by Lucy Clark
‘Och, aye,’ she responded, and was rewarded with a chuckle from her colleague.
It was great to see that twinkling light, that teasing glint back in Loughlin’s eyes and Megan had to stop herself from sighing with pleasure. She’d managed to pull him from his bad memories and now she’d made him laugh. It made her feel good. Loughlin put his arm about Megan and gave her a little squeeze before quickly stepping back as though even that small touch had been too much. Megan’s body buzzed alive with heated awareness.
‘Come on.’ His voice held a hint of huskiness and Megan wondered if he wasn’t as immune to her as she’d initially thought. ‘We have an operating list to get going with otherwise we won’t make it to the shops on time before they shut.’
Even with the added patient to the list, Megan was a little sceptical whether they’d get through it and have time to shop, but she didn’t say anything to Loughlin in case he thought she was being too pessimistic. Calvin had told her on countless occasions that she always looked at the glass as though it was half-empty, that she was slightly paranoid and highly possessive. In fact, Calvin had said so many things to her and each time she’d taken them as a criticism, working hard at the faults he’d pinpointed so that she would feel worthy of him.
As she stood at the scrub sink, she shook her head, unable to believe she’d let him do that to her. Her time here in Kiama had been enough for her to see how much of her life she’d lived for Calvin. Since then she’d been trying to figure out exactly who Megan Edwards was. She wasn’t quite sure when she’d started to lose who she really was deep down inside but now she was determined to get the real Megan back. The only problem was, she wasn’t really sure who that was any more and often found herself floundering in a sea of confusion.
She tried to breathe in deeply, the pains in her chest making themselves known. Closing her eyes, she tried to go through her relaxation exercises, hoping the pains would soon settle.
‘You all right?’ Loughlin’s smooth voice washed over her and she looked up at him. ‘You had a scowl on your forehead that would make even the scariest of monsters scamper away and hide.’
‘I was thinking about my ex.’
‘Ah. Well, that’ll do it every time.’ He began scrubbing his hands on the opposite side of the sink. ‘My own scowl almost reaches my knees when I think about my ex.’ He paused for a moment. ‘Is that your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend or ex-something else?’
Megan wasn’t sure whether to tell Loughlin or not. After all, she was desperately trying to keep her distance from him, to make sure their lives only intersected when it was absolutely necessary. However, he had opened up to her, telling her about his own ex. The pains in her chest tightened for a moment.
Loughlin leaned in a little closer, his scent teasing her nostrils, the heat from his body encompassing her. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’ His voice was almost a whisper and, combined with the accent, Megan felt those pains in her chest start to ease a little. She knew it wasn’t just his voice that had the relaxing effect on her but his whole presence.
When she’d first met him, by the side of the road with her car, she’d noticed a carefree attitude about him and had envied him that. Now, though, the more time she seemed to spend around him, the more she was starting to wonder whether he couldn’t teach her a thing or two about how to relax…purely in a platonic friendly-colleagues sort of way, of course.
She looked into his eyes and gave a little shrug. ‘Ex-fiancé.’
‘Ooh. That doesn’t sound good.’
‘No, especially as he became my ex when he left me at the altar.’
Loughlin’s expression instantly softened to one of understanding and concern. ‘Oh, Megsy.’ He placed a caring hand on her shoulder. It explained a lot about her. About why she was so brittle, so prickly, so distant. It hadn’t escaped his notice that she tried to keep a barrier between herself and her colleagues and now he knew why. ‘You don’t want to get close to anyone again because it means you can take control of your life and avoid being hurt in the same way.’
‘Exactly. I know I’m not the first woman to be left at the altar and I probably won’t be the last.’
‘And it’s the reason you needed to get away, to come to Kiama.’ He nodded as more puzzle pieces seemed to fit into place.
