by Lisa Cassidy
“I had hoped this would be the perfect situation,” he said, failing to keep the hurt from his voice. “Now we’re both trapped, I suppose.”
“I’m so sorry that I hurt you,” she told him.
“You did,” he said. “And tonight I’ve hurt you and Dashan both. But I meant what I said. I will do anything for my country, it’s who I am. You made me realise that. I don’t get any choice.”
She looked away from him. “Neither do I. I don’t want to talk about this anymore tonight.”
“I understand.” He helped her up into the carriage. “Good night, Alyx.”
She couldn’t find the words to reply.
As soon as the carriage dropped her at home, Alyx went upstairs and changed into an old tunic and breeches before slipping out her window and going straight to the stables. She took Tingo out a side gate so she wouldn’t be seen, and rode down to the city. It was after midnight now and the streets were dark and quiet.
Her first instinct was right, and she found Dashan down at the docks. He was sitting on a wooden railing, staring down at his boat, which bobbed on the water below. He’d discarded his tailcoat and tie, and now just wore the vest and shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Alyx walked down the length of the dock and climbed up onto the rail to sit beside him. He glanced up at her arrival, but said nothing.
“I guess I have some explaining to do,” she said, unsure where to begin.
His gaze remained firmly on the water below them. “It’s over, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” she said simply, then took a breath and told him what her father and Cayr had asked of her.
After she’d stumbled to a halt he was quiet for a few moments, then, “Casovar is really that bad for us, huh?” He gave a bitter chuckle. “Well who didn’t see that coming.”
“It’s not exactly a surprise, is it?”
Another beat of silence, then, “so you’ve agreed to marry Cayr?”
“Even since I came back, I’ve been so determined to throw off the constraints of being Lady Egalion,” she said. “I figured deciding to go back to DarkSkull and be an apprentice mage meant I didn’t have to conform anymore. I was wrong, and the worst part of it is that I’ve hurt you in the process. I am so sorry, Dashan.” She took a deep breath, forcing out the words. “Yes, I’m going to marry Cayr.”
Dashan let out a long breath, as if trying to contain his emotion. “He’s always been the better match for you. You’ve been ignoring the constraints of who you are, but so have I. I’m never going to be anything more than what I am now.”
The urge to tell him everything was close to overwhelming. Letting him think he wasn’t good enough, that she didn’t choose him, was agonising, a sharp physical pain in her chest. But her father had been right. Dashan would be safer this way. And she needed Dashan to be safe.
Clearing her throat, she changed the subject. “After what Papa told me about Casovar, I’m worried about Tarrick and the twins.”
Dashan’s face cleared as her words sunk in. “They don’t know what they’ve walked into up there. You haven’t heard from them at all, have you?”
“Not once.” Worry surged. “Do you think you could get a message to them through the Bluecoats without Casovar knowing?”
“I can. You want me to include everything?” he asked carefully, eyes darkening again.
“Not specific details, in case it gets into the wrong hands, but enough they get a sense of what’s going on.” She looked away. “I won’t mention anything to Cario for now given he spends so much time around Casovar, but I don’t want Tarrick and the twins returning to the city blind. They might be able to help, too, once they know. Perhaps they can learn more about what’s going on at the border.”
“Consider it done, mage-girl.”
He said nothing more, his gaze distant, out towards the ocean. She nodded to herself, making a useless effort to swallow back her tears as she swung down off the rail. It was time to go.
“Alyx?”
She looked up, questioning. The heartbreak in his eyes almost undid her, but his words held no censure. “I understand,” he said softly. “I truly do. You’re doing the right thing.”
“I... ” and suddenly she was back at DarkSkull on the night of the dance, when she’d sent him away the first time because it was the right thing to do. The pain of it now was even worse. “Good night, Dash.”
“Goodbye, Alyx.” He gave her his crooked smile. “You probably won’t see me for a while.”
“I know. Be happy, Dash.”
