The Marine's New Family

by Roz Dunbar

  “Back to them ten times over. Love you, Liv, and thanks for everything, but mostly for being you.”

  “We love you, Tess. Just get to living again. We need our old Tess back. Everything else will fall into place.”

  Twenty minutes later, Tess was dressed and had a pitcher of tea cooling in the refrigerator. Not knowing when Luke would show up, she began doing her Saturday chores, stripping the bed and throwing the linens in the washing machine. It was such a beautiful day that she opened all the windows and let the soft ocean breeze blow through the cottage. Locating a vase on a kitchen shelf, she filled it with water, planning to go out to the garden to cut some of the gorgeous blue hydrangeas to put on the coffee table in the living room. That was when she heard the lawn mower.

  Looking out of the window, she saw Luke cutting the expanse of velvet lawn closest to the water. Unbidden, a thousand butterflies landed somewhere in the region of her stomach. Well, he was here now. Gathering her courage, she watched as he pushed the mower. Ridiculous to be so nervous, she chided herself. The explanation was the easy part. She would hit the highlights without going into too much detail. Facing him was another matter entirely. There was something about him that caused her heart to beat just a bit faster. Shaking the thought off, she squared her shoulders as she made her way out the French doors that led to the garden. No time like the present.

  Luke noticed her immediately and pushed the mower to the patio, before turning it off.

  “I’m sorry, did I wake you? I wanted to get the yard done early.” His rich, deep voice played along her frayed nerves like a soothing song. There was something about it, something naggingly familiar, but she dismissed the feeling and mustered a faint smile.

  “Not at all. I’m an early riser. Would you like something to drink?”

  Her words were polite and calm, and she was rather proud of the way they came out, considering that inside she was little more than a hot mess. Taking a deep breath, she motioned for him to sit with her at the patio table.

  “Maybe later on the drink.”

  He settled across from her, smiling that slow, devastatingly attractive smile. Her heart dipped into her stomach, then rebounded back to her throat as she swallowed hard. He had no idea what his smile did to women, she was sure. For some reason, that made it harder for her to begin.

  “Luke, I owe you an explanation. I’m so sorry for the way I acted last Sunday.”

  The words came out quickly, and she would have added more but he held up a hand to stop her.

  “You don’t owe me anything. You had your reasons. I don’t question them.”

  “But I do. I question myself. I need to explain. I panicked and I’m not proud of it.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “The last time I worked with children I was in a war zone and the building I was in got bombed. It was an orphanage, you see, and so many children died that day. I survived, but was injured…” Tess stopped, feeling hot tears prick her eyes. It still hurt so badly.

  “I do understand, Tess. Really. I’ve been there.”

  Tess saw his blue eyes darken with some remembered pain, but then they were clear and smiling again in an instant. It happened so quickly she might have missed his reaction if not for her own experience to draw from. Impulsively, she reached across the table, laying her hand on his. Reflexively, his fingers curled around hers, squeezing lightly.

  “You’ve been in Afghanistan.”

  Luke nodded, a serious look on his handsome face. “I have and it’s not pretty. A lot of guys that I know have come out of the experience with some form of post-traumatic stress disorder. It sounds to me like that may be what you have. Any overwhelming life experience can trigger PTSD, especially if the event feels unpredictable and uncontrollable. It comes from major trauma and it sounds like you’ve definitely been through one. Have you been diagnosed?”

  Tess nodded, hating the gentle look he gave her. She felt broken and his glance reinforced that awful feeling. Gazing beyond him to the crystal-blue water, she found thoughts of all the doctors and therapy she had been through crowding her mind.

  “Look, no one can erase what happened to you, not even you,” he said. “Especially not you. No matter how hard you try, it will always be there. You can and will get past it.”

  “I’m trying hard to just forget. Every loud noise brings back awful memories.” The whispered words were so low, she barely realized that she had spoken them aloud. Again, the tears were near.

  “And so you came here.” His thumb lightly caressed the back of her hand as he spoke, and she doubted that he realized what he was doing. But Tess was all too aware of his touch as small tingles ran up her arm. She shivered lightly and pulled her hand away hastily on the pretext of rubbing her eyes.

  “I’m having a difficult time,” she admitted. “And yes, I came here to heal. My mind says there was nothing I could have done to help the children, but my heart says if only I had not gotten up, and had held that little girl under me for just a few minutes more…”

  Luke leaned back in his chair, tilting his head to one side as he looked at her, weighing her words carefully before he spoke.

  “I could sit here and tell you it would not have made a difference till I was blue in the face, but you wouldn’t accept it. What I will say is that it’s only natural to want to avoid painful memories and feelings. But if you try to numb yourself and push your memories away, the pain will only get worse. You can’t escape your emotions completely.”

  “Oh, I’m not escaping my emotions. Believe me, they’re with me every day. I’m a physician assistant, Luke. I should have been able to help somehow. I should have been able to help Joey last week. And God. How could God let it happen? Where was He?” Tess’s voice was faint as she focused on a pelican flying over the water in the distance. She did not want Luke to see the tears that welled up in her eyes at the memories, but she couldn’t stop the single tear that slid slowly down her cheek.

