by Mj Fields
I look up at her and shake my head. “You really wanna step off.”
“Maybe you should leave. He clearly wants me here, but you—”
“Bitch, how did I taste? When your skanky, little ass was blowing him like a whore in his vehicle, how did I taste? I can assure you, I get mine before any man gets theirs.”
“How dare you call me a skank!”
“Bitch, please, let’s not pretend you’re not.”
I am fully intending on continuing when the light from the bathroom shines into the bedroom, and a very smug-looking River stands in the doorway.
“Do you own a fucking shirt?!” I scream at him.
“Damn, Keanna,” he remarks as he walks toward me as if he has a purpose.
“You can stop right there. I’m not interested in-in … anything you have to offer. You two would do well to walk out the door and find another room. Until I can get her”—I point to Tink—”out of here, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Isn’t she sexy?” River smirks at Tani, who gasps. He has that look in his eye, like a child who knows damn well he’s about to do or say something incredibly wrong, and I brace myself for it. “Tastes good, too, doesn’t she?”
She turns all red. “I can’t believe you. You … Wow, just wow.”
“Incredible, aren’t I?” River replies smugly.
She turns on her heels, ones no woman should wear on a January day in New Jersey, and walks out of his room, slamming the door behind her.
He’s such an ass, a complete and total ass.
“You’re something; that’s for damn sure,” I mutter out loud, still thinking to myself.
“I like the way you taste, the way your tight, little cunt hugs my cock, and—”
“Please just leave. If you hurry, you can catch up with her and still get laid tonight.”
He looks at me like I offended him. Then he opens the French doors and walks out of the opposite door she left from.
“Tink, sweetie, I know you’re not feeling all that well, but we need to go.”
The bedroom door opens, and a man with a beard and a dark-haired woman walk in, holding hands. He looks pissed. She looks at him and smiles, then looks at me.
“Hi, I’m Sonya. Is River around?”
I point to the French doors. “He just walked out there.”
“Sorry if we’re interrupting something,” she says to me, then looks up at the bearded man. “It’s time, Finn.”
He takes her chin in his hand and lifts it. “This is for you.”
“This is for us,” she corrects, taking his free hand and placing it on her stomach. “We never look back again.”
He leans in and takes her mouth possessively. I look away.
When the man I now know as Finn walks out the door, Sonya looks at me and smiles.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t catch your name.”
The way she speaks is almost forced, like her confidence is man-made and not something she was born and raised with.
I immediately answer. “I’m Keanna.”
“A friend of River’s?” she asks, sitting on the other side of Tink and petting her.
Tink sighs.
“Well, aren’t you the sweetest?” Sonya smiles at Tink.
“She’s not normally, but apparently, she ate some of River’s pot,” I inform her, shaking my head.
Sonya giggles and covers her mouth. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny.” She leans her head to the side, studying me. “How well do you know River?”
When I take too long to answer, she reaches over and grabs my hand.
“I see.”
“See what?” I ask.
“It’ll be okay.”
I have no idea what she thinks she knows, but I want to know what it is. “What will be okay?”
She shrugs. “I guess it’s all in what you can handle. I like him. I see good in him. I—”
“Fuck you! Fuck you, Finn!”
Sonya and I both look at the French doors that are partially open.
“No, fuck you. This ends now! I get pressure from the band, pressure from Sonya … This shit between us gets buried now!” Finn’s deep voice growls at River.
“Buried like Jesse?”
“Just fucking like her!” Finn snaps.
“Nah, fuck that. Fuck you, and fuck that. Face me like a man, Beckett. You want an end? You want a fucking end! You want that easy out; that’s what you fucking want? I’ve lived with this shit for years. I’ve kept it all fucking bottled up so you, the fucking good guy, could shine, and you fucking shined! You’re still shining, motherfucker. Gonna be a daddy and all.”
