by L. B. Dunbar
“That’s what I said.” I broke my gaze away from Levi in time to see Nate wink at me and remove himself from the desk he’d been sitting on. For some reason, Levi passed without another word and Nate handed me his phone for my number.
Thoughts of both Levi and Nate haunted my walk to another one of my many jobs. Levi was dark, hard lines, older with an edge, and a child. Nate was pretty boy, good-looking, a blinding smile and an out-of-my-league air about him. Both men were a contradiction. Nate had never given me the time of day before. Levi wasn’t giving me the time of day, although we’d spent a whole one together. And there still hadn’t been any mention of the times we’d met before. I shook my head with the thought. I just did not understand men.
Taking a refreshing breath of the early fall air, I walked the blocks to Vintage Vines, an eclectic store of stuff. Old junk artistically turned to treasure and gently worn, second-hand clothing, gave the place a homey, cluttered feel, and I loved it. The collection strangely reminded me of my small town. Looking around, I giggled as I realized each one of these old pieces told a story. There’s a history in them, Professor Erickson would say. The jar of Scrabble chips—who played the game? Did they laugh? Did they win? A wind chime made of utensils shaped like flowers—who ate off those instruments? Did they enjoy the food? Were they a family? History had come alive again, in Vintage Vines.
Thinking back on our class, I blushed. I’d lost my mind staring at Levi. I don’t even know what I said. I only remember how the heat in his dark eyes melted over me. I clenched the surface of the desktop to hold myself still when all I wanted to do was launch myself at him. Seeing him holding AJ in Dr. Johnson’s office also gave me the warm-fuzzies. There was something sexy about this man with his child.
“Katie?” I jumped at the sound of my name. Sidonia Thomas was a strikingly handsome woman. Yes, handsome was the correct word. She had hard features that gave her almost a manly edge, but there was something about her overall appearance—rich, raven hair, caramel skin, and green eyes—hitched your breath because she was beautiful.
“Hey.” I blinked out of my reverie and reached for one of the boxes dangling at the top of the pile Sidonia carried. “What’s all this?”
“Getting ready for the holiday season.”
“It’s not even September.”
“I know.” Her chuckle was throaty. “But you know the saying: Christmas comes early.” She winked playfully. Sidonia was one of those people who brought me comfort. Something about her calm demeanor, and her business-like mind made me aspire to be like her one day. She was probably closer to Levi’s age than I was, and suddenly, I was back to thinking of him. I carried the box to the counter, reaching for a box cutter and slicing open the lid with extra gusto.
“Whoa, careful there, Katie Kat.” I didn’t look up to meet her almond-shaped eyes, but I smiled weakly at her use of the nickname deemed by Penelope. “What’s on your mind, girl?”
“Boys.” I laughed.
“Safer on the brain, than in the heart, or between your legs,” she murmured. Silence fell between us after I chuckled without conviction.
“Tell me,” Sidonia demanded, dragging out the words. “I’ll help ya. So, there’s this boy…” she prompted.
“In my class,” I giggled.
“And…”
“And I know him from a long time ago.”
Sidonia leaned her hip against the counter, waving her hand in a circular motion.
“And we might have kissed then.”
Sidonia stopped motioning.
“And we might have kissed recently.”
Sidonia clapped, lifting her clasped hands up under her chin.
“But he isn’t talking to me now.”
Silence ensued for a beat.
“But…” my boss sang out. My eyes shot to hers.
“End of story.”
“Not end of story.” Sidonia took the knife implement out of my hands, suddenly concerned with the way I flicked the lever back and forth. “You need to move him from the head to between your legs.”
“Sidonia,” I shrieked with laughter.
“Sounds like he might already be knocking at your heart?” She wiggled her eyebrows to tease me.
Heart. Mine raced whenever I thought of Levi, the touch of his lips. The feel of his hands on my neck, the press of his body against mine. My heart galloped inside my chest.