The salty breeze was in her hair as she walked away, mounted Tingo, and rode back through the lonely city streets towards her home.
When she reached the mansion, it was dark and silent, her father still at the palace. Alyx left Tingo in the stables and made her way slowly up the stairs to her room. Pausing on the landing, she stared down the hall towards Cario’s guest room. The door was shut, and no light shone from underneath it.
Swallowing, she turned and walked down to her own room. After she had stepped inside and shut the door behind her, she slid down until she was on the floor, knees tucked close to her chest.
Dashan was a Taliath.
The numbness that had protected her all night so far began to crack now that she was alone. She started shaking, unable to control her reaction to the knowledge as she finally allowed it to sink into her mind. Dashan was a Taliath, and they’d been so close to…
Her breath shuddered as she let it out, and she hugged her knees tightly, trying to stop the uncontrollable trembling in her limbs. Everything she’d ever heard about the Taliath clamoured through her mind—Howell’s warnings, Shakar, her own stupid, foolish promise that she would never take a Taliath as a lover.
Finally, she summoned the energy to rise and change into her nightgown, then climb under the covers of the bed. Despite the warmth of the night, she huddled under the thick blankets, still shaking, curled up in a ball.
Dashan’s warm gaze floated into her mind, and she started to cry.
Chapter 21
Despite the late hour he must have gotten in, her father was already eating when Alyx came down to breakfast the next morning. Cario, of course, still slept. He rarely appeared at the mage offices before late morning.
She said nothing as she sat down and a servant brought her a steaming bowl of oatmeal. Sleep had been impossible and emotion had left her wrung out and exhausted.
“Can we talk?” he asked
She shrugged listlessly. “About what?”
“Alyx, stop it,” he said in exasperation. “Be mad at me if you will, but please, talk to me.”
“Fine.” Her jaw clenched and she pushed her bowl away, giving up all pretence of eating. She wasn’t hungry anyway. “Why didn’t you tell me about Dash? You knew how much it upset me that you’d lied about Ladan my whole life, and now you’ve essentially done the same thing again.”
“I did it to protect him.” Garan leaned forward, earnest. “I worried that if you knew, Casovar could read it in your thoughts. I never for a second imagined you would ever... you had me completely convinced Cayr was the only man you would ever consider.”
“You don’t think I learned how to shield myself at DarkSkull?”
“Well enough to risk Dashan’s life?” Garan countered. “I don’t claim to be an expert, but I have seen firsthand how powerful Casovar is.”
“There are always good answers for why you’ve lied to me or kept secrets,” she said bitterly. “But that doesn’t make it any better. I’m so sick of being kept in the dark.”
“So you told Dashan what he is? You haven’t kept it from him?”
Her mouth tightened as Garan’s pointed comment hit home. Silence fell, and he sat back in his chair with a sigh.
“You conspired with Cayr, Papa. Do you have any idea how angry and hurt that makes me? You couldn’t trust me, but you trusted him? You planned with him about the rest of my life.” The bitterness made her words sharp and raw, so much so he fli
nched.
“Alyx—"
“Enough!” She gestured sharply. “I don’t want to hear any more apologies. Tell me about Casovar. You said he was mismanaging troops because he’s not a military tactician, but all mages learn basic strategy at DarkSkull. Not only that, but he had years of experience in the field working for the Mage Council—and why did the king even hire him if he couldn’t prove his credentials? He shouldn’t be doing such a bad job. Is he actively working against us?”
Garan let her questions wash over him, a glimmer of respect appearing in his eyes. She should have been relieved, but it only fed her anger. When was he going to accept she was more than a spoiled, naïve girl?
“Sparky and I have asked ourselves the same questions over and over, but I can’t see any motivation for Casovar to be working against us. He was a respected council mage before he came here. He has a lot to lose by not doing a good job.”
“Have you tried confronting him about his mismanagement?”
“Yes.” Garan’s face tightened. “He dismisses us and our concerns as if we were paranoid schoolboys.”
