Saving Us: A novel of love and friendship (Northern University Book 1)

by Wendy Million

Almost against my will, I turned to see a girl who’d tackled him before, draped across his lap. Her waist-length dark hair was a curtain. I couldn’t be sure what was happening, but my imagination was more than capable of filling in the blanks.

  I focused on Theo with false brightness. “Not even a bit.” Inside, pieces of me were splintering into anger and self-righteousness tinged with humiliation.

  Annika came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “We’re heading out.” She gave me a quick squeeze. She must have seen Sebastian’s public display of grossness. “Do you want a ride back to the house? I’m staying with Johnny, but we can drop you?” She moved to my side, and her dark, worry-filled eyes searched my face.

  I shrugged. “I’m fine.” Even though fine was nowhere close to what I was feeling.

  “I’ll make sure she gets home okay.” Theo met Annika’s gaze and tipped his chin at Johnny, who stood behind her.

  “You heard the man, Anni. Let’s go.” He scrolled through his phone, not bothering to acknowledge me.

  “You sure?” Annika asked again, leaning into Johnny.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

  “Text me when you get home, so I know you’re okay.” Annika took Johnny’s hand.

  I nodded and drained the last of my pint.

  “You want another?” Theo asked, eyeing me.

  “No.” I was having a hard time not staring in Sebastian’s direction, and that view would lead to madness. “I kinda want to do a couple shots and get the hell out of here.”

  “Your wish.” He signaled the bartender.

  We did three shots of tequila each, and when I hopped off the bar stool, I wobbled. Theo grabbed my elbow to steady me.

  “Easy there, lightweight.” Theo chuckled. “Am I going to have to piggyback you to your place? How far is it?”

  “Not far.” I glanced up at him. I wasn’t a short girl, but he was tall, maybe even taller than Sebastian. The alcohol was doing its job, dulling my senses, and I peeked to where I’d seen him last. He was chatting to another player, his back to me, and the girl was still draped over him, kissing his neck, running her hands over his body. Bile rose to my throat, burning along the way.

  “You okay?”

  “Peachy.” I stumbled toward the door. I’d had more to drink than I realized.

  We kept a brisk pace in the cool weather as we walked to my house.

  “I—I mean, I’m not going to sleep with you,” I blurted out once my street was visible in the distance.

  He laughed. “I didn’t agree to walk you home so you’d sleep with me.” He rubbed the top of his head, messing up his dark hair. “Not that I’d say no if you invited me in.”

  As we approached my door, I slowed my pace. “Did you want to come in and wait for a cab?” Inviting him in was a bad idea, but it was cold. My stomach rolled with the beer and shots.

  “Nah, that’s okay. I’ll walk.”

  We stood in my doorway for a moment before he eased his hand around my waist, tugging me close. “One for the road?” He dipped his head to kiss me. Sebastian had said those words to me once. While Theo kissed me, Sebastian was all I could think about. When he drew away, he gave me a quizzical glance.

  “Just drunk,” I said by way of explanation for what was probably a lackluster kiss.

  He gave me another quick peck on the cheek and then disappeared down the path. I struggled to get my key in the lock and then moved around the house, getting ready for bed.

  When I was drifting to sleep, loud giggling started up outside and drifted into my room. I threw off the covers and stumbled to the window. I wished I’d fallen asleep quicker.

  The dark-haired girl was on the hood of Sebastian’s car, and Sebastian was standing between her legs, hands on either side of her. They weren’t kissing, but their bodies were intimately positioned, as though they were on the cusp of more.

  Whatever point he was trying to prove, he’d made it. We hadn’t said a single word to each other all night.

  I turned away from the window, disgusted. My noise-canceling headphones were on the dresser, and I stuck them onto my ears. Not comfortable, but whatever. With a yank, the covers came over my head. I was thankful I’d had those last few shots. Otherwise, I’d never be able to sleep.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Annika paid for my coffee and guided us to a booth. She threw her backpack against the wall and slumped down into the seat. Her makeup barely concealed her dark rings, and her blotchy complexion made her appear as though she’d been crying or under enormous stress.

