by Lucy Clark
‘Why wouldn’t I want your opinion? You’re a smart woman.’ He watched her closely and then realisation began to dawn. ‘You haven’t been asked for your opinion much before?’
‘Not on anything non-medical. Not by Calvin—he’s my ex, by the way. It’s not a nice feeling to be in a relationship and one day realise that you don’t matter.’ She tried to speak the words in a matter-of-fact way without her voice breaking. She almost succeeded.
‘He didn’t appreciate you.’ His words were a statement and not for the first time Megan was struck with the sense that Loughlin knew exactly how she was feeling. He could only do that if he’d been in a similar place with his own ex-wife.
‘No. The problem was I started to realise that even I didn’t trust my opinions. I didn’t have the confidence.’
‘He’d stripped it all away.’
‘Yes, and I have no clue when that happened.’
‘Had you known him a long time before wanting to marry him?’
‘Yes. We’d been dating for a long time. We met at work when he was a registrar. Calvin was older than me and so when he became a consultant, things changed.’
‘Personally as well as medically?’
‘Yes. I knew he’d be busier, that he’d have more pressure. He’s currently Head of Cardiology at Sydney’s leading cardiac hospital, and he’s only in his early forties.’
‘A surgeon who thinks he’s God. Well, most cardiologists do. And neurosurgeons, for that matter.’ Loughlin leaned back in his chair as their coffee was delivered to their table. ‘They look down on us other surgeons as not being able to cut the grade. At least, that’s the way it was back home.’
Megan’s smile was tired as she sipped her coffee. ‘Things aren’t so different on this side of the world.’
‘So why get married?’
‘Because I asked him. It was a leap year, on February 29, and, as you know, it’s traditional for the woman to ask the man on that day. I sort of entered into it in a joking fashion…’
‘Protecting yourself just in case he said no.’
‘Yes, but I’ve at least admitted to myself that I took the opportunity to ask him because I thought he’d never get around to asking me.’
‘I take it he agreed.’
‘He did. He said it made perfect sense, that it was the next step in our relationship. And then he told me to organise the wedding and let him know where and when to turn up.’
‘He didn’t receive the memo?’
Megan sighed, amazed to find that for the first time since her disastrous aborted wedding day she didn’t have that overwhelming tightness in her chest when she talked about it. ‘Apparently not. He did, however, send a message through his registrar to let me know he was not only stuck in Theatre but that he’d be stuck there for quite some time. Such as for ever. He called me later that night to tell me he’d rethought the decision and decided it would be best if we dissolved our partnership rather than move forward.’
‘Those were the words he used?’
‘Almost verbatim.’
Loughlin shook his head. ‘And, let me guess, the time you spent with him diminished your confidence in yourself, made you doubt and second-guess your decisions and in the end you had no idea who you were?’
He seemed to be looking into her soul. Megan watched him closely and she saw that the main reason he’d been able to read her was because he knew what she’d been through. First hand. ‘Been there?’
‘Done that. Look, let’s not worry about our pasts. That’s what we need to put behind us. To move on. To get revenge by being deliriously happy without them.’ He poured the coffee. ‘Now that you’ve shared so much of your past with me, there’s one burning question I need to ask you.’
Megan’s eyed widened at that. What could he want to know? What was he about to say?
‘Megan Iris, there comes a time in all new relationships—whether they’re friendships or something more—when that all-too-important question needs to be asked.’
Megan’s eyes were intent on his, wondering what on earth he was going to ask her. She held her breath, waiting with anticipation. Loughlin held out the sugar bowl to her.
‘One lump or two?’
It took a second for his words to register. ‘That’s the important question?’
‘That’s it for tonight. One lump or two?’
She smiled and shook her head, delighted with the way he could continue to tease when she was in the middle of deep emotional discoveries. Well, they had been taught that laughter was the best medicine and it appeared that Loughlin was a confirmed practitioner of it.
As they drove home from their shopping expedition, Loughlin’s thoughts were on the woman beside him, trying to figure out just when he’d become so interested in her. For all intents and purposes he hardly knew Megan Iris Edwards, but by the same token they seemed to share some sort of connection, as though they had known each other for quite some time. The only other woman he’d been this relaxed around in the past had been Bonnie. That in itself should be enough impetus to make him run for the hills. Yet he wasn’t.
What was wrong with him? Although he’d dated in the past, he’d managed to keep everything under control until it had become absolutely necessary for him to break things off. He guarded his heart carefully, determined it would never get broken or ripped into little pieces ever again. Heather was his number-one priority and he’d always used her as an excuse.
Perhaps that was why he was even contemplating stepping into territory he usually avoided. Heather wasn’t here and for the first time since her birth he was on his own. Albeit it was only for two more weeks, but it made him realise just how much of his life he’d lived for Heather and his sisters. Not having any of them around now gave him a clear illustration of how lonely his life was without them. One day Heather would be grown and striking out on a life of her own. Then where would he be? An old man, sitting alone at home of an evening with a rug on his knees, watching telly? Not a chance.
