How Sachin Destroyed My Life: but gave me an All Access Pass to the world of Cricket

by Vikram Sathaye

When he sees anyone talking or watching cricket he says, “Why are you watching? Everything is fixed.”

  The Touchy-Feely Fan

  This category of fan is so enamoured by the cricketer that whenever he sees one up close and personal he just can’t seem to keep his hands off him, wanting to touch, shake hands or click photographs with him. I have seen this kind of behaviour from people across the board at the numerous events I’ve performed at.

  During these events, which are usually a meet and greet with cricketers, everyone from the organisers’ mistresses to their office assistant wants to shake hands and click a picture with them. As these events are planned well in advance, every member present in the room has assured their near and dear ones that they will manage at least a photograph or two with the cricketer. So when D-Day arrives you can see the pressure and anxiety to meet their favourite cricketer. The moment they spot a window of opportunity, you will see hordes of fans trying to squeeze in for a click. These photosessions can be extremely exhausting for the players.

  You must be wondering what could possibly be so exhausting about a few photographs. Well let me explain how this process works. Typically, a fan comes and stands next to the cricketer and hands over his camera to a friend. While deciding on his pose for the picture, he invariably ends up pushing the player and then puts his arm around his waist or shoulder depending on his own height. He doesn’t care whether the player likes it or not. His friend won’t know how to use that particular mobile phone so he ends up getting it wrong and following a detailed tutorial, the whole process is repeated all over again. The same process is then repeated with the friend who clicked the photograph. While this is happening people from other corners with their cameras have already stood next to the cricketer in various trajectories and clicked their photos with whichever body part of the cricketer that enters the frame. Now imagine this happening with at least a hundred fans at the event. A million cameras would have been exchanged causing light flashes of different intensity on the cricketer’s face further causing distress at a different level altogether. I haven’t even mentioned the millions of autographs signed simultaneously during the process.

  During all of this the cricketer maintains his composure and keeps smiling despite the serious trauma to his nervous system. But there are times when the trauma reaches a break point and the cricketer suddenly reacts by saying, “No more photos.”

  Suddenly everyone will start saying, “What attitude, we have made them stars, without us they are nothing. Money and success have gone to their head. We came all the way from the suburbs and this is what we get. Who wants their autograph? Pompous fellows!” Such is the life of a cricketer. The interesting part is all of this content generated over the hours of photography and videography eventually ends up on Facebook and YouTube. That is why I am convinced at the end of the day all of us are working for these two companies.

  The Egoistic Fan

  A fan category that intrigus me the most is the one who can’t directly express his love for the cricketer. This character is the typical emotionally untrained Indian male who can’t express his love even to his wife. So when he approaches the cricketer he will say things like “Kapil paaji, my daughter is a big fan of yours, need a photograph of yours for her.” Why on Earth would a 10-year-old girl be a fan of Kapil Dev is something we would not know but then it’s his way of getting his idol’s autograph without letting his position down and looking like a fan.

  Over the years I have gone on to be recognised as the funny guy who hangs out with cricketers. So by chance if the fans don’t get their photos and signatures they come to me and ask for help to get it for them from the players. Some of them even reconcile to their kids taking pictures and autographs from me which I reluctantly sign. I know they never came for me, the worst is after they have taken my autograph and photos they will ask innocently, “Uncle, what is your name?”

  The Lucky Fan

  These are the fans who happen to stumble on a gold mine in the least expected of situations.

  The luckiest fan is always the good looking female fan. Somehow the younger cricketers have an amazing ability to locate one even from a crowd of more than a hundred. She always gets priority and to be the brother or family member of a beautiful girl is a great thing because then you could even get a chance to learn a few strokes from the cricketers.