  “How are things going?” I slid in across from her. We were probably mirror images. I hadn’t spoken to Sebastian in almost two weeks, and the silence was killing me. The ache in my chest wouldn’t subside no matter what I did.

  “I don’t want to talk about me. What’s going on with you and Sebastian? He’s a beast at the house. Not even talking to me anymore. Grunts whenever I try to speak to him.”

  After seeing Sebastian with that girl, I agreed to a date with Theo. It went okay, but nothing about Theo made my heart kick into gear. I didn’t want to close my eyes when I was with him and breathe in his scent. I didn’t want to snuggle into the crook of his neck and never emerge. Just the thought of Sebastian made my heart jump out of my body and fall to pieces on the floor. Seeing him was ten times worse.

  “Nothing is going on with him. I haven’t spoken to him in a couple of weeks. I don’t have a clue why he’s in such a foul mood. Maybe the girl he made out with outside my window has ideas about his attitude? He should probably track her down.” My tone was sour, angry. I hated the bitterness, but I couldn’t control it.

  “Come on, Nat. He saw you kiss someone else in the bar, in front of the team, and they knew how much time he’d been spending with you. Not to mention the fact the guy was Theo. He and Sebastian do not get along.” Annika tsked and shook her head.

  “How would I know any of that?” I sipped my too-hot coffee. “Annika, we’ve been over this a couple times. Sebastian came into the bar and completely ignored me. I was frustrated. Theo was a perfect outlet for that frustration. Maybe I was wrong? But Sebastian brought a girl to my parking lot outside my bedroom window. He took it to a whole other level.”

  “What are you going to go?” Annika leaned into the cozy booth.

  This was our favorite off-campus coffee shop, not far from our house. I hadn’t come here in weeks because football players sometimes wandered over here from the frat house. I’d done everything possible to avoid Sebastian and his crew.

  “Well, after that stunt I can tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not having him as a roommate. Can you imagine?” I clenched my jaw, still so angry with myself and him and football in general. When Annika appeared at our house to get ready for the last game, I’d refused to attend. “I’m showing a couple of people the place after class.”

  “You haven’t locked anyone in yet?” Annika fiddled with her phone.

  “No, I haven’t.” The edge to my voice annoyed me.

  She set her phone on the table. “Can I talk to you and you won’t freak out and go all Natalie on me?”

  Taking a deep breath, I willed my heart rate to settle after discussing Sebastian. I could be the supportive, helpful friend. “Yes.”

  “I think Johnny is still sleeping around.” She took a big gulp of her coffee.

  My first instinct was to cringe, and I smothered it. After an extra-long drink, I tilted my head from side to side. “What makes you suspect that?” Questions were good. Maybe I could lead her to a logical conclusion.

  “He’s been secretive with his phone the last couple of weeks. He’s always been protective of it. I never had access to it like he did mine, but he never stopped me from looking at it. But lately, it’s always facedown, and as soon as it goes off, he’s on it. It’s in his pocket, in his bag, anywhere but somewhere I can see it.” Annika fiddled with the spoon she’d used to stir her coffee.

  Deep breath. “Well, yo
u told me once that you’d be fine with him sleeping around.”

  “Yeah, well, saying that and doing that are two different things, aren’t they?” Annika made eye contact. “I can’t sleep. I keep running scenarios around and around in my head. When? Where? With who? How many?”

  “Have you asked him?”

  “No,” Annika admitted. “I think he’d get mad.”

  “You don’t have to move in with him in January if you’re not certain about him.” I crossed my fingers under the table. I could cancel my roommate interviews. “Give yourself more time to figure out what you want.”

  Annika sighed. “That’s the thing, I want to move in with him. I want to be with him. I enjoy feeling like his number-one person. Lately, I just—I’m not sure. Something’s not right.”

  “Trust your gut. If the situation doesn’t feel right, there is probably something to that instinct.” That was normal, reasonable advice. My real opinion was to run far and fast away from him.

  “My request isn’t fair, but can you give me a week before you pick a roommate? I’ll try to talk to Johnny.” Annika tipped up the last of her coffee.