“You fucking watch it, River. You fucking watch your—”
Sonya and I both jump up and run to the door when we hear punches being thrown, finding them on the snow-covered deck in a tangle of fists and fury.
“Finn!” Sonya yells, stepping toward them.
I hold my hand in front of her. “Let them go.”
“What!” She gulps.
“Your man is fine. Let them go.” I watch as Finn holds River’s left wrist, not allowing for any punches to be thrown with it.
“What about River?” she asks, gripping my hand.
“Let him work through it.”
Within seconds, they are both on their feet, and both have bloodied noses.
Finn pulls his hand back, shoves it in his jeans, and pulls out something shiny.
“This was hers. Take it.” He shoves his hand forward. “I don’t need it.”
“And I fucking do?!” River shouts, looking like he has been slapped.
“I don’t fucking know if you do. Sonya thinks …” Finn stops and shoves his hand through his hair. “She thinks it’ll help.”
I don’t know why, but I squeeze her hand.
She looks up at me, gives me a sad smile, and whispers, “Sorry.”
“For …?” I whisper back.
“Because I know what the two of you are facing. I promise you’ll get through it.”
“Oh, no. You’re reading this all wrong.” I shake my head.
“Uh-huh.” She gives my hand a final squeeze, then walks toward them.
She stops between Finn and River and hugs River. “It’s a new year. Happy birthday, River.” Then she turns to Finn and takes his hand.
When they walk away, I stay, watching River who has his hand to his side, his right hand gripping whatever Finn gave him so tightly I swear I feel my heart being strangled.
I am fully dressed, yet my teeth are chattering. I should go inside, but no one deserves to be alone when they are hurting, especially on their birthday.
He may not know it, but I am a stupid girl, and like so many others just like me, I am wildly attracted to broken boys. There isn’t a boy I have met who is more broken than River James, though.
I can be his friend. I will be his friend because he was one to me when I needed it the most.
When I walk through the dust of icy snow on the deck in my socks and stand beside him, he inhales a deep breath, but he doesn’t look at me. I reach out and take his hand, holding it lightly. He then exhales slowly and looks up at the clear, winter sky. Slowly, I feel him grip my hand back.
I don’t know how long we stand there, but it’s long enough that I can’t feel my feet and am shivering.
He looks over, his bloodshot, hazel eyes looking me over. “I need to fuck you.”
I should be offended. I should, but because I am about to become River James’s friend, I laugh out loud.
When he scowls, I laugh harder and pull my hand away to cover my mouth. Then he starts laughing, too, and it’s a beautiful sound.
“Laugh it up all you want.” He shoves the shiny object in his pocket, then grabs me around the waist, lifts me up, and hoists me over his shoulder.
He walks toward the door with me laughing even harder now. Then I feel his hand slap my ass, and I yelp. His hand covers the spot and begins rubbing it.
“Don’t laugh at a man when he sa
ys he needs to be inside your pussy, Keanna.” He flops me down on the bed, then walks back and shuts the door.
“Not gonna happen,” I tell him. “If you wanna fuck someone, go find the Barbie who sucked you off a few hours ago.”
“Jealous?” he asks. The look in his eyes is that of raw hunger as he starts to climb toward me from the bottom of the bed.
I scoot up to the headboard and quickly place my soaking wet, cold feet on his chest, stopping him. “No.”
“Holy fuck, babe!” He stops his ascent and grabs my ankle, then immediately starts kissing my foot.
“River James, I am pissed that my dog is high. I am pissed that you sent me a message that my dog is messed up, then didn’t answer your calls or texts when I replied. And although I am not jealous, I would be lying if I wasn’t thoroughly disgusted that you allowed that little skank to”—I stop because I need to keep this light and friendly. After all, I am going to be his friend—”taste my pussy by way of your dick. I’m pissed that, as your self-delegated, new friend, you treated me like shit today.”
“Did you just friend-zone me?” He stills, no longer kissing my foot.