“Oh, and he’s assigned to be my research partner.” My hands came to the edge of the counter and I shook my head. I’d tried to get out of the class since Levi didn’t want to do the project. I didn’t need the class but Anne thought it would be good for me. She refused to let me withdraw.
“This sounds perfect. Forced to be together. Forced to speak to one another. The universe works in mysterious ways, Katie Kat.”
I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t certain I always believed that, although I wanted the universe to do me a favor. In my heart, I wanted to believe Levi Walker had returned to me.
“Think of it. The universe obviously brought him here to you.” I stared at her, questioning the thought. Suddenly, I motioned forward for the box-cutter. “Put me to work, so I don’t have to think about the world-at-large or things bigger than me.” Or the small town I came from where I kissed a boy who doesn’t want to remember me.
* * *
“Ladies’ Night Out,” Penelope shouted as I entered our apartment on Thursday evening. A whoop after the shout out told me she’d started Ladies’ Night while she was still in. Tuck walked into the living room wearing kick ass red heels, a short leather skirt and a loose, sheer, white shirt.
“Holy crap, you look amazing.” I blinked like a star-struck fan as Tuck glowed like a movie star. Her bright red lips matched her shoes and her appearance gave new meaning to head-to-toe hot. She smiled slowly.
“Thank you, darlin’. Now why aren’t you dressed? It’s ten-dime Thursday at Cub-Que until seven.”
“I can’t go,” I laughed, a little bitter at my commitment to Nate, a little relieved as there was no way I could stand next to Tuck without feeling like I should be part of the floorboards. She stopped fidgeting with her blonde locks for a moment and stared at me.
“What do you mean you can’t go?”
“I have a tutoring session at seven.”
“It’s Thursday,” Penelope yelped as she came into the living room. Dressed in a tight skirt, similar but not the same as Tuck’s, her appearance matched the general attire of our roommate. They could have passed as twins, minus Penelope’s acorn hair. I blinked at my oldest friend, wondering what the fourth day of the work week had to do with anything. “It’s Friday Eve,” she giggled, hinting she’d started the weekend a tad early. I guess she won’t be taking any temp jobs tomorrow. I laughed, only slightly jealous of the carefree nature of my best friend. I wish I were that loose, but I also needed to get going to make it to the library by seven. I had my own writing piece to work on before I met Nate, and clearly my apartment wasn’t a place for concentration.
“Sugar, you need to go out sometime. We need to hang.” My newest roommate was right. Between her work schedule and my studies, we hardly interacted with one another. She’d just moved in when she was called out of town to a training session in Michigan. Upon her return, she’d been heavily following reports on some minor-league baseball players, scouting out potential clients to bring up to the big leagues. Playing season was over for most teams, which meant buying season was about to begin.
“I will. Next time.” I smiled shyly as Penelope came up to wrap her arms around me, kissing me on the cheek before stepping away from me.
“You always say that. You work too hard. Study too much. Where is my carefree Katie Kat?” I stared at my friend. Carefree did not describe me. Hard worker, dedicated to my studies, loyal to my family—but never carefree. I feared consequences. In many ways, I feared a relapse. If I was punished, I’d fall back into a silent me.
I laughed loudly to break the growing tension.
Penelope knew me better than most people, and she’d be the first to agree I was not the spontaneous type. Only once. No, twice, had I acted without thought, and both times the after-effects knocked the breath out of me. The risk wasn’t worth the torture, but then I thought of Levi’s mouth on mine. I’d been reckless three times, actually, and each of them had included him. Each kiss worth taking. Each second after heartbreaking.
“Do you have a date?” Penelope squealed like a cheerleader, bouncing up on her toes. Her hands clapped rapidly.
“No,” I snorted as my face heated.
“You were going all pink, but now you’re bright red. You do have a date,” she pressed.
“I do not.”
“Do too.”
“What, are you both five?” Tuck giggled. “Penelope, leave her be. Can’t you see she doesn’t want to share?” She winked at me.
