah: Book 3

by Brindi Quinn

  “Hey, Aura!” Darch peeked around Ardette’s side.

  I was bothered by their secret meeting, but I couldn’t help feeling relief at his joyfulness.

  “Are you feeling better now that the Feirgh are gone, Darch? They are gone, aren’t they? You can’t hear them anymore?”

  “Nope! Quiet as a peep!”

  “Are peeps really all that quiet, though?” questioned Ardette, shifting sideways to again block Darch from view.

  “Oh yes,” said Darch, cheerful as ever. “They’re very, very quiet!”

  I giggled. “Darch, you and Kantú are too alike.”

  “Well, aren’t you all just a chipper bunch?” interjected Sowpa, full of detest. “And look who it is, the little whore of Salvation. Did you come to give yourself over to me again? Apparently I didn’t make you bleed enough last time. Let’s have another-”

  Ardette grabbed him around the throat. “Watch your tongue.”

  “Wow, Brother. Look at your eyes. Black as a dragon’s heart.”

  “Ardetto!” cried Darch. “Let him go!”

  “Yeah,” said Trib. “Just . . . you know, try not to be so dramatic!”

  Ardette didn’t listen to either of them. Still holding his brother’s neck, he said, “Dare insult my cherry again, and I’ll slit your throat.”

  “Cherry? That’s what you’re calling her? Creator! You really are still in love with her! You’re a Creator-damned moron, Ardette!”

  Ardette slammed Sowpa’s head against the tree, then fumbled around for the whistle. He gave it a rage-fueled blow, but nothing happened.

  Sowpa let out a wild laugh. “That stinking angel took away its affect on me! Only good thing an angel’s ever done!”

  “But pain still works, I presume?” Ardette threw the whistle to the ground and slammed Sowpa’s head against the tree a second time. “Insult her again, and I’ll have your throat.”

  “Mr. Ardetto!” yelled Trib. “You should know better! He can’t-”

  “If you’re to say he can’t help it, you’re completely wrong! Sorry to disappoint, but he chooses to be this way! He’s the one that’s rejected the star of his own free will because he’d rather dwell on past transgressions than be happy!”

  “Fuck you!”

  Ardette pulled his fist back.

  “Ardette!” I grabbed his arm. “Come here!”

  I gave him a heaving tug to wrench him from his brother. I was weak, so I should have had no affect physically, but he let me yank him away. He was breathing deep growling pants, and his eyes were black. I put my hands on his cheeks.

  “Listen! You can’t keep doing this! Calm down!”

  Though his nostrils flared, his eyes reverted to red. “Hmph,” was his only response.

  “Come with me a sec,” I told him. It wasn’t a request. “Darch, Trib, can you guys watch Sowpa by yourselves?”

  “We sure can!” said Trib. She saluted me. “Ground the old man, will you?”

  “Yeah, I’ll try.” Even though I still didn’t entirely understand the term.

  Darch said nothing until we turned our backs to them. That’s when he let out a sad, “Ardetto . . .” and let his voice fall.

  Ardette flicked a half-hearted, two-fingered wave over his shoulder, but said nothing.

  I marched him far enough away that the others couldn’t hear. The distance gave him time to cool off, so when I stopped beside a particularly mushy area of ground, he started in right away.

  “My, my, finally giving in to that small som-”

  “You can’t keep doing this!” I said, dropping my head into my hands.

  His face fell. “What?”

  “All of it. You’ve got to stop.”

  “My pit, I-”

  “No. You know what I mean. Defending me like that? Getting worked up that far? It’s not your job! Ardette, it’s not for you to do . . . because . . . I’m not yours.”

  It was harsh. I knew it was, but I didn’t know another way to say it.

  “I know, Aura. I know you aren’t.”

  “And you’ve got to move on,” I continued, “because I’m never going to BE yours. Never.”

  After tonight, I’m going to be no one’s.

  Ardette put a swift hand to my chin. “Ah, ah, ah. No matter what he says, you still haven’t made up your mind, have you? How could you have? You haven’t even learned your alternative yet.”

