Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2)

by Michelle Betham

  She takes a step forward, and then she stops, and she looks at me again, another questioning stare that penetrates my very soul but I can’t give in now. And then she takes another step forward, and another, until she’s right there in front of me, so close I can hear her breathing, feel her breasts brushing against my chest and I just want to hold on to her and pull her even closer; kiss her until all this pain goes away, all the shit just dissipates around us and we’re back to that time I can barely remember. Three months ago, that’s all it was, when I married this woman. Three months. So why the hell does it feel like an eternity ago?

  I keep my hands firmly in my pockets as she leans in to me, her lips almost touching mine, her breath sinking into me as she speaks, and that urge to touch her, it’s fucking unreal.

  “I love you, Evan.”

  I close my eyes, and I’m willing her to kiss me, to tell me all this crazy shit is done now, it’s finished. I’m willing her to do that, I want it to happen so bad it’s got my stomach in knots. But it doesn’t happen. She pulls away, she steps back, and when I open my eyes she’s just standing there, and the expression on her face shatters my heart.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers as she folds her arms against herself, like she’s putting up some kind of barrier between us. “But I don’t think I can do this either. I don’t… I can’t be who you want me to be.”

  “I just want you to be my wife, Lola.”

  Our eyes lock, and for the briefest of moments I feel a glimmer of hope, but then she drops her gaze and that hope, like my heart, shatters into a thousand pieces.

  Twenty

  Lola

  “You okay?”

  I look up as Heath places a mug of coffee down in front of me. “I’m fine. And thank you, for this.”

  “He isn’t.” He perches himself on the corner of my desk. “Fine, I mean. He’s pretending he is, y’know, ‘cause he’s good with the face. That’s who he is. But he isn’t fine.”

  I throw him a brief glance, but I try to keep my own expression as stoic as I can. I’m all talked out, there’s only so much amateur counseling any one person can go through before it starts to become an endless round of the same old thing, over and over again. With the same result. “He’s keeping busy. That helps.”

  “He said you wanted to miss him.”

  I stop what I’m doing, take a small but deep breath and look up at Heath. “Is this going somewhere?”

  “Do you? Miss him?”

  “Do you care?”

  “I care about Evan.”

  “So do I.”

  He says nothing for a couple of beats, neither of us do. And I turn my attention back to my laptop, raising my gaze only briefly as I catch sight of Hayden making her way toward Evan’s office.

  “There’s really no going back, huh?”

  Heath’s voice pulls me back from my thoughts and I look at him. I’m getting slightly pissed off now, even though I know he’s only trying to make sense of what’s happened between me and Evan. It’s just that, we’re trying to make sense of it, too. And I think that’s going to take some time.

  “I don’t know, Heath. I really don’t know.”

  He stands up and digs his hands into his pockets and I know he’s looking at me. I can feel his eyes almost boring into me. “I’m sorry, Lola.”

  “What for? None of it was your fault.”

  “You guys seemed good together. You seemed good for each other.”

  “We were. I just think…” I stop, because I don’t think he needs to hear any more. And I don’t really want to talk about it, anymore, like I said, I’m just starting to go round in circles now. “I think it’s time we all moved on. Don’t you?”

  “Maybe…”

  I put down my pen, fold my arms, and swing my chair around to look at Evan’s younger brother. It’s been a few weeks now, since he joined Cavendish King, and despite a few mixed feelings about his arrival from some people here at the firm, he’s proved everyone – including me – wrong. He’s a great lawyer, a hard worker, and he cares about this place. He’s a good man, deep down. And that’s something he and Evan really do have in common.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Heath.”

  He raises an eyebrow, a slight smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. “Really?”

  “When you first turned up, I’ll admit, I thought you were just going to be some kind of rich-kid playboy.”

  “I gave you that impression, huh?”

  “Not just me. But I think you know that, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. I kinda got that vibe.”

  “But you’re not that. Not when you’re here, anyway.”

  He laughs quietly and briefly drops his gaze. “I care about what I do, Lola.” He looks up, and his eyes lock on mine. “This isn’t just a job for me. I might have worked all those years for my family, and law might not have been my first choice as a career when I was growing up, but it soon became my passion.”

  “You’re still working with your family.”

  He smiles slightly. “Yeah. I know. And I care about my brother. A lot. I missed him, when he wasn’t around. And I wish I’d been a better man, a stronger man; I should have got in touch a lot sooner, whether the stubborn bastard wanted me to or not. I should have tried to make things right between him and our parents a long time ago.”

  “Maybe that’s just something you can never do, Heath.”

  “At least he got me, huh?”

  I return his smile, and I really am glad he’s here. He’s been a distraction, a challenge I needed. “Yeah. He got you.”

  I start to turn my chair back around but he’s not finished this conversation just yet.

  “You’re one of the best legal secretaries in the city, Lola.”

  I look at him, narrowing my eyes slightly.

  “And, well, you don’t need to stay here, do you? I mean, you could walk into any law firm in Manhattan and they’d take you, just like that.’ He frowns, a small, slightly nervous smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Sorry. Am I over-selling you here?”