  The Jingoistic Fan

  This is a fan category that thinks cricket is a substitute for war and there is no way India can lose and if they lose he will destroy the Indian cricketers. So when you see players’ houses destroyed you know what kind of person did that. He thinks that an India vs Pakistan game is a revenge for Partition. I am personally very worried for this person because he is the kind of person who is detrimental to the cricketing world. I agree with some that sports cannot be separated from politics but if our objective is world peace then it is also a great tool to start the process.

  However, one of the most interesting fan moments I recollect was when we had surprised our friends from Melbourne, Harsha Sheorey and his wife Krushnna and a few friends. They were to pick us up from our hotel in Melbourne for a day trip. When they arrived at the hotel they got the surprise of a lifetime when Sachin and Anjali Tendulkar joined us in their car for the day trip. The expressions on their faces were priceless. Interestingly, Krushnaa had decided to buy a new car but after this episode Harsha decided he was never going to sell this car.

  17

  The IPL Circus

  The advent of the IPL, pioneered by Lalit Modi and Sharad Pawar, had far more impact on a cricketer than the liberalisation of the Indian economy by PV Narasimha Rao and Dr Manmohan Singh. There was a time when every mother dreaded that her son would waste a considerable amount of time during his studying years playing what she called “the wretched game of cricket”. She cursed the British not for ruling India for 200 years but for inventing and introducing this game that would destroy her family’s economic future for the next 5 generations.

  How times have changed! Even engineers are leaving their profession to successfully pursue cricket instead. The trend was started by Anil Kumble and Javagal Srinath, the latest victim being R. Ashwin. Every mother now wants her son to become a cricketer and not even appear for the engineering exams because she knows that one IPL contract can not only get them out of their modest lifestyle but also make her a kitty party queen.

  Cricket is now an industry by itself. The total money generated in the last World Cup alone was estimated to be about $US 1.5 billion which could possibly be the annual budget of some countries. This would also give you an idea about the kind of employment cricket is generating. According to estimates just the official broadcasting crew and associates took close to 20,000 domestic and 350 international flights and occupied 13,000 room nights in hotels. Despite the average revenue growth in the TV industry being close to 12 percent, the TV ad rates during the World cup grew by 50 percent. At Rs 4,50,000 for 10 seconds, you had the option to buy 100 seconds of advertising or a 1,300 sq ft flat in a decent area in Pune. The official broadcaster syndicated this to 200 territories which meant that there would have been a total TV audience of more than a billion people across the world. There were 27 cameras shooting this in HD format and with 3G mobile streaming resulting in tremendous quality for viewers. Rs 400 crore worth of tickets sold during the World Cup and each association getting Rs 3.3 crore per match for the World Cup games.

  The prize money for the 1983 World Cup was £42,000 with the winners taking £20,000. The 2011 World Cup was worth $10 million with the winners taking $3 million. I’m sure the same 1983 World Cup winners are making more money from commentary today than what they made by winning the World Cup back then.

  Now we even have the IPL. This is a different financial eco-system by itself, where the economics is such that the money made by Robin Uthapa and Irfan Pathan during 74 days of the IPL is twice the World Cup final team prize money. Irfan Pathan made Rs 8.74 crore in the IPL 4 auction while G
autam Gambhir made Rs 11.04 crore. The highest a foreign player made was Rs 6.9 crore by Sri Lanka’s Mahela Jayawardene then. So now you understand why mothers prefer that their sons join a cricket academy instead of an entrance coaching academy.

  I guess Glen Maxwell’s parents would have never imagined in their wildest dreams that their son would play league cricket in India and make a fortune. At this rate they’d want him to settle down in India.

  During Lalit Modi’s time, there was a different vibe around the IPL. While all the franchises were happy with him, the people who did not get a deal with the IPL felt that he had an attitude problem. He used to roam around like a “King of the Jungle” and that’s why his defiance of Chidambaram was the turning point in his life. Cricket versus politics was as exciting as any battle could get.

  For me, the IPL was a superb experience from a commercial and an observational point of view. The dynamics of each of the franchisees was unique based on the owner’s personality.

