Pose

by Becca Jameson

  “Come with me,” Andrew urged, stretching his hand out farther toward her.

  She lifted her chin and pressed her shoulders back. “I won’t. I belong to him. His most prized possession. I would never take that away from him.”

  Andrew let out a disgusted sigh. “Fine. Keep pretending this is what you want then. I’m not hanging around to pick up the pieces when this all blows up in your face.”

  Then he turned and left, slamming the door behind him. Morgan’s gaze dropped to her lap, her fingers twisting.

  “Look at me, little girl.”

  She met his gaze. “Yes, Daddy.”

  “Now, tell me what else you’re keeping from me.”

  “I’ve applied for a Smith Foundation grant. We’re under consideration. If we get it, they’ll provide fifty percent of our operating budget. And with private funders and smaller grants covering the rest, you wouldn’t have to float the Loft anymore.”

  He moved across the room like a lion, pulling her from the chair so she was less than two inches from him. The heat and anger poured off of him and she felt like a battering ram. “You made this decision without discussing it with me?”

  His voice was cold steel laced with fury.

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  “Why?”

  She blinked back tears. “What if you gave me up? What if you found someone else? Someone better? And decided you didn’t want to be responsible for me and the Loft anymore? I don’t want these kids at that kind of risk. I don’t want our instructors to suddenly be out of a job because you’ve grown tired of me.”

  He traced the tears on her cheek and brushed them away. “I’ve gone wrong with you, princess. Haven’t I? You’ve been withholding your trust for a long time.”

  “I haven’t. I trust you. But I trust you with me. No matter what, I’ll be okay. But them, Julian? They don’t mean anything to you. Look at how you treated Luke.”

  He flinched when she said the words, but she needed it between them. She needed everything out in the open so they could either move forward or finally break apart. She was terrified of the latter, but she wasn’t going to leave it unspoken anymore.

  “I thought you wanted other people,” he said softly. “I’ve seen you respond to them. Even Luke.”

  “Julian, I was responding to you. Always you. How could you be so blind to that? I responded to your voice, your commands. To what you wanted. And you did want that. We’ve always had other people between us.”

  He shook his head. “Because I was trying to protect you.”

  “From what, Daddy?”

  “From the goddamned darkness,” he said, his voice shaking in a mixture of defeat and anger. “I’m like a caged beast, little girl. My whole life has been this constant fight. Everything builds and builds and builds inside of me, and it’s like I have to let it out or I’ll suffocate. And putting you with other people, it’s because I don’t want to unleash that on you. I’m trying to contain it so that you’re protected.”

  “And all your protection, all your carefulness, what has it gotten you? Nothing. All it’s done is push me away. So that needs to stop. I asked for everything, and I meant it. You think I’m scared of your beast. I’m not. You’re my Daddy beast, and I want all of that. All. Of. It. Do you understand? Not with anyone else. Just you.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

  “Of course I do. I’ve seen that side of you. Jesus, Julian, what was this about?” She waved her hand at the camera and the schoolgirl costume. “I am in. Do your worst.” She took a steadying breath, never so certain of what she wanted in her life. “I want monogamy to be a hard limit. No one else, Daddy. Just us.”

  He studied her and she stayed perfectly still. She knew she was asking a lot. But now she understood why he’d kept it from her, and she wouldn’t be denied anymore.

  “If you want this, if you really want it, then you need to give me something, princess.”

  “Anything, Daddy.”

  “I want you to wear your collar all the time. I’ll get you a different one, one that isn’t so obvious, but anyone in the community will know. And people who know anything about BDSM will suspect. But I don’t fucking care. And I want you to give up ‘Sir.’ That’s not what we are anymore. You’re my little girl and I never want a question about that. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Daddy,” she whispered.

  “Okay, now tell me about the grant.”

  He touched her everywhere as she explained, grazing his fingers over the cane lashings, then smoothing salve over them. She told him everything, why the grant was so important, why she wanted the Loft to be taken care of no matter what. Why she felt so responsible for it because it stayed afloat based on his whims.

  “I’m supposed to take care of you. That’s my job,” he interrupted.

  “Taking care of me is letting me have this all on my own because I earned it.”

  “It’s keeping you from me.”

  She nodded slowly. “It is. But if we get that grant, if we were supported that way, the Loft would be safe.”

  “It’s safe if I fund it.”

  “But what if something happens to me? Or what if I decide to leave and do something else? Don’t you see? I can’t even consider leaving because you’re tied to it.”

  He nodded and slid her arms into her coat before turning her to button it. He tucked her hair behind her ears, slipping his hand all the way down the long braids until he wrapped the tips around his finger.

  “I could put in a call. I know some of the board members at Smith. Will you at least let me do that?”

  She stepped away from him. “No. Please, Sir. This one is all mine. I don’t want you making this happen for me. I’ll never feel good about the grant if I thought you influenced it.”

  “And we’re suddenly back to Sir, are we? What did I say? What did I ask for?”

  Her gaze dropped. He stepped forward and grabbed her hair, making quick work of loosening the two braids so it curtained around her. As his fingers pulled through the strands, she whispered, “Were you telling the truth about wanting it? Or are you only doing it for me? The Daddy thing?”