  “Aw, Tess, God was there. He puts you where you were meant to be, whether you wanted to be there or not. There was a reason you were there on that day.” His words were low and laced with empathy as he got up from his seat and came around the table, kneeling in front of her before drawing her into the comfort of his strong arms. “Go ahead and cry for them. Cry for you, as well, because you lost a part of you that day, too.”

  Tess had no idea where all the tears came from, but she sobbed like a baby as she rested her face against the soft polo shirt. She cried for the children. She cried for the adults who had lost their lives and she cried for the young woman she had been and the innocence she had lost that day. She had always believed that people were innately good, but had learned a harsh truth that had turned her safe world upside down.

  Now, for the first time, she had found someone who understood what she was feeling, and it was the most cathartic experience she had ever had in her life. For the first time since she had recovered physically, she felt free to truly let her emotional pain spill to the surface.

  Slowly, the tears subsided and she became intensely aware of his solid arms around her in that safe, soothing embrace. And the tearstained mess she had made on the front of his shirt. What must he be thinking? Slowly she lifted her head, her eyes locking with his azure-blue ones. Neither spoke for a minute, until Tess took a breath.

  “Thank you,” she whispered softly, giving a little hiccup that caused him to smile.

  Luke was the first to pull away, leaning back on his heels as he studied her teary face.

  “Feel better?” He rose to his feet as he spoke, not waiting for an answer. Tess watched him walk through the French doors into the kitchen, coming back a moment later with a clean damp washcloth and a handful of tissues.

  “I’ve made a mess of your shirt,” she sniffed as she reached for them.

  “My shirt is fine. Are you?”

  Tess nodded as she blew her nose. “Aside from feeling like a perfect idiot, I’m surprisingly good. You were right that it helped t
o let it all out.”

  “You’re not an idiot. Healing has to start somewhere. I think that this might be the first time you’ve cried.”

  “In front of anyone. How did you know?” Tess couldn’t keep the surprise from her voice.

  Luke turned and walked to the edge of the terrace, looking at the clear blue water before turning back to her.

  “I told you, I’ve been where you are. I don’t just sympathize with you, I literally feel your anguish.”

  Again, Tess caught the fleeting look of pain in his eyes and thought he might say something about it. Instead he held out a strong hand and said, “Come on.”

  Without thinking, she placed her palm in his and asked, “Where?”

  “The Lord has seen fit to give us a beautiful day today. We’re going to a street fair to celebrate.”

  Tess stiffened instinctively and jerked her hand away from his. “No.”

  *

  “No?” Luke’s first reaction was to reach for her hand again. She made a feeble attempt to free it, but he refused to let go.

  “I just don’t want to be in the middle of a large group of people right now.” Her voice was low and he had to bend his head to hear her words.

  Luke watched her pale cheeks flood with color as her eyes slid downward to focus on her small white hand clasped lightly in his larger one. Again he felt her give a small tug to get free, and he tightened his grasp slightly before shrugging and letting go. If she wanted to put some distance between them, he’d let her. She probably felt that she needed to regroup after putting her emotions on display—something he could tell she wasn’t used to doing.

  Moments ago, he had come close to telling her that he had been there with her in Afghanistan, but now he was glad he’d held back. She was overwhelmed enough already. She wasn’t prepared to hear about his role in that day just yet. One step at a time.

  “Maybe getting away from here is what you need right now. Have you been out since church last week?” He tried hard to gauge her mood. Staying hidden away in the cottage could not be helping her emotionally. Too much time to think back, reflect and get mired in survivor’s guilt.

  “No, but I really don’t see that it’s been a bad thing to be alone for a week.” This time when she spoke she looked him directly in the eyes. But she might as well have looked away. Her emotional shields were back up, and he could no longer see her thoughts or feelings reflected in her eyes. “And why are you pushing? I really do have a lot to get done today.”

  “I’m sure you do. And I have to finish the yard, then shower and change before I can go. You’d have plenty of time to get those things done while I finish my chores.”

  “Where’s Caleb?” she asked. Luke knew she was trying to change the subject, and he let her. He reckoned it had been a pretty rough day for her so far and it was time to let it go. “Couldn’t he help you with the yard work?”

  “He usually does, but I gave him a free pass today. He’s with Joey Mason at the street fair. They’re helping Joe man the dunking booth.”

  “I bet they’re having a great time!” Tess gave him a genuine smile that lit up her face and made him catch his breath. She really was beautiful, and the smile only added to her looks. He shook his head a little as if to clear it, hoping she didn’t catch the expression on his face or the movement.

  “I know they are, and driving Joe crazy while they’re at it,” Luke said wryly, trying to sound casual.

  That smile had really caught him off guard and made his heart skip a beat. Where had that come from? he wondered.

  Well, what did you expect? he chided himself. You appreciate beautiful women as much as the next red-blooded male… Except your heart usually doesn’t skip a beat when one smiles at you.

  The last thing he needed in his life right now was to be attracted to a woman. He had enough on his plate making a stable home for himself and Caleb. His son took priority over everything else in his life, and that was how it should be.