‘Yes. I want to know what freedom is.’ Megan shook her head. ‘It’s hard to explain but I’ve always done the right thing. All my life. School was easy, I advanced rapidly, I loved medicine. My future seemed bright, laid out before me in a clear and concise path. And then…I met Calvin.’ Megan shook her head, looking away from Loughlin. ‘He…I never realised how controlling he was until it was too late. I never realised how badly he’d damaged my confidence until I moved here.’ Megan dragged in a deep breath and pulled herself back under control, fighting away the tears she’d thought she’d finished shedding a long time ago. Although this time they felt as though they were tears of frustration…frustration at her previous ignorance, rather than tears of pain and heartbreak.
‘I just wish I wasn’t the sort of person to play and replay everything over and over in my head, trying to figure out where it was that I went wrong.’
Loughlin nodded as though he knew exactly what she was talking about. ‘You’ll drive yourself around the twist with that sort of thinking. What you need to do is every time one of those terrible memories lodges itself in your brain, you access a different, more pleasant memory—preferably with bigger boots—to kick the stinking one out.’
‘Easier said than done.’
‘Nay, it’s true. I’m the same as you. I have a constant replay of Bonnie standing there in her designer clothes, telling me she doesn’t want to have the baby. That she wants to book herself in for an abortion.’
Megan’s eyes widened at his words. She looked around the room in case there was anyone else about but at the moment it was just the two of them at the scrub sink and he’d dropped his voice so that only she could hear his words.
‘Oh, Loughlin. No.’ Her shock must have shown on her face because he nodded.
‘Och, aye. My wife was willing to terminate my daughter’s life rather than have a ruined figure. She was selfish, she was a lying, cheating, backstabbing woman, and I hadn’t seen it until that very moment.’
‘And that’s the memory which you have stuck on constant replay?’
He nodded, his expression solemn. ‘Used to be. Every time something went wrong in my life, that’s the one which would go straight to number one…with a bullet.’
‘So how did you stop it?’
‘I replaced it with a better memory. A stronger memory.’
‘Which one?’
‘The one where I held Heather in my arms for the very first time.’ The smile on his lips was big and bright and natural, oozing with fatherly pride. There could be no doubt about how much this man loved his daughter.
‘That must have been an incredible time for you.’
‘The best.’ He stared off into the distance for a moment, a look of sheer adoration on his face as he remembered the instant he’d held his daughter in his arms. ‘She was so tiny. So helpless. And then she curled her wee fingers around my pinkie and stole my heart.’ His voice was soft, gentle and filled with absolute love. Then his eyes flicked to meet hers. ‘And so, Megan Iris Edwards, what we need to do for you is to find a memory that is strong enough to wipe anything else from your mind.’
‘I wouldn’t have a clue where to begin. I had a happy childhood. Perhaps I could pick one from there.’ She elbowed off the taps and reached for a sterile drape.
‘It needs to be stronger than something from your childhood. It needs to be forceful and passionate. Something with real…power.’ His gaze settled on her lips for a split second and Megan’s heart rate instantly increased. What on earth could he mean?
‘We’ll work on it later, Dr Edwards.’ He winked at her as a nurse came in to help them gown and glove. The smile he’d gi
ven her, combined with his wink, had made her feel as though she was someone special and she found it was actually enough to help her focus her mind on the list ahead, rather than the failures of her past.
Their first patient was in for removal of a hernia and after Megan had opened, she discovered the hernia was strangulated.
‘Game on,’ she announced as she looked at it.
‘A fitting beginning for our first theatre session together.’ Loughlin looked at her over the patient and she could tell, even though he was wearing a mask, that he was smiling.
‘All right, Dr McCloud. Let’s see just how good you are. Take the lead.’
‘As you said, Dr Edwards—game on.’ They shifted positions so that she was assisting him and she had to admit he had deft skill when it came to excising strangulated hernias. ‘So how did I do?’ he asked once they’d finished. They had a quick break whilst the theatre was cleaned and Megan leaned back against the cupboard and looked him over, nodding as she allowed her gaze to travel over him from head to toe and back again.
