“I don’t know anymore,” I whisper, and those were words that most definitely weren’t meant to come out of mouth. And as I look at him I see his expression change, and I really don’t know what to do now. “Maybe, in reality, there really is too wide a gap between us.”
“So, you’re saying you’re only worthy of being an emotionless fuck, is that it? It was fine when I was just screwing you in the file room, but anything else…”
“We should’ve waited. We should’ve taken some time to really get to know each other…”
“Why? Are you hiding something?”
I swallow hard and I look at him. I don’t break the stare, I don’t let my gaze waver. “No.”
“But, I was, huh? Jesus, Lola, all I did was not tell you how rich my fucking parents were, it’s not like I’ve got half a dozen secret kids.”
I drop my head and lean back against the back of the couch, I’m so tired now. I just want to sleep and forget this day ever happened.
“We don’t need time, Lola.”
I raise my gaze and lock eyes with him once more. “Everyone needs time, Evan.”
I start to walk away, I turn my back and head off toward our bedroom, but before I’ve had a chance to take more than a few steps he’s grabbed my arm and swung me around, pushing me back against the wall, his mouth on mine before I can take another breath. It’s an angry kiss, a desperate, frustrated kiss, hard and brutal, and I grab onto him as he roughly yanks my dress up over my thighs, tearing my panties off in one violent tug, his hand cupping my ass as he thrusts into me. And the sex matches the kiss – angry and violent, and I throw my head back as he pounds into me, and I hate myself for liking the way it makes me feel. It’s almost cathartic. Because I think this is all I deserve from him? Am I really that self-pitying right now?
He pulls out of me and quickly turns me around, so I’m facing the wall, and he slides a hand between my legs to make me widen my stance before he pushes back inside me, resuming those hard, almost violent thrusts, his hips slamming against my ass, his breathing loud and shallow.
His fingers slide between mine up against the wall, his breath hot against the back of my neck as he pulls my hips back and thrusts deeper into me. It’s both painful and beautiful, and I think we’re both using this as a way to exorcise all the crap this day’s thrown at us. I know he is. He’s getting his frustration out by fucking me this way, I know him now. This isn’t the first time he’s done this, fucked me this way; taken his shit out on me. But I need this, too.
Pushing my ass back as hard as I can, I feel him fall out of me, and I swing around and push him down onto the couch, straddling him before he has a chance to object. I take him in my hand and I lower myself down over him, feel him filling me up, his cock hard and rigid inside me as I ride him fast, slamming down onto him over and over again, each time taking him deeper. And as I ride him I reach up and pull my dress off, and I rest my hands on my breasts until my nipples harden beneath my palms, and all the time I hold his gaze, make sure his eyes never leave mine. He had control. He lost it.
I raise my hips slightly, until he’s almost out of me, and this time I lower myself down a little slower, so I can feel every inch of him sliding back into me. I need to feel that, need to feel him. And as I take him almost fully inside, he grabs my hips and pulls me forward, takes a nipple in his mouth, circling it with his tongue, sucking on my breast, and I cry out loud and throw back my head as he nips me gently with his teeth. And then he reaches up and slides a hand around the back of my neck, bringing me down for another rough, violent kiss, he’s trying to take that control back now. It’s insane, it’s sick sex, borne from a need to let the anger out, to vent the frustration, but it’s also beautiful and necessary and it’s what we do. Right now I hate him and I love him, in equal measure, and I’m sure he feels the same. Who we are is this. This is us. This is what we do.
He takes hold of my hips again and pushes them down, and as his eyes lock with mine I feel him explode inside me, and it takes just seconds before I’m coming too, my whole body bucking and shaking with the force of the climax, every inch of my skin tingling as his fingers splay out over my thighs. And even after it ends, when all the craziness is done, we just stay there, our eyes locked as we struggle to catch our breath. But it’s me who makes the first move. I’m the one who breaks the stare; the one who lets go and leaves the room. I don’t know if there’s anything left to talk about tonight, maybe it’s best if we both just sleep on things. It’s been a tough day. A strange day. And I’m not sure either of us is thinking all that straight right now…
Evan
I watch her walk down the hall to our bedroom, watch her hips, naked and beautiful, as they sashay in that way that always gets my cock hard. And I’m going to follow her, of course I am. I just need a minute.
I fall back against the couch pillows and close my eyes for a second or two, my breathing’s still a little all over the place. And I’m only just beginning to realize how exhausted I am, how much this day has taken its toll, in so many ways. But I’m not about to let my marriage become another victim of the shit my mother can create.
Reaching into my pocket I pull out my phone, and I sit up and lean forward as I find Dana’s number on speed dial. I know it’s late, but she’ll still be up. Dana doesn’t do early nights, it’s not her style.
She picks up after a couple of rings, as I knew she would. “How did it go today?”
I drag a hand back through my hair and sigh quietly, which she picks up on, of course.
“That bad, huh?”