  “A little, yeah. What’s your point, Heath?”

  “If you and Evan are done, why do you still want to work in his law firm?”

  I wait a couple of seconds before I answer that, but I don’t break the stare, I keep my eyes on him constantly. “I like it here. I’m settled here. And I love my job.”

  “But you don’t love Evan anymore, am I right?”

  “I think this conversation is over now.” I swing my chair around until my back’s to him, and I can still feel him looking at me, he doesn’t go into his office straightaway, he waits, for a couple more beats. And it’s only when I hear the door open and close behind me that I breathe again.

  I don’t love Evan anymore?

  It isn’t that simple.

  It isn’t.

  That simple…

  Evan

  I can’t help breathing in her perfume as she leans over my shoulder, and as she points something out to me on the papers that are lying in front of me on my desk, I feel her breasts lightly brush my back, and my cock reacts – Jesus! Really? But, y’know, I was used to sex every day, I was used to so much fucking it felt like part of the daily routine, shit, it was part of the daily routine. And then she left me. Lola. My wife, she left me. And suddenly my daily routine changed, and the sex, that wasn’t there anymore. But being a monk doesn’t suit me, I wasn’t like that before she came into my life and I can’t take sex off the table just because the one woman I want to fuck doesn’t want me anymore. I just got to be real careful who I choose, that’s all, and Hayden Monroe, she’s not the careful choice. She’s one huge mistake waiting to happen, so I’ve got to get myself some willpower here.

  I push my chair back and stand up, deliberately nudging her backwards as I do so.

  “You want to come to court with me Thursday?”

  I go over to the sideboard at the far end of my office and pour myself a small shot of bourbon, looking at
Hayden as I take a sip.

  “To observe?”

  I shrug, and finish my drink. “Maybe you could be second chair. I think you’re ready.”

  And she is. She’s a good kid, a fast learner, a hard worker. She’s got a sharp mind and a great business head on her, she knows her shit. I’m not about to let all that go to waste just because she’s also making it very clear she wants more from me that just my mentoring. And that side of her – the flirting, the standing just a little too close, the brushing of her hand against mine as she hands me something, that’s stepped up somewhat since it became common knowledge that Lola and I have separated. And just thinking about that deals a metaphorical punch to my gut that causes me to drop my gaze and refill my glass. A slightly larger measure this time. I need it, just a little drop to get me through the day. It helps me focus.

  “You really think I’m ready?”

  I raise my gaze and frown slightly as I look at Hayden. For a second there I forgot where I was, I was too lost in my thoughts. In the space of a few weeks I’ve lost my partner, my father, and my wife. So I think the need for a little whiskey every now and again to dull all that shit; I think that’s necessary. “You’re ready.”

  She smiles, and it’s impossible not to notice how pretty she is, when she smiles. When she doesn’t smile. She’s just pretty, period. But she’s not beautiful. Lola’s beautiful. Lola’s the kind of woman who can render a man speechless just by walking into a room, and it’s twice as powerful because she doesn’t realize she can do that. But she does. Even now, when I see her, because I do, see her, too many fucking times a day – even now she makes my heart beat faster and my stomach dip and I still love that fucking woman. But I’m not putting my life on hold just because she can’t deal with whatever shit’s still messing with her head. I love her, but I’m not begging her to come back to me. I’m not that man. I just need some distractions, until I’ve dealt with it all. Until I’ve accepted it.

  “Thank you, Evan.”

  I throw Hayden one of my best smiles. “That’s settled then.”

  “Right, well, I’d better get back to work, huh?”

  I watch her as she gathers up her things, watch as she bends over the desk to pick up those papers and I can’t help but notice the curve of her breasts as she leans forward. And I’m too slow to look away as she raises her gaze, her eyes locking on mine, a slow smile spreading across her pretty face. Shit! It’s too fucking late, of course, but I quickly turn away, and I wait until she’s left before I turn back around.

  “Seriously, Evan?”

  “What do you want Heath?”

  My brother walks into my office, kicking the door shut behind him. “So, you tell me to keep my distance, to leave that one well alone… You really do want her for yourself, huh?”

  “What do you want, Heath?”

  He helps himself to a drink, picking up the bottle and eyeing the contents. “How much of this have you had today?”

  I snatch the bottle from his grasp and put it back down on the tray. I’m beginning to lose what little patience I have left now.

  “It’s not the way to deal with things, Evan. Liquid lunches and screwing your associate.”

  “There’s nothing going on between me and Hayden.”

  “But you’d like it to, right? And she – well, that was obvious. She’d drop her panties for you in a heartbeat, bro.”

  He knocks back my whiskey and throws me a cocky smirk that I just want to smack from his arrogant face.

  “I’ll ask you one more time, Heath. What do you want?”

  “I came to see if you wanted to go grab something to eat. Y’know, something solid. To soak up the alcohol.”

  “I’ve had a couple of small shots, can you please stop making a big deal out of something that means shit?”

  “You’ve had more than a couple of small shots, Evan, I can smell it on your breath. And don’t think I didn’t notice the empty bourbon bottles in the trash. You need to get a grip, ‘cause you can’t be meeting clients or running cases when you’re living on self-pity and whiskey.”

