Instead, she realized that she’d been expecting James to drop by. Was eager to hear more about the life they’d shared.
Wouldn’t mind another kiss.
But she’d recoiled from the first one—hardly the response he would have hoped for. Again and again he’d made overtures that she’d dodged.
How long would he persist?
I’m not leaving here until I can take you with me.
You may find out that your old life doesn’t fit.
Unwelcome fear reared its head. Even if she yearned to try, what if she failed?
Why hadn’t her family known where to find her?
She walked to the window for the umpteenth time tonight and peered into the darkness. Still no James.
Just as well. She doused the lights and climbed into bed.
However unlikely the prospect that she could sleep.
JAMES WAS UP before dawn, though his night had been very short. He tiptoed down the hall to Luisa’s kitchen, intending to brew some coffee to surprise her. To thank her for inviting him to sleep in her sewing room, for her help in contacting the owner of the cabin. His head was so full of all he planned to accomplish today before he could be with Bella that noticing the light required a second.
“Buon giorno!” Luisa was bundled into a fluffy robe of an eye-popping electric blue as she placed strips of bacon into a cast-iron skillet. “How many eggs would you like?”
“Two would be great, but you don’t have to cook for me. You’ve already done so much.”
“Pah. It is nothing.” She cast him a glance. “You have, I suspect, much work ahead of you today. You will need the strength.”
“I will, indeed.” He walked to the coffeepot. “May I pour you a cup?”
She nodded. “You have good manners.” She finished arranging the bacon. “What time will your son arrive?”
“About nine, I expect. I want to have the cabin cleaned out before then.” He set her cup at her elbow. “Thank you for putting a good word in for me with the owner.”
“Raymond kept it for a getaway until recent years, but he can no longer manage the journey. The generous rent you offered will be very welcome.” She appeared nearly as scandalized about the price as she had been last night.
James would have paid far more to have a place to spirit away Bella, a refuge for them both. A spot to begin rebuilding their private world without the good doctor glaring at every move James made.
He longed to touch her, to spend hours together, uninterrupted. The very notion that he would be able to make love to her without prying eyes had kept him tossing half the night.
She wasn’t ready, he understood that. He wouldn’t rush her.
But when she was…they would have a sanctuary.
“That is a dangerous smile,” Luisa said, eyes sparkling. “You had better sit down and eat before your mind gets you into trouble.”
James laughed, too full of hope and anticipation to resent that his thoughts must be too visible on his face. When Luisa laid the plate before him, he grasped her hand. “Your Romeo was a very lucky man.”
Pleasure blossomed on her features, and he could picture the young woman who’d loved so wholly. Then her expression softened, and she squeezed back. “You do love her.”
“With every cell in my body.” He had to look away. “I came so close to losing her. I couldn’t stand it if—”
“Love can endure more than we imagine. Be patient with her, James.”
He glanced up. “I’m working at it. I swear I am.”
“A little more coffee, then.” She patted his hand and picked up his cup. “You do not strike me as a man who gives up easily.”
“That I’m not,” he said, then felt an unwelcome flutter of nerves. “But what if she never—” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
“If she falls in love with the man you are now, the past will not matter.”
A big if. But almost a desired one. A new chance. Free from old mistakes.
And if she did remember…everything?
Please. Let all that we had together, all we could have again, be enough to outweigh my terrible mistake.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“CAN I GO VISIT HER, Dad? I mean, I’m not out to get in your way or make things worse, but—” Bashful, hopeful, leery—all were present in Cameron’s expression.
How could James fault his son for wanting exactly what he did—to connect with Bella. To know that she was part of the family again. He clapped Cameron’s back. “Of course you can. I’m sure she’d be glad.”
“Great! As soon as we get this unloaded, I’ll head over.”
“I can do that. You go on.”
“Really?” Eagerness radiated from him. “Lot of stuff here, Dad. Where will you put it all?”
James found himself oddly reluctant to elaborate on his plans, but he wasn’t in the habit of deceiving his children. “I discovered a small cabin up the mountain. A place where your mother and I don’t have to be guests.”
A slow grin widened. “A love shack, eh?” Cameron appeared both sly and embarrassed. He punched James on the shoulder. “Way to go, Dad.”
Except for a few uncomfortable conversations about safe sex and being a considerate lover, James had never discussed his and Bella’s love life with his kids. With anyone else, for that matter.
But sometimes you just had to laugh. “O-o-kay. Thanks for the blessing. I think we’ll just skip along to another topic now.”
Cameron chuckled, too, if a bit nervously. “Amen to that.” He paused. “But…good luck, you know? Man, it must be tough, with her not remembering and all.” He acted as though the notion had only now occurred to him, which, being a kid, was probably the case. “You sort of have to do the whole business from scratch, like attracting her all over again and first kisses and—” He held up his hands. “Definitely TMI, Dad.”
Kidspeak for Too Much Information. “You got that right. Now, why don’t you go on and see your mother, and we’ll just forget this conversation.”
Cam winked. “Sure thing, Dad. But if you want some advice, since you’re, like, out of practice after all these years, you just say the word.”
