I turn back around to face the window, and I feel her come up behind me; feel her reach for my hand and I let her take it, her fingers wrapping around mine.
“You should go. To the funeral.”
“I’m not talking about this, Dana.”
“You should talk about it. The reason why you are the way you are is because you keep everything inside.”
“I’m sorry, is this still Dana Cavendish I’m talking to?”
She squeezes my hand and nudges me gently. “Like I said, things have changed over the past few months. And that includes you.” She rests her chin on my shoulder as we look outside. “Don’t shut her out, Evan. If you love her, don’t do that.”
“I’m not involving her in that mess, Dana.” I let go of her hand and turn around to face her. “And that’s the reason why I’m keeping her away from all that shit.”
“And what about you, huh? Did you ever actually come to terms with everything? And now all of this with your father, it’s just bringing it all back to the forefront…”
“I’m fine.”
“Really?”
“I’m fine.”
“You can repeat that as many times as you like, it doesn’t mean I have to believe you.”
“Dana…”
She holds up her hands in surrender and steps away from me. “Okay. If this is how you want to play it.”
“I’m not playing at anything.”
“You’re being irritatingly stubborn.”
She goes back behind her desk and stands there with her arms folded, a look on her face that tells me she isn’t done with the lecture yet.
“You know, you married that woman a little over three months ago, are you telling me you’ve forgotten those vows already?”
I frown. “What?”
“For better, or worse, Evan.”
“I don’t want her involved, Dana, so, can we just leave it there? Please?”
She shakes her head and keeps her arms folded as she walks back over to me. “Stubborn to the end.”
“She doesn’t need to know.”
“Well, I think she does. I think she should know. Evan, you married her. You shouldn’t be keeping secrets…”
I throw her a look and she sighs, briefly dropping her gaze. “Sometimes I forget how irritating you really are.” She looks up and our eyes lock. “Who’s gonna keep you in line when I’m gone, huh?”
“My wife’s doing a pretty good job.”
“Then make sure you hold onto her.”
“Dana…”
“Don’t push her away, Evan. Don’t do that. And that’s the last piece of advice I’m giving you.”
“You’re really going, huh?”
She brushes down my jacket collar and she smiles. “Yes. I’m really going.”
I feel like I’m losing a piece of myself. I don’t give a shit about my father dying, I really don’t, but this place, without Dana – it’s never been without Dana.
“Another new start,” I whisper, and she smiles again.
“You should be used to them by now, Mr. King.”
I smile too, and I pull her in for a hug. Personally, the two of us were a mess. Professionally, we were incredible. We created one of the most prestigious law firms in the country. Together. And now she’s leaving it in my hands while she goes to save our newest venture.
I can do this.
I’m Evan King.
I can do anything…
Lola
I watch as they talk, their body language that of those who’ve known each other a long time. I’ve known him just over a year. And I married him, a man I slept with before I even knew his name; knew who he was. I don’t know him like Dana knows him, how could I?
I stand there, out in the corridor, and I continue to watch as she rests her chin on his shoulder and he reaches back to take her hand. And I know there’s nothing going on, nothing like that. But I know that he’s telling her things he won’t tell me, and I don’t think he understands how much that hurts me.
I drop my gaze and head back to his office, going inside to put some files on his desk. But I don’t leave straightaway. I put the files down and I walk back behind his desk, and I look at the single framed photograph he’s got standing on it. A photograph of me and him on our wedding day. His arm is around me, his hand resting lightly on my hip, and he’s kissing me. I remember the moment like it was yesterday; the day I’d had to make the biggest decision of my life – a past I could have gotten back, if I’d wanted that to happen. Or a future I’d never really seen coming, but once I knew that it was…
I smile slightly and pick up the photograph. He never used to have any photos of anyone or anything anywhere, not until we got married. And my smile grows a little wider. Jess says I’m thawing the ice man but I don’t think I am. I don’t think there was as much to thaw as people make out.
I place the photograph back down on his desk and I turn and fold my arms as I look outside. My husband is a complex man. He’s a guarded man. I still don’t think he’s completely opened up to me, and I’m not sure he ever will. Is that something I just have to live with? The price I have to pay for loving a man like Evan King?
“Lola?”
I turn around and I smile at him.
“Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine. I was just putting those files you needed on your desk.”
I turn back to face the window. And I feel him come up behind me, and I close my eyes as his fingers lightly brush my neck, his breath warming my skin as he leans in to me. “Dinner. Tonight. Just you and me.”
I reach back and take his hand, our fingers intertwining. “At home?”
“At home.”
I turn to face him, and I quickly kiss him. “I’d like that.” I let go of him and start to walk away.
“I’ll cook.”
I stop and slowly turn back around, frowning slightly. “You cook?”
He digs his hands in his pockets and grins at me. “Hey. It’s not just the law’s ass I kick. What I can do with a handful of spices and some chicken thighs will blow your mind.”