Something about that rang oddly with her. “That’s more than arrogance. He knows you’re a Taliath, and therefore he knows your tactical experience.” She paused. “How did he gain such influence over the king? Why isn’t he listening to your advice? You’re his best friend.”
“That’s easy. Casovar plays on Darien’s fears of the Shiven and distrust of the mages. He started the moment he got here. He warns the king that unless Rionn manages the Shiven situation alone, the council will stick their noses in, take his power away. And then he spends every other second warning him that Shiven are everywhere.”
She shook her head. Something wasn’t making sense—she could almost hear Finn’s voice in her ear whispering the questions. “So he’s cunning enough to do that, but not smart enough to manage our troops properly?”
Garan sighed, the familiar weariness returning to his visage and aging him before her eyes. It was hurting him, what he was having to do to Darien, and it had obviously taken him many months of wrestling with his conscience to decide to do it. “Whatever the truth, we need Casovar out of Rionn. Darien isn’t going to do it, so the lords will have to force the issue. That’s where you come in.”
She nodded. “The plan. I said I’d do it, and I meant it.”
“The choices I made to protect you... ” He reached over to take one of her hands. “You have to know I never intended for them to hurt you the way they have. Even more, I’m sorry that I failed to understand how it changed you.”
She tugged her hand away, not willing to let him off the hook yet. She was still too angry and disappointed in him. “You can’t keep me out of this anymore. I’ll do what you ask, but in return you have to involve me,” she spoke firmly, forcing him to meet her gaze. “No more ‘protecting’ me.”
He nodded, speaking just as firmly. “Agreed, Aly-girl.”
“Good. Then I’ll see you later.”
“I’m sorry things have to be this way,” he said as she walked toward the door.
She paused in the doorway, shrugging slightly. “It’s just real life, right?”
“I suppose it is.”
His words, softly spoken and full of regret, followed her down the hall.
Returning to her room, Alyx opened the doors to her massive closet and studied its contents with a critical eye. There were a couple of dresses she thought could stay, but the rest would be horribly out of fashion after two years.
Summoning a maid, she had the closet emptied of all but the two dresses, then dressed in her mage robes and went down to pen a quick note for Safia to send over to the palace. A short ride into the city brought her to the wealthy quarter and one of Alistriem’s most exclusive tailors.
He was delighted to see her, spent several minutes bemoaning her absence from his store, then smothered her with fabrics and designs to choose from before summoning an army of assistants to take her measurements.
“You’re taller,” he muttered to himself once they’d finished. “Wider in the hips... but skinny.” He looked up, spearing her with his gaze. “You need to eat more, My Lady!”
“Yes, Sorin.” She couldn’t help a smile at his clucking. “Can you have the first dress done by this afternoon?”
“For you, anything.”
“You’re my favourite for a reason.” She chuckled. “Send the invoice to my father as usual.”
It was late morning by the time she made it to the mage offices. Cario gave her a curious glance as she walked in. “Where have you been?”
“Shopping.” She glanced around. “No Casovar?”
“Not yet. I suppose he had a late night.” His blue eyes narrowed. “How was the ball?”
“The same as every other ball.” She shrugged. “Have any messages come for me?”
He nodded and passed her a folded piece of parchment with Cayr’s seal on it. Opening it, she scanned the contents, nodding in satisfaction. “I’ll have to be gone for a few hours this afternoon.”
“May I ask what for?”
“There’s an afternoon tea I’ve been invited to.”
Confusion deepened on Cario’s face. “Are you somehow thinking Casovar is going to be gone all day?”
“I don’t care if he is or not. He’ll need to start accommodating my social commitments now that I’m courting the prince of Rionn.”
Silence filled the room for a long moment. Alyx turned her focus from Cario to the pile of reports she’d been given to review, ignoring him as he rose and went to close the door before returning to sit in the chair beside hers.
“I suppose I should offer my congratulations.”
“You should.”
“Will you kindly tell me what the hell is going on?”
