Galloglass

by Scarlett Thomas

  ‘But if you’re bound when you’re young you can never get your magic back . . . You may as well be dead.’

  ‘What, dead to you?’

  ‘That’s not what I meant.’

  ‘Are you sure about that?’

  ‘I’d still love you if you weren’t magical. You know that.’

  There was a big sigh. ‘I thought we’d agreed to just be friends. I don’t share your feelings. I wish I did, but . . .’

  ‘We can leave together as friends. We can go right now. I’ve got my car. My savings. I don’t understand why not.’

  ‘Because I’m not a coward.’

  ‘Right.’ There was a long pause. ‘And you’re saying I am?’

  ‘No, of course not. I didn’t mean—’

  ‘I think I know what you meant.’

  There was silence for a few moments. Then Claude Twelvetrees came out of the door, the tears in his eyes preventing him from really registering Effie on the steps. Of course, the fact that she’d cast the Shadows helped too. She lifted the spell as she walked into the chapel. She didn’t want to sneak up on Leander. That seemed unfair.

  Inside the chapel came the sound of someone sighing heavily.

  ‘Leander?’ said Effie.

  He was there alone in one of the pews. A single candle burned gently in front of him. He was wearing a black cape as usual, with a white shirt that had the collar turned up. Effie wasn’t surprised that everyone was in love with him. He looked like an elegant, maybe-harmless vampire.

  ‘Effie,’ he said. ‘Have you heard?’

  ‘Heard what?’

  ‘The Guild are voting today on whether or not to bind children. Well, people under eighteen. Basically us.’

  ‘What?’ said Effie. ‘They can’t be serious.’

  Leander nodded. ‘Apparently they had a complaint from the Otherworld. About, well, about you, in fact. They say you’re out of control and they’re using that as a reason to potentially bind all of us. If the vote goes through, then you’ll – we’ll – have to hide. But especially you. You’ll basically be top of their list.’

  ‘But . . .’ Effie felt like someone had punched her. Could she not do anything right at all? ‘What can we do?’ said Effie. ‘Can we stop them?’

  ‘Nope.’ Leander shook his head. ‘Just hold tight for now. The vote might not even go their way. Not everyone in the Guild agrees with Masterman Finch. Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘You’re not the only one on their hit-list. They’ve been after me for a long time, too, mainly as a way of getting to my mother, but also because of some other stuff. I suppose the only good part of this is that they might bind my sister and do the world a lot of good.’ He smiled half-heartedly.

  For a few moments the chapel was completely silent. It was a deep, soft kind of silence, filled with the smell of incense and burning wax, and the special kind of light that comes through stained-glass windows. Tiny particles of dust danced timelessly in the air.

  ‘Oh, Leander,’ said Effie. ‘Do you ever feel like you’ve just made one big mistake and then everything’s gone all out of control? Like . . .’ She remembered the class she’d just had. ‘Like in tragedy. I know that sounds weird, but . . .’

  ‘Don’t forget you’re talking to another interpreter,’ said Leander, smiling weakly. ‘It doesn’t sound weird to me at all. Applying stories to life – or vice versa – is one of the things we’re best at. It can go too far, of course. But that’s never stopped me. Basically if there’s a mistake to be made, I’ll make it, whether it goes with the story or not. And you know the worst thing? When’s life’s not even tragic, it’s just messy.’

  ‘I don’t know which is worse,’ said Effie. ‘Professor Forestfloor said that at least the tragic hero brings light to the rest of the world by sacrificing him or herself. And something about Primal Oneness, which sounded . . . I can’t put it into words, but something happened recently and I read a poem and . . .’

  ‘Oh, you’ve had his Nietzsche class then,’ Leander said, with a smile. ‘Interesting choice for eleven- and twelve-year-olds. But yeah, it worked on me too. Live fast, die young? It’s a compelling message. But don’t forget that he’s the leading Diberi of his age. You don’t want to find yourself agreeing with anything he says, although I know it’s difficult. They all go on about Primal Oneness without ever acknowledging that it’s probably the same as the Flow, which they apparently despise. And all that stuff about going out in a blaze of selfish glory for the good of everyone else? Not what they are intending to do, I assure you.’

  ‘Do you know about the Flow?’ asked Effie.

  ‘Only what I’ve read in books,’ said Leander. ‘Ones I probably wasn’t supposed to read.’

  ‘Do you know what the Diberi are intending to do?’ asked Effie.

  ‘No. Not exactly. I think it’s to do with Midwinter, but . . .’ Leander shrugged. ‘No one’s got any further than that.’

  ‘Yes, I think it’s all about Midwinter too,’ said Effie. ‘In fact . . .’

  The chapel door clicked and Maximilian, Wolf and Raven came in, followed by Pelham Longfellow, Dora Wright, Festus Grimm and Mrs Beathag Hide.

  ‘Good,’ said Pelham Longfellow. ‘We’re all here. Well, almost. Let’s go to the meeting room. Effie, I believe you have news for us?’

  No one had said that it was going to be a baby yeti, or that it would be so cute.

  Urrrgh. Cute.

  Tabitha Quinn had never used the word cute in her life. Well, unless it was about a dress. Maybe. But someone else’s dress probably. And not a close friend’s either. Tabitha – and her friends, who copied her – didn’t wear cute dresses. Tabitha wore elegant, sophisticated dresses, and she did elegant, sophisticated things. So quite why she had become a glorified – in fact, not even glorified – stable girl was a mystery to her. Getting involved with the Diberi was supposed to be her ticket to ultimate glamour, power and influence. It was supposed to be about casting evil spells and travelling to large castles in Europe where people wore diamond tiaras and hung out with real vampires. It was not about poo, hay or cat food, which was apparently what baby yetis liked to eat.

