When I'm Gone

by Jaxson Kidman

  “Please,” he said. “Please. I didn’t… she…”

  I threw another punch. A right hook that slammed against his jaw and sent him around the pole. He grasped it, sliding down a little. Now his pants were down to his ankles.

  “You piece of fucking shit,” I growled. “You stay right there, asshole. I’m calling the fucking police after I beat your fucking ass senseless.”

  I charged at him again.

  The anger was so fresh and raw, like a seal had been broken inside me.

  I kicked him in the balls and he let go of the pole and fell into the street. I dropped one knee down to his chest and grabbed his jaw with my left hand.

  “Look me in the eyes, motherfucker,” I growled. “Look me in my fucking eyes.”

  He looked at me. He was terrified. The same kind of terror that that woman probably had in her eyes.

  “Please,” he whispered. His eyes filled with tears. “I think I’m drunk. I didn’t… I’m so sorry.”

  “You ever think of touching a woman like that again and I’ll cut your fucking dick off and make you eat it.”

  “Okay. Okay. Please. Okay.”

  He was begging.

  That only made the trigger worse inside me.

  I started to punch him again. Holding his jaw steady with my left hand and punching with my right hand. I made sure to keep his head against the ground so it didn’t repeatedly smash into the street. Last thing I needed was to really hurt this asshole.

  A blackness started to wash over me and I knew that I was reaching a really bad spot personally. A point of no return. A point where I’d come out of my own darkness and be in a damn jail cell with murder charges hanging over me.

  “Kace! Stop! Kace!”

  The second I heard my name, I stopped.

  I stood and turned.

  That voice…

  “Kace… please… that’s enough…”

  She emerged from the alley and when the full light from the streetlight hit her face, I could have screamed. I looked back and down at the mess of the guy I had pulled away from her.

  I wanted to go back and finish what I’d started with him.

  “Kace,” she said again. “Please.”

  My head turned and she inched toward me.

  It took me a few seconds to gather something that resembled a clear thought.

  And I said one word.

  I said her name.

  “Sienna…”

  I finally walked forward and reached for her. When I got within an inch of her, I hurried to stop, remembering what I just saw. The last thing she wanted was to be touched. So I showed my hands to let her know it was okay. That I was okay. That she was safe with me.

  “Sienna,” I said again. “Are you hurt?”

  “No,” she said. Her eyes were wide, in shock, rightfully so. “No… I…”

  “Sienna. I need to know if he… what he did… if he…”

  I couldn’t bring the words to life. I couldn’t fucking say it. Because if this guy had touched her or… something more… I was going to kill him.

  Slowly, Sienna shook her head. “No. He… he followed me, Kace. I tried to get away…”

  “Where’s your car at, darlin’?” I asked.

  The word darlin’ just slipped out of my mouth. The second I looked at Sienna, the word came to me again. It had been a while since I’d said that word.

  “It’s at my friend’s place,” she said. “A couple of blocks away. I was there… and…”

  “Okay, listen to me carefully,” I said. “I can take you back to your car. We can drive to my truck, okay? I’m only a couple of blocks the other way. My buddy bought a building and was showing it to me. He wants me to help him fix it up. I think it’s a terrible idea. But whatever. I need to know, Sienna… if he…”

  “No. I promise. I wouldn’t lie. He was touching… just trying…”

  I gritted my teeth.

  I turned my head and was ready to get back to the guy.

  To my shock, I had given him too much time as an opening to make a getaway. The motherfucker was across the street. Running away.

  I took a step and Sienna clutched my arm. “Please. Don’t leave me.”

  I faced her again.

  “We need to call the police. Report this.”

  “We will. I just don’t want to be here anymore.”

  “Okay. We’ll go to your car and you-”

  “No. Take me to your truck, Kace. I can’t go back there. I can’t… I…”

  She sucked in a breath and started to cry.

  She lowered her head, bawling her eyes out.

  I stood there, shaking with fury.

  Slowly, I reached for her. I gently put my hands on her arms and she jumped.

  “Sorry,” I whispered. “It’s just me, Sienna. I swear. It’s just me.”

  She looked at me, blinking fast, nodding. “I… I…”

  I touched her arms again. This time she didn’t flinch.

  I stayed just like that. It was up to her what would happen next. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to track down that piece of shit and finish him off. But I wasn’t going to leave Sienna. Not here. Not like this.

  She moved toward me and slipped her hands around me. The second I felt her head touch my chest, I let out a long sigh that was way too much like relief. Like I had been waiting for this all my life. Even though the circumstances were fucking terrible.

  She began to cry.

  I put a hand to her back and just stood there with her.

  I gritted my teeth as hard as I could, fighting back the emotion. But no matter how tall or strong I was, it was no use.

  It all came back to me. And here I was with Sienna, again, and I actually felt a little bit okay.

  I shut my eyes.

  A lonely tear started to stream down my right cheek.

  Chapter Ten

  We Have to Stop Meeting Like This

  Sienna

  “Milk?”

  “Sure,” I whispered.

  I sat at the island divider that separated the kitchen and the dining room in Kace’s apartment. My hands were cupped tightly around the hot mug of tea. I watched the steam rise up and kept taking deep breaths.