Alyx closed her eyes for a moment, summoning the façade she would need from now on. Once she was confident it had settled over her face, she turned to Cario with a happy smile. “Cayr asked me last night, I said yes. My father has given permission. We’re courting. Why are you so surprised?”
“I’m not, necessarily. You always said you and the prince were close. It seems sudden, that’s all. Is something else going on?”
“Nothing.” She laughed at his suspicion. “Be happy for me, Cario.”
“All right.” He shrugged, then grinned. “Imagine the look on Casovar’s face when you tell him.”
They both laughed.
Despite her cavalier words to Cario, Alyx was hoping Casovar wouldn’t make an appearance until after she’d gone. Unfortunately, he came through the door as she was rising to leave, Dunnat on his heels. Cario had gone in search of food for lunch, and so she was alone in the offices.
“Where are you going, Apprentice?” Casovar sounded distracted, long strides carrying him over to one of the maps hanging on the wall. Dunnat shrugged off his cloak, flicked a contempt-filled glance in Alyx’s direction, then dropped a new pile of reports on her desk. Surprise flickered at the number of them—accounts of Shiven spies seemed to increase with every week.
“I’ve been invited to an afternoon tea.”
Casovar turned away from the map, one eyebrow raised. “I thought I’d made my expectations clear. I require your presence Firstday through Sixthday during daylight hours. Your work for me is your priority. Social engagements can be arranged outside of that.”
Alyx took a breath, kept her voice calm and polite. “Actually, Lord-Mage, while I appreciate that the work I do here is important for the safety of Rionn, I now have other duties. Prince Cayr and I have formally begun courting.”
The tension in the room perceptibly thickened, though Casovar made no visible reaction to her announcement. “I am surprised. The king has not made mention of any plans for his son. After all, Prince Cayr is still two years away from his majority.”
“We have been close since childhood. We did not feel it necessary to wait until his majority, and Cayr has secured the agreement of my father and the senior
lords.”
There was a faint tightening of his jaw at her carefully chosen words—he had not been consulted. Her peripheral vision caught Dunnat sitting across the room pretending to work, his gaze flicking in fascination between Alyx and Casovar.
“You understand that I cannot avoid social engagements now that I’m courting the heir to Rionn. It wouldn’t be proper,” she continued smoothly.
“I will speak to the king about your duties,” Casovar said eventually, his voice cold. “I do not think an apprentice mage with no talent the most appropriate match for the future king of Rionn. Nor is it a sound strategic decision.”
Alyx allowed a sickly-sweet smile to spread across her face, and kept her voice polite. “With all due respect, Lord-Mage, your role is to advise the king on Rionn’s security, not his son’s marriage. After all, I am the only daughter of Lord Garan Egalion, Rionn’s most powerful lord. Having not grown up in Alistriem, nor spent much time around nobility, I can understand how you might not realise what a sound strategic match it is.”
The tension thickened further, and Alyx subconsciously straightened her shoulders, refusing to be cowed by the menace he was projecting. Dunnat had given up all pretence of work, mouth opened slightly as he stared at them. In the end, Casovar must have decided he had no room to move, and gave a sharp nod.
“Go. We’ll discuss my expectations of your work once I have spoken to the king.”
“Thank you. I will see you tomorrow.”
Unable to help herself, she flicked a cheerful wave at Dunnat on her way out. That toad of a man wasn’t going to last a single day in the Mage Guard once she was Cayr’s wife.
One of Sorin’s assistants had just delivered her dress when she arrived home to change. Reluctantly leaving Tingo in the stables with Henri, Alyx asked Safia to order her father’s carriage and went inside to change.
The dress was stunning, and despite herself a little trickle of delight shivered through her as she slipped it on and looked at herself in the mirror. The words she’d spoken to Dashan the previous night came back to her, and this time the shiver was less pleasant. It was clear now she’d never be able to escape this part of herself—the part that was a wealthy young noblewoman—but now she could use it to help her father and Rionn.
