“How’s your father these days?” I need her to go, so why the hell am I starting up a conversation? “I haven’t seen him in a while.”
She smiles slightly and leans back against the closed door. “You don’t always get on, do you? You, and my father?”
“We’ve had one or two run-ins. He doesn’t agree with the way I do things, sometimes.”
Her smile widens, and it’s kind of infectious. “That was partly the reason why I wanted to come and work for you.”
And then she turns and leaves, and I’m smiling, too.
She made me smile.
And that’s what fucking scares me.
Sixteen
Lola
“That dress is just beautiful, Kat!”
I tentatively touch the ivory material of Kat’s wedding dress before she slips it back inside the carrier, all ready to transport back to New Jersey tomorrow, along with several other items she’s acquired on her flying visit back to New York.
“Are you nervous?”
“About marrying Eric?” She zips up the carrier and hangs it carefully over the bathroom door. “No. Not in the slightest. Since we moved to Paterson things couldn’t be better. Carrington, Edwards and Jones has only been up and running for a few weeks but we’ve already got a growing client list, and having an entire department specializing in immigration law has been a risk Eric was glad he took.”
“And you’re happy?”
“Very.”
She’s practically beaming, and I’m glad she’s happy. I’m glad Eric has proved to be the one for her; the one who finally tamed my friend. To a point. She’ll always be Kat, and I wouldn’t want to change that.
“What about you?”
“What about me?” I ask as I throw myself down on the couch by the window of her hotel room overlooking Central Park. It’s dark out now but the view is still beautiful. And there’s a part of me that would much rather just sit here and stare out into the New York night than talk about Evan and his mother and what happened in L.A., all the things I’d quite like to forget about for a few hours.
I turn my head to look at Kat. She just raises an eyebrow, but I know what she’s asking. I’d just prefer she didn’t.
“How long have you been married?”
“Why are you asking me that? You know how long…”
“You still in love?”
I frown. Because I have no idea where she’s going with this. “Of course I am!”
“Oh, there it is. That defensive streak, I’d recognize it anywhere. You’re not still dwelling on what happened with Evan’s mom, are you?”
“No.”
“Yes. You can’t lie to me.”
“I wasn’t lying. Can we go out?”
“Where?”
I pull out my phone and hurriedly find Jess’s number. “You like the West Village, right?”
“I’ve never had anything against the place. Why do you want to go to the West Village?”
I put my phone to my ear and smile at Kat as I wait for Jess to pick up. “There’s a great little bar me and Jess went to a few nights ago. You’ll like it.”
“I will?”
“Think of it as your pre-bachelorette party evening.”
“Okay.”
“Have some fun before you go back to Jersey.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.”
“You sure about that?”
“Kat, I’m fine. And anyway, it’s not like you to turn down the chance of a few drinks… Hey, Jess! You doing anything right now…?”
*
“Is she all right?”
I lean back against the bar and look from Jess to Kat. “I heard that.”
“You were meant to,” Kat says, handing me another beer.
“We’re not ganging up on you or anything,” Jess adds, taking a sip of her drink.
“Really?”
“You think you’re not good enough for Evan, right?” Kat continues, and I look at her, narrowing my eyes, hoping my expression tells her in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to talk about this right now. “And you can quit with the death stares. I’m going home tomorrow, and you’re suddenly all insecure and needy?”
“Needy? Who the fuck’s needy?”
“You are! Get over it, Lola. His mom doesn’t like you, so what? You’re not living with her, you’re not sleeping with her…”
“Because it’s that easy, right?”
“Evan loves you. That should be enough.”
“And what if he’s changed, too? What if, since that visit to L.A., he’s changed the way he feels about me?”
“Well? Has he?” Jess asks, and I turn to look at her again.
“I don’t know.”
“You haven’t talked to him, then,” Kat says, because it’s more of a statement than a question.
I turn back to look at her. “No. I haven’t talked to him.”
“Told you.” Kat directs that at Jess, looking right past me to her and I’m beginning to feel a little rail-roaded now.
“You’re still not ganging up on me, huh?”
“It’s for your own good. She can be a real stubborn bitch when she wants to be, Jess, believe me.”
“I am here you know.”
“Yeah, we know. And you should be at home.”
“Sorting my shit out, right?”
“Right.”
“When are you going back to Jersey, exactly?”
Kat pokes her tongue out at me, and I pull a face back. “Is this what you really want, huh? Wasting time avoiding a man I thought you were crazy about? Pushing him away…”
“I’m not pushing him away.”
“You might not think you are, but that’s what’s gonna happen, Lola. If you carry on like this. So lose the self-pity, grow a pair, and go and tell him whatever the hell it is that’s still pissing you off; talk it out, have a row if that’s what it takes, then have angry make-up sex and live happily-ever-after.”
I stare at her, and I shrug. “Seriously?”
“Go home.”
“I hate you both.”
“We’re not huge fans of yours at the minute, believe me.”
“You two are staying here?”