“I think the old man will just have to wing it, son. I’ll hope that some things are like riding a bicycle—you never completely forget.”
Cam grinned. “Well, if you change your mind, the Love Doctor is open for business.” He laughed and danced away as James glowered playfully at him.
“Thanks. I’ll make sure I’ve got the number on speed dial,” James countered.
His son turned to leave, then halted. “For real, though, Dad, if there’s anything…” Boyish yearning was all over his face.
“I promise it will all work out. We just have to have faith. And patience.”
“I wish I could fly you both back with me today.” Then youthful high spirits reared again. “But this love-shack thing…you two are long overdue for it.”
“Get out of here,” James said with pretended gruffness, hijacked by his deep affection. “And not a word to your mother.”
Cam drew an imaginary zipper across his lips and loped off toward Bella’s quarters.
James finished loading the rented SUV. Love shack. He chuckled and headed up the road.
GLOVED HAND on one hip, Bella tapped the trowel against her thigh with the other as she stared at the ground she’d planted with the last of the bulbs.
However hard she attempted to focus on gardening, though, she could not seem to wrest her mind from the topic that was absorbing far more of her mind.
James Parker. Who still hadn’t shown.
Maybe he’d changed his mind. Decided that she was too much work. Too much trouble.
She hurled the trowel to the ground. Well, if he had, then just too bad. Just too blasted—
Oh, God. What if something was wrong, instead? Her fury evaporated as worry hit her. Maybe something had happened to Cam or Cele. Or James had been in a wreck, going back to—
>
Where was he staying, come to that?
She whirled to head for Sam’s house to talk to Luisa.
And was face-to-face with her son.
“You okay, Mom?” He was beside her in an instant.
She clasped both hands on his cheeks. “What are you doing here?” Suddenly aware that she still wore dirty gloves, she cast them off and brushed at his face. “Is your father okay?”
“He’s fine. What’s upset you?”
“He’s fine?” she echoed. “Then why—” Isn’t he here? But she clamped her mouth shut before she could complete the question.
“I brought some…things to him.” His gaze evaded hers, and she wondered why. “I have to, uh, leave in a little while, but I just…” He shrugged. “I wanted to see you. Is that all right?”
If she never remembered him, he had already secured a place in her heart. “Of course.” She stroked his cheek again. “I’m very happy you’re here. Do you have time for a cup of tea?”
He grimaced. “I’ve never understood your tea fixation.”
“Fixation?” She smiled. “Huh. Well, don’t tell me you like coffee. You know it’ll turn—”
“Your knees black,” they said in unison.
His grin was huge. “Grandma Parker always says that.”
“Is she—” how odd to be asking “—still alive? And James’s dad?”
“Grandpa died when I was nine, but Grandma’s still trucking along. She asked Cele and me to stay with her while Dad and you—” He shrugged again and didn’t finish.
“What does she look like?” She touched his arm. “Does it bother you for me to ask?”
“It’s weird, but no, I don’t mind. As a matter of fact, I brought a few things, pictures and stuff, but I couldn’t decide if it would be pushy to show you.” He paused, hand over his hip pocket, as if waiting for her verdict.
A frisson rippled through her, part anticipation, part fear. One day, something had to be the trigger, the missing key. How would it feel? She’d lost faith that any solution would be simple.
She smiled, as much to reassure herself as him. “I’d like that.”
He held out a palm, and she took the proffered envelope, holding her breath as she lifted the flap. For a second, she faltered, desperate for a delay to make tea or…anything.
But the hope in his eyes wouldn’t let her.
She drew out several photographs and a folded paper.
Her knees weakened, and she locked them to steady herself.
Cam’s arm went around her shoulder. “Let’s go sit,” he suggested.
Gratefully, she accompanied him to the porch and sank to the steps. “Thank you.” He was the oddest mix of callow and thoughtful, eager and shy. Man and boy.
The top photo was unmistakably of Cam, barely up to her shoulder, standing beside a younger version of herself. They were on a blinding-white beach, laughing and windswept.
“Where is this?”
“Destin. The Parker family has a beach house there. It was my tenth birthday, and you convinced Dad to let me parasail.”
“At ten?”
“Yeah. You about had a heart attack, but you knew how bad I wanted it. I’d only been bugging you both since I first watched someone do it when I was about four. You made me wait until I was double digits.”
“Double—Oh, ten.” She patted her heart. “Was I insane or did you drop something in my tea?” But she smiled.
“Neither. Just the best mom in the world. Someone who always listened to me, who heard what I didn’t even know myself sometimes.”
She glanced over at him, those dark eyes brimming with emotion, and she felt her own sting. At the honor, at the loss. “Somehow I think I might have been the lucky one.”
His tears spilled over, and hers followed. The air was full of sorrow and longing, as much hers as his.
“I’m really trying, Cameron.”
He brushed at his eyes. “I know. Please don’t worry. I can wait.” He pointed at another. “The next is one Cele wanted you to have, even though she lectured me about taking this chance.”