  “My alternative? But you’ve told me that people will die, and it’ll bring the land back together, and destroy magic, and lead to war, and how can any of that be good?! Even after you show me, I’m certain I’ll still choose . . .” I didn’t want to give away my intentions, so I hid my eyes, which were so bad at lying, by placing them at Ardette’s feet. It didn’t matter. Ardette still knew.

  “To die? Aura, you can’t be serious! If you were to die, it would all be for nothing! All of it! Even . . .” He gritted his teeth, leaving me to wonder again.

  “What?” I said. “Even what? This is so frustrating! I just want to know everything. It would be so much easier if I knew!”

  “I told you. I’m going to show you. Tonight.”

  “How? I was thinking about it, and isn’t ad’ai going to happen at nightfall? So how will you show me? We won’t even get a moment of effulgence to spare!”

  “We will,” he said. “I promise you. Leave your mind unmade until then, please. I know that you’ll never be mine, not in this lifetime anyway, but I can’t stop the way I feel. Simply put, you’re written on my soul. There’s no other way for me to react to you. I’ve no choice but to defend you. I’ve no choice but to get worked up. I’ve no choice but to make sure you don’t give up your life for nothing.”

  “Ardette . . .”

  “What? I won’t stand by and watch you throw it all away. I can’t. You know why, don’t you? Because even if I can never have you, I can always have my love for you.”

  He said it too honestly.

  I buried my face in my hands. “Don’t you see that saying things like that only makes it worse? You have to know by now that even outside of the spell of my merging first life, you’re still a temptation for me. You’ve still stolen a piece of my heart. Telling me things like that, letting yourself hear things like that . . . It only makes everything more unbearable.”

  “I know, but like you, I am selfish. Please don’t die. Not like this. If you won’t give me yourself, at least give yourself life.”

  “But it’s Nyte. I can’t-” But I couldn’t finish because I was forcing a sob back down my closing throat.

  Ardette shook his head and put a hand on my shoulder. “The star is the key, and we have that now. It’s inside of my brother. We have the all of tools for restoring the land to its former state. You won’t have to die, and neither will Nyte. Just wait. Once you know more . . . Please, my pit, just please don’t shut the door yet. Please.” Earnest eyes fixed on mine, he was pleading – humbly pleading with me to reconsider.

  But I still didn’t know if I had the strength to forfeit magic. I still didn’t know if I could make a decision that would alter the whole world. Any repercussions of rejoining the land would be on my shoulders. Even if I lived, could I live with whatever bad things might come from it?

  “Ardette,” – my voice was faint – “what do you think? Is magic supposed to die out? Will the Creator frown upon me if I usher in its demise?”

  He was quiet a spell and then, “Hm. I can’t answer that for you. You’ve got to be the one to decide. The chosen has to choose, so to speak.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can, and you will.” He turned away from me, pain written in his eyes. “I’ve already stolen enough of your time. Go to your boy. That’s why you came out here, isn’t it?”

  “But-”

  “If you stay, I’ll only make an ass out of myself. I’ll only break myself begging you like a pitiful dog. I suppose there’s nothing for me to do but pray at this point.”

  “Pray?”

/>   “Naturally.” He didn’t smile.

  “I’m not sure what to-”

  “The Elf passed by us. I believe he’s just that way a bit.”

  More than ready to be separated from his obvious pain, I started in the direction he’d pointed.

  “I’m sorry . . . that I love you,” he said softly after me.

  I didn’t turn back to face him. “I’m sorry that I can’t.”

  ~

  Nyte was still napping when I found him. Sprawled and content, he was lying across the top of one of the full-leaved mangrove heads with one arm dangled listlessly over the edge. I wanted to join him, but though the tree was short, the lowest branch was still too high for me to reach, so I wouldn’t be able to get up there easily. Darn. I’d been hoping to crawl in next to him unnoticed.

  I watched him from below for a moment.