“The way I see it, you have ass on speed dial. What you really need is a friend. So, yes, I certainly did.”
“Tink, she just friend-zoned me.”
Tink opens one eye and closes it quickly.
“I’ll take friends with beni’s.”
“Sorry, bud, this ass doesn’t share. Although, after the really-get-to-know-River phase of this friendship, maybe then the benefits can happen. Just so long as you don’t mind that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”
“I’ll agree with everything you say so long as I can lick your pussy whenever I want.”
“After the get-to-know-each-other phase, I may allow it.”
“Allow it?” His eyebrows shoot up. “You’ll be begging for it.”
I look him straight in the eye. “As long as you’re okay with me getting it licked elsewhere, too.”
His eyes widen. “You seriously don’t think anyone else could eat that pussy like I can, do you? I am a master pussy connoisseur. I know everything about pussy and how to eat it.”
“Goose.” I point at him. “Gander.” I point at myself.
Understanding fills his eyes. “Because of that chick?”
I shrug, then nod once.
“Son of a bitch,” is all he says.
There comes a time in every man’s life when they would sell their soul to the devil for just a taste of a pussy as smooth and sweet as Keanna’s. Meatloaf sang it best. Fucked up or not, I remember that he was praying for the end of time after promising something to a girl in order to tap her ass.
“I can guarantee I’ll never see that chick again. Fuck, I can’t even remember her name.”
Keanna smiles at me, yet shakes her head.
I flop down face first and groan, then feel her nails skate over my scalp. It feels good, so I stay just like I am: face first, cock impaling the mattress while she rubs the wrong damn head.
I hear the door open, and she stops.
“He okay?” It’s Billy.
When he closes the door behind him, I know this is to mute the noise from our “guests.”
“I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine,” Keanna whispers.
“What the hell happened between him and Finn?”
“I was in here with Finn’s girlfriend, so I’m not sure.”
I know that’s some bullshit, but fuck if I’m going to correct it. I kind of dig that she isn’t saying shit.
“It’s his birthday,” Billy explains with obvious concern in his voice. “He’s twenty-four today.”
“Someone should make him a cake,” she says quietly.
I want to tell her I would rather eat pussy, but I don’t want Billy to push the discussion of Finn and my … issues.
“You … um … staying over?”
Billy cracks me up. Smooth, man, smooth.
“To keep an eye on Tink,” she answers.
“And him?”
That-a-boy, Billy, I think.
“I’m pretty sure we’re gonna be friends, so yeah, him, too.” She uses a gentle tone.
“Good. You’re a good person, Keanna. If he gets to be too much to handle, let me know.”
And now I want to kick Billy’s ass. But as soon as he leaves, her hand returns to the back of my head, and her nails skate gently against my scalp.
I am almost asleep when she stops. The bed rises when she gets up, and I feel her untie my boots, then pull them off.
“I don’t know what happened to you, River, but I hope you’ll let me or someone else inside enough to trust them someday so it doesn’t hurt you so damn much.”
I push myself up once I hear a door shut. I see the bathroom light through the small gap under the door and know she’s in there, wondering what the fuck is up with me.
I pull out the top drawer to my dresser and grab the baggie I got today off one of the guests. Then I grab the one-hitter I took from the same bastard, shove my feet in my slides, and walk outside and onto the deck.
I pull the lighter out of my pants pocket and shake it next to my ear. It’s full. I will have to remember to thank Sonya, because I know for damn sure Finn didn’t do it.
I look at the Zippo and see a faint marking: Yin and Yang—light and dark. Him and me. It wasn’t done by a shop or at the hand of an artist; it is nowhere near professional. I know it was her. I feel it.
I bring the lighter to my lips and hold it there. “I’m so fucking sorry, Jesse. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I hold the packed one hitter between my lips and inhale. I let the burn consume me, holding it in as long as I can. Then I do it all over again.
