“You’d be surprised what I remember.”
Aching to feel his skin, she lifted his green sweater. It stuck halfway up, baring his chest. Jan leaned forward and ran her tongue down the center.
Zack groaned. With an effort, he yanked the sweater over his head and tossed it aside. “Whoever invented clothes was an idiot.”
“I hear they can be useful in cold climates,” Jan murmured.
“Good thing we’re in Southern California.”
Her cardigan and beige wool skirt joined his slacks in a friendly heap on the floor. He used to fold everything neatly before making love, Jan recalled, half expecting him to take a moment to do so now.
“Aha.” Zack flipped her onto the bed. “Caught you off guard.”
“You used to...”
“Never mind that. I’ve grown up.” He grinned. “Uh, hold that thought.” He sprang to his feet, returning a moment later with a condom. “One surprise baby is a gift. Two might be considered careless.”
“Especially in view of our professions.”
He unwrapped the protection. As Jan helped slide it into place, she cherished the strength of him, the power and the vulnerability. Then they caressed each other, legs tangling on the bed, bodies arching together. When he held himself over her and bent down for a kiss, they merged like liquid silver.
Excitement rushed into her. For a moment, they held still, feeling the connection, scarcely daring to move. Then, with a gasp, Zack began to thrust. Joy flooded through Jan. All these years, without realizing it, she’d been waiting for him to come back.
As their rhythm grew wilder and more insistent, they soared from the earth, flying toward the sun and exploding in a great rapturous burst. Shudders vibrated through Zack and into Jan until, slowly, they glided to earth, landing light as a whisper.
She lay quietly satisfied. Zack tugged the covers over them and Jan nestled against his shoulder. The words “I love you” drifted out of her.
He didn’t answer. Had he heard?
She shouldn’t have spoken. It was too soon. And too late, because hard as Jan had fought not to give him her heart, she’d done it anyway.
* * *
I LOVE YOU, TOO. The words formed in Zack’s mind but never reached his mouth.
He longed to lie here sharing endearments, suffused with the glory of their lovemaking. Yet if he said those words, everything would change. He wasn’t ready for that. More importantly, Berry wasn’t ready.
Zack had seen how easily her sense of security could be shaken. Although she’d adapted to their new housemates better than he’d expected, she’d done so with the awareness this was only temporary and that she came first with him. Moreover, if she ever suspected he hadn’t loved her mother the way he loved Jan, she might believe he didn’t love her as much as Kimmie. Although that wasn’t true, she’d be devastated.
Maybe he should talk over his concern with Jan and assess how to deal with it together. But she’d gotten out of bed already and gone to the bathroom. Besides, speaking without thinking led to misunderstandings.
Zack sat up, his brain busy sorting out the ramifications of what had happened. No regrets, and he hoped she had none, either. But they needed to take things slowly. While making love had brought them closer, it hadn’t resolved all their differences.
When Jan returned, Zack welcomed her back under the covers. “About what we did,” he began.
“I’m not making any assumptions,” she replied softly.
It hurt him to see a trace of sadness in her eyes. “It was wonderful. Please don’t think...”
“It can’t happen again. For now.” Tension frayed her voice. “We have to set a good example for the girls. Is that what you mean?”
Not exactly, but she was on the right track. “It’s best to take things slow.” Could they become a family, the four of them? With room for Berry to feel completely loved and accepted?
“Okay. We’ll play it by ear.” Jan sat up, hugging her knees.
“Yes. What’s the rush, anyway?” He stroked her hair across the velvety skin of her shoulders. In the lamplight, she had the burnished radiance of a Renaissance painting. “You’re beautiful.”
Jan touched his cheek. “So are you.” Then she slid away and went to collect her clothes. “I’ll sleep in my own room. If the girls get homesick, Mom might bring them home early.”
Zack hadn’t considered that. “You’re right.” Yet they’d left too much unspoken. “Jan, we ought to...” He couldn’t figure out how to finish the sentence.
“You think too much,” she said, and whisked out of the room.
At least she was smiling.
* * *
THE GIRLS RETURNED THE next morning, bubbling about some project they’d dreamed up to help the animal shelter. “Can we go over to Brady’s house?” Kimmie asked as soon as Maria drove off.
“What’s going on?” Jan inquired, surprised the kids would be in a hurry to leave again so soon.
“It’s a secret! Can we, please?”
“You shouldn’t keep secrets from your parents,” Zack responded gently.
“Not that kind of secret,” Kimmie reproved. “Nothing bad.”
“More like a surprise,” Berry added. “A good one.”
How wonderful the girls had united. “I don’t see the harm.” After glancing at Zack and catching his nod, Jan said, “I’ll call Brady’s mother. If it’s okay with her, I’ll take you there.”
“I’d suggest we all do something together, but I have to work.” Although most of the doctors were off the Friday after Thanksgiving, Zack had on-call duty.
