He slams into me with an almost violent force, taking me hard, his fingers digging deep into my flesh and I take it all, because I love him, and I want him to feel better. And with every thrust he’s taking some kind of frustration out on me, I just don’t know what that really is, I don’t know the full story, yet. I just know that he needs this, before he tells me anything. If he tells me anything.
He comes within minutes, emptying all of his frustration out into me, and that’s fine. That’s okay, he can do that. I’ll take it, all of it, and I close my eyes as he tries to catch his breath, his fingers finally loosening their grip on me as he slowly lowers me down.
“Evan? Look at me.”
His eyes meet mine, and then he closes them and cups my cheek, dropping his head so our foreheads touch. “I’m sorry, Lola.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Baby, it’s okay.”
He shakes his head, and his thumb lightly strokes my cheek and I feel his breath on my skin, and all I want to do is lie beside him, in our bed, and talk. “It’s not okay, Lola. That wasn’t okay. It’s just… it’s been a crazy day.”
“I know… Talk to me, Evan. Please.”
He shakes his head again and steps away from me. “I need a drink.”
He goes over to the counter and picks up a bottle of red; takes two glasses from the cupboard and pours the wine, and I retrieve my T-shirt from the floor and pull it back on.
“You and Alicia, you said you grew up together, but… you were a couple once, am I right?”
He looks at me, but his expression is almost stoic. And for a second it’s like I’m looking at the old Evan; the man he used to be, before us. “Once. Yes.”
“Was it serious?”
“Jesus, Lola, does it matter?”
I’m slightly stung by his tone and I step back from him, and that’s when his expression changes; when a switch is flicked and he’s back to being the Evan I fell in love with.
“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry and talk to me. I mean, come on, today you lost your father and you’re acting like you don’t give a shit.”
“I don’t.”
I stare at him. His expression’s turned cold again, and I don’t understand this. “Why? Why don’t you give a shit that your father’s dead? Why, Evan?”
He shakes his head and steps toward me, and I don’t move. I let him come closer. I want him to come closer. “It’s not important, Lola. Really, it isn’t. It’s just family shit that was dealt with a long time ago, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Was it serious? Between you and Alicia?”
Because if it was then I’m confused. The only serious relationship I was aware of him ever having; the only serious relationship he told me he’d ever had was with Dana. And now, all of a sudden, this woman – this old family friend appears to tell him his father’s died and he doesn’t give a shit?
“Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs, leaning in to kiss my neck, his arm snaking around my waist, his hand sliding up under my T-shirt and I hate myself for gasping quietly the second his fingers connect with my naked skin.
“No, Evan.” I push him away, and he looks at me in confusion.
“What? Come on, Lola, it’s late. I’m tired. I’ve had one hell of a day…”
“So I’ve, what? Just got to shut up and put up? Is that it? I’m your wife, Evan. I’m not just your fucking plaything anymore.”
“Jesus Christ… I don’t need this shit, Lola. I don’t need your shit.”
I shake my head and turn away, I go into our bedroom, and I don’t give a crap if he follows me or not. Am I in the wrong here? Maybe I am. Maybe I’m forcing him to talk when he isn’t ready to do that yet. Maybe he just needs time.
“Lola, baby, I’m…”
“Sorry? Yeah. I know you are.”
I turn around and face him, folding my arms as I lean back against the bathroom doorpost.
“We were together. Me and Alicia. For a few months. Just after Dana and I divorced. I needed someone, Lola. I needed something, and she was there… she was…” He walks over to me and takes my hands, slowly uncrossing my arms, his fingers sliding between mine, “she was there. And it was kinda serious, for a little while. Until I didn’t need her anymore.”
I let go of his hands and pull him a little closer by his shirt. “Did you love her?”
“Like I love you? No. I didn’t. Lola, I…”
I shut him up with a kiss, and he slides his hands up under my T-shirt and he cups my ass, kissing me back; a long, slow kiss that’s just washing all the shit away, for now, anyway.
“I’m sorry too, Evan. I shouldn’t be pushing you to talk, if you’re not ready, that was wrong. That was selfish.”
“She’s handling my father’s estate, Lola. That’s all.”
“I’m not jealous, Evan.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
I smile, and he smirks, and I feel like I’m getting my Evan back. But it still worries me, that he cares so little about the death of his father. I know what it’s like to lose someone close, I know what that can do to you. But I also know people are different, we all deal with grief in our own way. Maybe this is just Evan’s way. And maybe I need to stop pushing him, tonight.
“Does the idea of me getting jealous actually turn you on?”
“Do you know what really turns me on? Every fucking thing you do… and I’m sorry, for what happened out there…”
I put my fingers to his lips and shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. You needed that, it’s fine.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Yeah, you do.”
He smiles, and he kisses my slightly open mouth, and I fall against him because all I want to do now is be close to him. It’s been a confusing day, and I don’t want to be confused anymore. I just want to be close to him.
“Come to bed,” he murmurs, his mouth touching mine as he speaks, and I close my eyes and breathe him in.
