Willfully Hers (The Dirty Business Series Book 2)

by Michelle Betham

  I’m starting a new life, and I know I can make this one work. No more going backwards. No more wishing things had been different, they weren’t, different. They were messed up and sad and I don’t need that anymore. So I smile to myself and I keep on walking, I’m going shopping. I’m going to treat myself, buy myself something to celebrate this new life of mine and this time – this time I’m not going to mess it up.

  Evan

  I don’t know how she’s going to react. I don’t know what she’s going to do, but I didn’t want to tell her I was coming. Kat told me I should, but then, she didn’t even want to tell me where Lola was living now. I had to talk her round, promise her I wasn’t coming over here to hurt Lola. I just needed to talk to her, and over the phone or via a computer screen, that wasn’t going to cut it. I need to see her.

  “Here.”

  I look up as Dana sits down opposite me and hands me a whiskey. “Thanks.”

  I couldn’t do this alone. I couldn’t come here, and then have Lola walk away, for good, and be alone. I’m a weaker man, these past few months have proved that to me. I just didn’t want to accept that I was changing; that I’d changed. So I couldn’t do this, alone.

  “You know, Evan, if you’re just going to rock up on her doorstep…”

  “If I call first, if she knows I’m here, that gives her time, Dana. To think about this, to know what she’s going to say. And I don’t want her to have time to think about this or know what she’s going to say.”

  “And if she isn’t home? When you do rock up on her doorstep?”

  “That’s a chance I’ll have to take.” I sip my whiskey and look outside. “I’ve never been to this part of the UK before.”

  “No. Neither have I.”

  “She has history here. Lola. She had a life, in this part of the world, it’s where she grew up.”

  “Are you scared she’s finding that life again?”

  I look down into my whiskey glass, and I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

  “But you are scared she’s moved past the life you and she shared.”

  “Yeah. I am.” I take another sip of my drink and raise my gaze, my eyes meeting Dana’s. “Thank you. For coming here.”

  “What are ex-wives for, huh?”

  She smiles, and I return it. “I just don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t want to come back to me.”

  “You’ll move on, Evan.”

  “I know. In time, yeah, of course I will. It’s just that, right here, right now, I don’t want to be on my own, in a strange country, if she doesn’t want to come back to me. Come back with me.”

  “You really aren’t the Evan of old, are you?”

  “Well, I tried to go back there. With almost disastrous results.”

  “You pulled it back.”

  “Hayden didn’t go to her father, you mean.”

  Dana looks at me, raising an eyebrow as the corner of her mouth twists up into a slight smirk. “Heath not so good at keeping you in line, huh?”

  “He could never be you.”

  She laughs quietly and sips her whiskey.

  “So, everything’s good over in the L.A. office, then?”

  She nods and relaxes back in her chair. “All back to normal. Business as usual, well, better than usual. Since we got rid of Clive business has been brisk. We’re bringing in new clients on a regular basis, got some big names on our list now.”

  “Reeling in the A-Listers, huh?”

  “They’re always going to need lawyers, Evan.”

  I smile at her, and drain the last of the whiskey from my glass. “And Silvi? How’s she doing?”

  “So much better with Clive out of her life. She’s a different woman.” Dana sits forward, clasping her hands together on the table. “Have you ever thought of a change of direction, Evan?”

  I frown, because I’m not sure what she’s talking about.

  “Cavendish King New York is very much a corporate law firm. It’s what we do there, and we’re damn good at it. But over in L.A., it’s a little different. And you aren’t just a corporate lawyer.”

  “It’s what I’ve been doing for a long time, Dana.”

  “Yes, I know, and I was in the same boat, wasn’t I?”

  “You make it sound like a bad thing.”

  “No, that isn’t what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, maybe it’s time for a change.”

  “You think I should come work in the L.A. office for a while?”

  “Not for a while, no. I think you should move over there permanently. A brand new chapter, Evan. Something different, something new to get your teeth into, and you – you don’t take any crap. You’d be a great entertainment lawyer.”

  “Is that what Cavendish King, L.A., is now? Are we entertainment lawyers?”

  “On the whole, yes. It’s Hollywood, Evan.”

  I drop my head and smile to myself. Me. In L.A. Permanently? “And if Lola…” I look up, but I can’t say the words because I’m scared it won’t happen.

  “Whatever happens, Evan. I’m saying, maybe a new start in a new city is what you need. Whatever happens here.”

  “You wouldn’t even suggest this if you didn’t think it would work, would you?”

  “No. I wouldn’t. Look, Heath has settled into New York like he’s always been there, and the way he handled everything when you were – when you…”

  “When I was losing my shit?”

  She rolls her eyes and laughs a little. “Yes, when you were losing your shit. The way he held everything together, he’s proved he’s more than capable of taking charge of the Manhattan offices. But you – I really do think you need to get away from there. And, I also think you need to be closer to your mom. There are wounds that need healing there, Evan, and I think you need to concentrate on that; on healing those wounds and building some kind of relationship with Marcy. Because she loves you. And she really does want you back in her life. She needs you, back in her life.”

