Saving Us: A novel of love and friendship (Northern University Book 1)

by Wendy Million

  “If I sleep with any guy, there’s no walk of shame or else I shouldn’t have done it in the first place.” I squeezed more ketchup onto my plate. “Clay and I came here a few times at the start of the semester.”

  He took a bite of his toast and examined me. “So you were sending mixed signals to the poor guy? Here I was thinking he was kinda pathetic for not understanding the two of you were done, and now you tell me you were still hanging out when I first met you?”

  I flushed. “I wanted to stay friends. He said he wanted to be friends too. You can’t say that and then avoid each other.”

  “He was in love with you?”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going. “He was.”

  “Why’d you break up?”

  Picking up my coffee, I took a long sip. The liquid burned, but I needed a minute to formulate a response. “He wanted things from our relationship that I didn’t. Maybe if I’d met Clay ten years from now, our outcome would have been different.”

  Sebastian frowned. “I doubt it.”

  I gaped at the iron certainty in his voice. “You’ve never even been in a monogamous relationship. Ever. How would you know?”

  “If the word ‘maybe’ enters a sentence about getting married and having kids with someone then the answer might as well be no, ’cause it sure as hell ain’t yes.” Sebastian threw his last piece of toast in his mouth, and his expression oozed self-satisfaction as he chewed.

  “You think you’re some sort of love expert?” I arched my eyebrows.

  “No, Nattie. I am a decision-making expert. With something that important, you go all in, balls to the wall, and you dig in, burrow deep.”

  “I sense a football analogy coming,” I teased.

  He laughed. “Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you. I’d lose you the minute I started. I enjoy amusing you, not boring you.”

  “And yet, you still want me attending your games.”

  “You don’t enjoy watching me prance around the field in my tight pants?”

  Heat rose to my cheeks, but I managed a laugh. “Prance is an excellent word. I approve.” His tight pants were a reason I didn’t mind going to the games lately.

  “We should do this more often.”

  “Go out for breakfast after you’ve been prancing around the field?” I slopped up the last of my egg with my toast.

  “No, hang out. Just the two of us.”

  I glanced up and then hesitated. “I’m not sure. People might get the wrong idea.”

  “Not if you wear this.” He slid his phone across the table.

  A woman who resembled me was wearing a tight white T-shirt with the words wing-woman emblazoned across it. I burst out laughing. “What in the world?” I wiped my mouth with my napkin and leaned closer to the image.

  “You can touch the phone; it won’t bite. You didn’t go for my other suggestion.”

  “I’m worried it’ll suck me in, and I’ll emerge wearing that shirt. She looks like me.” I turned my attention to him, and he smirked.

  “Photoshop.” He shifted in his seat. “I was bored?”

  I slid the phone back to him. “That’s weird. I’m not wearing that.”

  “Too soon for the white T-shirt. Got it.” He nodded as though our exchange made complete sense. “But you’ll still hang out with me again?”

  “You are persistent.” The last sip of my coffee slid along my throat.

  He slotted his phone into his pocket. Then he sat, drinking his coffee, watching me. Silence stretched between us. He planned to wait me out.

  “Okay.” I relented. “Fine. We can hang out more if you want.” I rolled my eyes, but inside my stomach fluttered. I couldn’t let these feelings for him get out of control. “People will talk, though. You know that, right? Wing-woman or not, I’ll be a cock-blocker.”

  He choked on his coffee, stifling a laugh. “How did wing-woman and cock-blocker end up in the same sentence? That was amazing.”

  I shrugged. “That’s because I’m amazing.”

  His grin widened, and his hazel eyes, so different from my darker brown, twinkled. “That you are,” he said. “That you are.”

  My stomach dropped to my feet at the naked admiration. I was already in way too deep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Two weeks later, Annika still hadn’t been home. I’d spoken to her on the phone, so I knew she was fine or, as she put it, “excellent,” camping out in Johnny’s room. Was she going to her classes? Sebastian said Johnny hadn’t missed any football practices, which also wasn’t surprising.

