Saving Us: A novel of love and friendship (Northern University Book 1)

by Wendy Million

  “Sebastian?” I whispered.

  Through the thin wood, I heard his feet hit the floor. They padded to the door. He swung it open and pressed his shoulder into the frame. He was clad only in boxer briefs.

  Heart meet heart attack. I drank him in like I’d been thirsty for weeks.

  “Natalie?” He squinted into the hall light. “You walked here in the middle of the night?”

  “I might be drunk.” I couldn’t force my gaze up from his taut chest. Without clothes he was a masterpiece. God help me. I’d never seen a man in real life so built and muscular.

  He chuckled and grabbed my hand, pulling me into his room. I was pleased to see he was tidy beyond my house. Then I became too aware again of his half-naked body. There was only a bed, a desk, and a chair. He switched on his bedside lamp so a soft glow spread across his bedroom.

  “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t have walked here so late at night alone.” He sat on his bed.

  “You weren’t answering my texts.” Sweat was starting to run along my spine. The frat house was hot, or my body was on fire. Either was possible.

  He picked up his phone. “I always set the alarm and then turn it off. It turns on when the alarm sounds.”

  “Oh.” I half turned to the door. “Fancy.” I stare at the closed door. “I’ll go. I shouldn’t have come. It was dumb.”

  “Nattie? What’s going on?” Sebastian frowned.

  I took a deep breath. “You left so quickly, and then my phone went off. Theo texted me. You saw that, right? But I’m not going on a second date with him. I’m not. I’m canceling it. I wouldn’t do that. I forgot. I swear. I forgot. I didn’t care enough to remember.” To stop myself from reaching for him, I clutched my hands.

  “I saw the text. I thought—well, I don’t know what I thought.” Sebastian stared at the floor before making eye contact. “Half the time I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking when I’m around you.”

  The air grew thick. “So it’s not just me?” I asked in a quiet voice.

  He rose from the bed and unzipped my coat, pushing it off my shoulders. “You can’t walk home by yourself.”

  “I can—”

  “Look after yourself,” Sebastian finished for me with a grin. “Please stay with me. It’s only a couple hours until I have practice.”

  “I’m not taking off any more clothes.” Fewer layers meant more temptations.

  “Not even your scarf?” He teased.

  “Okay, the scarf, but no more negotiating.” I waggled my finger.

  He climbed into his bed and lifted the covers for me to join him. I stood at the edge, staring down at him. Getting into bed with him would be tumbling into a canyon. Would I ever find my way out? With a sigh, I slid in and turned my back to him. He scooted forward, so he was pressed against me and threw his arm around my waist.

  Nuzzling my neck, he murmured, “I’m glad you came.”

  Silence hung between us until I said into the darkness, “What are we doing, Sebastian?”

  “I don’t know. But I don’t want to stop.” He held me tighter.

  I lay in the pitch black, listening to his breathing even out into sleep.

  I didn’t want to stop either.

  The next morning, I woke up with a raging headache and someone tapping on my foot. I moaned, rolled over, and realized I was not in my own bed. I sat straight up, pushing my hair out of my face.

  “Sebastian?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, you seemed pretty drunk last night. I’m glad I woke you up after I got back from practice.”

  He was at the end of his bed, freshly showered. His cologne hung in the room, and I realized I was surrounded by his scent. Would my clothes smell of him? If so, I might be sleeping with various items until his smell wore off. I shook my head, thankful he couldn’t read my mind.

  “Painkillers?” I placed my palm on my forehead.

  He chuckled and went to a box on his desk. “Any preference?”

  “Something legal?” The pounding of my head and my heart were in sync, doubling my agony.

  He tossed a bottle to me and left the room. He returned a couple seconds later with a small glass of water. Sebastian passed it to me and watched as I took two pills before giving him the bottle.

  After replacing the pills, he leaned against the desk. “You up for breakfast?”