‘Not bad.’
‘What? Are you talking about me as a man because if you want to give me a few more looks like that, feel free, Megsy.’ There it was again, his natural flirting charm that had her all in a dither.
Embarrassment started to rise within her as she realised exactly what she’d done, quite unconsciously…or perhaps it was that her subconscious was taking control and making her behave like the woman she wanted to be. Not that she wanted to go around ogling her colleagues but if she was actually attracted to someone that she might…just might…be able to let go and see where the moment took her.
Self-confidence. That’s what it all came down to and right now Loughlin was actually inviting her to look once more. She wanted to. There was no doubt about that. So why shouldn’t she? This is what her move to Kiama was supposed to be about. Letting go. Doing different things, and this was most definitely different. Megan pushed away the embarrassment she was fighting and decided to take him up on his offer, her eyes sliding again over his magnificent body.
He was tall. She liked that about him. He was trim, too, and although the scrubs hung loosely on his lithe frame, she could quite easily see he had well-formed biceps and strong, lean shoulders. Finally, she met his eyes. Their gazes locked and held. Megan was a little surprised to find his seemed to be filled with equal appreciation and it was only then she realised that while she’d been looking closely at him, he’d been looking closely at her.
Her throat went instantly dry and she felt a blush tinge her cheeks, although this time it wasn’t from embarrassment but more from the knowledge that he’d obviously liked what he’d seen. She knew she wasn’t beautiful but when Loughlin looked at her like that, she could almost believe that she was.
‘You…Ah…’ She couldn’t believe how breathless her words were sounding. Clearing her throat, she tried again but found herself powerless to look away. ‘You did good, Lochie.’
‘I like it when you call me that.’ Her Australian accent combined with the present huskiness in her tone made his name sound rich and sexy. Although he may have had little romantic involvement in the past, no one had ever made his name sound so sexy before.
‘Really?’ Why did that fill her with another wave of excitement? Their words were quiet and intimate and even though they were almost on different sides of the scrub room, it was as though they were alone in the universe with no need to shout.
‘Megan. Can you take a look at this?’ Theatre Sister came into the room, her attention on a piece of paper she was holding, but it was enough to break the moment and Megan was quick to look away. She returned her attention to the work at hand but had difficulty concentrating due to her awareness of Loughlin. Even as he moved around the room, she could sense exactly where he was even if she couldn’t see him.
Their list continued, as did her impressions of her new colleague. He certainly was well qualified and she was pleased the hospital had snapped him up. Not only would he help to lighten her own workload until her contract expired but where the patients and this community were concerned, she knew she could trust him. He would no doubt slip into the role of director once she left and it was a fact that he’d make a darned fine head of the hospital. She could trust him with that, too.
The big question was, though, was he someone she could trust in other areas of her life?
CHAPTER SIX
‘I THINK this one.’
‘I disagree. I think she’d like this one.’ Loughlin bounced on a white single bed which had pretty white flowers painted around the foot-and headboards.
‘Sure. If she was five.’
He stuck his tongue out at Megan. ‘Well, what would you know about it?’
Megan laughed. ‘Uh…perhaps the fact that I’m a girl might help. Look, don’t get your sporran in a twist. Come and take another look at this one.’
‘It’s a double bed!’
‘Exactly. Every girl coming into their teenage years would give their last lot of baby teeth for a double bed.’ She put a hand on the mattress and pressed down a few times.
‘But it…it’s just so…big. She’d be so small in it.’
‘She’d feel like she was growing up and that you were taking her seriously.’
‘I do take her seriously.’
‘I’m sure you do. I’m sure you’re the best daddy in the world.’
‘Too right, mate.’ He attempted an Australian accent as he spoke and Megan simply shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips. He really was a lot of fun to be around. She hadn’t realised picking out a bed for a girl she hadn’t even met would be so entertaining.
‘No. Don’t do that. Stick to Scottish. Leave the tough accents to those of us who can do them properly.’