“Okay,” I laugh as I back away toward the door. “How can I turn down the chance to watch the great Evan King cook?”
“Yeah, all right, you’re pushing it now.”
“I’d better get back to work, huh?”
He smiles and jerks his head back. “In a minute. Come here.”
I walk back over to him, and he reaches out and cups my cheek and I close my eyes as he kisses me.
“Now get that beautiful ass out there and organize a senior partners’ meeting for tomorrow morning.”
“Something wrong?”
He sighs and walks back toward his desk. “I’ll give you the details later. Just make sure all the senior partners are aware of that meeting. It’s important. Oh, and Lola?”
“Yeah?”
“As early as possible tomorrow morning, okay?”
“Okay.”
He’s back behind his desk, his head down, his phone to his ear. That brief moment is over. Like I said, my husband is a complex man.
We share a bed.
We share a workplace.
But we don’t share everything…
Six
Evan
“If Dana’s leaving, what happens to the name Cavendish King?”
One of the things I love about my wife is that she is genuinely interested in her work; my work. This firm. Because it’s who I am. And she loves me.
“It doesn’t change. She’s not leaving the firm, she’s just re-locating to run the L.A. branch.”
“Will you be looking for another managing partner here in New York?”
I nod. “In time, yes. We want this firm to grow, to become even bigger and stronger than it already is, and finding someone who can help us do that is always something we welcome.”
“Someone already working at Cavendish King?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. There are people out there �
� people who work for us and people who don’t – who both Dana and I know would jump at the chance to become a managing partner here, but, we’ll see what happens after the meeting tomorrow; what people’s reactions to Dana leaving New York are. There’s no immediate rush. I want to make sure I find the right person.”
“You really don’t want her to go, do you?”
I look right into her eyes, and I can see a hint of fear there. Does she think…?
“We built Cavendish King together, Lola. It’s always been Dana and me, and it’s just gonna take some getting used to, her not being around. That’s all. Things are changing, for all of us. But those changes could also work, for all of us.”
“So, it’s a permanent move, then? She really is relocating to L.A.?”
“Looks that way. For the foreseeable future, anyway. Once she’s helped sort out all the crap that’s going on she wants to stay and head up the L.A. firm alongside Silvi. California, and her sister, needs her. We don’t. Not really.”
She drops her gaze, and I frown as she starts twisting her wedding band around her finger. Am I reading too much into that action?
“This could be the start of a whole new chapter, Lola. For everyone.”
She looks up, and she smiles, but there’s a tiny part of that smile that hasn’t reached her eyes. “You won’t talk to me, Evan.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay.”
She drops her gaze again, and I feel like someone just clamped a cold hand around my heart. “Lola?”
She slowly raises her head. “You and Dana – I saw you talking, earlier today. In her office. Were you telling her shit you can’t – sorry, won’t tell me? Because I’m your wife, Evan…”
“Like I said, Lola, there isn’t anything to talk about. Me and Dana – it was all to do with her leaving, that’s all we were talking about. There’s a lot to sort out now, surely you understand that? She’s been in my life a long time, and it’s a shock, finding out that she’s upping and leaving just like that…”
“But you have told her things you won’t tell me. I know you have.”
“You know?” I look at her, right into her eyes, and I want to keep her from this crap, I do. And I’m going to, she really doesn’t need to know about my messed up family. They aren’t a part of my life, and I have no desire for them to be a part of ours. “Lola, baby…”
She pushes her chair back and stands up, gathering together the empty plates and cutlery. And she says nothing as she takes them over to the kitchen, placing them in the sink.
I get up and follow her. “Look at me, Lola. Please.”
She waits a second, keeping her back to me and her head down for a good few beats before she finally turns to face me.
“I love you, okay?”
“That seems to be your go-to disclaimer, Evan. You love me, and that covers you, right? You love me, so that means I’ll shut up and accept that you’re fine with shutting me out…”
“I’m not shutting you out…”
“You are. That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
I step forward, and I reach out to touch her face but she pulls back and turns around and begins rinsing the dinner plates under the faucet. I watch her for a second but I can tell her shoulders are tense, she’s upset. My fault? Yeah. It’s my fault. But I don’t think I’m shutting her out, I’m protecting her. I’m protecting us.
I leave the kitchen and head into the bedroom and I stand at the foot of our bed, my head bowed, my hands in my pockets. And for the first time in a long time I feel like this is something I’m not sure I can do. I don’t know if I can do this…
Lola
I hear him leave, and I wait a few seconds before I follow him. I lean against the bedroom doorpost and I watch him as he just stands there, his head down, and I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t. I love him so much, and I really don’t want to push him away. Yes, I’m hurt he won’t talk to me, and frustrated that he feels he can’t share things with me; things he’s fine about sharing with his ex-wife, because he is, he’s talking to Dana, I know he is, no matter what he tells me. And that hurts more than anything. It confuses me. But I love him. And I’ll do anything I have to to make this better.