  I groaned and flopped onto his bed. “Mornings are the worst,” I said. A thought occurred to me and I sat up. “Do people know I’m here? Does this look as though we hooked up?” I checked my clothed body to make sure we had not, in fact, hooked up.

  He crossed his arms and stared at the ground. “That would bother you?”

  “I—I don’t want people gossiping about me.” Lame. That was lame. I didn’t want people to believe I was a conquest.

  He laughed softly. “Sure, Nat. Whatever you say.”

  I tossed off the covers and stood up quicker than my head liked. When I wobbled, Sebastian steadied me. I glanced up at him, at the hurt etched in his features. I hurt his feelings. Somehow, I needed to fix the expression on his face.

  “I wouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed if it was true, Sebastian. But it’s not true, so it’s wrong for people to assume that’s why I came.” I hoped that was enough.

  “You and me. We know the truth. Whatever anyone else is saying, it doesn’t matter.” He slid his hand up my arm and around my back, tugging me into an embrace.

  With him holding me, I wanted so badly to be his girlfriend. I shouldn’t care what other people said about me or about Sebastian, and certainly not about both of us together. The reason I hadn’t declared my feelings for him was exactly this situation. I was afraid of the rumors and gossip, but also the truth.

  “Breakfast?” I stepped back and gathered up the few items I’d taken off the night before.

  “I didn’t tell anyone you were here,” Sebastian said as I got dressed.

  I shrugged. “Gabby knows I’m here, so I would guess Troy knows. How much farther that goes, I have no idea. We won’t make a big deal about it and no one else will.” I wrapped my scarf around my neck.

  “I can ask him not to say anything if it’s going to bother you.” Sebastian put his own coat on.

  “No, leave it. It is what it is.” Hurt still tinged the outlines of his face, but I didn’t understand how to get rid of it without admitting more than I was willing to say.

  When I opened his bedroom door and stepped out, Annika emerged from a room down the hall. She stopped in her tracks, gawking from me to Sebastian and focusing on me. A sly grin crossed her face before she swallowed it.

  “Nat.” Her eyes flicked between me and Sebastian about a thousand times. “I didn’t realize you were here.”

  She wore a tank top and carried her makeup bag. On the side closest to me, there were marks on her bicep. Bruises? Fingers? I wanted to walk over and examine her. To make her see how him manhandling her out of the house wasn’t normal. I swallowed the words. She’d hate me for saying something in front of Sebastian and with Johnny within earshot.

  I shrugged at her comment and glanced over my shoulder at Sebastian. “We’re going to breakfast.”

  Her unspoken question floated around the hall.

  Sebastian put his hands on my shoulders and gave them a quick squeeze before releasing me. “You and Johnny want to come?”

  Inside, I cringed. More time with Johnny wasn’t something I needed.

  “Ah, I’ll check. Just a sec.” Annika disappeared into the bedroom. She popped her head out and said, “Give us a second. We’re coming.”

  They both emerged from the room in a few minutes in hoodies and jeans. Johnny wrapped his arm around Annika’s waist as we exited the house and headed for the ’50s diner Sebastian and I had gone to before.

  Sebastian picked the same booth we’d sat in last time we’d come and winked at me as he tugged me into the booth beside him. Our seating choices meant I was opposite Johnny’s piercing gaze.

&
nbsp; “So from wing-woman to being the one Sebastian beds. Impressive,” Johnny said to me as soon as we got our coffees.

  Sebastian jumped in before I could respond. “It’s not like that, Johnny. Don’t be a dick.”

  “Commenting on how it looks, not what it is.” He sat back and gave Annika an amused smirk. “Let the gossip wheel do its thing.”

  “How’s your arm, Annika? Looked as though you might have a bruise.” I motioned to where I’d seen it.

  Annika flushed and took a sip of her coffee. “I’m fine, Nat. Thanks for asking.”

  “Yeah, Nat. She’s fine.” Johnny turned his fierce gaze to me.

  I smiled sweetly at Johnny. “Of course she’s fine. You do such a great job of looking after her.”