He’ll talk, when he wants to; when he needs to. Right now, he just needs this. And maybe that’s all I need, too.
Evan
I took her like she was nothing more than some hooker I’d picked up on the street, someone there only to take my shit out on; I took her like she didn’t matter. And she does. She matters. And I’m fucked off and frustrated that all this has happened, that she has to be brought into the mess that is my family, because I’d wanted to keep her so far away from that; from them. From the things they’d done, the shit they’d kept secret.
I pull off her T-shirt and turn her around so she faces the doorpost, and I kiss her neck. She smells of raspberry and coconut and I breathe her in as my lips graze her skin, my fingers trailing lightly down over her back, my thumbs pressing just that little bit harder against her spine and she moans quietly, a sound that makes my stomach dip and my breath catch in my throat.
My fingers travel lower, still applying a touch more pressure against her spine until they reach the small of her back, and I press harder still at the base, and she pushes back slightly, moaning a little louder as I start to gently knead her ass.
I want to hear her, feel her, taste her. I want everything tonight. I need that. I want us to fuck so hard, have so much freaking sex that we’re exhausted tomorrow, I really fucking need that. Tonight.
I lean right into her, take her face in my hand and turn her head so I can kiss her. Tonight I just want to lose myself in her, I don’t want to think about anything else. I just want us.
She kisses me slowly, and then she gently bites down on my lower lip and she laughs quietly, and the need I have for this woman is overwhelming; suffocating.
She pulls away from me and walks over to the window, and I just watch her, taking in every inch of her incredible body. And I know she doesn’t think she’s all that, but to me she’s everything, no, she’s more than that.
I slip into the bathroom and quickly undress, checking out my tired reflection in the mirror above the sink.
I’ve let today get to me too much, and I can’t allow that to happen.
She’s still at the window when I go back into the bedroom, staring out at the city below, her hands pressed against the glass. She looks so peaceful, this woman who took my world and shook it to its fucking core.
I go over to her, put my hand over hers, our fingers sliding together and she turns her head, just slightly, as I lean into her, kissing her shoulder. She sighs quietly, it’s barely audible, but I feel it, sense it. And I grip her fingers that little bit tighter as her mouth touches mine, she’s breathing into me and I want her so much it scares the hell out of me.
She turns so her back’s against the window and she just looks at me, her blue eyes staring so deep into mine. Does she think I’m lying to her? About Alicia? Does she know I’m hiding shit? I’m about to say something but she shakes her head, we’re not talking tonight. I think we both get that now.
She reaches up and slides her fingers into my hair, and the kiss she gives me is so freaking hot, I swear, I’m burning up. And then she whispers into me, so quietly, but I feel it, hear it; I get it…
Lola
He drops to his haunches, and I keep my fingers buried in his hair as he gently pulls me apart, opens me up; touches me. His tongue, his fingers, his mouth, he works them all, and I close my eyes and throw back my head and I lose myself in this man. The glass against my skin is cool and in stark contrast to the burning heat between my thighs, and he’s pushing me so very close to the edge now; he’s taking me there, and then he’s pulling me back and it’s beautiful and crazy and painful. But when the climax hits it’s all consuming, so powerful I almost fall to my knees but he keeps me steady. He holds onto me until it’s over, and when he stands up and looks right into my eyes I feel something so intense hit me, like a hard punch to the stomach. And I know it’s love. I love this man. It’s as simple as that.
“Let’s go to bed,” I whisper, and he smiles, and I want everything to be okay, I really do. And it will be. For a few more hours at least.
He goes into the bathroom to clean up, and I lie down, facing the window, looking out at the incredible view we have from our bed, and I wonder what’s going on behind all those other windows out there; what lives are being led. And then I feel him slide into bed beside me, feel his hand on my hip pull me back against him and I close my eyes and lose myself in him all over again. He’s kissing my shoulder, stroking my skin, and soon he’ll be inside me. We’ll be making love, and then I’ll fall asleep in his arms, exhausted from the sex and the strange day this has turned out to be. And in the morning we’ll wake up and he’ll be Evan King again, one of New York’s finest, toughest lawyers.
He isn’t going to talk to me.
He isn’t going to tell me why he cares so little about his father’s death. And I’m not going to push it, because I don’t want to push him away.
I love him.
Which means I have to love everything he is.
Everything he’s going to be.
Everything…
Five
Lola
Jess looks at me over the rim of her coffee mug as we sit in the partners’ kitchen. Evan doesn’t want anyone to know about his father’s death just yet, and I get that. I do. But he still won’t talk to me about it, either; won’t tell me why he wants to keep it so private, and I need to talk to someone. Because I was right. We woke up this morning and it was like yesterday, last night – it was like none of that happened.
“I know so little about his family, Jess. Which in a way, I suppose, means I know so little about him. He hadn’t even told me they lived in L.A.”
“Did you ask?”
“No.”