  Kolkata Knight Riders

  I have been performing for Kolkata Knight Riders every year since the IPL began. To me this has been the toughest event to host during the tournament because it usually starts only at 2 am after the players come back to the hotel after the match. My job is to do a stand-up act followed by interactions with the players on stage at that unearthly hour. If by chance they have lost the game, then the mood of the players and the team owner Shah Rukh Khan is low which means I know the show is going down and how. As my luck would have it, this was almost always the case. But I know that if Shah Rukh was triggered in the right manner, things would look up. He is the wittiest person I have interviewed in my life and it is always a challenge for me to throw questions laced with humour at him. He never lets the audience down. Once Shah Rukh sets the tempo, the other players carry forward the momentum and even reluctant speakers like Yusuf Pathan can throw gems making you chuckle every now and then.

  The highlight of this event though is the after party that starts at the ITC Hotel at around 3am and can go on till the wee hours. Shah Rukh takes the moral responsibility of entertaining everyone and at any point of time is dancing some place or the other with his 7 foot tall bodyguards surrounding him and people trying to get through them to at least try and shake a leg with him. At that time one sees team members from other franchisees also joining in the party which now has turned into a complete zoo where every member is trying to impress the other with their dancing skills.

  One of my biggest observations about the IPL was that it showed me the impact of wealth on different kinds of people and what happens when young innocent cricketers actually interact with a world that is not theirs.

  It’s interesting to watch these young small town boys at these parties. For them, just the thought of being close to Priyanka Chopra for a few moments and a hug from her can trigger a volcano of emotions inside their brains and coupled by a hormonal rush of an uncontrollable nature. When you overhear some of their conversations, you realise how these young boys are affected by the glamour quotient and how difficult it is for them to maintain their sanity in these situations.

  Here’s an example which will give you an idea about why players get greedy and then succumb to the bookies hanging out in the lobbies of team hotels.

  Player 1: Boss ye Priyanka aur Kareena kya mast hein, chal baat karein?

  Player 2: Pagal hein! Ye badi society ke log hein, apne jaise ki bas ki nahi!

  Player 1: Arre chhod, hum bhi IPL player hein.

  Player 2: Arre ye tere Honda City mein thodi na baithegi, ise Range Rover chahiye.

  Player 1: Kya baat kar raha hein? Dekh ek din saala Range Rover le ke aoonga.

  This kid who is 19 and was struggling to make both ends meet a few months back, suddenly got an IPL deal and celebrated it by buying a Honda City and now within 15 days of doing so wants to buy a Rs 1 crore car. What happens if by chance he has had a few drinks and then meets someone in the lobby who gives him an iPhone and calls him to his room offering him a deal to bowl a no-ball in the next match? Now you know how vulnerable the situation is and that is why having a psychologist and a counsellor I believe is very crucial to keep the sanity amongst these younger players. This sudden change in lifestyle is the greatest challenge for many of these younger players.

  Kings XI Punjab

  Kings XI Punjab is another glamour driven franchise. The players of this franchise always played second fiddle because no matter what they did on the field, the camera would only capture Preity Zinta’s reactions. Thanks to the IPL we got to see her emote many more expressions than she did in her films as unlike life, Bollywood films provide very little opportunity to act. It took her time to understand what this game was all about and now she is far more mature than before. It was difficult for anyone to control her excitement after a win. She would invade the ground to hug Yuvraj or Sangakarra. As a team owner she didn’t realise that this caused a sense of inequality amongst the other players. Many times I wanted to tell her that as a management principle she needs to love all her employees equally. Yuvi and Sanga are popular among the girls, she needs to focus on the others. It was Piyush Chawla who needed the hugs back then. This was an important HR lesson which she missed out on in the initial years of her IPL career. Piyush, by the way, played better for KKR recently when they won the IPL in 2014.