“We don’t have messed up love lives to sort out.”
Kat throws me a grin, and I know she’s only doing this because she cares. She wants me to be happy, and she thought I was happy, with Evan. I thought I was, too.
“Do you still love him, Lola?” Jess asks, and I look at her, and I feel my heart start to ache because people shouldn’t even have to ask me that question. It should be obvious.
“You know I do.”
“Then go tell him that.”
Kat looks at Jess and her grin widens. “Oh, you’re good. Now I know I can leave her in capable hands.”
“Yeah. I really hate you both right now.”
“Go!”
They both shout that in unison, and I can’t help but smile as I finish the last of my beer and slam the empty bottle down on the counter. And I don’t say anything else, I just turn and leave the bar, because I know they’re right. I didn’t want to talk to Evan because I was scared of what he was going to say. But I love him. I don’t know if I work without him now, so, okay. I’m going home, and I’m going to talk to him; put this shit behind us and move on.
No more secrets.
No more lies.
No more…
Evan
“She’s avoiding me.”
“She’s seeing a friend who isn’t in town long, how’s that avoiding you?”
I lean back against the window and down my whiskey in one mouthful. “We haven’t had sex in two days.”
“Do I need to know that?”
“We usually have sex every day.”
“Jesus… Really?”
I look down into my empty glass. “Ever since L.A. she’s been distant.”
“You talked to her?”
“She’s always g
ot some excuse.”
“And you’re letting her get away with it? Listen, Evan, you’re talking to the wrong person if you’re looking for relationship advice. I’ve never managed to hold down a serious one for more than a few months.”
“Because you don’t want to. You don’t want anything serious.” I raise my gaze and look at my brother. “That used to be me.”
“And now?”
I drop my head and close my eyes and I breathe in deeply. “Now, I don’t know. My head’s all over the place.”
“I spoke to Mom yesterday.”
I look up, but I keep my expression stoic. “She missing you?”
“She’s angry that I’m working with you.”
“She’s pissed off that you defied her. You’ve towed the line for forty-two fucking years, Heath. You’ve done everything they wanted, followed their rules, taken that path they wanted you to take…”
“She wants me to set up a retrospective pre-nup agreement between you and Lola.”
I laugh and turn my head to look out of the window. “And I’m guessing you aren’t supposed to be telling me this.”
“She wants me to talk you round, get you to persuade Lola to sign it. Or you get nothing. She’s gonna cut you off, Evan. She was serious about that.”
“And she thinks that’s a threat? I don’t need her money, Heath. Whatever Dad’s left me, I don’t need it.”
“You should think about this, Evan. Even Alicia reckons you’d be crazy not to consider…”
“Didn’t take Alicia long to get sucked back under, huh?”
“It’s not like that. She has a job to do.”
“I’m not talking about this, Heath.”
“Do you understand what’s gonna happen if you don’t…”
“I walked out before. Remember? You do realize I haven’t been around for the past Christ knows how many years? I’ve been making my own way, creating my own life, earning my own money while you’ve been living in their fucking shadow, obeying their twisted rules…”
“Hey, take a step back there, Evan, you’re outta line now. I made my own way, too…”
“In their firm.”
“And it didn’t turn me into the fucking devil. You need to open your eyes and be realistic here. If you and Lola…”
I step forward, I’m right up in his face because I’m fucking angry now. “Who’s out of fucking line now, huh? She’s my wife…”
“For now.”
I laugh, a cold, harsh laugh and I step back from him, shaking my head. “Jesus. Now we really see who the biological child was.”
“Take a look at the pre-nup, Evan. Alicia sent this over. She’s managed to draft something up that will stand, it’ll work. We’ll make it work, make sure you’re protected.”
“From what? For Christ’s sake…”
“From losing everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
“This is New York, Heath. Should anything happen between me and Lola, she isn’t automatically entitled to half of my assets.”
“But she can fight it, Evan. She can make it difficult. Sign this pre-nup and no matter what the circumstances, you keep everything that’s yours. You lose nothing.”
I don’t know why I’m taking the papers from him, but I am. I take them, and I look at them.
“Maybe he’s right, Evan.”
My head shoots up at the sound of her voice, and I see her standing there, leaning against the doorpost, her arms folded, her expression blank. She’s just staring at me.
“Maybe you should think about this, huh?”
“Lola…”
“I’ll leave you both to it.”
I watch as she turns and heads toward the bedroom, and I throw those papers down on the floor and I go after her. This shit isn’t going any further, I’m not letting it do this to us.
“Lola, please. Look at me.”
She stays silent as she goes into the bathroom, but she doesn’t close the door. I don’t follow her, though, I stay where I am. I need a second, just to breathe. And when she comes back out of the bathroom she’s wearing only a T-shirt, her hair loose around her shoulders, her face devoid of make-up and I feel my heart ache as I look at her. She’s beautiful, like this, in every way she’s beautiful. And I love her like I’ve never loved anything or anyone before, and yet, I feel as though something’s dying here, and I don’t know what, I can’t explain what’s happening. But something is.
