Down & Dirty: Diesel (Dirty Angels MC Book 4)

by Jeanne St. James

  Jewel paused, then asked, “She touch you?”

  He didn’t answer.

  She arched a dark eyebrow. “Don’t know?” she asked, stepping closer to the bed.

  “What’re you here for, woman?”

  Her eyes dropped to his lap and his now hard dick. “Not that.”

  He waited impatiently.

  “I should have texted first, but I didn’t think you’d have Tequila in your bed.”

  “Didn’t touch her,” he grumbled again.

  “Yeah. I heard you the first time,” Jewel muttered.

  “Then fuckin’ spill it, woman. Why the fuck you here?”

  “Because...” She stepped to the side of the bed.

  Now she was within arm’s reach. He could snake out a hand, snag her and have her beneath him in a few seconds flat. But he didn’t. He fisted his fingers in his lap instead.

  “Because,” she began again. She took a visible breath. “I’ve decided this shit between us has to stop.”

  D beat down the surprise that wanted to cross his face. “You decided.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Told you we shouldn’t be doin’ it in the first place,” he reminded her.

  “I know.”

  He snorted. “Now you decided we ain’t doin’ it anymore.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Fuckin’ lost your mind, woman,” he grumbled.

  “No... No, I didn’t. You want to be free, you’re free.”

  He frowned. “When wasn’t I free?” he asked, confused.

  “You sure acted that way every time you were in my bed. You couldn’t wait to roll out. Didn’t want to be with me for longer than you had to to get off.”

  Right.

  She was right on that one. He couldn’t wait to roll out. But not for the reason she was thinking.

  It wasn’t her. It was him.

  And, yeah, maybe freedom had something to do with it.

  Jewel continued, “Sex was good. No, to be honest, it was great. But I can get that elsewhere.”

  His head jerked back. What the fuck did she just say?

  “I didn’t want only sex with you, D. I thought I was clear about that from the beginning. I know you can get it anywhere. And so can I. However, apparently we don’t want the same thing.”

  So can she?

  “Where you gettin’ it?”

  “What?”

  His blood rushed through his veins like a freight train. “Where you gettin’ it other than me?”

  “I—”

  He snaked his hand out, snagged her wrist, and twisted them both until she landed onto her back on the mattress. He stared down into her face, his nose a cunt hair from hers.

  “Where... you... gettin’... it?” he asked slowly.

  When she tried to turn her head, he grabbed her chin firmly, holding her gaze.

  “Woman,” he warned when she didn’t answer.

  He watched her throat move as she swallowed. “Nowhere right now.”

  Good answer.

  “But, D, I’m done with this.”

  “Done when I say you’re done.”

  “No,” she said, her voice thick. “I’m not going to keep throwing myself at you to only be rejected.”

  “Ain’t rejectin’ you when my dick’s inside you.”

  “Yeah, but...”

  “Want too much from me, Jewelee. Can’t give it to you. Told you that. Nothin’ changed.”

  “And that’s why I’m done with this.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, D. Yes! I can’t keep doing this to myself.” She closed her eyes. “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “Doin’ what? Just what’re you doin’?”

  When she opened her mouth, the last thing he expected came out.

  “Loving you when you don’t love me back.”

  His chest tightened as all the breath rushed out of him and he stared down at the woman beneath him. Her head on his pillow, her hair wildly spread out around her. The spark in her blue eyes gone. Her lips turned down.

  Disappointment. She was swallowed up in disappointment.

  He did that to her.

  He did it.

  “Jesus, Jewelee,” he grumbled softly.

  “Nothing changed. Nothing’s going to change. So like I said, I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

  The hurt in her eyes twisted his gut. “Supposed to be keepin’ it simple,” he reminded her as well as himself.

  “I know,” she said softly. “I can’t do it, D. You said I was killing you.” She tried to shake her head, but he wouldn’t release her chin. “But, truth is, you’re killing me. I have to move on.”

  Hawk was right. This was ripping her apart. He should have seen it. He was a stupid fuck.

  This wasn’t simple at all.

  For him or for her.

  And this was why he was so fucked. He knew deep down he would never be able to let her go. And that’s why he also kept coming back to her, to her bed.

  He thought if he could just be with her just for a brief time here and there, he could easily pull himself back out of that hole he was sliding into.

  But he couldn’t. He had fucking fallen in deep.

  And he didn’t even know when it happened.

  No, he knew. He just wanted to deny it.

  It was the first time he took her. Made her his even though that wasn’t his intent. And since then, there hadn’t been anybody else but her.

  Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

  “So, please, let me get up and get out of here,” she whispered, her eyes shinier than normal.

  He had never seen Jewel cry. Not once. Not even while growing up. Not even when she wrecked her bicycle trying to jump a ramp the boys had set up for their dirt bikes. She screwed it up, got all banged up, skinned her knees and needed stitches on her leg. She didn’t cry that day. Hell, no. She got mad at herself for doing something stupid. And even back then, he’d recognized the frustration on her face for being unable to prove she could do what the boys could.

  But now...

  Holy fucking shit.

  Now, he was the reason the woman was going to cry.