  He laughed and sipped his coffee. The air was thick with tension, and if Sebastian wasn’t regretting his impulsive invite, he had to be sitting at a different table.

  “I’m glad you appreciate my ability to satisfy Annika.” His double meaning was clear.

  Annika’s flushed deepened. “You two need to stop talking to each other,” she said, motioning between us with her coffee cup. “Johnny, get out of the booth and we’ll trade spots. You talk to Sebastian, and I’ll talk to Nat.”

  “What could you two possibly have to say to each other you didn’t get a chance to say last night? You were there for hours.” Johnny’s voice was tinged with humor but laced with something not at all funny. He slid out of the booth and switched with Annika without another word.

  He and Sebastian started talking football, and I ducked my head, gathering my composure. “Sorry.” My comments to Johnny made me a good friend and a bad friend at the same time.

  “It’s fine. You two rub each other the wrong way. I keep hoping the animosity will get better, but it never does.” Annika reached in front of Johnny to swap their coffees.

  Johnny’s gaze connected with mine one last time before sliding away. Sebastian rubbed my back as he continued to talk to Johnny.

  Annika nodded at Sebastian’s hand and raised her eyebrows.

  “I have no idea,” I admitted in answer to her question.

  She smirked. “I think you do.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” I gulped my coffee.

  The four of us fell into a rhythm of talking and eating until we were done. As long as Johnny and I didn’t engage, we seemed to do fine. Annika and Sebastian could talk to any of us, but the minute Johnny and I connected on any level, a heaviness fell over the table.

  We parted at the restaurant door, with Sebastian offering to walk with me to my place. He grabbed my arm and looped it through his, so I was leaning into him.

  “Why were you asking about Annika’s arm?”

  I stared at the bare trees. “Johnny practically dragged Annika out of the house last night. He was angry. There were finger marks on her bicep this morning in the hallway.”

  Sebastian let out a deep breath. “I knew he was mad. He needs to figure out how to get himself together before he touches her. But they were fine when I talked to them along the path. She must bruise easily.”

  “Sebastian,” I said. “He practically crushed a cell phone with his bare hand. Her skin isn’t the problem.”

  He couldn’t quite meet my gaze when he said, “Maybe not. I wouldn’t know.”

  “If you knew, would you say something?”

  “If I knew for sure?”

  “Yes. No doubts,” I agreed, even though my standard was much lower.

  “Yeah, I’d say something to him.” Sebastian shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe he didn’t realize he was being too rough.”

  “What if he did or if he couldn’t ‘get himself together’? What then?”

  “It wouldn’t come to that,” Sebastian said. “Johnny wouldn’t risk his football career. He’ll be drafted this year. He wouldn’t risk his future.”

  “Because you wouldn’t, Sebastian, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t.”

  “I know him, Nat. I know him,” he said, glancing over at me. “You don’t.”

  I let the subject drop as we reached my door. They did spend more time together, but Sebastian met Johnny at the start of the pre-season training camp. How well can you know anyone in a few months?

  “Do you want to come in and I can give you the interview dates and times I have set?” I suggested. “I can switch any you want to be around for if they don’t work.”

  He rubbed a hand along the small of my back and nodded. “Thanks. That’ll make me feel a hell of a lot better.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  While Annika and I watched the boys’ game, she took me through positions, rules and plays, and I was understanding more.

  “No luck with the roomie?” she asked when there was a timeout.

  “None,” I said with a sigh. “Sebastian vetoed the ones he was there to witness, and the others were wrong for other reasons.”

  “Has Sebastian suggested himself again?” Annika grinned.

  “No,” I said. “I’m not sure he would since our whole friendship fell apart after he did last time.”

  “Isn’t Monday the 30th of November?”

  “Yes, it is. Thanks for reminding me.” I frowned. “Going home for Thanksgiving kind of threw a wrench in the roommate search. Then adding Sebastian to the mix was probably a bad idea. There was one guy who I thought would have been fine. He even fanboyed all over Sebastian.”

