He squirmed inwardly. “Not always.”
“I think you are. You’re a protector. I notice the way you watch over the kids, how they look to you and trust you. And I’ve experienced your kindness firsthand.”
“I’ve made mistakes, don’t kid yourself. Big ones.” He waited for her to ask what he meant.
But she didn’t. “So tell me about the tree.”
“Tree?” Still caught in the grip of fear, he needed a minute to catch up. “Oh. That tree.” He couldn’t help but grin. “You had the best damn legs I ever saw. Still do.”
She blushed. “Why was I in a tree?”
“Beats me. I gave up long ago on figuring out why you do anything.” And wasn’t that part of the problem? That he’d somehow quit truly seeing her?
Well, he saw her now, and he wanted her more than ever. Yearned to clear things between them, to admit what he’d done and ask for her forgiveness. Explain somehow, though he didn’t really understand, himself. The man who could have faltered, even for a second, in his devotion to Bella was a stranger to him.
Their rapport was so new. So fragile. She’d had a lot thrown at her already. As soon as he was a little more certain of their bond, when she’d had time to feel the depth of his love for her and could understand—
“Tell me what happened next.”
He yanked his thoughts away from where their paths had diverged and instead began describing to her the scene of their first meeting. How the cocky quarterback had walked away from the rebel but hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind.
She followed the recitation with mixed expressions, surprise and chagrin, with something that resembled admiration.
But he noticed her tiring, and he realized that to begin to summarize their life together would require days, weeks even.
“Enough,” he said. “We’ve got time to cover all that ground. Anyway, I have to get back in case Cele has called.”
“Oh.” She scrambled up, began gathering the remnants. “Your business. I forget that it’s there. It doesn’t seem quite real to me yet.”
His mouth quirked. “Seems all too real to me.”
Her hands stilled. “Is it burdensome, what you do?”
He shrugged. “I have people who are depending on me for their livelihood.”
“You take your responsibilities very seriously, don’t you?”
“It’s what a man does.”
“Not all men. I may have no memory of our past, but I think you shoulder burdens others wouldn’t.” She caught his gaze. “Like me. From what I heard of your conversation with Cele before they left, there are business concerns you should be dealing with instead of staying here.”
He leaned closer. “Nothing is more important than you. Nothing.” Somehow he’d lost sight of that, until he faced losing her.
“But what about the business?”
“Cele and I will handle it just fine. I’m not leaving here, Bella, until I can have you with me.”
She went quiet, then, “Should we go now?”
But he could hear her unease. “Not before you’re ready. I’ll deal with the company long distance.”
“Do you like your work, James?”
Did he? “That’s not important.”
“Why do you do it, then?”
Good question. “It’s my legacy. The company was founded by my great-grandfather.”
“So you grew up in the business?”
“Oh, yeah. From the time I was little, I knew where my future would be. My dad started me at the bottom, when I was ten, sweeping up the shop floor after the day ended.”
“Then what?”
“I learned, step by step, about working with wood, though much of it was in my blood. I’d been hanging around with my dad in his home workshop since I was very small. I’d made a table of my own design by the time I was nine.” He grinned. “I still have it. The artistry’s not much, but it’s still holding. Cele and Cam used it in their playhouse.”
“You like the woodworking. The creativity.”
“Yeah. I do.” He missed that. “Some of the company’s most popular pieces are my designs.”
She cocked her head. “Do you still work in wood?”
“Me?” He shook his head. “No. No time.”
“Maybe you should. Just for pleasure. I have a sense that you don’t grant yourself much of that.”
He frowned at her insight. When he tried to recall what he did besides work and worry, he couldn’t. He hadn’t recognized how much the company had become his life.
“Do you have a workshop at home?”
He nodded. “Gathering dust.”
“Did you ever make anything for me?”
“The rocking chair you used for Cele and Cam. Your jewelry box. Other things.” Like much of the cabinetry in their house and several key pieces of furniture.
“I wish I could see them,” she said.
You can. Come with me now. Let’s go home. All of these were on the tip of his tongue, but he was not going to push her, and he realized something more.
This was the first vacation he’d had in a very long time. An unconventional one, to be sure, courting a wife who didn’t remember him. And certainly not the best time to be away.
But he’d been absolutely sincere. Nothing mattered more than Bella. He’d do his part in the business from here, whatever was required, but he was not budging.
And in the meantime, he had a beautiful woman with him in an isolated spot, what most men would consider a dream getaway.
That the woman and he were not sharing quarters, that she had a guard dog in Sam Lincoln, that there was still a reckoning ahead…well, so the situation wasn’t perfect.
He was here. Bella was with him.
It was a good beginning.
“I’d like to show them to you.” He picked up the basket and held out his hand to her. “Ready?”
When she accepted it without hesitation, everything suddenly seemed possible.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“COME ON IN, JAMES,” she called out at the knock on her door. He’d left to phone Cele and said he had an errand to run afterward. He must have completed both in record time.
She ducked into the bathroom for a quick check of her hair before greeting him. “It’s nice that you like my curls as they are, because—”
Sam, not James, stood just inside the room.