  “Jewelee,” he murmured, sweeping a strand of her dark hair away from her face.

  “D, don’t,” she begged, wiggling underneath him. “I need to go.” A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and slid into her hair.

  Jesus. She really was killing him.

  “Want you, woman.”

  “I know,” she answered, blinking quickly. Her voice caught when she added, “But not enough.”

  “Care about you,” he admitted gruffly.

  “Again, not enough.”

  His heart skipped a beat when he stated, “You love me.”

  “Yeah,” she said on a ragged breath, another tear leaked out of her eye, rolling down her face to disappear.

  He thumbed the third one away.

  “Don’t know why.”

  “I don’t, either,” she answered.

  She was trying to be a smart ass, but what she said was probably true. He didn’t know why or how she could love someone like him. A beast like she called him.

  He could be a beast. His stomach burned at the thought that he’d always be one.

  He could not be what she wanted.

  “Always gonna be me, woman. A beast like you say. Never gonna be soft, tender.”

  “I’ve seen it.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, with Bella.”

  “She’s my cousin. Different.”

  “You protect her.”

  Of course he did and always would. “Been through too much shit.”

  “Yes, and you’re there when she needs you.”

  “She don’t like it when she’s weak.”

  “Yeah, but you still step in when she is. You help make her strong again.” Jewel slipped a hand between them and pressed a finger into his chest. “It’s inside you, D. I’ve seen it. You just don’t want to share it with me.”

&n
bsp; She was wrong. So fucking wrong.

  “And I get it. I’m not the one.”

  Jesus.

  “When you find the one, you’ll share it with her.”

  Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

  “Just don’t short change yourself. When you find her, show her. Make sure she sees it, sees all of you.”

  For fuck’s sake, it wasn’t a finger she had pressed to his chest, it was a knife and now she was twisting it.

  “Jewelee.”

  Jewel wiped a hand over her eyes. “What?”

  This woman. “Need to shut up.”

  She nodded slightly. “I need to go.”

  He should let her go like she wanted. Roll off her, give her her freedom. Go let her find a man that will fulfill all her needs.

  Because it wasn’t him.

  Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

  He wanted it to be him. He wanted to give her everything she needed. If he didn’t, someone else would. And there was no way he could sit back and watch that.

  No fucking way.

  “D, I have to go to work.”

  He couldn’t stop staring at her. Her blue eyes still shiny with tears, her mouth parted slightly, the gold ring in her nose. Her long, thick lashes.

  Without saying a word, he snagged his phone from the nightstand, pushed a few buttons and hit Send.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Brother, Jewel ain’t comin’ in today.” His eyes hit hers, which had widened. He listened to Crash bitch on the other end of the phone. “Don’t give a fuckin’ shit. Got a problem with it, come find me.” Crash shut up. “Right,” D grunted then hit End.

  He tossed his phone, then rolled up and off her. “Go home, Jewelee.”

  “What?”

  He offered her his hand. “Go home. Gotta shower. Be there in thirty. Ain’t fuckin’ you in this bed.”

  “What?”

  “Didn’t think I stuttered, did I?”

  She finally took his offered hand. “No. But I told you I didn’t want to do this anymore.”

  He pulled her off the bed and onto her feet. “Woman, go home.”

  “D—”

  “This ain’t done.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “We ain’t done. Gonna figure it out. Just not here. Your place. Your bed. Me inside you.”

  “That doesn’t sound like figuring it out.”

  “Right. It’s a start.”

  “D...”

  He shook his head; he didn’t want to hear any argument. He was struggling with this as it was. “Go home, baby. Go home. Be there soon.”

  Diesel saw a look cross her face. She wanted to stick to her guns, she wanted to finish this, finish them. But she was wavering.

  And when she finally whispered, “Okay,” after one last look at him, she left.

  He let the breath rush from his lungs and he muttered, “Thank fuck,” to the empty room.

  Chapter Ten

  Jewel watched Diesel in the mirror above them. His ass flexed powerfully, his back muscles made his tattoos, the club’s insignia and rockers, move as if they were alive, her legs wrapped around his bulky thighs as much as she could get them.

  He was driving into her forcefully with each thrust of his hips. His mouth was to her ear, her hand wrapped around the side of his head holding him there, and with every grunt, her pussy clenched harder around him.

  She was about to come. The sight and sound of him combined with his movement was driving her over the edge. She’d already come once when he had his mouth on her earlier. And a second time as soon as he’d taken her with his cock, because she had still been on a high from the first orgasm.

  Where this man got his skill, she’d never know. It certainly wasn’t in a bathroom with random females, which was his M.O.

  Or, hopefully, his former Modus Operandi. Jewel didn’t think she could stand to see him with another woman again. Not now, not ever, now that she’d had him.

  Now that he’d had her.

  “Feel you squeezin’ me, baby.”

  The “baby” thing was new. Every time he called her that, it caught her off guard. She wondered if it had anything to do with her slipping up and telling him that she loved him.

  She certainly hadn’t gone to his room to admit that. It just happened. But it seemed to affect him, which shouldn’t surprise her, but normally much didn’t affect the man.