Bella swallowed a lump in her throat. “Please don’t walk on eggshells with me. Surely I’m tougher than that.”
“You are, Mom, I swear it. You’re the strongest woman I ever met. We’re just scared.”
“I know. Me, too.” She sniffed and wiped her cheeks, then moved to the next photo, one of Cele, about seven or eight, dressed in a clown costume that matched Bella’s and beaming with pride.
“She wanted to sew, so you let her help stitch her Halloween outfit. You sewed ours from scratch, every single year.”
“What sort of costumes?”
“Oh, wow, let me think…I’ve been a pirate and a Power Ranger, a dinosaur and Neil Armstrong. Cele was the Princess Bride, Wonder Woman, Susan B. Anthony, Jackie Kennedy…”
Bella did a double take. “Susan B. Anthony and Jackie Kennedy? Wasn’t Cele a little young for those?”
“What can I say, Mom? Cele’s weird. Got this I Am Woman Hear Me Roar thing going.”
“Don’t poke fun at your sister.”
His grin was enormous. “You sound just like a mom.”
She quit fighting to remember and, for a moment, simply reveled in the pleasure of sharing laughter with her son.
There were other photos and more stories. Her and the kids at Walt Disney World, mugging for the camera. Him lying flat in a pile of leaves, Cele raining more down on his head.
She traced a finger over their faces. “A happy family.”
“The best,” Cam said. “All my friends envied me. Everyone said I had the coolest mom around.”
The yearning she could hear nearly undid her. She longed to make promises, but Sam’s warnings wouldn’t leave her.
Then a thought occurred to her. “Why none of your father?”
He flushed a deep red. “Uh, Dad has his own plans.”
She waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t, she opened the folded piece of paper.
“Kind of a dumb choice, but you still had it on the refrigerator.”
It was a drawing, obviously several years old, depicting Cameron Parker, Astronaut, first man to set foot on Mars.
“Isn’t college required to become an astronaut?”
“Yes, but—”
“And the military?”
“Well, sure, but—”
She faced him. “So what are you waiting for?”
“Cele’s the genius student.”
“You’re a bright young man, Cameron. What’s the problem?”
“My grades aren’t the best.”
“Could they improve? If this was important enough?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, is it? Are you willing to get serious? Dreams don’t just fall into your lap, you know.”
“I—I was afraid. Anyhow, I’m flying now.”
“Doing extremely well at it, your father tells me.”
“But what if I fail?”
“What if I never get my memory back?”
His eyes widened.
She stuck out her hand. “A deal, then. I don’t get discouraged about regaining my memory, and you work as hard in school as you do in the wild blue yonder. And you check out ROTC.”
He hesitated.
She arched one eyebrow. “Chicken?”
Cam laughed. “If we spit on our palms first, it’s more binding.”
“You must think I was born yesterday.”
They laughed and shook hands.
HE’D INTENDED to be done before lunch, but the cabin had been full of cobwebs and mouse droppings he had to clear before he could install what he’d brought. Then he’d had to shower, and Luisa had insisted he must have a bite to eat before he went to Bella.
The only real hunger he felt, though, was for her. He could scent her on the bedding Cam had brought from their room at home, could remember her slender fingers plucking the strings of her guitar. Not since he’d been a boy had he h
ad such a case of raging hormones.
Or an attack of nerves of this magnitude.
He paused before her door, surprised not to find her outside in the crisp sunshine. Thunderheads were building to the north, but he’d checked the weather with Luisa, and she’d said they’d have time to make it to the cabin and back before dark without the predicted storm interfering.
There was no room to delay, however, so he took a deep breath and knocked.
Pleasure, surprise—and slight pique—scampered over her features. “Hello,” Bella said.
“Hi.”
They might as well be thirteen and attending a junior-high dance.
“Did you see Cam?”
“I had a lovely visit—” she said at the same moment.
Awkward smiles. Mutual hesitation.
“You first,” he offered.
But she didn’t speak, and her scrutiny had him wondering if he measured up. He couldn’t say he liked it.
“I didn’t ask if this was a bad time.”
She shook her head. Bit her lip.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I thought you’d be here this morning.” Her tone aimed for neutral but fell short. “Not that you made any promises,” she said hastily. “Or that you owe me anything.”
His heart skipped. She’d missed him. “I was working on a surprise for you.”
“The pictures? Cam said you had some to show me.”
“I’d like to show you more than that.” He held out a hand. “Will you accompany me?”
“Where?”
“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.”
She smiled. “Should I wear anything special? Bring something?”
Wear nothing at all, he’d like to say. Instead, he pulled something out of the bag he’d stashed by the door. “I had Cam bring your ski jacket.” He hoped she’d recognize it, a rich, deep purple lined with turquoise, an excellent foil for her black hair.
She made a sound of pleasure as she reached for it, and for a moment his spirits lifted.
“It’s gorgeous.” There was only delight in her voice, not familiarity.
James cautioned himself that he was in for heartache if he pinned too much on each item. The point was to form a bond now, not dwell in the past.
The Way Home Page 13