  The IPL events and parties were an economy by themselves. In the first few years, companies and brands bid to sponsor IPL parties. These parties had a strange mix of players and models who walked the ramp and wannabe actresses, cheerleaders and nouveau rich businessmen from across India who tried to make an impression. At that time, ticket packages were such that you could watch the game and then come to the party at a hefty price. So no matter how and where you made your money from, whether it was by selling leather goods in Ludhiana or textile in Tiruchirapalli, you could come to this party if you had the cash to spend. As part of their contracts, players had to come and hang out at these parties for some time. Small businessmen would mingle with the players asking them the stupidest questions but then the players had no other option, they were paid to listen.

  The main parties happened after this in the private enclosures of team owners where senior corporates hung out with the real celebs and senior cricketers. This was the exclusive group where big discussions happened. One of the key reasons that I thought the IPL worked was that it was a great way for corporates to entertain their customers and guests. Every time one went to the President’s box during a game, it felt like a CII summit where business heads got together to decide on the economy over a drink and cricket. Each one thought that they knew the game better than the other.

  Chennai Super Kings

  One man who treats his boys equally is the Chennai Super Kings captain MS Dhoni. This team swears by their captain. It is fun doing an event with the boys at CSK because one gets a feeling that it’s a household function you are hosting. Mahi has that charm of a tribal leader who not only gets respect but also manages to get the best out of his teammates. If you go to Mahi’s room you will see at least 4-5 CSK players hanging out, watching TV or playing games while the leader is lying on the sofa or sprawled out on the bed. One gets a sense that his entire team, including the international cricketers would die for him.

  There are very few leaders who have been able to command the kind of awe and respect that Mahi does. Besides a strong sense of camaraderie, the other thing that stands out with this team is that they are all a little media shy. During an interview each one hides behind the other and then pushes the other one to go first and finally as a group they manage to push Dwayne Bravo. Invariably the Caribbean flavour comes into play leading to a dance routine that can give all item numbers a run for their money.

  Mumbai Indians

  The boys from Mumbai Indians are relatively low profile. Well when Nita bhabhi is your owner, you’ll never be high profile enough, unless you’re Sachin Tendulkar. I’m sure even Pollard feels intimidated in front of her. For mos
t of the earlier matches she used to sit in the dug-out with a headmistress like look which by default put the young players under tremendous pressure to perform. I must say though that on the other hand when you are doing any stuff for the MI team, the owners treat guests with utmost dignity and respect. My strategy while performing at a Mumbai Indians event was to first break the ice with Sachin because I know if that happens well then the entire team would fall in line making every moment of the evening special.

  Royal Challengers Bangalore

  Royal Challengers Bangalore is all about Chris Gayle, period! He is a unique character. When I first interviewed him I thought he would have a Viv Richards like attitude. The moment I asked him a funny question about him getting massaged by four girls, he started giggling like a little girl in her teens. The media present at the event was stunned by the infectious girly giggle as everyone had expected an Amrish Puri kind of demonic laughter. I call him the most expressionless cricketer in the world, dispassionate and emotionless, who will not cry even if you get him to watch Titanic 40 times. When he walks to the crease with a black bandana he resembles a Black Cat commando whose only mission is to break the leather ball into two halves. I remember when Dhoni was asked about his strategy against Gayle at an India v/s West Indies pre-match press conference, he said, “We had a strategy but we can’t use it because the ICC doesn’t allow fielders to be placed outside the boundary line.” Chris Gayle apparently has had a heart problem since his childhood. It would be interesting to find out how many opposition captains have heart conditions because of him despite it not being a contagious disease. What are these West Indians and Australians made of? No matter how tired they may be they will still end up at the bar much before anyone gets there.

  There have been a lot of discussions and debates around the partying and betting during the IPL. I think what people need to understand is that these people are grown up men and you can’t force do’s and don’ts on them. There was such of a hue and cry regarding cheerleaders which saddened me because I think they have had a huge contribution towards the game.