  Though, she couldn’t imagine that he’d had any other woman ever tell him that. He’d never let anyone close enough to even give them the chance to feel that way about him.

  All the club sisters loved him, of course, but it was more like loving a big, bossy brother, not in the same way Jewel did.

  “D,” she breathed.

  He grunted again in her ear.

  “Going to come,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, baby, come,” he urged, his voice gruff in her ear.

  Then it hit her, her toes curled as the wave rushed over and through her. Her nails dug into the side of his head, the nails from her other hand raked over his shoulder and down his back as the currents swept through her for what seemed like forever.

  He had stilled when it started. But he began to grind deep again when he growled, “You’re fuckin’ mine.”

  His statement sent a shiver down her spine. She didn’t know what that meant to him, to them.

  Where that would take them from this moment forward.

  “Mine,” he said again as he thrust deep one more time and spilled inside her with a low, long grunt. He shoved his face into her neck, his breath beating a tattoo against her throat.

  “Yours,” Jewel said softly as she cupped the back of his head. Her eyes flicked back up to the mirror. She looked so tiny under him.

  He was such a beast.

  And if what he had just said was true, he was her beast.

  “Ain’t gonna be like Z an’ Sophie,” his voice came muffled against her skin. He lifted his head and shifted until he was directly over top of her, catching and holding her gaze. “No ring, no weddin’, no babies, no ol’ lady status. Ain’t doin’ it now. Can’t promise to do it later, either. Either accept it or don’t, Jewelee. Can’t give you more than that. Not now. Maybe not ever. Gonna take it as it comes, yeah?”

  None of that sounded ideal to her. None of it.

  But she loved him. Even if he didn’t feel exactly the same way about her, she did recognize the fact that there was something there. He did feel something for her, she just wasn’t sure what.

  Whatever it was, she might be able to work with it and hope she didn’t come out on the losing end later.

  “We can take it as it comes,” she agreed.

  “No one else, woman. Serious. No one for me, no one for you. Can give you that. Comes a day we don’t like that arrangement anymore, we can move on. No hard feelin’s.”

  Now he was pushing it. No hard feelings? They get tired of each other and just move on? Simply brush each other off and go their separate ways? Even if that was easily done emotionally, the fact that they were both DAMC would make it more difficult. It would be hard to avoid him after something like that unless she totally separated herself from the club and gave up her job, her sisterhood, her family.

  “Really, D? I get tired of being a booty call and decide to move on, you’re not going to have any hard feelings? You’ll be fine with that?”

  He growled, “Ain’t a booty call. Don’t say that shit.”

  “But isn’t that what I’ll be unless you claim me as yours?”

  He jerked his head back and stared at her for a moment before sliding his bulk to her side. He rolled onto his back and she stared at him through the mirror.

  “Even if I claim you as my woman, not even my ol’ lady, it can put a target on your back.”

  “You mean with the Warriors?”

  “With anyone.”

  “Saying I was your ol’ lady saved me with the Demons. Why would it be any different with anyone else, barring the Warrio
rs. They’re just assholes no matter what.”

  He didn’t answer her. She didn’t even get a grunt.

  Club business was not a woman’s business. His security business wasn’t, either. He wasn’t going to talk about it.

  That was nothing new to any of the DAMC women. Though, Diesel had been known to say more than he should on past occasions because no one would challenge him on it. But today wasn’t going to be one of those days.

  She decided to go back to their previous subject. “So since, according to you, I’m not just a booty call, then are you still planning on rolling out of my bed in the middle of the night to go back to that disgusting shithole you sleep in?”

  “Don’t got a mirror over my bed. Got a mirror over yours.”

  “And that means...” she prodded, her heart thudding in her chest because she thought she knew what that meant but wanted to make sure.

  “Want me in your bed?” he asked, turning his head on the pillow in her direction.

  His dark brown eyes, his expression gave her nothing. He had a good poker face. Always had.

  She rolled to her side up against him, placed a hand to his chest and stared down at him. “Yeah.”

  “Then I’m in your bed.”

  Just like that. From fighting her to not.

  “Every night?”

  His jaw shifted and his nostrils flared so slightly she almost missed it. “Can’t promise that. Can’t tell you what time I’ll roll in. But I’ll try to roll in every night. Got me?”

  “Got you,” she whispered. “So no holding dinner for you.”

  The corners of his eyes crinkled. “No, but can cook me shit if you’re good at it. Got a microwave. Know how to warm shit up.”

  She pictured the state of his room at church. “Got a rule, though.”

  “Nope. Diesel’s number one rule: no naggin’.”

  “D, you can’t be throwing your clothes all over the floor.”

  “Then pick ‘em up.”

  Damn.

  He continued, “Rule two: no bitchin’.”

  “Well, rules were meant to be broken,” she muttered.

  “Woman,” he warned.

  Jewel bit her lips together to keep from laughing.

  “Rule three: No runnin’ ‘round partyin’ with Kelsea. Wanna party, your ass is at church. Safe there. Not attractin’ strange, either.”

  “D,” Jewel started.

  “No lip, woman. Make that rule four.”