  Not having Annika around was weird and lonely. We’d spent the last year telling each other everything, whether we wanted to hear it or not. Right now, I needed to dissect what was happening between me and Sebastian. By my logic, spending more time with him should have dulled the tension between us. We should be falling into an easy friendship.

  Instead, we were tightrope walking across Niagara Falls without a net. I kept waiting for the rushing water to sweep me over the edge.

  We were together almost every day. He’d started parking at my place a few days ago and walking to school with me. He claimed it was good cardio for him, but the walk was short and there weren’t any hills. I wasn’t sure exercise was the real reason, but I didn’t press him. My house was probably an equal distance to campus as the frat house. Coming to my house made no sense.

  “You saw Annika this morning?” I asked as we walked.

  “Yeah, she was running late, as always,” Sebastian said. “For an organized girl, she can’t ever seem to get anywhere on time. If she wants to be a coach for real, she’ll have to sort that out. If the coach is late, why can’t the players be late too?”

  I gave him a sideways look. “That logic never flew with my dad.”

  “All right, all right. I see your point. However high Annika’s aiming to climb on the coaching ladder, at some point her lateness will hold her back.”

  I shrugged. “If there’s something I’m sure of about Annika, beyond a shadow of a doubt, when she’s backed into a corner, she’ll come out swinging. She’ll either find a way to make her lateness work for her, or she’ll fix it.”

  “You’re having lunch with her today, aren’t you?” Sebastian asked.

  “Yes! I can’t wait. We’ve never gone this long without seeing each other. So weird. I never would have expected her to become that girl.” I sunk my hands deeper into my coat pockets.

  “That girl?” Sebastian’s brow furrowed.

  “The one who gets so wrapped up in a boy they throw away their friendships. She used to make fun of how much time I spent with Clay, and it wasn’t anywhere close to this.” I turned onto the campus.

  “Are you jealous of Johnny?” Sebastian asked.

  “Kind of? I’m happy for her if she’s happy, but she’s been hunkered down with him for two weeks. She’s only come home to get a few odds and ends. Johnny waited in the car, so she didn’t stay long.” My classroom building loomed ahead. “What class did you say you had?” He wasn’t wearing his usual backpack.

  “No class. I have a meeting with Coach about the game this weekend, then I’m hitting the gym.” Sebastian nodded in the direction of the stadium.

  I frowned. “Don’t you usually work out in the mornings when you don’t have practice?”

  His grin split his face. “Nat, are you keeping tabs on me?”

  I groaned. “I’m starting to know things I never wanted to have in my brain.”

  “Next up, watching game tape and doing the running commentary.”

  “Oh, God. No. No.” I laughed. “But seriously, I thought you always worked out in the morning? Something about stimulating the muscles or something…” I trailed off at the growing amusement on his face. “What? I listen—sometimes.”

  “Johnny’s been hitting the gym with Annika the last week or so. Means I’m free to go whenever the mood strikes.” He shrugged.

  We stopped outside my building a
nd his claim niggled. “Annika’s been going to the gym with Johnny?” Did I hear that right?

  “Yeah, why? Your girl not normally a gym rat?”

  “She runs, takes fitness classes, recreational team sports, but going to a gym to lift weights? She’d rather be caught dead.”

  “Well, look at the two of you. You’re keeping track of a football player’s schedule, and she’s lifting weights in the gym. Times are a’changin’.” He walked backward toward the stadium. “I’ll text you later. Gotta get my car.”

  I stood at the entrance to my building for a minute longer. He hunched his shoulders, shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, and picked up the pace in the chilly weather. I opened the door and took the stairs to my classroom. A seat near the window with a clear view toward the stadium called my name. I slid into it and stared out.

  In the distance, Sebastian was side tackled by a brunette girl I didn’t recognize. He threw his arm around her and put his lips close to her ear. She threw back her head, laughing. I faced the front, wishing I hadn’t picked a window seat.