She faltered. “Oh. Hi, Sam. I thought you were—”
“Yeah, I could tell.” He scrutinized her. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
He didn’t look convinced. “Luisa said you were gone all afternoon, that you went on a picnic. Did you go far? You’re still recovering your strength. You shouldn’t overdo.”
She approached him, held out both hands and took his in them. “Stop worrying over me, Sam. James took excellent care of me. Watched me like a hawk. Like I was fine china.” As if I was precious.
Abruptly, she recalled what had happened and squeezed his hands, ready to dance a jig. “Sam, I remembered him. How he—” She felt her face warm at the memory of James’s eyes so full of her, so dark with longing. She glanced away from Sam, keeping the intimacy to herself. “And Cele—I called her Muffin because when we brought her home, James bought her one in the airport, and she had crumbs all—” She smiled at him. “It’s going to return, isn’t it? Everything’s going to be just fine.”
“How much have you remembered?”
“Something about each of them. And James told me how we met and about his business and the rocking chair he made for the nursery—”
“Slow down. Your pulse is racing. You’re getting overexcited.”
She hadn’t noticed that he’d been checking her wrist. She yanked her hands back. “I’m not a child, Sam. And I don’t need a keeper.” At the hurt on his face, she softened. “I’m sorry. You’ve been more than wonderful to me. I owe you my life. It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything, but I just…” She threw up her hands
. “I have to know where I belong.”
“I’m not out to be a wet blanket.” A quick grin. “Okay, I am, but only because I care about you.” Something flared in his eyes. “More than a doctor should, I’m afraid.”
“Oh, Sam.” She bit her lip. “You’re such a good man, and if I wasn’t—”
“Married?” A shake of his head. “Trust me, I’m only too aware of that little impediment. Figures that when I finally meet the woman who could tempt me out of my bachelorhood, some other guy would already have a claim on her.”
Chagrin and delight mingled. “Sam, I’m fifty-seven. You’re what—forty-five?”
“Forty-four, but who’s counting?”
“I’m much too old for you.”
“Your age doesn’t mean a thing to me.” His expression was serious. “I respect you too much to sabotage that bond, once it’s real for you again. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to just stand back and let him take advantage of you.” He held up a hand at her protest. “Hear me out. He may be exactly what you want, and you may slide seamlessly back into the life you had, but there is absolutely no guarantee of that. I will not allow him to pressure you into leaving before you’re ready, and that you are not. Not yet. You could very well remember not one other bit of your past, or you could regain it all tomorrow, but however that plays out, you won’t be the same person you were before the accident.”
She shook her head to deny that possibility.
“You may not like hearing that, but it’s true. Something big has happened to you, and the impact of it will not go away simply because you wish it. You may find out that your old life doesn’t fit, and that James is not the man for you.”
She couldn’t breathe. She’d begun to pin her hopes on regaining her memory and slipping back into the world of Cam and Cele and James, the way you don a much-loved, comfortable shoe. “He’s a decent man, Sam, a kind one. He loves me. My children love me. They need me.”
“But what do you need?” He saw too deeply. “You don’t know that yet, and you ignore it at your peril. There is still danger for you, and this headlong rush into a life in which you might not have been so happy is foolhardy, however badly you wish to believe it.”
“No. Sam, you’re wrong.” She backed away.
“Am I?” He followed. “Why were you this far from your family? Why did they have no idea where you were?”
Her head pounded. “But they—” Little dots danced before her eyes. “They love me. I’m sure of it.” She couldn’t seem to get a breath.
“Sit down. God, I’m sorry.” He drew her gently toward the bed, knelt beside her. “Look at me, warning you of the pressure, then placing even more on you myself. Put your head between your knees.” He felt her pulse again. “Deep breaths.” Pulled his stethoscope from his pocket. “Talk to me. Even if I am a total jerk.”
She found a smile. Lifted her head. “I’m okay.”
He busied himself listening to her heart, her lungs. “I’ll be the judge of that. I ought to be good for something. I’m obviously a bust as a shrink.”
He sounded so upset with himself that she placed one hand on his forearm. “You’re only trying to be careful of me.”
“Doing a great job, too, aren’t I?” He huffed out a long breath. “Okay, I get points for meaning well, but I lose even more for scaring a patient into hyper-ventilating. Score for Dr. Sam—minus two hundred on a scale of one to twenty-five.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I do appreciate your caution.” She averted her gaze. “And you’re right. I long to feel what he does when he looks at me.” She glanced up. “He really loves me, Sam. It’s not my imagination. And the kids…they’re wonderful. Cele was tough at first, but she was frightened. She needs me a great deal, I think. And Cam—what a sweetheart. They’re both bright and thoughtful, and they love James so much and depend on him.” She grimaced. “I believe too many people depend on him. He’s so conscientious, and he has a lot of responsibilities he’s juggling. I suspect he doesn’t allow himself to think about his own desires because he’s so busy caring for others. I don’t want to be a burden on him.”