“I wouldn’t share either if Sexy Walker was interested in me.” After disappearing for a full day on Saturday, I had to tell my roommates where I’d been. Penelope stared at me open-mouthed the entire time, but Tuck gave me a knowing smile.
“He is not,” I choked.
“He is,” Penelope replied dragging out the active verb.
“Okay children, let’s be nice. Katie can’t date Sexy…I mean, Levi.” Tuck leveled me with a stare, knowing that I’d already kissed him, but not sharing those details with Penelope. On the other hand, Penelope knew I’d kissed him long ago, a fact Levi Walker hadn’t mentioned remembering.
“All right, but next time, there will be no next time,” Penelope said lavishly, swirling her hand in the air to accentuate her meaning. “Oh, by the way, there’s a letter on your bed for you. I didn’t mean to open it but the envelope was blank.”
I stared at my roommate, my heart rate accelerating. My feet wished to race, but I took slow measured steps to my room before closing my door and lunging for my bed.
K –
The zoo reminds me of you–wild and reckless and caged when all you want to be is set free.
̴ L
I stared at the words: caged. Did he understand I wanted to be set free? That a gnawing, clawing emotion existed inside me, remaining quiet yet hopeful. These emotions included my mother. The one person who should have loved me unconditionally and left me behind. There were times I’d fantasize she’d return for me, or at least find me, give me an explanation for abandoning me. Lost was the feeling to describe me. The unending, drowning sense of being a small fish in a pond too large to swim overwhelmed me. The city was the perfect simile to the glistening lake, filled with hundreds of lost fish. A pond of numerous souls all swimming upstream, waiting to be rescued from the self-torture. I felt like a farce as well as a failure, open to self-doubt at all that I didn’t have at twenty-three.
Levi exposed the same void in me. I never understood why he didn’t search for me, write to me, come find me. But his life proved he had other things on his mind than a silly girl standing in an alley taking a chance and kissing a man. I sighed as I added the letter to the first one, remembering I’d forgotten to ask Levi about the original invitation. If only I could believe such romantic letters were really intended for me, hinting at his true feelings, but I strangely sensed the notes were a case of mistaken identity. No secret admirer pined for me. It was I who secretly pined for someone who didn’t remember me.
* * *
“Is this the writing workshop?”
Startled, I looked up to see Levi peeking into the small study room. My traitorous heart leapt at the sight of him, but my thoughts tampered the excitement. His ignoring me most of the week proved his feelings. The kiss had been a mistake. Our day together had been…I didn’t even know what. He hadn’t mentioned either and a war battled inside me.
“This is a private session,” Nate barked, overly aggressive for a tutoring session. It wasn’t a date. What he said wasn’t exactly true, either, as Emma Christie, a girl from our class, was also present, thankfully making this time less private. Levi invited himself into the closed space and set his bag on the ground. He helped himself to a seat at my right and bent to retrieve his laptop.
“Dude,” Nate snapped, eying Levi and drifting his eyes in my direction. I lowered my head, biting my lip, my cheeks pinking, thinking this couldn’t be a pissing contest. This was a writing session.
“Levi, I didn’t know you needed tutoring.” Emma’s voice was seductive as she perched her chin on her fist. A stylish blonde bob and dark eyes accentuated her angular face. Edgy and fashionable, she dressed like someone who could tutor Levi in a few things other than writing.
“I think we have room for one more,” I offered, for lack of reasoning. The room was small, with a table and four chairs. The space suddenly felt suffocating.
After only a few more minutes of suggestions for Nate’s piece, he huffed and decided he couldn’t think of anything else to write.
“Want to go for a drink?” he asked me without directing the invitation to Levi or Emma.
“I…” My eyes shifted to Levi. Emma interjected, “I’d love a drink.”
“Dude, I just got here,” Levi replied. The room had only been reserved for an hour and the time was almost up. I was about to mention that fact when Levi added: “I booked the room for the next hour.”
“I thought you said you were free after our session,” Nate whined, and I turned to him. Green eyes paralyzed me. I was free. Levi had no appointment with me.