  “What the fuck…? You’ve got no right, coming in here and lecturing me, this is my firm…”

  “It’s our firm, Evan. You remember that, right? You remember I put money into this place now, I own just as much of it as you do, so I have every right to come in here and pull you back from the brink of self-destruction. Before you set Cavendish King on the same fucking path.”

  I turn to pour myself another drink, but he grabs my wrist before I can pick up the bottle, and I look at him, I’m fucking angry now.

  “You care about this firm, Evan, I know you do. So start acting like you really mean that, okay?”

  He lets go of my wrist and I keep hold of the bottle for a couple of seconds, before I pull my hand away and put the glass back down.

  “What’s going on here, Evan?”

  “I’m fine, Heath.”

  “Yeah. Whatever.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Why don’t you tell her to go.”

  I look at him. And I frown, because I wasn’t expecting that. “What? I don’t…”

  “Tell her to go. Get her out from under your nose, because you can’t deal with her being around, you’ve made that quite obvious.”

  “I don’t want her to go.”

  “Why? Because you think she’s gonna come back one day? You think you’re both gonna live happily ever after, once the shit’s died down? Here’s the news, Evan. The shit already has died down. The will’s been read, we’ve all got what Dad left us, everyone’s moved on. Everyone except you.”

  “Did you come here just to piss me off? ‘Cause you’re doing a real good job, I have to tell you.”

  “I told you, I came to take you to lunch, but you’re not exactly looking like great company right now.”

  “So go. Go on. Take someone else to lunch.”

  “Jesus. Were you this much of an asshole before Lola came into your life?”

  I sink down onto the couch and drop my head into my hands. Heath’s right. I’ve got to get a grip, sort my shit out, move on. Because I don’t think Lola’s coming back to me.

  “Tell her to go, Evan.”

  I shake my head, drag my hands back through my hair and slowly look up. “Is that what you want me to do?”

  “No, for Christ’s sake, it’s the last thing I want you to do. I kind of rely on her now, she’s the best secretary I’ve ever had, so to lose her would be more than a bit of a wrench.”

  He sits down next to me and I drop my gaze, clasping my hands together between my knees.

  “But if you really can’t cope with her being around…”

  “I can cope.” I look at my brother, and I smile. “I can.”

  He raises a questioning eyebrow, and his expression is telling me he isn’t completely convinced. But I can deal with Lola being around. I just chose not to.

  “I’ll sort my shit out. I promise.”

  “Okay.”

  “Heath?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Is she… Does she talk about me?”

  “Not really. Not unless I ask her something.”

  I frown again. “You ask her stuff? About me? Like what?”

  “Like, if she misses you; why she doesn’t leave and find a job with a law firm that isn’t owned by her husband…”

  “You talk about me? With Lola?”

  “She doesn’t say much, to be fair. But she doesn’t want to leave. Just like you don’t want her to go.”

  He stands up and makes for the door.

  “Pull yourself together, grab your jacket, and let’s go eat. Come on.”

  I say nothing for a second or two, I do nothing, for a second or two. I just sit there, and try and process what’s happening here. But I don’t know what’s happening here, and I don’t really have the energy or the will to think about it. Not right now.

  “It’s still a fucking mess, Heath.”

  “It doesn�
��t have to be. Come on. Let’s get out of here for a couple of hours.”

  I drop my head briefly and run a hand along the back of my neck before I stand up, grab my jacket from the back of the couch, and join Heath at the door.

  “I’m glad you came back to New York with us, Heath.”

  “You’re lucky I said yes. I’m saving this place while you sit here pining.”

  “Don’t push it, kiddo. My gratitude only goes so far.”

  He grins, and I smile, and maybe he’s right. Maybe I just need to kick back and start to move on.

  I’m Evan King.

  I don’t lose.

  Not anymore.

  Twenty-One

  Lola

  Kat and Eric’s wedding has come at the perfect time. A day away from New York and Cavendish King; a day to just relax and spend some time with friends, it’s what I need to do. It’s where I need to be. And Kat and Eric have chosen the most beautiful little town to start their new life in, a place so warm and welcoming, it’s perfect. As was their small and intimate ceremony in front of just a few close family and friends.

  “I think that went well, don’t you?”

  I turn to look at Kat, and I smile as she downs a flute of champagne in one long draft. “Relieved it’s over, huh?”

  “You know I hate being the center of attention.”

  I can’t help laughing, and she elbows me. Hard. “Ow! That hurt!”

  “It was meant to.”

  “Admit it. You were just nervous about reading out your own vows. Kathryn Audrey Kalder going all TV movie romantic, huh? That isn’t something we see every day.”

  “I’m warning you, missy, I can get you thrown out of here, all I have to do is click my perfectly manicured fingers.”

  I take her hand and give it a squeeze, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on her cheek. “You did good. Eric’s a very lucky man.”

  “And he’ll be reminded of that on a frequent basis, believe me.”

  We both smile, and as a passing server walks by she grabs another two flutes of champagne from his tray and hands one to me.