He’d been right about last night, Jan reflected as she cleared the visit with Kate and got the girls ready to go. Making any obvious shift in their relationship at this point would upset the harmony they’d worked so hard to achieve. All the same, it stung that Zack hadn’t said he loved her.
She wasn’t sure what to do about finding a new place to live. So far, her search had turned up no suitable prospects. Since she and Zack had agreed in principle not to make a decision yet about their relationship, why bring up the subject? With the Christmas holidays approaching and their parenting in sync, it made sense to put off any decision until after the first of the year.
Although Jan wasn’t crazy about leaving their living arrangement up in the air, she was too busy to give it much thought. Coordinating the girl’s activities, setting up the egg bank’s protocols, finalizing the brochure for prospective donors—everything took more time than she’d expected, including a meeting a week later with Dr. Forrest to review revisions to the brochure.
No sooner had they finished going over the changes suggested by other staff members than the pediatrician brought up the counseling center. “Eleanor doesn’t have a head for business and I’m afraid I don’t, either.” Sam leaned back at the desk in her office. It was four-thirty on a Friday afternoon. Jan hoped to wrap this up quickly so she could put in an hour or so of Christmas shopping.
“You might consider hiring a consultant.” She glanced at a photo on Sam’s desk of the adopted triplets Courtney, Connie and Colin. Nearly two years old, the trio looked poised to burst out of the picture. Even with a full-time nanny, Sam and Mark must have their hands full.
Living up to her nickname of Fightin’ Sam, the pediatrician gave Jan a determined stare. “You’re the best expert I know.”
“I’m not—”
The protest got cut off in midsentence. “I�
�ve already identified some counseling and support groups in the area so we can analyze what needs they aren’t filling. That’s what you suggested, right? Then I’ll put Eleanor to work finding a board of directors and convincing them the community should support us.”
Jan made one more attempt to wiggle free. “I can’t really spare the time now. Perhaps later.”
“Once the center closes, it’s gone forever.”
Sam was right. But what would Zack think? The timing, so close to the end of the contest, was extremely awkward. In a sense Jan would be helping his rival.
She winced. Was she seriously planning to abandon a worthy cause for fear of Zack’s disapproval? She’d gone into nursing to help people, and into administration to make the best use of her organizational skills. That’s what Sam was asking—for her to use those skills in the service of a good cause. “Well, let’s see what we can come up with before I have to pick up my daughter.”
“I knew I could count on you!” Energy and enthusiasm bubbled from Dr. Sam and spilled over onto Jan.
They worked longer than she’d expected, nearly two hours. By the end they’d roughed out an analysis and the gist of a mission statement. “I leave it to you and Eleanor to do the rest.”
“Absolutely!” The pediatrician stretched her shoulders. “You’ve been fantastic.”
“Thanks.” Silently, Jan wondered if the facts and arguments they’d assembled would be enough to inspire patronage. In a tight economy and with churches taking up some of the slack left by pinched nonprofits, the center looked more and more like an exercise in good intentions. However, she refused to be negative. “I know you can pull this off.”
“Especially if we get that prize money.” Sam grinned.
“Right.” Feeling guilty, Jan picked up her briefcase and hurried out.
Should she mention the consultation to Zack? She intended to, but not tonight, not when she was so tired.
And not the next night, or the one after that. Whenever the two of them found rare moments alone, Jan hated to spoil the mood. Soothing him, making him laugh, winning a look of tenderness as he gazed at her—those things made her happy. As for the rapidly approaching conclusion of the Hope Challenge, it was creating more than enough tension already.
To increase the suspense, the administration had quit posting the relative positions of the competitors. That didn’t stop doctors from calculating their odds or the staff from conjecturing. With Zack’s freshly honed surgical skills and growing patient load, his rate of pregnancies inched upward, while Dr. Tartikoff’s recent decision to spend more time with his family was rumored to have a leveling effect on his successes. As for Dr. Rayburn, public opinion—which reached Jan via Caroline’s hard-to-miss chitchat in the outer office—held that he ought to withdraw because of his position as hospital administrator.
The secretary’s addiction to gossip remained both an annoyance and, occasionally, a source of information. Since Jan hadn’t detected her accessing the internet during work hours, she refrained from rebuking the chirpy young woman.
“Did you hear the latest?” Caroline demanded on the Monday before the scheduled big announcement. “Dr. Forrest was all set to close her counseling center but now she and that volunteer, what’s-her-name, have come up with a plan to save it!”
Jan’s stomach churned on the lunch she’d just finished eating. She was pleased, yet troubled, too, although she hadn’t done anything wrong. “I wish them luck.”
“I’ll bet Dr. Sargent won’t be happy.” Caroline fixed her gaze on Jan, watching for her reaction. The secretary had been angling for details about their living arrangement, making offhand references Jan ignored.
“He and Dr. Forrest both care about the community,” Jan said. “They’re just focused on different projects.”