Megan wasn’t Bonnie. That was something else he had to keep remembering. When they’d initially met, he’d thought she was a career-woman and he guessed she still was, but she was not the ambitious, money motivated type his ex-wife had been. Instead, she was a well-organised hospital director with a caring attitude, an amazing mind and a loving bedside manner—even if she didn’t admit to the last. The patients thought the world of her, that much was true, and he’d already heard the gossip that she probably wouldn’t renew her contract when the time came, even though everyone wanted her to.
The community had embraced her, helped her to heal, and he’d also witnessed Megan giving back just as much to the people she cared for. Whilst she thought she was holding herself aloof from her colleagues, she was already one of them. She simply hadn’t realised it yet.
He glanced across at her. She wasn’t classically beautiful but, then, classically beautiful women weren’t his type at all. He liked them a little flawed, a little obsessive and a little neurotic. He smiled to himself. Megan was fitting that bill quite nicely. He thought back to the moment they’d shared earlier in the scrub room. He’d had an overwhelming urge to kiss her. To make a memory that would wipe all the bad memories away. Thankfully they’d been interrupted or he might have ended up making a grave mistake.
Or would he?
What would it be like to kiss the complex woman sitting beside him? The urge hadn’t disappeared, as he’d expected it to. Was she like Bonnie? Would the risk of attempting an involvement with Megan end in heartbreak? She had plans to leave Kiama. She’d been badly hurt in the past. So what did the present hold?
Megan shifted in her seat and Loughlin made sure his attention was on the road before them. He could feel her looking at him for a moment before she spoke, her tone as smooth as silk and washing over him as such.
‘Thanks for tonight, Lochie. It was nice to go out and just do something completely different for a change.’
‘Let me guess—you usua
lly go home from the hospital with a briefcase filled with work and spend the night catching up on everything else you didn’t have time to complete during the day.’
‘Yes. Sad, isn’t it?’
‘No.’ The one word was spoken with earnestness. ‘Not sad, Megsy. Just a way of coping until something better comes along. And for the record, I enjoyed myself too—although you still should have tried out that bed.’
‘Let’s not go there again.’ Even now the thought of lying next to him on that bed made her body warm with delight. The man beside her was starting to affect her far more than she liked. Today had been another case in point where she appeared to be completely conscious of where he was at all times. His presence was overwhelming her and she wasn’t sure how to deal with that. To that end, she knew she needed to put a bit of distance between them…somehow.
Loughlin turned the corner and drove up the track that would soon lead them to her door. She needed to say something now, to get the words out sooner rather than later. Clearing her throat, she looked at him. ‘There’s also something I need to tell you.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Well…I’ve really appreciated the lift to and from work today but I won’t need you to pick me up tomorrow.’
He glanced over at her, his eyebrows hitting his hairline. ‘Got your car fixed, then?’
‘Not exactly. I had it towed to a garage this morning and also arranged for a hire car to be delivered to my home. It should be there by now. I’ve also asked Jasper to try and find me a new car to buy. There’s a lot more choice in Sydney.’
Loughlin processed this information. Part of him was a little disappointed because he’d quite enjoyed being a knight in shining armour and helping out. He liked helping people. It gave him a buzz, but whilst he’d enjoyed spending a bit more time with Megan, especially away from the hospital atmosphere, he also knew she was right to put more distance between them. ‘Fair enough.’
‘Don’t think I don’t appreciate your gesture to drive me to and from the hospital until my car problem is solved. It’s just that it wouldn’t always be practical. We’ll be leaving the hospital at different times and then there are house calls to take into consideration and other things I need to do, like—’
‘It’s OK, Megsy. You don’t need to explain. I completely understand. Of course you need your freedom and independence. I’m just glad I could help out in your wee emergency.’
‘Well, as I said, I’ve really appreciated it.’
He pulled up outside her home and turned the engine off. For a split second Megan wondered if he was planning to walk her to the door…or come inside? Did he want another cup of coffee? If he did, he’d have to have it black because she hadn’t had any time to buy groceries today, even though he’d declared last night that they would. Unsure what was going to happen next, Megan undid her seat belt and turned slightly to face him, her heartbeat increasing in the sudden silence that surrounded them.
‘Well…thanks for the lift home.’ She put her hand on the door lever but Loughlin stopped her.
‘Wait a second. I know we didn’t get around to buying groceries for you tonight but there’s also something else we’ve forgotten to do.’
‘Oh?’ Her gaze flicked from his eyes to his lips and back again as he spoke. The automatic sensor light had switched on when he’d driven up but even in the shadows she could see he was looking intently at her.
‘We haven’t made your replacement memory.’
Megan swallowed, unsure exactly what he meant. ‘Sorry?’ She watched as he undid his own seat belt and leaned closer towards her.
The atmosphere in the car escalated to overpowering and her heart pounded as her mouth went dry. Her lips parted to allow the pent-up air to escape as she looked into his eyes.
‘We need to make a nice memory for you so that you can replay it when the bad ones intrude.’