‘Hey. It wasn’t that bad,’ he said defensively, and she shook her head again.
‘Come over here and take a closer look at this bed.’ Megan beckoned him over and tried to hide her smile as he reluctantly walked towards her, his shoulders slumped in defeat, his knuckles almost dragging on the floor. She smothered a giggle.
‘Try it out. It’s a comfortable mattress. It’s not too big and it will definitely fit into the bedroom.’
‘How would you know? You’ve never been to my house.’
‘It’s the same as mine or hadn’t you realised that?’
He broke from his bad acting and smiled at her. ‘Of course I did. Just didn’t realise you knew that.’ He lay back, bouncing around again as though trying to get comfortable. ‘I don’t know. There’s heaps of room. Lie down and test it out.’
Megan’s eyes widened at the thought of lying down next to him. ‘Uh…it’s fine. I think you can test this out by yourself.’
‘Nay. Lie down and try it out. You’re the one who’s insisting I buy it.’ There was a hint of indignation in his tone.
‘I’m the one who’s insisting you lower your voice.’
‘If you don’t lie down next to me, I’ll not only not lower my voice but I won’t buy it either. A lose-lose situation.’ He watched indecision flit across her face as she quickly looked around the store, trying to gauge which option she should take. ‘What’s it going to be, Megsy?’
Megan looked at him, lying there on that big bed. He looked so good. So bright and cheerful and welcoming. No. She couldn’t possibly lie down next to him. She feigned nonchalance and shrugged her shoulders. ‘So, fine. Don’t buy it.’
‘But I value your opinion. How can you give me an opinion if you don’t lie down on it?’
He valued her opinion? Megan stared at him and was astonished to find tears starting to well in her eyes.
‘Megan?’ He stopped springing around on the mattress and lifted himself up so he was leaning on his side, head propped up on his elbow. His hair had spiked even further from all his shifting about and there was a definite twinkle in his eyes. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’ She looked away. He was far too appealing and she couldn
’t believe how his words had made her feel. She brushed a hand across her eyes, wiping away the small teardrops, and then sniffed. ‘You’d best buy it, Loughlin, or else you’ll need to go to Sydney to choose a bed for her. This is the only bedding shop in the Gerringong-Kiama district.’
‘OK, then.’
When she felt his hand on her shoulder she jumped, not realising he’d moved. ‘Megsy. What’s wrong?’
‘It’s nothing. I’m just being silly.’
‘Never. How about we go for coffee? Your treat.’
That made her smile a little. ‘Gee, thanks.’
‘Hey, it’s cheaper than another dinner date.’
‘True. Do you want to get the bed sorted out?’
‘It can wait until tomorrow.’ And then he surprised her further by taking her hand in his and leading her from the store, telling the salesman that he’d be back to buy the double bed tomorrow and to have it ready.
Hand in hand, they crossed the road to a small coffee-shop, which was deserted, the owners getting ready to close up for the night. Megan was about to suggest that they just head home when she realised Loughlin had sweet-talked the owner into not only staying open but to make them a fresh pot of French pressed coffee.
‘A talk like this demands good coffee,’ he stated as they sat down. He’d let go of her hand and she was now able to start settling the excessive beating of her heart. His touch had been sweet, innocent and yet she hadn’t been able to control the effect this man had on her. Problem was, it was only getting stronger and a lot harder to fight.
She knew he was a charmer. It was quite evident when all the female staff at the hospital seemed to almost swoon whenever he walked into the room. It was another reason why she should avoid any sort of personal contact with him…such as sitting alone with him in a coffee-shop in the evening.
‘So…’ he said after a brief pause. ‘Why the tears?’
Megan shook her head, feeling highly self-conscious. She realised he wasn’t going to let her off the hook and decided it would be easier to rip the sticking plaster off in one quick go rather than prolong the agony. ‘Why the tears? Simply because you wanted my opinion. See? I told you it was nothing.’