“I guess you know him better than anyone.” Receiving no response, Caroline continued. “Didn’t you say you’d be moving out after Thanksgiving?”
Jan hadn’t mentioned that to the secretary, but she might have said something to Melissa or Karen within earshot. “I haven’t found the right place yet.”
“They have to take pets, right?” The young woman bounced in her seat. “Well, I’ve got a solution! There’s this house down the street from us. The renters moved out a few days ago and they had a couple of dogs. Mom says it hasn’t been advertised because they left it a mess.”
Jan bit off the acid comment that living near Caroline disqualified the place immediately. That would be rude. “If it isn’t available...”
“The owners live next door to us.” The secretary shared a house with her parents. “I bet they’d be glad to show it to you. I mean, they’d save the cost of advertising, right? And we could vouch for you.”
“Any idea what it rents for?”
“Sorry, no.”
Had this been anyone else, Jan would have put her off. But she and Zack had stuck to the story that, following her unexpected loss of the apartment, he’d agreed to let her move in for Kimmie’s sake. They’d avoided driving to work together or giving any other sign of functioning as a couple.
Making excuses not to view the house would only fuel Caroline’s rumor mill. Besides, given the mess, perhaps the owners had changed their minds about allowing pets. And the rent might be too high. “I’d be happy to take a look,” Jan said. “Do you have the owners’ phone number?”
“I’ll text it to you right now.” Whipping out her phone, Caroline tapped the buttons.
“Thanks.” Jan went into her office. Seriously, what harm could it do to check the place out?
It could do a lot of harm if Caroline reports on every move I make. Jan wondered reluctantly whether she ought to have the secretary transferred to another office. Her nosiness was inappropriate and bothersome.
Glancing down, Jan read the text message on her phone. Then, she unwillingly put in a call to the landlord.
Chapter Seventeen
On Thursday, the day before the announcement for the Hope Challenge winner, Zack struggled to keep that awareness from affecting his mood. The discovery that some staff members were taking bets didn’t help, nor did overhearing that several bloggers were discussing the pros and cons of his versus Samantha’s proposals.
The pediatrician had a talent for drawing media interest. A comment on her Facebook account about how she and Eleanor Wycliff were crafting a business plan even sparked a small item in the local newspaper. Will Help Center Live or Die? read a headline on page three.
A business plan. Dr. Sam should have thought of that a long time ago. Why did she have to come up with it now?
During the morning, he kept busy with surgeries and, later, with patient appointments. Just as he was about to finish dictating his reports for the day, he was called next door to the hospital to admit a fertility patient. Only six weeks into her pregnancy, she’d suffered a miscarriage.
In her early forties, the woman had a child from a previous marriage but had been trying for five years to have another. At this age, the odds were against her.
After examining her, Zack sat with the patient and her husband. He gave them the facts: 15 to 20 percent of all known pregnancies resulted in miscarriage, and the cause was likely to be a chromosomal abnormality, for which her blood was being tested. If that was the case, nothing could have prevented this loss.
That didn’t make it any less heartbreaking.
A few minutes later, as he passed the nurses’ station, a youn
g aide remarked cheerily it was a good thing miscarriages didn’t affect the pregnancy rate for the contest. Zack rounded on her furiously. “Don’t be so insensitive! What if the patient heard?”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m sorry, doctor.”
He felt bad for lashing out even though she had been out of line. Still, the best he could manage was to add, “We need to keep in mind that we’re in a caring profession.”
“Yes, doctor.”
As he turned away, the devastation on her face made Zack feel even worse. But whatever else he might say was likely to sound like a further rebuke, so he let it go.
Usually, if he was running late, Jan picked up Berry at her sitter’s. Today she’d informed him she had to catch up on some errands before collecting Kimmie, and it was nearly seven by the time they both arrived home, each with a daughter in tow. Despite Zack’s effort to buy healthy fast food, the chicken tasted greasy and the salad dressing turned out to be regular instead of low-fat.
After dinner he performed deep-breathing exercises to restore his perspective. No sense taking out his irritability on the others. Still, it was a relief when the girls went to bed and he could retreat to the den to catch up on his medical journals.
When Jan sat beside him on the couch, Zack noted rebellious wisps of hair curling around her face. She must have had a rough day, too. Then he caught the faint smell of—was that dog? No wonder Gorilla had hissed at her earlier.
“Do you have a minute?” she asked. “I’d like to show you something.”
“Sure.” He set aside the tablet on which he’d been reading. “What’s up?”
She held out her phone, displaying a snapshot of a small ranch-style house. “The reason I was late was that I went to see this rental. The owner’s willing to allow pets and the price is reasonable. It’s only a mile from here.”
“You’re planning to move?” He thought they’d agreed to play this by ear.
She set down the phone. “Caroline suggested this place. She knows the owners. I could hardly refuse to look.”
SH Medical 09 - The M.D.'s Secret Daughter Page 17