I walk over to him, and I rest a hand on his hip, my head against his shoulder and I breathe him in. And he reaches back and he takes my hand and I squeeze his fingers tight, to let him know I’m here. To let him know that I’m sorry.
He turns around and I rest my hand against his neck, closing my eyes as he kisses me, pushes me against him, and I feel a wave of relief swamp me. There are cracks, just little ones, and we’re papering over them, I know we are, but if this is what I have to do…
He sits down on the edge of the bed and he reaches out and grasps my hips, pulling me toward him. And I close my eyes as he loosens my denim shorts, pushes them down, just slightly, and as his fingers trail lightly over my hipbone I sigh quietly. Whatever he needs from me he can take it, I’ll give it to him willingly. I’m his. This is what I do now.
I take a step back and let my shorts fall to the floor, and I kick them aside, taking the hand he holds out for me as I straddle him. And he kisses me again. No one’s going to say anything, because that’s just going to kill this. So I slide my fingers into his hair and I raise my hips slightly to let him inside, and as he sinks deeper into me I feel him relax, feel his shoulders loosen, it’s such an intense, physical feeling. But this is my job, as his wife. Be there for him, Jess said. Give him time. It’s my job, as his wife, to make him feel better. To let him deal with whatever shit he’s got going on in his own way, no matter how I feel. I’m fine. He’s lost his father and his partner in the space of a couple of days, so this, here, this is my job – to be there for him. To give him time. To love him.
Evan
The second I’m inside her I feel all that shit just fade away. She’s got me, and this is where I want to be, with her; inside her. And she gets that, she knows that. She’s my girl. And I love her. I don’t want her involved in my messed up family, we don’t need that. I want this, just me and her in this world we’ve created for ourselves. Our life is good; it’s great, we don’t need the distraction. Any distraction.
I dig my fingers into her thighs as she rides me slowly, her head thrown back slightly, and I trail my mouth lightly over the base of her throat, her almost guttural groans vibrating through her into me.
I grasp the hem of her T-shirt and slide it slowly upwards, and she reaches down and pulls it over her head. She’s naked now, I like her naked. Looking at her calms me, and as she continues to grind against me I feel all the crap just start to disappear. Temporarily, of course, but she’s the escape I need; the drug I turn to.
She arches her back and I touch her breasts, running my thumbs over her nipples, and she groans again, those crazy muscles of hers gripping me tighter, almost forcing that climax out of me, but I’m resisting, for now. It’s too soon. I’m not ready to let her go just yet. I want to keep her here, like this, for as long as I can; keep the world and all its crap and confusion away from her. From us. But I can already feel that wall I’ve built around us start to crumble as she hits her climax, and I can’t hold on any longer.
She pushes down onto me, and she takes me, all of me, and I cling onto her until I’m done. But even then I don’t let go of her, I make no attempt to pull out of her. I feel safe here. Inside her…
Lola
I take his face in my hands and I kiss him. I force his lips apart with mine and I kiss him slow and soft and deep, delaying any reason we might have to leave here.
“I love you, Lola,” he murmurs as his fingers lightly stroke the base of my spine.
“I know you do, Evan, you don’t need to keep saying it.”
“I do. Because I need you to believe me. I need you to know that I love you, and that’s why…”
He stops, and he drops his head and I feel his fingers grip me that little bit tighter.
/> “That’s why, what, Evan? Why you won’t open up to me? Why are there things you won’t tell me, won’t share with me…?”
“Lola, baby, please…”
The moment’s gone. That brief escape from everything we need to face up to but don’t want to just yet, it’s over. Done. Reality’s crashing back down around us now.
I climb off him and get dressed, I need a drink.
“Lola…”
He follows me back out into the living room.
“Come on. I’m sorry, okay?”
I pour myself a whiskey and turn around to face him. “Sorry for what, Evan? For shutting me out…?”
“Jesus Christ, not this again! I’m not shutting you out, all right?”
I look at him, my eyes fixed on his, I’m not breaking this stare. “Okay.”
“Okay? I don’t need this goddamn shit, Lola. I don’t need it.”
“No. You don’t.”
I finish my drink and take the empty glass into the kitchen, placing it in the sink, but even when I feel his hand rest on the curve of my waist I don’t turn around.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my hair and still I keep my back to him, my fingers gripping the edge of the countertop. “I don’t want us to fight, baby.”
Neither do I. I don’t want it to be this way. I’ve only been Mrs. Evan King for a matter of weeks, and I know honeymoon periods don’t last forever, but it’s too soon for this.
“I just want you to talk to me, Evan.”
“Let’s go to bed,” he whispers, his breath warm against my neck and I can’t stop a small but powerful shiver from tearing up my spine.
“Because that’ll solve everything, right?”
I’m aware I’m sounding like a whining pain in the ass now, and I take a deep breath as I turn around. And he keeps his hand on my hip, and he smiles at me.
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?” His smile turns into a smirk, and I’m trying so hard not to smile too but it’s a battle I’m quickly losing.
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 5