  What would I say when he awoke? Would I be able to say anything at all? Or would each word be swallowed by fleeing tears? One way or another, it was our last day together, but if allowed that thought to have more than a second’s stay, it would consume me. I’d turn into a blubbering mess without resolve. That’s why, for the sake of letting every last minute be perfect and natural, I didn’t want to act like it was our final day together; I just wanted to enjoy it as much as I enjoyed any time spent with him. As much as I could, I’d try to act normal.

  “Nyte?” I called softly. I didn’t want to wake him, but my soul ached to be near his. We had so little time remaining. “Nyte?” I said again.

  The second time was loud enough to make him stir.

  He rustled on his way over to the edge and let out the first yawn I’d ever seen from him. “Miss Havoc?”

  “Sorry,” I said. “I wanted to see you.”

  “Do not apologize.” His delight was apparent. “I was dreaming of you, but it was not as satisfying as the real thing.”

  The thought of him having a dream about me made my cheeks flush. The thought of him thinking of me as ‘satisfying’ made them swelter.

  “Ah!” he said, suddenly ruffling the tree’s top. “I am sorry! I did not realize . . . I have taken respite for too long? There is work that you have for me?”

  “What? No. I just wanted to see you.”

  “I am sorry that I have required rest. I should not have left you. I wished to give you time with Kantú, so I stole away. I did not know that I would sleep for such a long time, for I could not determine how much time would be required. I am not yet used to this.”

  “It’s okay,” I assured him, laughing over how concerned he was. “You’re normal now.”

  “Normal? You do not think me weak?”

  I shook my head. “Just normal. I’m a little jealous, actually. I’d give anything to be normal.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you know, someone without all of this.”

  “If you were normal, I would not have been able to encounter you. Therefore, I am glad that you are not normal. What is more, your abnormality only increases my attraction to you.”

  “Abnormality?! Hey! That’s not a good way of putting it at all!”

  He laughed into his shoulder. “What would you have me say, then? If you are not normal, what does that make you? Irregular? Atypical? Unusual? Or perhaps ‘weird’, as you say?”

  “Hey!” I put my hands on my hips. “None of those things sound like good things!”

  “Then we shall stick with ‘special’. It is the thing that suits you best.”

  You don’t know how special you are. Miss Danice had spoken those words to me all those months ago. So many months had passed, and I still just wanted to be me. I just wanted to be a lower-than-average songstress who could stay forever by her Elf’s side in a regular village with a regular, non-evil sister. Special? Why did special evoke such a negative feeling? Special was supposed to be a good thing, wasn’t it?

  Nyte saw that his words had sparked something unfavorable in me, so he hurried to erase it. He said, “No. On another thought, I believe that ‘abnormal’ is most fitting.” He smirked playfully. “It has a certain evil-ish vibe, do you not think?”

  He had the right idea. There was no time to be wasted on sadness.

  I rolled my eyes and tried to copy his smirk. “Will you just help me up there? Or are you going to make me stand down here and look up at you all day?”

  “I would gladly look at you all day. It is heartbreaking that you do not feel the same.”

  “So dramatic. Of course, looking’s fine and all, but I’d like to, you know, touch you too. It would be heartbreaking if you didn’t feel the same way. Well, Nyte? What do you think? Are you content with just looking?”

  This time, it was he who blushed. “I shall come to retrieve you, but only if you agree to stay with me as long as I desire.”

  “You mean there will come a time when you’ll no longer desire me by your side?”

  Again, his face showed delight. He responded, “Are you becoming cleverer, Miss Havoc?”

  “Nope! I’ve always been this clever. You just must not have noticed through your goo-goo eyes.”

  “It must be so,” he said, “for it is true that you have caught my eyes with goo.”

  “Hmm. That’s not really what I meant, but whatever. Come get me please, my captor.”

  Grinning cutely, he moved down through the waxy leaves and found a low gnarled branch to hang from. He held on to it and lowered himself so that he was dangling. Then, kicking his legs for a bit of a swing, he dropped to the ground, making less than a ‘peep’ with the soft landing. I ran to him.