  “Yeah, I’ll interview people today and tell them I’ll be making a decision in a week or so. Seem okay?” I suggested. “You could spend a few nights away from him. See if your absence reminds him not to take you for granted?”

  She was quiet for a moment. “What if it makes him realize he can do without me?”

  My chest tightened. “Oh, Annika. Any guy who believes that—you don’t want to be with them anyway, right?”

  “Yeah.” She gave a small nod. “Yeah, you’re right.” Her voice lacked conviction. “If we can get through living in the frat house, things will be better once it’s just the two of us.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t agree. His secretive phone behavior and the frat house were two separate issues. On top of that, Annika looked terrible. Johnny couldn’t be worth this much stress and anxiety.

  “I gotta run,” Annika said. “I might come home tomorrow night, if that’s okay? You’re right. Maybe a little distance will be useful for us.”

  “You’re still paying rent.” I smiled. “Probably a good idea to get your money out of it.”

  She laughed and leaned across the table to half hug me. “I miss you. I’m sorry I’m so scattered and absent lately. Everything will be better once I’m settled in the new place and not trying to live in two places at once.”

  “You still coaching the developmental football team?” I asked before she left.

  “Yeah. Johnny has helped out a few times. The kids love it. He’s so great with them.” That dreamy look returned to her eyes.

  I regretted bringing it up. “That’s great.” I offered a strained smile.

  “Yeah. He’ll be a fantastic dad someday.” She slouched into the booth, her bag sitting on her lap. “That’s the confusing part. One minute he’s talking about kids, places to live, marriage, and everything, and the next minute he won’t let me see his phone.” She shook her head. “You’re right. I should ask. Maybe there’s a solid explanation.” She stood. “I’m outta here. Text me later. I’m definitely coming home tomorrow night.”

  “Sounds good.” I rose to give her a last hug. “I’d do anything for you, Annika. You realize that, right?” I added, in case she needed to hear it.

  She grinned. “Oh, Nat. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I can count on you no matter what.”

  My heart lightened. At least our friendship was on stable ground. “I’ll see you tomorrow night. Home manicures and pedicures?”

  “Set it up! Oh, and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. I’ll be there after I’m done coaching. I won’t even bother going to the team practice tomorrow night.” She backed away from me and headed for the door.

  I gave her a wave and then glanced at my half-full cup. I sighed and slid into my seat and took a sip. On my home screen was a text from Theo. He was persistent and pleasant enough to be around. I replied to his text.

  A draft hit me as the door to the coffee shop opened. My heart leapt into my throat at the sight of the guy framed in the doorway.

  Sebastian.

  He stood for a minute, rubbing his hands and scanning the place. I wasn’t positive if he was searching from habit or if he was checking for someone. His jeans and winter jacket made me want to walk over and envelop him. The weather hadn’t been cold enough for a winter jacket a couple weeks ago when I’d last seen him. When he perused the coffee shop, his gaze landed on me.

  Two weeks ago, he would have broken into a grin, amusement lighting his face. Would he acknowledge me now? Give me a sign we could return to even ground? That what we’d both done wasn’t a deal-breaker for either of us? I wasn’t even sure that was true.

  His gaze shuttered, and he went to the counter to order. With a to-go cup in his hand, he didn’t even glance in my direction as he left. My stomach dropped into my shoes. Was that us now? We couldn’t manage a hello in a crowded café? He saw me.

  I grabbed my backpack off the seat and left my coffee unfinished. I burst out the door, scanning the street to check which direction he’d gone. When I caught sight of his back heading toward campus, I jogged until I got close to him, thankful I’d put on running shoes that morning.

  “Sebastian!” I called when his pace didn’t slow.

  He stopped walking, but he didn’t face me. When he did turn, it was slow and deliberate. He waited for me to catch up with him but didn’t say a word.

  I fumbled at his silence. He wasn’t going to give me anything? Not even a hello? “Ah,” I said at a loss. “How are you?”

  He shook his head. “You haven’t talked to me in two weeks and that’s all you’ve got?”