  “Sebastian isn’t going to let another guy anywhere near you. You’re not that dense.” Annika raised her hands at a play on the field and turned with an expression of disgust at whatever happened.

  “I have no idea what’s going on with us. Sometimes I think I should walk away from him. I keep getting sucked deeper and deeper, and I don’t even know where the bottom is anymore. We’re not in a relationship, but we kind of are,” I admitted. “I’m not blind or dumb. But the fact that he hasn’t brought up our status, and I haven’t mentioned it, must mean that neither one of us wants this connection to solidify, right?”

  She shrugged. “I have no idea what any of that means. Sleep with him and see if it sticks.”

  “That’s bad advice, Annika. Terrible advice. I can’t get involved with him.”

  “You basically told me you’re involved with him. So, you might as well have sex with him to see whether he’s worth your handwringing.”

  “I haven’t kissed him, and you think I should jump into bed with him?”

  “All right, then kiss him. But do something already. Please. The suspense is killing me.” Annika threw up her hands at another play on the field. “They are playing crappy tonight. Johnny is going to be a beast.”

  Strange. I also understood what went wrong that time, even though I’d only been half watching.

  “What if we do kiss or have sex or whatever and it ruins our friendship? What if we can’t ever recover from it? What if all he wants is sex and once he’s got it, he stops talking to me?”

  “What if the two of you start an amazing relationship?” Annika fired back. “You don’t know unless you put yourself out there.”

  “Well, I also need a roommate, so sleeping with him at this point is a doubly bad idea.”

  “You’re going to ask him to move in?”

  “Maybe?” I winced. “I need someone. We get along really well. If I could guarantee he wouldn’t be bringing home a string of girls, he’d be perfect.”

  Annika gave me a look.

  “Don’t.” I recognized the glint in her eyes.

  “I’m merely suggesting—hear me out—you sleep with him and then he’d have no need to go elsewhere.”

  “That logic is not sound.” My mind went to Johnny. I wasn’t convinced he was faithful, and Sebastian’s loyalty to him hadn’t wavered. “I’m going to think about it more.”

  “Just what we need—more of the two of you thinking about doing something that’s so obvious to everyone else.”

  “Whatever.” I waved her away. “Where are w
e headed tonight after the game?”

  “Gabby’s bar. She couldn’t get the night off and Troy wants to hang out with her. You’re coming?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. Get super drunk and make a move on Sebastian. Ask him to move in with you or sleep with him. I’m okay with either.”

  “Thanks, Coach,” I said.

  “No problem. My wealth of excellent advice is free.”

  At the bar, I did another shot and glanced at Sebastian out of the corner of my eye. He’d made a point of speaking to me first and even tried to convince me to socialize with him. Now, he was talking to anyone and everyone. His outgoing personality was truly awe-inspiring. I should have gone with him. Jealousy was eating at me every time I saw him chatting to any girl.

  The game had been the worst of their season, but they’d managed to squeak out a win in the dying seconds. People were fawning over the football players and buying them drinks. The attention wasn’t directed solely at Sebastian, but the plethora of women bothered me.

  I signaled Gabriella for another drink. She poured a shot into the same glass and leaned over the bar. “Maybe you should slow down?”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. I’m just getting started.”

  The bar was busy, but not crowded. Gabriella was sticking around my section, either through coincidence or by design. I wasn’t sure.

  “You went out on a date with Theo, didn’t you?” She peered over my shoulder.

  “Yes.” I drank my shot. The glass clattered onto the wood, and I motioned for her to refill it. “Why are you asking?”

  Her long dark hair fell in two braids on either side of her face. As she leaned over to pour another drink, they both flipped forward. A twinge of envy went through me. I was going to grow my hair until it touched the floor.

  “Theo is headed this way. I wasn’t sure how awkward this would be.”

  “Pretty freaking awkward if Sebastian sees him talking to me.” I nudged my shot glass at her again when she didn’t fill it.

  “You’re on a break,” Gabriella said. “You might need your brain cells to get you out of this mess in a minute.”