  “Somehow, I think that Joe might be driving them crazy.” Tess had stood up as she spoke, moving toward the house. “I’ll be right back.”

  She returned a few minutes later with a tall glass of iced tea and set it on the table in front of him. “For later, in case you get thirsty,” she offered with a tentative smile.

  “Thanks for the tea and the smile. You have a lovely smile, Tess,” he said gruffly.

  He felt a little awkward saying that, but then checked himself. Everyone deserved a compliment now and then, and besides, it was the truth. He noticed her pale cheeks flood with color as he picked up the tea and took a long drink. He was a battle-hardened United States Marine. Compliments weren’t his style at all, but here he was dishing them out. Go figure.

  “Sure you won’t come to the festival?” he asked once more.

  “Thank you for the invitation, but no, Luke. I’m content here.” Her chin lifted a little and her face took on a defiant look.

  “No worries, then. This town has a festival every few weeks, it seems. There will be another time. They really are a lot of fun.”

  “Why do you all have so many festivals?” Tess asked curiously.

  “I’m not sure, but I have a theory. I believe that we like to show off the village, as well as spend time with each other.”

  “The town is lovely and so are the people that I’ve met so far.” Tess nodded as if it all made sense.

  “It is and we are. Well, back to work for me.” He walked to the lawn mower as he spoke, flashing her what he hoped was an easy smile, while inside he felt more than a little disappointed. He could not make her do what she did not want to do.

  “If you change your mind, my cell phone number is—”

  “On the calendar in the kitchen,” she finished. He noted the serious look on her face.

  “I can take my number off the calendar if you want,” he offered.

  “Oh, no. No. It’s not that.” She seemed to be searching for the right words as he waited patiently. “I… Thank you for listening to me and letting me cry.”

  Again, empathy and compassion tugged at his heart. She really was in pain.

  “No problem. I hope it helped.”

  She nodded and he took that gesture as his cue to get back to work. There was really nothing left to say.

  “Good.” He started the mower and walked away without another word.

  Chapter Five

  “Can’t say as I blame her for not wanting to come.” Katie kept a sharp eye on the people milling around the church booth as she spoke to Luke. “She’s only been here a week. There will be plenty of time for her to get out and about after a little downtime. Excuse me for a minute.” Katie moved quickly to the front of the booth, where Annie was taking care of several customers. “Sister, all of the strawberry preserves are two-fifty, not one seventy-five.”

  “None of them are marked,” Annie pointed out as she took the money from the young woman standing at the front of the line. “I’ll be sure to overcharge next time.”

  There was a hint of exasperation in Annie’s voice as she watched Katie roll her eyes before turning back to a laughing Luke. How he loved these ladies.

  Looking around the street with interest, he mentally counted some thirty brightly painted booths selling everything from artwork like pottery, jewelry, paintings, carvings and stained glass, to many varieties of food, to hand-painted T-shirts. There were games and play areas for children, including a bouncy house that seemed to be a huge hit. Adding to the ambience, a local band in the large white pavilion in the town square was playing an eclectic mix of beach music and top forty hits. The mouthwatering scent of a homegrown favorite, shrimp burgers, mingled with the sweet fragrance of funnel cakes, wafting in the gentle coastal breeze. Judging by the people who were milling everywhere, this year’s event was shaping up to be an unqualified success. All of Main Street had been closed for the occasion, which lasted well into the evening each year on the second Saturday in June. The event, dubbed Arts by the Sea, d
rew tourists from all over the Crystal Coast, as well as military families from nearby Camp Lejeune and people from as far away as Raleigh.

  Luke was still trying to come up with a way to get Tess there. It would do her a world of good, and in all honesty, he really wanted to spend more time with her. She had rarely left his thoughts over the past week, and not just because he wanted to help her heal her bruised spirit. He truly wanted to get to know her better, to see how she had gotten on while she was recovering. That she had actually survived had renewed his faith in God, and he hated to think the experience had damaged her beliefs. He hoped he could help her with that.

  Wanting to spend time with Tess surprised him on many levels. After his unstable childhood, he’d latched on to Jen hard and fast, rushing into a marriage neither one of them had really been ready for. Once it had fallen apart, he’d reached the conclusion that that brand of happily-ever-after just wasn’t meant for him. It wouldn’t be fair of him to ask any other woman to take on his chaotic lifestyle. While he had dated some in the years since then, he had always made it a point to not become too attached to any woman. He had kept Sarah at arm’s length as much as possible, although he knew she was pushing hard to take the friendship further. A romantic relationship with her just wasn’t what he was looking for.

  Especially now that he had Caleb. Luke was determined to give his son the love that he himself had never had as a child. And that meant making him a priority the way Luke had never been for either of his parents. It also meant building a real home for Caleb—one where he would always feel safe and valued. At least Luke could be sure he’d picked the right town for that home. This appealing community and the warm, generous townsfolk already meant so much to him. He knew without a doubt that he wanted this to be his permanent home when he left the Corps—a time that seemed to be drawing nearer.

  He could feel his life changing in both subtle and major ways lately, leaving him feeling a bit unsure of himself. For a man with a strong sense of direction and solid convictions, it was a bit unnerving.