  My eyes lifted and I watched Kace open the fridge and reach for the milk.

  He twisted off the cap. “Tell me when.”

  He poured the milk.

  “When,” I said.

  He put the cap back on and went to the fridge again.

  He was my hero. For a third time now. I didn’t know what to think. I probably did everything wrong. The second I saw Chris coming at me through the crowd at the party…

  “Sugar?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Kace opened a cabinet and took out a bag of sugar. He got a spoon and gave me both.

  “No sugar dish?” I asked, slightly grinning.

  “No, darlin’,” he said, grinning back. “It’s on my wish list. Okay?”

  I unfolded the bag and scooped two big heaps.

  Instead of putting the bag away, Kace slid it out of the way.

  “We need to call the police. Report what happened.”

  “I will,” I said. “I just… please.”

  “Right.” Kace showed his hands. “Sorry. I don’t want to pressure you. I’m so sorry, Sienna. Just…”

  “Stop,” I said. I looked down and shook my head. “I don’t want to hear that either.”

  “Okay. You tell me what you want right now. My place is yours if you want to stay here. If you want a ride back to your car, I can follow you anywhere you need to go.”

  “Can I just get my car in the morning?” I asked.

  “Of course.”

  “Am I holding you up, Kace? Do you have work tomorrow or anything?”

  “No,” he said.

  I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not. “Are you sure?”

  “Darlin’, don’t worry about it.”

  “Tell me about the building your friend b
ought.”

  “What?”

  “You said your friend bought a building.”

  Kace laughed. “I did say that, didn’t I? Wow. I just started rambling there. Uh, my good buddy, Mack. He’s always had this dream of he and I opening a business together. I’m not going for that. Ever.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just don’t want it. Money and friends and all that don’t mix. I’ve been helping him for a while now with his work. Grabbing side projects and whatnot.”

  “Still restoring stuff?” I asked.

  “Not so much. I mean, when Mack calls, that’s usually what it’s for. But on my own? Nah.”

  “Oh,” I said. “You really seemed to like that.”

  He shrugged. “Things change, Sienna.”

  With that said, Kace turned away and stood at the sink. I felt a tension between us. I sipped the hot tea and took a deep yet shaky breath.

  “Kace,” I whispered. “I think I owe you an apology.”

  “I doubt that,” he said. “After what you just went through.” He slowly turned again. “You really want to know about me and Mack? And you want to apologize to me for something that happened a while ago?”

  “What if I said it was a much needed distraction?”

  I watched as Kace swallowed hard. I could feel the anger swelling from him into the air. Just like before, when he saved me from what I was thinking of doing on that roof, it was like he was there for me, but also there for someone else.

  “Tell you what,” he said. “You’re here. You’re safe. My door is locked. Two locks on the door, okay? You have your phone if you think it’s time to call the police. I’m going to go and dig up some blankets and pillows while you drink your tea.”

  “Kace…”

  He pushed from the sink and exited the kitchen.

  I sat there alone, the first time I’d been alone since everything that happened at Lexi’s place. I took a minute to dig through my mind, finding all the pieces of what happened as though they were ancient memories. My brain was quick to do that when bad things happened. To break it into pieces and shove it away so I didn’t think about it. Even though it was so fresh.

  I sipped the tea a few more times and stood up to go and find Kace. I helped myself to a tour of his apartment, which wasn’t that hard to navigate. One thing I noticed was that there was nothing on the walls. No pictures. No paintings. No… nothing. Just plain walls. For all I knew, it could have been a staged apartment to show potential renters.

  There was a door open next to the bathroom and that’s where Kace stood. Reaching up, pulling something off a shelf. Call me whatever you want, but I froze for a second and watched the way he reached. The way the short sleeves of his shirt pulled up. The way his entire shirt lifted up, showing the top of his beltless jeans.

  I shook my head, still trying to grasp that Kace was the guy who saved me from what could have been a horrible situation. Well, okay, it was a horrible situation. What could have happened…

  “I don’t do parties, okay?”

  Kace jumped and stepped back. A split second later, a pile of blankets and pillows fell from the closet. They all hit Kace and then hit the floor.

  I started to laugh.

  “Really?” he asked.

  I looked at the blankets and back at Kace. It shouldn’t have been funny, but it was. This giant man of muscle and attitude… and little me scaring him and blankets and pillows falling on him.

  I pointed to a blanket on the floor that was a red-purple color with yellow and blue flowers.

  “Nice,” I said. “Is that your favorite?”

  He looked down and then at me. “Keep this up and I’ll make you sleep on the couch.”

  “Oh? Where am I sleeping right now?”

  Kace didn’t hesitate when he spoke. “My bed.”

  Okay, full disclosure, there were several times when I’d thought about what it would be like to sleep in Kace’s bed. Of course, those thoughts included Kace along with me. Possibly the two of us tearing each other’s clothes off as we worked our way to the bedroom. But certainly never like this. My body tingled as it froze. My nerves bounced and I felt something like panic begin to kick up again. The moment I thought about Kace touching me… was the moment I thought about someone else touching me. Holding me against that wall…

  “You get the bed, darlin’,” Kace said. “I’m on the couch. Before anything gets misunderstood here.”