  His hands stilled. “No, princess. I’m not only doing it for you.” He seemed ready to say something else, but he stalled out. She refused to let him, not after asking to renegotiate their contract.

  “But?”

  He tilted her chin and looked hard at her. “No buts. I love it. It’s dark and dirty and something I always wanted but never realized until I heard it. I want to be that for you. I want to be your everything in a way no one ever has been. I want you to be my little. I’ve always wanted it. Is that why you first said it? Is that what you want?”

  She nodded.

  “Words, little girl.”

  “Yes, Daddy. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I’ve never had that in my whole life. The security of knowing someone would always take care of me. That feeling of someone looking at me as if they would do anything in the world to make me happy. I don’t remember anyone looking at me like that.”

  “What about me? I haven’t looked at you that way?” His voice was sharp.

  “At first you did. But then you pulled back. I guess because you were afraid. You pulled back and kept parts of yourself locked up. Like you didn’t trust me. And it killed me to see that because I didn’t know how to be, what to ask for, to make it go away. I didn’t know how to look after you. What I was supposed to do. Our relationship felt…unbalanced, I guess. And that made me feel unsafe.”

  He stepped closer to her and began dropping kisses all over her face. A new one to punctuate each phrase he said. “I’m sorry, baby girl. So fucking sorry. You have always been and will always be my world. My everything. No one else. Just you.”

  Tears leaked from her eyes. “For me too, Daddy. Always. Only you.”

  “I’m going to take you home now. And we’re going to get showered and then both go to work. And you’re go
ing to proceed with your grant, and I’m going to make ads, and then we’re both going to come home and worship each other.”

  She giggled. “Yes, Daddy. I like the sound of that.”

  He wrapped her long coat around her so that her schoolgirl outfit wasn’t obvious, and then ushered her toward the door. Even though a few employees had arrived, she couldn’t stop beaming. Kathryn winked at her on the way out and Morgan smiled wider. Julian’s hand stayed on her lower back, even when Lucinda stepped in front of them.

  “Are you taking another day off?” she asked with a fake sweetness, and Morgan bristled.

  “No. I’m going home for a few minutes, but I’ll be back.”

  The woman seemed tense and agitated.

  “Julian, did you think about my offer?” she asked, and Morgan froze. She looked up at the hard lines in Julian’s face.

  “Daddy?” she whispered, hoping it was low enough for his ears only. He glanced at her and shook his head slightly.

  “I’m sorry, Lucinda. That’s not going to be possible.” The finality in his face made Morgan’s heart leap. They were done with playing with others. It was just them. Finally. She glanced back at Lucinda, whose face was a mask of desperation.

  Lucinda stepped closer and placed her hand on Julian’s forearm. Morgan wanted to bite it off, but Julian stepped in first. He unhooked Lucinda’s nails from his arm.

  “Not possible,” he repeated, and before Lucinda could say anything else, he ushered Morgan out the door.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Julian left for work feeling lighter than he had in days. Even the strange altercations with Andrew and Lucinda didn’t weigh him down as he drove, navigating through Minneapolis traffic. It was a particularly cold day, and he was pleased he’d talked his little girl into wearing her thick down coat, even if she worried it made her look like a snow monster.

  Julian spent most of the day putting out fires from their newest client. They’d won Base Makeup in a three-agency competitive pitch for their latest television commercial campaign, but the owner of Base was a micromanager who couldn’t loosen the reins enough for his team to effectively produce her spots. She was mucking up the works and adding time to an already tight deadline. When he finally talked her off the ledge at the end of the day, he felt a tremendous amount of relief. His team counted on him to manage client expectations and to go to bat for them when clients were being ridiculous and overly demanding. His employee loyalty spoke volumes about their trust in Julian.

  Trust.

  His stomach clenched for a moment at the thought of Morgan bearing the brunt of the dark things within him. Despite what she said, he was worried that one day she would see the beast, and it would be the end of them. He took a deep breath and snagged his phone to send her a text. He glanced at his screen, and his heart dropped. He’d missed a text from Morgan.

  911.

  Oh God. Emergency. She’d sent it hours ago and he’d missed it. Why hadn’t she called?

  He called her immediately. “What happened?” he barked the moment she picked up. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s bad, Daddy,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I wanted so much more for everyone.”

  Her voice was so low and broken he had to strain to hear her.

  “You’re at work?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you hurt?”

  “No. Not like that.”

  “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. I need you to go get yourself a glass of water and drink at least half of it by the time I’m there. Can you do that, little girl?”

  “Yes, Daddy.”

  His chest tightened in worry. She sounded like a little girl. Lost and hurting so much. He wondered what the fuck happened. He raced to the parking garage and pulled his car out onto the relatively empty streets. It was too late for much activity in this part of St. Paul. He thumbed Kathryn’s name on his phone and took deep breaths as he waited for her to answer.

  “What the fuck happened?” he demanded when she picked up.