I tell her what happened, even though going over it all again is the last thing I want to do. But she needs to know the background, the reason why I want Heath to come back to New York and help me run Cavendish King. I need her to be with me on this one, because she isn’t leaving the firm. She’s just relocating.
“Shit, Evan, I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“Pushing you to go see Marcy.”
“You’re not sorry for making me tell Lola?”
“No, I’m not. There shouldn’t be any secrets between you guys, she needed to know.”
“Yeah. And look what came out of it. One huge unholy mess.”
“It’s a bump, Evan. A blip. Once you’re back in New York everything will settle down again… You are telling me everything, aren’t you?”
“Lola’s upset. What my mother said, she’s letting it get inside her head, she’s believing all that crap, and it’s killing me, Dana.”
“You just need to leave L.A., Evan. You need to get away from here and get back to who you both are. Because it isn’t this.”
“We had a row. Sort of.”
“Understandable.”
“And then we had sex. Angry sex. Real angry sex.”
“Has it helped?”
“I don’t know.”
“Because you’re talking to me and not her. Go rectify that.”
I drop my head and close my eyes and I let out another quiet sigh. “And you’re okay, about Heath coming back to New York? About me making him a managing partner?”
“It’s the perfect solution, Evan. I just wish the circumstances could’ve been happier, that’s all.”
“Yeah. Yeah, me too. And everything’s okay with you?”
“Oh, I’m just fine, don’t you worry about me. Silvi’s finally taking some lessons from me and developing a backbone, especially where her cheating, lying dick of a husband is concerned, and believe me, we’re winning this one. There’s no longer a threat to the L.A. offices. I’ve made sure of that.”
I can’t help but smile. This is the Dana I know. The Dana I’m going to miss. “Tell me you’re not gonna stay out here forever.”
“I can’t promise you anything, Evan. Besides, L.A. kind of agrees with me. Now go see your wife. Make it okay with her. Then get your ass back to New York, and take that handsome little brother of yours with you.”
“Take care, Dana.”
“Yeah. You too, Evan.”
I hang up and throw my phone down on the table in front of me, and I get up and pour myself a shot of whiskey before I head into the bedroom. But I don’t think there’s going to be any talking going on tonight, because Lola’s already in bed. She’s already asleep, lying on her back, her beautiful tits exposed, the sheet covering her only just skimming her hips. I want to fuck her again, right now, but that’s just because I’m seeing sex as a diversion again; a way of avoiding shit I can’t be bothered to deal with, not yet. But instead I undress, quickly brush my teeth and I slide into bed beside her, pulling her into my arms, and she sighs quietly as she snuggles into me, resting her head on my shoulder.
Everything’s peaceful now.
Everything’s calm.
Everything’s different…
Fifteen
Lola
“So, he’s brought his baby brother back with him, huh?”
Jess leans back against the counter in the partners’ kitchen. The meeting to introduce Heath to the firm has just finished, and there’s a bit of a buzz around the offices as everyone gets used to Dana’s leaving and Evan returning from New York with his brother in tow.
“A new start might be just what everyone needs.” I take a sip of my tea and Jess looks at me, frowning slightly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I throw her a look back, and I’m frowning too. “Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“You and Evan okay?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
“Look, you told me what went on in Los Angeles… You did tell me everything, didn’t you?”
“I’m just tired, Jess. We’ve only been back a couple of days…”
“You don’t get jet lag flying from L.A. to New York, Lola.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“All right.”
She fixes me with another look, but she doesn’t push it. And I’m grateful for that, because I’m not really in the mood for a girly chat. I don’t know what I’d tell her anyway.
“Is he a free man?”
“Hmm? Sorry? Who are we talking about now?”
“Heath King. Is he taken?”
I shrug. Because I’m not sure. I still don’t know if there’s anything going on between him and Alicia or if they really are just friends now. Besides, she’s back in L.A. and he’s here in New York, and I’m not sure if either of them are big on long-distance relationships.
“I’ll keep my eye on him anyway,” Jess says as she finishes up her coffee and rinses out her mug. “In the meantime, however, I’m due in court in an hour and I need to round up my associate and get our shit together. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
I watch her head out into the foyer, but I stay where I am for a few more minutes, sipping my tea and looking out around me. I feel safe here, it’s my territory, it’s where I belong. I love my job, I like being around people, I’m good at this; at being Evan’s secretary. I’m just not so sure I’m doing such a great job of being his wife.
I take another sip of tea and shake those self-pitying thoughts out of my head, they’re not helping anything. But I still can’t help feeling that, since we got back to New York, things feel different. Something feels different, I just don’t know what. Maybe it’s me. I’d just rather not think about it right now.
I pick up Evan’s coffee and head back to his office, tapping lightly on the slightly open door. He looks up, and he smiles at me as he beckons me in, and I place his coffee on his desk and turn to leave, he’s busy. I know he is. There are things that need his attention, business he has to catch up on now he’s back in New York.
“Hey. Where you going?”
I turn back around and I look at him as he stands up and comes out from behind his desk, sliding his hands into the pockets of his exceptionally well-cut suit pants. “I’ve got work to do, just as you have, Evan.”