“I…”
“She’s on me next,” Levi growled. I sputter-coughed as I spun to face him.
“I mean, I’ve got her next.” My eyes opened wider.
“She’s…” My hand rose to stop him from digging the hole any deeper. I didn’t want to be anybody’s next, but I understood what he was trying to say.
“It’s fine. I’ll stay. I’ll see you on Monday, Nate.” I smiled sweetly, my lips straining at the falseness. Nate’s responding pout turned him un-cute. Hitching his backpack up over his shoulder, he huffed again and stepped toward the door. His eyes glared at Levi before he exited into the main library.
“Well, thank goodness. I thought he’d never leave,” Levi teased, wiggling his brows at Emma. Suddenly, I felt like the third wheel and cursed myself for misunderstanding.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to sound casual though my voice shook. I closed my laptop a little too forcibly.
“I need help with my writing.” The sound of his voice teased me, but I suddenly didn’t feel like being played.
“That’s not what Anne tells me.” Dr. Anne Johnson had been my creative writing professor, and we developed a casual friendship. She supported my writing efforts with suggestions, like the history class. When I tried to drop the course, she offered up information about Levi.
“He’s an amazing writer. He might be able to teach you something.” Her voice hinted at praise. At my horrified expression in response, Anne hadn’t received the rejoinder her intention had hoped. “He has some personal issues but his writing is some of the best I’ve read. He’s a natural at verse when he isn’t holding himself back.”
Anne had made a face at the admission. She’d offered too much and was clearly close enough to Levi to sense hesitation in his written word. To soften the overshare, she added: “He lacks emotion, but it could come with time.” Then she told me she’d made him enter the same writing project she suggested to me. The piece had to be historical in nature, which is why she recommended the history class for me. Was she challenging me? I thought, but didn’t speak. Anne had a way of trying to push people, but wasn’t so subtle. If she thought he was better than me, and I’d rise to the competition, she was wrong. I wasn’t going to battle with Levi.
I twisted for my bag on the floor. I couldn’t help the competition and be objective. A warm palm covered my knee.
“Please.” The heat of his hand seeped through my leggings. The slightest curl of his fingers over my knee held me in place. I slipped my laptop into my bag and sat up stra
ight.
“Okay, fine. What do you need?”
Suddenly, I felt Emma’s eyes on us. I turned toward her and smiled weakly.
“Well, I guess I’ll go, too.” Awkwardly, her eyes shifted to Levi, almost begging him to invite her to stay for private tutoring. He noncommittally waved, but he didn’t give her a second glance. Upon her exit, I spun to face Levi.
“What are you doing?” Dark eyes pinned me at the question, and without looking, he blindly opened his laptop. I sighed, accepting defeat at his intrusion on the session. He turned away and began typing, so I asked a second time, “What do you need?” Suddenly, the computer faced me. His answer involved more than writing assistance.
You.
I bit the corner of my lip. “Are you drunk?” I whispered, my voice rushed and husky.
“Not in the way I’d like to be.” He pressed down on a key, and the word disappeared from the screen.
“Where is AJ?”
“I found a babysitter. Turns out my landlord, Mrs. Hubbard, has a daughter.”
The thought of another woman babysitting AJ and receiving payment with a kiss made my skin crawl. My fingers fumbled in my lap as my eyes lowered. I nodded.
“She’s sixteen.”
My head shot up and those dark eyes danced. His smile grew slowly, and I realized this was a genuine smile, not the too-large, extra wide, frozen stance of his mouth flashing white teeth. This smile teased and tickled. I couldn’t help but smile back.
“So honestly, what do you need help with here?”
“I need help with my emotions.” I snorted softly at the admission. His head swung back to the computer screen, avoiding my sudden stare. The tone of his voice told me he was serious, in more ways than one. His fingers posed over the keys. His chest rose and fell with the exertion of a deep breath, but his eyes shifted sideways to glance at me.