“Doesn’t sound as if he considers you that. He damn sure doesn’t appear to be here against his will.”
“He says he’s not leaving until I’m ready.” At Sam’s mutter of protest, she explained, “He’s not pushing, Sam, I swear it. He’s bent over backward to be cautious with me, even when…” The memory of James’s ardor, of how breathless he could make her feel, had her blushing again.
“I’ll have a talk with him. I’m not sure you’re ready to resume physical relations.”
“Sam!” This was so awkward.
“I’m a doctor. I am aware that people have sex.”
“I won’t discuss this with you, except to say that yes, I’m very attracted to him, but he has not taken advantage of that, even though it’s obvious that ours was…” Where was the girl he’d called a rebel now? She felt like a Victorian prude, talking about her sex life with another man. “A strong physical bond as well as an emotional one.”
He squatted in front of her. “But you don’t feel those bonds yet, do you? You believe they exist only because he tells you about them. That’s exactly why you have to exercise caution. You have to learn this man for yourself. Understand him for who he is, not who he once was to you.” His forehead wrinkled. “I’m saying this as your doctor, not as a rival for your affections. There is a distinct possibility that you will never uncover that marker to go back to where you were. You have to learn whether the man who says he’s your husband is a man you would fall in love with today. Otherwise, you’re cheating both of you.”
“But, Sam, the children—”
“They’re not children, Jane.”
Bella, she began to protest, but James had told her that was only his name for her. She would keep that private to them. Make a new beginning with it. “Isabella, Sam. I have a name now.”
“Isabella.” He seemed pained. “They’re young adults who are making their own lives. Yes, they love you and need you to an extent, but they’re not going to be a part of your daily existence in the same way little ones are. The life you have to fit into is with James, and it’s not that uncommon for couples to grow apart once the kids are gone.”
“But—”
“I’m not saying that’s true of the two of you, but you can’t argue the case either way. The point is moot. Your past may or may not come back to you, so you must choose your life for what it is now. Take a good hard look at this man. Figure out who he really is and whether that appeals to you, because even if you regain every last memory, you are not going to be exactly the same person you were before the blow to your head. The Bella of today has to determine if the James of today is the right man for her. And he’ll have to do likewise.” He shoved to his feet. “And now, I’ve said too much and burst the lovely bubble you were floating in. I’d tell you I’m sorry, and I am, a little, but mostly, I have to make certain that this lovely creature who is under my protection receives it for as long as she requires it.”
“Thank you,” she said. But she wasn’t sure how much she meant it.
“I’ve made you unhappy, and I regret that. But I’d regret it more if you left too soon and found yourself more unhappy back there.”
Her eyes swam. “How will I know if I don’t try?”
“I’d sell my soul for a crystal ball right now.” He walked to the door. “I apologize for making you sad and wiping away that happy smile you were wearing when you thought I was James.” He turned away, then back. “But I won’t apologize for protecting you.”
She didn’t know what to say to that, but it didn’t matter.
He was gone before she got the chance.
And she was left to ponder her next step.
JAMES HAD TO HIKE off his restlessness before he saw Bella again. He’d untangled a couple of knotty issues for Cele and put together a request list for Cam’s flight back tomorrow morning. He didn’
t want Cam to be distracted from his schoolwork by traveling here too often, but the new chinks in the wall between him and Bella had made him impatient, however much he struggled to be otherwise.
So he was stacking the deck in his favor. If he couldn’t take Bella home, he would bring home to her, as much as possible. The kids would gather up her paints and guitar, the CDs she played most and her favorite clothes, along with some of that Belgian chocolate she adored. Not so much she’d be overwhelmed.
But triggers, each one of them—at least, that was the hope. Guideposts to lead her back to him.
Night was near. Sam Lincoln, her Cerberus, would be watching the gates.
James could not bring himself to put fifty miles between him and Bella again, so…the car it was. He would buy blankets and return as quickly as—
He halted. A little cabin ahead, seemingly deserted. He hiked over, peered in the grimy windows. It wasn’t much, only one room, long uninhabited, he would guess. Who did it belong to, stuck out here away from everyone?
A slow smile spread over his face. Away. From everyone. A place to be with Bella, to spend time alone.
The door was padlocked, but he did as thorough a survey as possible from outside, making mental notes of what he would need.
Please let this one thing go right. Let me find the owner and arrange to lease it.
Luisa. She liked him, and she believed in the sanctity of marriage. She would help. He wasn’t too proud to beg.
James drove back to Lucky Draw with a lighter step.
HE’D SLEPT in his car last night, he’d said. Where was he now?
Bella was aware of a surprising sense of disappointment that she hadn’t encountered James again after the picnic. He hadn’t exactly promised to come back once he’d spoken with Cele, but the way he’d behaved, she’d assumed…
Where was he?
Some evenings she’d enjoyed watching television with Sam, losing herself to the dramas of other lives or the foolishness of sitcoms.
Tonight she’d begged off after dinner, citing weariness. She’d thought she wanted to be alone to sort out all that had happened in the past two days.
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