“I heard what he said to you, Evan. What your mother wants him to do.”
“Then you’ll have heard me tell him it isn’t gonna happen.”
She leaves a couple of beats before she speaks again, but her eyes never leave mine. “You took the papers from him. You looked at them.”
“And I don’t know why I did that, baby, I don’t. But we are signing nothing, okay?”
Again, she leaves a few long, loaded beats before saying anything. “Okay.”
She turns her back to me and picks up her brush from the nightstand, dragging it carefully through her hair.
“Lola…”
“I’m tired, Evan. I might just have an early night, if that’s okay with you.”
“No, Lola, I’m not leaving it like this, that’s not happening.”
She swings around and she looks at me and I don’t even know how we got to this. I should’ve been able to handle my mother, to deal with her crap way better than I have done, am I really that weak?
“What do you want us to do, Evan?”
“I want us to forget this shit and get back to being us, Lola.”
“Us?”
I step forward and I reach out to touch her face but she flinches, and that kills me, the pain I feel at that one, tiny action is unbearable. But I’m not doing this, I’m not walking away and leaving this, so I reach out again and I take her hand and I push her back against the wall, my fingers tightening around hers, she isn’t letting me go. I’m not letting that happen.
“I love you, Lola,” I murmur into her, my mouth touching hers, and I hear her; feel her breathing into me, and I close my eyes and rest a hand on her hip, my thumb stroking her skin and she isn’t stopping me. “I love you.”
She closes her eyes and I kiss her, a slow, lingering kiss that builds in intensity, and as she finally responds, her body pressing against mine, I feel my cock harden, the blood rushing to my head because I want her. So fucking much.
She sighs quietly as I slide my hand up over the curve of her waist, and then down to cup her ass and as I do that she gently nips my lower lip with her teeth. I lift her up, and as she wraps her legs around me I push into her, thrusting deep but I’m taking her slowly, I want to feel her, feel this. And she clings onto me, her fingers sliding into my hair, her breathing now heavy and uneven as her legs lock around my hips.
I love this woman.
I need this woman.
And if there’s anything broken we’ll fix it, I’ll make sure of that.
We’ll fix it…
Lola
I’m angry at myself for giving in to him, like this, because it tells me something I didn’t really want to know. It makes me realize a truth I don’t think either of us was willing to face up to. But I need him, like this, it’s easier than talking. Fuck it out, let him screw me into submission until I just go along with everything. Am I really that woman?
His hands grip my ass tighter and I feel him stiffen, feel him still for just a second before he comes; before I feel him flooding into me, and as he pushes me against him I feel my own climax start to rise, that beautiful blanket of white hot pins and needles sweeping across my body and I can’t stop the cry that escapes me, my fingers digging into his skin as he holds me.
And when it’s done I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to have to talk about any of this because now I’m scared of what I’m going to say. I just want to sleep. And hope everything will be different in the morning…?
Seventeen
Lola
It’s just starting
to get light as I pour myself another mug of tea and walk over to the window. I’ve been up for a while now, I didn’t sleep much. I couldn’t. There’s too much going on in my head, too many thoughts whirring round and around, and then I notice it, lying there. A copy of the pre-nup Heath wants Evan to look over. I take a sip of tea and pick it up, scanning it carefully, reading the words, taking them in. And I feel a certain, possibly irrational sense of betrayal because I know Alicia drew this up. I heard Heath tell Evan that, last night. And yes, I know she has a job to do, she’s the family lawyer, but I still thought she had my back. I thought we had a chance of becoming friends.
I continue to read, every word, every sentence sending a piercing pain through my heart. And then I lay the papers back down and look outside as a new day dawns over Manhattan. I thought this was what I wanted, this life, with this man. I thought I had it all, my happy-ever-after.
“You got somewhere you need to be?”
I turn around to see him standing there, all handsome and ruffled, the way he looks now, even that’s changing. He has the beginnings of a beard, his hair just a little more out-of-place than it used to be, even when he isn’t just minutes out of bed.
I shake my head and take another sip of tea, turning back to look out of the window. “I couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”
“You should’ve woken me. We could’ve talked.”
“I didn’t want to talk.”
“Because burying your head in the sand is a much better option, huh?”
I turn back around, and he’s come a little closer now, he’s almost right in front of me.
“You’re not a stupid man, Evan. You listened to your brother, and what he said made some sense, right?”
He pushes a hand back through his hair and sighs quietly. “Lola, baby, I don’t want to do this, okay?”
“So what do you want to do? Maybe we should just fuck again, huh? Like we always do. Because it’s what we do. We avoid everything, and we just fuck.”
He frowns, and I can see he’s confused but I’m right. Sex is the answer to all our problems. And in the past it worked, in the beginning, when all our problems were small and insignificant. But we moved on, things changed, but that didn’t. Fucking to forget remained a habit we chose to ignore. It just isn’t going to work this time.
Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2) Page 14