When I feel the cloud fog my brain, I feel content in knowing I will sleep tonight without incident.
I turn to head back in and see Keanna leaning against the open doorway, her arms crossed over her body, her head lying against the door jamb, and the moonlight framing her lush curves.
“Keanna.” I stop because I have no idea what the fuck to say to her. She’s not looking at me like Jesse did, like I am the only person on Earth who could make her smile. She isn’t looking at me like all the women lined up after a show for a chance to fuck a rock star. She’s looking at me like an angel, like someone who sees me, the real me, and isn’t running the fuck away.
She holds her hand out. “It’s cold out, River. Come inside.”
I walk toward her outstretched hand and take it.
Once inside, she shuts the door, and I begin. “Keanna—”
“It’s been a long day, a rough day.” She turns to look at me. “You should sleep. And because your birthday is technically tomorrow and I am sure your friends have plans for you, I think you should rest.”
I’m glad she interrupted, because I’m not sure what I was going to say. But right now, I know what I want.
“You staying?”
She nods. “Yeah, I have to make sure Tink is okay.”
“Right. Tink.” I kick my slides off, then drop my sweats.
“Jesus, River, a little modesty,” she exclaims as she takes off her hoodie and slides in the bed.
“I sleep nude,” I inform her, walking over to the bed. “Scoot.”
She smirks. “Nice try, champ. Other side.”
“But Tink,” I argue, hoping maybe Keanna is fucked up, too, but I know better. Of course she’s not. That’s too bad, too.
“She’s in the middle of the bed, bud.” She pulls the covers up, concealing the tank top that her tits are using to play peek-a-boo with me.
“Fine.” I get in the bed. “But if you were a friend, you would seriously want to smother me with those perfect fucking tits of yours.”
“Smother?” She is clearly amused at my fuck up.
“Snuggle. I said snuggle.”
“No. No, you didn’t.”
I look at Tink. “You think she needs to go out?”
&nb
sp; Keanna sits up and pets her. “You need to go potty, Tinker Bell?”
Tink covers her nose.
I look at Keanna. “Did you see that, or am I seeing shit?”
Keanna smiles and shakes her head. “I saw it.” She leans over and kisses Tink on the top of her head. “Let me know if you have to, okay, girl?” She rubs her head like she did mine, and I am suddenly jealous of a bear-dog.
I finally lie down, muttering, “Friends.”
She lies back down and rolls to her side so she’s looking at me. “Could you use another?”
I roll to my side and face her. “You sure that’s what you want?”
“I want honesty. I wanna know you,” she says, which immediately makes me tense. “I want you to trust me, River James.”
“I want you, Keanna …” I pause, having no clue what her last name is.
She smiles. Fucking perfect teeth.
“Sutton.” She holds out her hand for me to shake, and I do, but I don’t let go.
“Trust isn’t something I do,” I admit.
“Not an easy thing to give when you—” She stops and looks away. “When you haven’t been given a lot of reason to trust people.”
I try to pull my hand back, but she holds on firmly.
“Please don’t,” she begs. “Please tell me what happened.”
I shake my head. “If you want a friendship, you don’t ask that again.”
I’m starting to sit up when she asks, “Who is Jesse?”
I don’t want to talk about Jesse, either. I don’t want to talk about the past. Still, at least that’s all she is asking of me.
I lie back down. “Jesse … well, I—”
“You and Finn were both in love with her?”
I shrug. “Maybe. I mean, what does a sixteen-year-old kid really know about love?”
“Right,” she says as her thumb runs across my knuckles.
“I met her at a party. We were fucked up. The next morning, her foster family came, and she got taken back. We stayed in touch over the phone, and one of her friends with a license helped us hook up when we needed to see each other.”
“Did you know Finn?”
“No. No, I didn’t. I knew she had a boyfriend. I knew he was straight laced, judgey, and she was a fucking mess. She was like me. Just like me.”