  Annika poked at her salad.

  “Do you want half my burger?” I lifted my knife, prepared to cut.

  “No, no. I can’t cheat. Johnny and I agreed we would be super strict. This is the same diet Gisele and Tom are on.” She glanced up at me from her plate. “I want to be supportive.”

  To my eyes, she looked tired, thin, and moved like she was a hundred years old. Whatever she and Johnny were doing in the house, she wasn’t getting much benefit.

  “So, this whole gym thing. What’s that about?” I tried to keep my voice light and curious.

  “If I want to coach, I should get practical experience, right? Johnny offered to take me through their weight programs. Show me how to do everything. It’s a great opportunity.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  “When are you coming home? I miss you. I can’t believe you enjoy living in a frat house.”

  She took a long drink of her water and met my eyes. “Johnny asked me to move in with him. Get a place for the two of us.”

  I sat up straighter. “What? You’ve only been dating a few months. The football season is longer than you two have been dating.”

  She raised her eyebrows, amusement sparkling in their dark depths. “You remember how long a football season is?”

  “Okay, I have no idea. But football is still happening, and it started before you and Johnny hooked up, so by default the season is longer, right?”

  She pursed her lips. “Yeah, it seems quick, maybe. But we’re happy. Why not seize the day?”

  “You’re planning that far ahead? Our lease isn’t up until May.” I took a bite of my burger. Finding another roommate would be a gigantic task. I’d miss her. Up until the last little while, we were tight.

  “Uh, Johnny was hoping we’d move in together after Christmas.”

  “Oh.” I set down my burger with a thud.

  It was already November. That didn’t give me a lot of time to find a roommate, and I couldn’t afford to keep our place by myself.

  “I told him I wouldn’t leave you unless you had someone to take my place. It’s an expensive house for one person.”

  An impossible house for one person. An unfamiliar ache flickered in my chest. This felt like a friendship breakup. “Does this have anything to do with me? With the doubts I’ve had about Johnny?”

  Something was off in her request, but I wasn’t sure if it was the suddenness, Annika’s overall appearance, or my increasing dislike of Johnny. Sebastian was right. I was jealous, but it wasn’t just that, was it?

  “No, no. I never told Johnny you thought he’d hurt me on purpose or how judgmental you were about the phone.”

  Tears pricked at the back of my eyes. She was mad. At me. “Annika—”

  “It’s okay, Nat. You’ve been trying to watch out for me,” Annika said. “But if I’m moving ahead with Johnny, I need you to be on board with us. We’re together. We’re happy.”

  “If he’s good to you and good for you, I’m happy for you. Maybe I overreacted before. I’m sorry. I certainly didn’t mean for my hesitation to hurt our friendship. You’ve been so distant the last couple of weeks. You were caught up in Johnny, but it wasn’t only that, was it?”

  Annika frowned and toyed with her salad. “I wanted you to be happy for me, and from the minute Johnny and I got together you’ve been everything but happy.”

  Her words were stones in my gut. I could defend myself or I could save our friendship. “You’re right,” I said. “I’m sorry. I really am.” With another bite of my burger in my mouth, I chewed while examining her hopeful expression. “I’ll put up a post for a roommate. If this is what you want, I’ll do my best to make sure you can move in with Johnny in January.”

  She came around the table to hug me. “Thank you. Thank you. I want everyone to be happy, you know? Everyone can be happy.”

  She returned to her seat with her old spark. Johnny hadn’t been the problem; it had been me.

  “Want to get ready for the game together this weekend? You’re coming, aren’t you? Sebastian said he asked you, and you said you’d come.”

  I gave her a half smile. “He said that, did he?”

  “What’s going on with you two, anyway?” Annika dug into her salad with a renewed effort.

  “Oh, God. I wish I knew. Not a clue. He’s always around. He’s even fixing things at our house—those little things we couldn’t be bothered to tell the landlord about.”