  I drop my gaze again and sigh quietly. Again, it’s like so many things are being thrown at me too quickly, so quick I’m struggling to keep up.

  “Think about it, okay? Just, think about it.”

  I look at Dana, and I can’t help smiling. “Yeah, all right, I’ll think about it.”

  “Good.” She sits back and returns my smile. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “I’m beginning to think you had this planned.”

  “To some extent, maybe I did.”

  “And my mom?”

  “She just wants her son back, Evan.”

  I look at my watch, and I feel my stomach twist up into a knot of nerves. “I should go.”

  “You want me to come with you?”

  “No. This bit I need to do on my own.”

  “Okay. I’ll head back to the hotel, check my emails, make a few calls. Come find me if you need me. But whatever happens, call me. All right?”

  I smile again, but it’s a nervous smile. I’m nervous, me, Evan King. I’m so fucking nervous I feel physically sick. But, whatever happens, maybe Dana’s right. Besides, I’ve always wanted to live by the beach…

  Lola

  I pull my hat down over my ears as I step out of the deli, clutching the two brown paper bags to my chest, the smell of fresh bread and the apple pie I’ve just bought reaching my nostrils. I breathe in the welcoming aromas and take a sip of the coffee I’ve also just bought. It was too tempting, not to stop by here on my way home, which is why I got off the bus a stop earlier than I needed to. And the walk back to my new little house will do me good. The wind’s dropped a little, and although it’s still cold it’s not quite as uncomfortable as it was before.

  My phone ringing in my pocket distracts me and I reach down to retrieve it, answering it the second I see who’s calling.

  “Hey, Jed.”

  “Hey. Look, I’m just calling to see if you want to come to dinner – no, I’m telling you to come to dinner. This weekend.”

&
nbsp; “You’re telling me?” I laugh as I cross the quiet road and start the short walk back home.

  “I’m being forced to. Ellen really wants to meet you, mainly to find out what the shopping’s like over in New York, and she also mentioned something about certain celebrities you might have spotted over there… Seriously, Lola, come to dinner. Saturday night. I do a mean chili, and we always liked chili, remember? Back in the day.”

  “Well, I hope it’s a lot better than the ones you used to cook back then because, if I remember rightly, your ingredients used to consist of ground beef, a jar of something, and way too much chili powder. Three cans of lager was never enough to tame the heat. I can still taste it now, come to mention it.”

  “Funny. I’ve come on in leaps and bounds, believe me. I make it all from scratch now, no jars, and I don’t just use chili powder as the main spice anymore. I’ve discovered the joy of cumin.”

  “Well, in that case, how could I refuse? What time do you want me?”

  “Around seven? Stay over, we can make a real night of it.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to impose…”

  “We’re sure. Look, Lola, you know I’ve told Ellen, about Frankie....”

  I stop walking and lean back against a wall. “I know. I mean, you were there, too, so…” I trail off, because I don’t really know what else to say.

  “I never really talked about it that much, but Ellen – I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her, and I…”

  “Jed, it’s fine. I understand. It’s something she needed to know.”

  “Okay. Okay, I’ll shut up now, huh?”

  I laugh quietly, because I don’t want this to be sad or somber, what happened – it was a long time ago.

  “So, you’ll stay over? Maybe even hang around for Sunday lunch?”

  “Do you do a mean one of those as well?”

  “God, no. That’s definitely Ellen’s territory. See you Saturday. Oh, and bring a couple of bottles.”

  “Jed?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We should’ve found each other again a lot sooner. Shouldn’t we?”

  “Yeah. We should have.”

  I end the call and slip my phone back into my pocket and I smile. I feel like smiling. It’s all starting to work out, it’s falling into place, my new life. The days when I miss Evan are slowly lessening, the pain of being back here is easing, because I’ve done it. I’ve taken that step, I’ve moved on.

  Evan King is my past.

  And I’m starting to kind of like my new future.

  Evan

  I pay the driver and step out of the cab, onto the sidewalk, and I look down at the piece of paper in my hand, at the address scribbled down on it. And when I look back up I see that Lola’s house is right there in front of me, a little terraced house with a dark-blue front door and a tidy front yard filled with flowering pots and an array of shrubs bordering a small lawn.

  I feel my stomach twist itself up into that knot again as I walk toward the gate, and as I head up the path to the front door I stop for a second and take a deep breath, I need to make sure I’m ready, for whatever happens here. Because I have no idea what is going to happen. I haven’t seen her in what feels like too long, but she’s only been over here, back in the UK, for a fairly short time. Not long enough to have forged a whole new life yet, and that’s what I have to cling on to; that seeing me might just make her realize that leaving her old life behind was a mistake. That leaving me behind was a mistake.