Excited anticipation started to rise within her as she wondered exactly what he had in mind. He wanted to make a nice memory and he was looking at her as though she was the most stunning woman in the world! The pounding of her heart accelerated from feverish to intoxicated. ‘I…uh…think I’ll be…uh…fine.’ Her words were stilted and she tried to swallow, tried to ignore the way his nearness was making her feel.
He raised an eyebrow at her words, a gleam of desire entering his dark eyes. ‘I think you will, too.’ With that, he didn’t give her time to say another word as he pressed his mouth to hers.
Megan gasped at the contact, surprised and totally unsure what to do for that first split second. Lochie’s lips were on hers. They were warm, soft and nice…very nice. Slowly they moved over her own as though he didn’t want to rush her, didn’t want this memory he was insistent on making to be a hot and powerful one.
Seduction. That was the word that came instantly to mind as her head continued to whirl with excitement. He wasn’t forcing her into doing anything and she knew if she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her, she could have pulled away by now. But she hadn’t and that thought alone caused her stomach to churn with nervous butterflies.
She sighed and relaxed a smidgen and Loughlin took that as a sign of acceptance. The way she’d spoken about her ex, the way the pain had come into her eyes, pierced her soul…he’d seen her hurt. She’d allowed him to see her hurt. Whether this kiss meant anything to her or whether it was just a means of helping her to move on with her life, to realise that she was a strong woman who didn’t need to wrap herself in a prickly exterior to get by for the rest of her life, he had no idea.
All he knew was that when he’d set out to kiss her, he’d wanted to show her that the world of romance hadn’t ended when she’d been left a jilted bride. He’d wanted to show her that he thought she was a good person. He’d wanted to show her that she could go on making happy memories, that her world hadn’t stopped.
Of course, by the same token she could have wrenched back from his touch and slapped him across the face. Thank the sweet Lord above that that hadn’t been her reaction. He was more than pleased that she’d accepted his strange therapy for making a new memory. What he hadn’t bargained for was the way her response was starting to fuel his own.
He was kissing Megan. His new colleague. His new neighbour…And he was liking it far more than he’d anticipated. Her confidence was beginning to grow and she started to take the initiative, her tongue slipping out to part his lips.
A powerful surge of hunger burst through him as the real taste of her mouth entered his own and he found it delectably sweet and enticing. He’d planned to keep the kiss soft and light but now primal urges were starting to war within him and the desire to haul her into his arms, holding her chest firmly against his own, were becoming too pressing to ignore…but ignore them he did.
Gently. Slowly. Delicately. This woman’s confidence had been destroyed and he wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardise her getting it back, and moving too far, too fast would surely do that. Besides, the way her mouth was moving over his, the way she was taking charge of this kiss, was beginning to make him question himself.
She was absolutely delightful with the way her confidence seemed to increase with each passing second. Where she may have had doubts about her attractiveness after having her heart shattered so badly, his responsiveness was obviously helping her to realise she had much more to give. He wanted her to realise she was a highly desirable woman and that he, for one, found her immensely attractive.
He also couldn’t believe how right she felt in his arms…especially when she was no doubt all wrong for him. Megan had her own problems, her own baggage, which was really nothing to do with him. He knew he couldn’t solve the problems of the world but he could at least control his own. Megan needed a man who would take things slowly with her, who would help restore her trust and faith in men. Although he liked to help people, to be there to support them, this wasn’t the type of intense and heart-stopping support he’d been planning on giving.
He’d been too b
urned by Bonnie. Not just once. Not even twice but three times. Three times his ex-wife had managed to rip his heart out and leave him a mere shell of a man. He had his own problems to deal with and whilst he was more than happy to be friends with Megan, to be friends with anyone who wanted friendship, he had to keep his priorities and need for self-preservation upper most in his mind.
At that thought, he placed his hands on Megan’s shoulders, allowing himself ten more glorious seconds of pleasure before he eased away. He watched as she slowly opened her eyes, eyes that were glazed with a mixture of longing and regret.
Neither of them spoke, silence reigning in the car. Megan looked at Loughlin’s dark eyes, not exactly sure what she expected to see there but, given that the sensor light had now switched off, she couldn’t see much at all. Her gaze flicked back to his lips, which were now pursed as though he was trying to stop himself from repeating what they’d just been doing.
His hands were still on her shoulders and the warmth that was emanating from them was sending small electrical waves through her body, keeping the jolts, the churning in her stomach simmering on low.
As if he realised belatedly he was still touching her, he lifted his hands and jerked them away, easing back to the other side of the car. ‘Uh…Megan. I’m—’
‘Sorry?’ She cut him off. She knew instinctively that was what he’d been about to say and she didn’t want to hear it. Her voice was low, calm and controlled. She made sure of that. She was a woman who’d stood at the front of a church before all of her family members and close friends. She was the one who’d told them all that Calvin had changed his mind, that he’d decided not to marry her—and she hadn’t shed a tear. In truth, she couldn’t have cried even if she’d tried because frankly she’d been too numb. Calvin hadn’t wanted her.
Now, after a mind-numbing, sense-whirling, heart-pounding kiss, it appeared Loughlin wasn’t all that interested in her either.