  “Right,” I said, nodding, trying to save face. “Right. I knew that.”

  “I was only kidding,” Kace said. “About you sleeping on the couch. My couch sucks. You need a good night of sleep too. I promise you’re safe here.”

  “I know. I believe you.”

  “Okay.” Kace crouched and scooped up the pillows and blankets.

  He started to walk toward the hallway and there wasn’t enough room for the two of us, which meant that I was forced to get out of his way.

  I hurried to let him past, promising myself that I wasn’t going to smell the air as he walked by. But I did. I smelled the dusty, sleepy smell of the blankets and Kace himself. Again, my brain flashed what I wanted and what I feared.

  He tossed everything to the couch and pointed to the clock on his cable box. “Getting late. You want to get some shut eye or hang out?”

  “I want to tell you what happened.”

  “Okay. I’m all ears.”

  “I don’t do parties and all that stuff.”

  “You said that.”

  “I’d had a rough night at work. The one woman I work with was having a get together. Everyone was bothering me about going. I’ll be honest… I haven’t done much since the last time we were together, Kace.”

  “Together?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “You know what I mean. I just have been… whatever. So I decided to go. And there was a guy there. We were talking a little bit and we went outside on the fire escape. He started to get too touchy for me, so I kicked him in the balls and left.”

  “You left?”

  “I panicked. I couldn’t find Lexi. And there were a lot more people there. I was going to get into my car and leave, but then he was there again. Like right there. I was already outside the apartment, so I ran. Looking back on that, it was stupid. But I called for help and nobody heard me. Nobody cared. I just…” I looked down. “I got so scared, Kace. I thought if I could out run him around the block or something, I could get to my car and leave without him seeing me.” I looked up and saw that Kace was blurry. Tears were in my eyes again. This was the point where I’d normally just swallow things down and pretend it never happened. But when I looked at Kace, I wanted to tell him more. I wanted to tell him everything. “I thought I could lose him. that was a terrible idea. I had no idea where I was going and he caught up to me. For the record, I was going to fight back. Okay? I wasn’t going to just stand there. I was waiting for a chance…”

  “You don’t have to justify anything to me, darlin’,” Kace said. “In case you don’t remember, I don’t judge. Anything you do or say, I trust in. I wanted to kill that guy. And I would have.”

  I shivered again. I nodded. “I know. That look in your eyes…”

  “This isn’t about me,” Kace said. “I don’t want to keep saying sorry that something happened. So I won’t. But whatever you need, I’ll help with.”

  “Right now I think I just want some sleep and figure out what to do tomorrow.”

  “You got it.”

  I hesitated for a second. I looked at the couch, then back at Kace. “Is the couch really uncomfortable?”

  “Horrible,” he said. “To sit on it, it’s not too bad. But to sleep on it? No way. I need a new one. It’s on my list of things to do in life.”

  I turned my eyes and glanced down the hallway.

  “Kace. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  “You’re not alone,” he said. “If you want to sit up until the sun comes up and talk, I’m game. You want some more hot tea?
I’ll make it. You want coffee? I’ll make it. You want a beer? A shot of whiskey? Name it.”

  My mouth suddenly worked faster than my head did.

  And I blurted out exactly what I wanted.

  “I want you to sleep with me.”

  “What?” Kace asked.

  I felt my cheeks burning hot. “I mean… you know. Um… in bed. Your bed. Oh, crap.” I shook my head. “You shouldn’t be sleeping on that couch.”

  “I don’t give a shit about the couch.”

  “I do,” I said. “And I don’t want to be alone. Please. I’m asking you.”

  Kace nodded. “Right. Okay. If that’s what you want. Let’s go.”

  He pointed and started to walk.

  I shouldn’t have been as nervous as I was because nothing was going to happen. Even still, my heart fluttered as we walked down the hallway to the bedroom. He opened the door and turned on the light.

  “You get yourself comfortable first,” he said. “Tell me what you want me to do with the lights. On. Off. A little light. Whatever you want.”

  As I passed by him, I touched his arm. “I don’t get it. Again, Kace. Why me?”

  He looked down at me. “Truthfully, darlin’, if I’d seen what I saw… I mean, I didn’t know it was you at first.”

  “So anyone could be standing here right now?”

  Gently, Kace lifted his right hand and touched my cheek. “No. Not at all. I would have waited there until I figured out another plan. But you… I don’t know. It’s you. That’s all I’ve got right now.”

  “I guess that’s all I need then.”

  I slipped away and realized I was in jeans. I touched my hips and bit my lip.

  “Hey, Kace, I have to ask something.”

  “Ask away.”

  “Do you have anything I can wear to bed?”

  “First you want my bed, now you want my PJs?”

  I looked back and grinned. “Yeah.”

  “You know, I don’t work this hard to get a woman into bed that I plan on sleeping with.” He quickly stopped and shut his eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry for saying that. That came off wrong.”

  “It’s fine,” I said. I felt a little twisted up. “Don’t worry about it.”