  As soon as I reach the front door I ring the bell, I’m not dragging this out, I need to know. I need to see her. I just fucking need her. But there’s no answer, so I ring the doorbell again, and my stomach dips and dives as I wait, but there’s still nothing. Damn it! She’s not home, but I always knew this was a risk…

  “Evan?”

  I swing around, so fast I almost lose my balance, and the look on her face – I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m seeing.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Look, I love you, Lola. And I’m tired, of all the crap, all the lies, all the fucking pretending…”

  She pushes past me, takes her keys from her pocket and opens the door, standing aside to let me through. “Come in.”

  I walk up to her, and I stop and I look at her, but she’s giving me nothing here.

  “Just go inside, Evan. Please.”

  She closes the door behind her and I follow her down the hall to the modest sized kitchen at the back of the house. And I watch as she places the bags she was carrying onto the counter, checks the kettle for water and switches it on. Once that’s done she turns back to face me, folding her arms, and that’s a defensive stance. It’s obvious.

  “What are you doing here, Evan?”

  “Can we just stop with the crazy shit now, Lola? Please? I’m sorry, okay, for everything that happened. Everything I did, everything I didn’t do; for telling you I didn’t want you anymore because it just isn’t true, baby. It isn’t true. When you – when you came to me, and you…” I drop my gaze and I lean back against the wall, dragging a hand back through my hair. “I love you too much to let you go.” I look up, and she’s staring at me, but I still can’t read her. I can’t. “It’s as simple as that, Lola. I love you. I was just scared. But things have happened… things that have given me a kick so hard I couldn’t ignore what was really going on…”

  “I’m settled here now, Evan. I have this house, a new job, friends. I have a life.”

  I take off my coat, even though she’s given me no indication that she wants me to stay, and I throw it over the back of the nearest chair before I walk over to her. And she keeps her arms folded tight against herself, but her eyes never leave mine.

  “You don’t love me?”

  “That isn’t fair.”

  “No, you see, I think it is. I just think it’s a question you’re afraid to answer.”

  “I don’t want to do this, Evan.”

  “Tough. It’s happening. I flew half way across the fucking world to see you after you just upped and left without so much as a fucking word. Have you any idea how that felt, hmm? Any idea at all? It was like the worst kind of punch to the gut, Lola. It fucking hurt, because to me it sent out a message I didn’t want to believe. And then, as if you just leaving Cavendish King like that wasn’t enough, you leave the country, you come back here, and again it’s up to someone else to let me know about that. And that kick to the gut, that just got worse.”

  “You didn’t want me.”

  “I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted, Lola. I was a mess, we were a mess. And it shouldn’t have come to this, we should have been trying to make it work not tearing it apart before we’d even given it a chance.”

  “What do you want me to do, Evan?”

  “I want you to pack your things, and I want you to come home. I want you to come home, Lola.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that. Because I’m tired of the fighting and the talking, I just know that I love you, and without you I’m just not working. I can’t do it, without you, not anymore.”

  She shakes her head, and now I can see confusion written all over her face, and that makes me feel better, because confusion means she’s feeling something.

  “Look me in the eyes, Lola, and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me you’re over me, that you’re ready to let our life go, to put it behind you. Look me in the eyes, tell me all that, and make me believe it. And if you can do that, baby, then I will go, I promise you. I’ll walk out of here, and we’ll be done. We’ll be done.”

  Her eyes lock on mine, and she opens her mouth to speak, and that knot of nerves attacks my stomach with a vengeance, I feel sick.

  “Can you do that, Lola? Make me believe you don’t love me? Don’t want me? Can you do that?”

  Lola

  “No,” I whisper, and his relief is audible. The sigh he gives is loud and heavy and, yeah. His relief is
evident. I thought I was over this, over him, but now I know I’m not. Of course I’m not. And, deep down, I think I always knew I wasn’t. But I thought I would be, one day. Until this happened. Until he turned up unannounced and changed everything. “But we need to talk, Evan.” Something we should have done a lot sooner, but talking was never something we were very good at. Sex always got in the way, always distracted us from what was really going on. We let that happen. And I’m still not sure we can fix it.

  “I know.”

  “Stay for dinner. You’re here now, you might as well stay and eat.”

  I take off my coat and go out into the hall to hang it up, and when I go back into the kitchen he’s making himself at home, spooning coffee into one mug and dropping a teabag into another, which makes me smile, despite my shock at seeing him here.

  “You remembered I like tea in the evening, too.”

  He turns around and smiles at me. “I remember everything, Lola.”

  I go over to the fridge and take out a bowl of Bolognese sauce. “I made this yesterday. I was just going to heat it up with some pasta, is that okay?”

  “That’s fine.”

  “There’s a bottle of red wine over there, by the bread bin. You can open that and pour us a couple of glasses.”

  I empty the sauce into a pan and turn on the hob, filling another pan with boiling water for the pasta. I’m trying to act as though everything is normal, but it’s so far from that. A few minutes ago I thought my life was getting back on track, but now he’s here, and he’s just derailed it all, everything. So much for going forwards, I’m this close to taking a hundred steps back.