  Annika grinned. “That’s a nice perk.”

  “It is. When we’re alone together, I could—I want to…” I trailed off. “Around campus with other girls he’s a massive flirt, and I crash into reality. I can’t do it. I’m not built like you. Insecurity would destroy me.”

  “Have you said any of this to him?” Annika dipped her lettuce into her salad dressing.

  “No. No way.” I shook my head.

  “So, you’ll let this pass you by? You’ll let another girl sweep him off his feet?”

  I popped a French fry into my mouth. “She’ll be built of better stuff than me,” I said. “Look, Sebastian hasn’t declared anything other than his undying lust. He wants to sleep with me. I’m in too deep to have sex with him and have it mean nothing. Possibly the first night I met him I could have done it, but now? I like him. Once I sleep with him, the chase is over, and he’ll move on.”

  “You should tell him how you feel. You could be surprised. Maybe he isn’t in it for one night. At the start of the semester, I never suspected I’d be where I am now. We’re exclusive. We’re moving in together. He’s even talking about where he might get drafted, what it’ll mean for us.”

  I raised my eyebrows and then worried I appeared too shocked. “That’s amazing, Annika. Really. That’s so great.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I want you to be happy for me, not un-Natalie-like.”

  “Too much?”

  “Just a bit.” She measured on her fingers. “But I appreciate the effort. I do.”

  “I’ll try harder to be in your corner. You’re one of my best friends, and I don’t want to lose our friendship because of any guy.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “What are you doing?” Sebastian asked from the sectional.

  The more time Annika spent at the frat house, the more time he spent here. He came to get his car and never left. Today was the only day during the week when they didn’t have practice, and he’d put himself to work for me. Again. So far, he’d fixed the running toilet and unclogged the drain in the shower.

  “I’m trying to figure out how to access the student housing website to make a post,” I said from the kitchen table.

  “You moving?”

  “I hope not. Annika and Johnny are moving in together in January. I need a new roommate.”

  Sebastian took a drink of the fruit punch I’d made and then said, “Yeah, Johnny mentioned he was hoping you’d agree.”

  “Why’d the
y tell you before me?” A flare of annoyance ignited.

  “Uh, probably because you called Annika’s boyfriend an abusive asshole who was standing at the gates of hell.” Sebastian chuckled.

  “Hey now—most of those words never crossed my lips.” I held up a finger while I sent an email to student housing. Every single one had crossed my mind. I had to try harder to keep an open mind. “Johnny must think I’m a real bitch.”

  “No comment.” He sipped his drink.

  “He said that? He actually said that?” I asked in disbelief. Annika would defend me, wouldn’t she?

  “No, he didn’t say it. He wouldn’t say it to her or to me. She’d whip him with her words, and I’d whip him with my fists.” He glanced at me over the couch. “But it’s pretty clear the dislike is mutual.”

  “You’d beat him up for me?” The wrong piece to get stuck on since violence shouldn’t be appealing in any form. The sense of protectiveness warmed my chest against my will.

  He held my gaze for a beat. “You’re my wing-woman and cock-blocker. I couldn’t function without you.”

  I laughed and left the laptop on the kitchen table to sit beside him on the couch. He put his hand on my leg, and I gazed at his familiar face, enjoying him, here.

  With a sigh, I said, “I don’t want a random for a roommate. But I smiled and pretended to be happy for Annika because apparently I’ve been the world’s worst friend the last few months.” I frowned. “Have I been the world’s worst friend?”

  He gulped his fruit cocktail. “No, you have not. You might have gotten caught up in painting Johnny as the devil in disguise a couple times.”

  Johnny’s temper in those two instances had been enough to raise my hackles and get my blood pumping. How could that much rage live in him and not spill out sometimes? Was it wrong for me to worry about Annika bearing the brunt of it?

  Sebastian flipped to the news, and we watched the clips in silence. The lead story was about an NFL football player who’d been shot by his wife. He’d been beating her for years.