  It was just as I’d said. Touch was so much better.

  “You would like to go up?” he asked, hands on my waist.

  “I would. Can you still help me, or . . .?” I wasn’t sure how weak his new daytime state was.

  “I am not that feeble! Unless you mean to tell me that you have gotten heavier since the last time you were in my arms?”

  “Hey!” I batted at him with both hands.

  “Ah! Do not unleash your havoc! I am simply jesting with you!”

  He swept me into his arms the same way he always did and pulled me close to him so that I could revel in his cherry tree scent. I took full advantage of the situation and breathed in even more of him than usual.

  I breathed in enough to carry some with me into the afterlife. I smothered the tears that tried to escape at the thought.

  Showing no sign of fatigue, Nyte ran with full speed and leaped from the ground in one practiced spring. I was surprised because he didn’t seem weak at all. He was his usual self. The sacrifice had no effect! . . . Until we reached the top. Once there, the repercussions of what he’d done became apparent, for though he still grinned, he was out of breath, and he immediately set me down and let his shoulders slump a bit.

  “Nyte? It’s bad, isn’t it? Just how bad is it?”

  “It is not bad in the least. Do not fret over me. It is not worth it for you to worry over something so . . .”

  Fleeting.

  I finished the thought for him. He was saying it that way because he believed his remaining life was to be short. I couldn’t let him think otherwise.

  “All of that bantering made me tired too,” I said to change the subject. “Are you up for another nap?”

  He laid back into the thick leaves. On our last visit, these trees had made for excellent fero stepping stones. Now, their plushy leaves made for an excellent bed. Much better than the hard tent floors, at least. Using my elbow for support, I leaned on my side next to him and sank just a little into the tree.

  “A nap?” he said. “It is interesting. I have never understood the need for them before, but I think that I have come to enjoy the simplicity of such an action. It is simply to feel fatigue and then to give in to it. And when it is through, there is a sensation of refreshment. Although the time is lost, it does not feel wasted. I did not expect that surrender could be so pleasing.”

  My hand found his hair on its
own and twisted a lock loosely around my pointer finger. “Pleasing, huh?” I said.

  He nodded. The rest of his hair fell lazily across his eyes and cheeks. His mouth was slightly open in a slight and content smile. He gazed at me with sleepy, soulful eyes. It was all too much. My calmness would only last so long. He tipped his face so that it brushed my hand, and sure enough, my heart reacted. It wasted no time in accelerating to a heightened pace that I could feel in my chest, neck, and arms.

  To feel something and then to give in to it.

  “Nyte.”

  “Hm? Yes?”

  “You’re right. There is pleasure in surrender.” I pushed myself up and leaned over him, and my silver hair fell around us like the soft sylk of Yes’lech. His sleepy eyes opened in surprise, and his slight smile fell into something serious. I bent down, kissed him lightly on the cheek, and whispered,

  “I surrender.”

  “Aura?”

  “To you, Nyte, I surrender. My heart, my body, everything. You can have everything. All of me. Because . . . for you, only you, I’ll surrender anything.” Even my life.

  “All of you?” He extended his hand to a sliver of my hair that was intruding into the space between our faces, and brushed it aside. “I am not deserving of something so precious.” His eyes, now bearing soft sadness, searched mine. “You are all that is beautiful. You are all that is special. I do not deserve to be given all of you.”

  “No. For you and no one else, Nyte. You’ll have me.”

  “Aura.” He reached his other hand around my back and pulled me to him. “My Aura.”

  “This is our last day, so have me.”

  “As you wish, my Heart.” He brought his lips almost to my collar bone. “My captivating Heart of Farellah.”

  ~

  In one hand, Nyte’s fingers were weaved through mine. In the other, I held tightly the obsidian feather he’d carved for my ad’ai. I’d take only one of them into the afterlife with me; the other I’d release at the pivotal moment.