  “I wasn’t certain I’d ever talk to you again.” I twisted the strap of my bag.

  A frown creased his brow. “Why are you talking to me? You made yourself pretty clear a couple of weeks ago.”

  I bristled. “I did? What about you bringing a girl to my parking lot? The space outside my bedroom, by the way. Such a great show. Thanks for making it obvious what was going to happen next.” I crossed my arms, anger coursing through me at the memory. “Seeing you at the bar with her, in the driveway, those images are going to stay with me.”

  He shrugged. “I guess that goes for both of us, Nattie. Of all the guys on the football team you could have made your point with, you choose the one guy I can’t stand. Seemed like a pretty good sign you didn’t want me around anymore. Nothing subtle about that either.”

  I gave him a bewildered look, and my anger deflated in an instant. “I had no idea you didn’t like him, Sebastian. How would I know that? We never talk about football or the team or any of that.”

  “It’d be easy enough to get that information from Annika.” Sebastian took a drink of his coffee and stared over my head.

  He was this pissed off at me after his display at the bar? I was the one who should have been mad at him. I was mad at him, damn it.

  “Why would I ask her? What happened wasn’t planned. I swear to you, Sebastian.” I sighed, frustrated. “He kissed me—I—” Silence hung between us, and I could tell he didn’t believe me. “I was mad at you, yeah, but I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near Theo if I’d known it would do this to us.”

  Seeing him with the other girl broke something in me, and I wasn’t sure we could be fixed. But those were words I would not say.

  “You were mad at me?” Sebastian’s gaze traveled to mine.

  “Yeah, I was mad.” I shifted my feet and shoved my hands into my coat pockets. “It was dumb.” The distance between us had somehow closed. “I’m mad now, but it’s not about something dumb anymore.”

  “You’re mad about that girl?” he asked. His fingertips eased a flyaway strand of my hair behind my ear.

  “Of course. Of course I’m mad about that girl. You’d offered to move in with me—not like that, obviously, but still. You’d told me it would be ‘okay.’ If that’s your version of okay, t
hen you and I aren’t anywhere close on our definitions.”

  His hand brushing my hair off my face was warm from holding his coffee. His thumb grazed my cheek, and I wanted to lean into him, press his palm against me.

  “I’ve missed you, Nattie. Can we agree not to do stupid shit to each other anymore?” His eyes were soft with sincerity.

  Tears pricked, and I had to break his gaze, afraid I’d burst into tears.

  “Come ’ere,” Sebastian said, wrapping his coffee-free hand around my back and tugging me to him.

  I threw my arms around his neck and rose on my toes. I breathed in his scent and stifled a sigh. Pathetic. Pathetically wonderful.

  Sebastian groaned and secured me tighter, burying his face in my neck. “You always smell so amazing,” he murmured.

  Desire stirred in my stomach at his words, the tone of his voice, his proximity. Anywhere but in the middle of the street, I might have put our friendship at risk by kissing him. Unbidden, the last place I’d seen his lips flashed into my memory, and I drew away, avoiding his gaze.

  “Where are you headed?” I asked.

  “Campus. I have a meeting with Coach. I played like shit last game.” Sebastian kept his arm around my waist. He hesitated and then let me go. “It’s none of my business, but are you planning on seeing Theo again?”

  “I went on a date with him.” Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the tightening of his jaw.

  “I know that already.” He gazed off into the distance, not meeting my eyes. “I mean beyond that. ’Cause if he’s someone you’re interested in, we should stop hanging out altogether.”

  “I’m not interested in Theo.” I prayed he didn’t ask me any follow-up questions.

  He gave a curt nod. “Okay.”

  “You and the girl on your car?” I stuffed my hands back into my pockets.

  He shook his head. “It was nothing. Nothing.” He looked me in the eye and then hesitated before plunging on. “It would have been less than nothing if I hadn’t seen you with Theo.”

  What did I say in response? He was interested in me; he’d made his desire clear several times. But the notion that me kissing Theo inspired such a swift, almost vindictive reaction in Sebastian was shocking. Why?