“You can’t spare a couple of minutes to spend with your husband? I mean, we haven’t had a lot of time alone, have we? Since we got back home. But I promise, baby, Heath will have his own place soon.”
“Evan, it’s fine, Heath staying with us isn’t a problem. That apartment’s so huge we barely even know he’s there.”
“That’s because he hasn’t been, for most of the time. Two days in New York and he’s already carved out a social circle. But seriously, Lola, he can go to a hotel, until he finds his own place…”
“Like I said, Evan, Heath isn’t the problem.”
He looks at me, narrowing his eyes slightly, and I’m all too aware that my tone was maybe a little too sharp there. I can barely keep the irritation out of my voice.
“But something is, huh?”
I don’t want to do this here. I don’t want to do this at all, but I might’ve just canceled out that option.
“Forget it. Everything’s fine, I’m just busy.”
“Okay. That’s just an excuse to try and deflect what’s really going on here, but I’m busy, too, so I’ll let it slide. For now. But tonight I’m taking you to dinner, and we’re gonna talk.”
“I can’t, Evan. Kat’s here in New York, and it’s only a flying visit, and I haven’t seen her in ages and, you know, we could really do with a catch-up.”
“What’s she doing in New York? I thought she was over in Jersey now.”
“She is. She’s here to buy a few things for the wedding.”
“And you have to see her tonight?”
“She’s going home tomorrow afternoon, so, yeah. It has to be tonight.”
He briefly drops his head and sighs quietly, and when his eyes meet mine again there’s an almost resigned look on his face. “Okay.”
“I wasn’t asking your permission.”
“And you really think everything’s all right, huh?”
There’s a touch of sarcasm in his voice now, and I can’t really blame him. But I don’t want to talk, about anything. Especially not what happened in L.A. I just want to spend a few hours with my best friend and be me for a little while.
“Is there anything you need me to do?”
He moves a few steps closer, and he reaches out and cups my cheek. “I need you to be my wife, Lola.”
“We’re at work.”
I gently pull his hand away from my face and step back from him. And I can see it in his face, he’s confused. And he’s angry, I can tell. I’m pushing him, but I’m confused, too. There are so many things I don’t know anymore, and I need to think. But I also need to do my job, I’m not going to let that suffer.
“You’re fucking killing me here, Lola.”
“I’ll be in the copy room, if you need me.”
I turn to leave without looking back.
And the fact I can be this way with him fills me with the kind of dread I never knew could exist. But it’s there. And I have to deal with that.
Evan
I don’t know what the fuck that was, I just know that I’m not playing that game. She needs to get over what happened in L.A.; the shit my mother laid on her, she needs to forget that. Because she’s killing us, and I’m not willing to sit back and watch that happen.
“Mr. King?”
I look up to see Hayden hovering in the open doorway. Hayden Monroe. One of my new associates. Another protégé. Eldest daughter of Peter Monroe, District Attorney and some time pain in my ass.
“Do you need something, Hayden?”
She comes a little closer, nudging the door shut with her elbow. “I was just wondering if you could clear something up for me, Mr. King.”
“Jesus, call me Evan. Please.” I stand up and come out front of my desk, leaning back against it as she hands me the file she was holding. “What’s the problem?”
She moves so she’s standing just to the side of me, and she leans in and points to something halfway down the page that she’s struck through with a neon green highlighter.
“Is that what we need to be looking
for?”
I quickly scan the page and I smile. She’s a smart kid, I’ll give her that. She’s starting to show some real promise, but then, she comes from good stock. With a District Attorney as a father, a renowned heart surgeon for a mother, and a sister in medical school, she belongs to one hell of a family.
“It’s exactly what we’re looking for. Get in touch with everyone on that list and set up depositions for next week.” I close the file and look at her, smiling slightly. “You can take the lead, with my supervision, of course.”
I hand the file back to her, her fingers touching mine for just a shade too long as she takes it from me. And for a second I remember the days after Lola first started working here, when her fingers would brush against my skin and her eyes would linger on mine and we knew it was wrong, but it was such a fucking turn on.
“Is everything all right, Evan?”
I frown slightly as I realize I’d drifted off there, just for a second. “Sorry, yes, everything’s fine. I’ve just got a lot to catch up on after my visit to L.A.”
“Okay, well, I’ll go make a start on setting up those depositions.”
“Any problems, check in with Lola.”
“And if I need to see you?”
I narrow my eyes and fold my arms, is she flirting with me? I thought I might’ve mis-read the signals that first day I met her, but I’m not sure I did now. She’s wasting her time, though. I’m not going there, that isn’t me anymore. And even if it was, would getting involved with an associate be a good idea? About as good an idea as getting involved with my secretary, right?
“Then Lola will let me know.”
She lingers by the door for a couple more beats, clutching that file to her chest, and I can’t help but notice the way her top clings to her curves. You’d have to be blind not to. But I need her to go now.
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 13