“I think you’re over-analyzing way too much of this, Lola. And, you know, maybe this is just his way of dealing with his father’s death. Everyone handles grief differently, and Evan – he doesn’t make a habit of wearing his heart on his sleeve.”
I sit back in my chair and look out into the reception area. It’s early, but the place is already filling with people, the phones are ringing and Cavendish King is getting ready for another day. And that’s all this is to Evan – another day.
“Just give him some time, okay? Be there for him, but just give him some time.”
I look down at my left hand, at the rings on my third finger, the sun streaming in through the kitchen window catching the diamonds. “Yeah. Maybe you’re right.” I stand up and push my chair back, and I go over to the counter to make Evan’s coffee. “He’ll talk to me when he’s ready, huh?”
“He loves you, Lola. And I know I said Evan wasn’t the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve, but the one thing that is obvious is how much he loves you.”
I turn around and lean back against the counter. “Alicia Anders. The attorney who’s handling his father’s estate. She’s a family friend. They grew up together. They were even a couple, once.”
“Was it serious?”
I nod. “Sort of. For a while.”
“How long ago?”
“Just after he and Dana divorced, apparently.”
“And you’re worried about what, exactly?”
I look at her, and I narrow my eyes slightly. “Did I say I was worried about anything?”
“You didn’t have to.”
“I’d better get back to my desk.” I pick up Evan’s coffee and make my way out of the kitchen.
“Lola?”
I turn to face Jess.
“You’ve got nothing to be worried about.”
Evan
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“I know this has come at a really bad time, Evan, but Silvi… The L.A. firm could be in some real trouble, and we don’t need that.”
“Jesus… What about Clive? What the hell’s he doing about it? I thought the whole point of bringing him on board…”
“It’s Clive who’s orchestrated the proposed merger.”
“Shit… What the hell’s going on over there, Dana?”
“He’s been having an affair, Evan. With a managing partner of a firm who’s made no secret of the fact they’ve wanted to not just merge with, but take over our L.A. offices. They’ve tried once before, apparently.”
“And we’re just finding this out now? Putting your sister over there as a managing partner was supposed to take the stress off of us, Dana, and now you’re telling me shit’s been going down for months?”
“She thought she could handle it without involving us. But it’s all spiraling a little quicker than she expected it to, she had no other option but to call me. And now I need to get over there and help her sort this, to save our firm, because we’ve worked too damn hard to lose those L.A. offices. Damn fucking hard, and I’m not prepared to see it all turn to shit just because her asshole of a husband can’t keep his dick in his pants.”
“Clive is actually prepared to go ahead with something that could damage not only his own wife, but the firm itself? I mean, he’s put in a hell of a lot of work over there… Jesus! I always thought he was a good guy.”
“Well, I guess we’re seeing his true colors now. The kind of man he really is. And from what I can gather from my eyes and ears over there, he’s somehow become privy to a lot of information that could really screw things up for Silvi, and for us. So I have to go, Evan. I have to go to L.A. and I have to sort this shit out.”
“And give up everything here? Everything you – we’ve worked for?”
“I need to help my sister, Evan. And I need to make sure we keep Cavendish King up and running over there. I need to help strengthen our team.”
“By weakening this one?”
“And I need you to understand, Evan, because the decision’s already been made. This is happening. This is important, and it needs to be sorted, fast.”
“This place has been me and you from the start, Dana. It’s always been me and you.”
“And together we made this one of the most respected, most successful law firms in this city
, but you don’t need me to keep it up there. You’re more than capable of doing that all by yourself. Since when have you ever needed a crutch, Evan? And it’s not like I’m leaving the firm, I’m just making sure we keep our dream, and our reputation, intact. Silvi can’t do it on her own, not right now. She’s not only having to deal with the fact there’s a suspected take-over about to happen, she’s also having to deal with the fact her husband’s been cheating on her. And she isn’t as strong as me, you know that.”
I sit down on the arm of the couch and clasp my hands together. The shit’s coming from all angles at the minute, and whilst I still don’t give a crap about my father, I care about this firm. It’s my fucking life, and I’ m not about to see that go up in smoke.
“You and I both know that there are people here clamoring to become a managing partner, Evan. People who have the means to pour a good amount of equity into this firm, so finding someone to take my place here in New York isn’t going to be a problem.”
“Who says I want to find another managing partner?”
“You want to carry this place on your own? Evan, this isn’t the time to be stubborn.”
“And what if they want their name up there on the wall beside ours, huh?”
“If you think they’re the right people to become a name partner, then that’s what they become. You can deal with this, you don’t need any help making those kind of decisions.”
I get up and cross the room to the window. “The way you’re talking, it sounds as though you’re staying in L.A. for good.”
“I am. For the time being, anyway. It makes sense, Evan. Things have changed over the past year or so. You’re more settled now, you have Lola. And me – I need a new challenge. And the L.A. firm needs me.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Friday.”
“Shit! Dana…”
I turn around and I look at her but she just gives me an apologetic shrug.
“I know. Evan, I know, the timing couldn’t be any worse, but…”
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 4