  “We were pulled from consideration for the Smith grant. I don’t know what happened, Julian. I put the call from the funders through to Morgan this morning. She talked to them pretty animatedly, though she had her door closed, and I couldn’t hear what she was saying except for the occasional ‘you don’t understand.’ Then when I went in afterward, she was staring out her window. She said we lost the grant but hasn’t said a word since.”

  “You’re still with her?”

  “Of course I am. She’s my friend, not just my boss. But whatever happened, it broke her. I’ve never seen her like this, Julian. It’s like she’s got nothing left in her. I told her it was just a grant. We’d get another one. But it’s like she’s lost all hope.”

  And she’d needed him, and he’d let her down. He pushed the accelerator to the floor and prayed that whatever it was, he could make this up to her. That he could fix it.

  The Loft was empty when he arrived except for Kathryn sitting anxiously at her desk, worrying her lower lip. When she saw him, her face flashed relief.

  “She came out for a glass of water a few minutes ago. Didn’t say anything, but it’s the first time she’s left the office all day.”

  He nodded. “I’ll take care of this. Thank you, Kathryn. You’re a good friend to both of us.”

  “I should have called you right away,” Kathryn said. “I thought she would. I should have made sure you knew she needed you.”

  His gut burned in guilt. “She texted me. I missed it. I wasn’t here for her when she needed me.” His voice didn’t even sound like his own.

  Kathryn waved him off. “You’re here now. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just go fix this. Do your thing.”

  He offered a small smile. Do his thing. Yes. He could do that. He was good at putting out fires and fixing problems. Kathryn slid her coat on and headed toward the exit. He knocked lightly on Morgan’s office door but didn’t wait for her to ask him to come in. His steps faltered the moment he walked in and saw her face.

  She was a wreck. Dark circles under her eyes, skin even more pale and fragile-looking than usual, hair tangled behind her ears like she’d been tugging at it.

  He took off his coat and crossed the room to her, scooping her up and situating her on his lap. Giant tears dropped from her pale lashes, and she silently cried into his shirt as he rubbed his hand up and down her back.

  “Shh, baby, we’ll fix this. It’s okay. It’s okay,” he repeated, but she shook her head.

  “It was because of me. Us. They have the video. We must have left the camera here, but now it’s gone. I don’t know how they got it. They don’t know it was me, but they can tell it was the Loft. We showed them that classroom on the tour.”

  “Slow down, baby. You’re talking about the grant people?”

  She nodded. “They said that even though it wasn’t strictly against their guidelines for grant applications, they couldn’t see providing funding to an organization that used their space for other purposes.”

  “Other purposes?” His brain was spinning, catching words and trying to shove them too quickly into a puzzle.

  “Aren’t you listening? The Smith people have a copy of the video we made. The one where I was gagged and blindfolded and caned.”

  He fisted his hand. “Jesus fucking Christ. How?”

  She shrugged. “Don’t know.”

  Fury lanced through him. God fucking dammit. His video? Who would…? “Andrew,” he said in a lethal voice. He was going to tear that guy apart.

  “No, Daddy. It couldn’t be. He hasn’t been back today. He wouldn’t have been able to get to the camera.”

  He repositioned her on his lap and looked into her stark face. “Are you sure? Friend or not, he was less than gracious when he left. To both of us.”

  “I’m sure. I checked with Kathryn. She’s been here since when we left to get changed this morning. Andrew hasn’t been back. He called and told her he needed a few weeks off, that he migh
t not be coming back at all.”

  Julian swiped a hand over his head. Fuck. Not Andrew.

  “We’ll never get funding again if that video gets out. No one will agree to send their kids here. For all I know, the staff won’t even want to stay if they know about it.”

  She started crying again. Julian saw red. Someone was going to pay for doing this to her, but he needed to deal with this one issue at a time.

  “This isn’t your fault. This is on me, and I will fix it.”

  She looked at him, and his stomach clenched at the sadness in her expression. “How, Julian? Even if we figure out who sent the video, we don’t know if they made copies. We don’t know who else they sent it to. Everything I’ve worked for…destroyed. And what if someone figures out it’s you? You weren’t blindfolded and gagged. You could be recognized.”

  Tears started falling again, and he hushed her. “I’m not worried about me. Others have survived far worse scandals than a video with a woman dressed like a schoolgirl getting caned. And this isn’t the first video I’ve starred in.”

  Her eyes went wide. “What?”

  Shit. He shouldn’t have said anything. Not now. She had enough to deal with. “It’s not important. Beyond you knowing that I’m not concerned about its implications for me.”

  She blinked more tears away. “Daddy…videos?”

  “This isn’t up for discussion right now, little girl. I warned you I had darkness in me. You will see and know all of it, but not right now. I’ll fix things. You need to trust me, baby.”

  She nodded, but her face didn’t change. He didn’t have the first fucking clue how to do damage control on this. He needed to talk to Kathryn.

  He pulled Morgan’s coat from her closet and zipped her into it. He brushed the tears from her eyes and kissed her as gently as he could before walking her home, his arm secured around her. As they crossed the short distance from the front door to the elevator, he tossed out ideas for what might have happened and who would have sabotaged Morgan. The more he considered it, the more his brain settled on Lucinda.