  And yet here she was, mucking out a yeti. A cute baby Yeti, with big, imploring eyes. Eyes that were going to be removed later this evening in a horrible ritual that made even Tabitha wince when she thought of it. It wasn’t as if she and her friends didn’t eat the eyeballs of dead creatures – they did, with relish – but Tabitha had never before looked into a condemned creature’s eyes while it was alive.

  The baby yeti was being kept in the old stables at the back of the Old Town University. No one knew it was there, except for Tabitha and her new mentor, the wonderful Jupiter Peacock, who let her call him JP. He’d told her all sorts of things about the Diberi and their castles and mansions and great ballrooms. Tabitha sighed and looked away from the baby yeti. She’d do almost anything for JP. As long as it was going towards her ticket out of here, towards great glory, riches and beauty, she would do virtually anything. Virtually. This baby yeti thing was disturbing her in some way, though, and she didn’t like it. It kept moaning about something, and Tabitha thought she could see blood coming from somewhere. Ick.

  She turned her back on it and paged one of her friends about a new diamond necklace she’d seen in the Selfridges catalogue. The friend didn’t page her back. This was just typical of Tabitha’s friends lately. They were interested in homework, boys (not even real men) and the kinds of cheap cotton dresses you could get in Teen World. Well, Tabitha would be leaving them behind soon. In fact, if JP was to be believed, they’d be leaving behind most of the world soon – and good riddance too.

  20

  Lexy didn’t ask where she was being taken; she just did everything she’d been told to do. She had been instructed to tell her parents that she was going to be staying at the university overnight as part of the Winter Fair arrangements. She’d been commanded to look cheerful and excited, which she’d done.

  She’d
done everything JP had told her. More or less.

  After all, if she didn’t obey him, the world was going to end. And little Buttons was going to be sacrificed to help make it happen. That’s what he’d said. And if ever Lexy looked as if she might forget, he’d found a way to remind her. A little pinch or a kick – or just drawing his finger slowly across his throat when he knew Lexy could see him and her parents could not.

  The last few days had been awful for Lexy. Marcel Bottle had realised that something was wrong with his daughter, but whenever he asked her what it was, she’d just snapped at him. As a result, Lexy’s parents were now talking about sending her to a counsellor who specialised in difficult children. Which would be great – just another person she’d have to lie to.

  And they weren’t even that bothered about her being away for the night. Hazel had packed Lexy’s overnight bag without much emotion. Maybe they were looking forward to her not being there.

  Lexy felt completely and utterly alone.

  And now she was in the Bottle family car being driven by JP towards the Old Town University. She had no idea what was going to happen to her. She’d been bathing in milk and rose petals for the last two days, as per JP’s instructions – yet another thing that had got her into trouble with her parents. (‘Where did you even get all this stuff?’ Marcel had asked. ‘And what did it cost?’ Hazel had said.) She had eaten only Turkish Delight. (‘Why won’t you even eat one mouthful of your dinner?’ Marcel had implored. ‘She’s just doing it to upset us,’ Hazel had said. ‘And to get attention. Just ignore it.’) She had learned to do her hair in a very intricate braid according to instructions JP had given her, and had practised the complicated make-up and body paint she was to wear for the ritual – whatever that was – on Monday evening. (‘Take that off right now!’ Hazel had said. ‘You’re way too young for make-up,’ Marcel had agreed. ‘She’s just showing off because we have a guest,’ Hazel had concluded.)

  Lexy had no way of telling them that she was doing all this for them. So they would be seen as good hosts. And also now so that Effie wouldn’t be killed. And Buttons. And to make the world safe. JP’s requests had become very strange recently, but at least he had not tried to arm-wrestle her again, or kiss her. Now that she’d agreed to obey all his instructions he’d become even a little cold. But that was fine with Lexy. The less attention he paid her the better. She despised him.

  The Bottle family car chugged up the hill towards the Old Town University, its occupants both lost in their own silent contemplation. JP didn’t drive through the main gates, however, but through a partially hidden back entrance. He parked the car by some old stables.

  ‘Right, little lady, out you get.’

  Lexy got out of the car. JP slammed the door behind her and locked it.

  ‘What about my bag?’ Lexy said.

  ‘Oh, you won’t need that,’ said Jupiter Peacock. ‘We’ll be providing you with an outfit suitable for a maiden being sacrificed.’

  ‘What?!’ said Lexy. ‘Sacrificed? But—’

  ‘Oh, didn’t I mention that I was going to kill you?’ said JP, taking her firmly by the arm. ‘And that your death is going to bring about the end of the world, not save it? Sorry I lied about that last bit. It’s not just a hundred live cats we need – we require the pure blood of a maiden too.’

  ‘But you said if I did everything you wanted then the world would be safe!’

  ‘And you believed me, like the silly child you are.’

  ‘Let me go!’ shouted Lexy, wriggling to break free from JP’s grip. But her struggles came to nothing. ‘Help!’ She grasped at JP’s hands to try and . . . to try and . . . But it was no good. He wasn’t going to let her go.

  The only person who could hear her was Tabitha, who now came out of the stable looking interested. She always liked seeing bad things happen to pathetic, unpopular girls who couldn’t look after themselves. And this one was even from an inferior school.

  ‘You are relieved of your duties,’ said JP to Tabitha. ‘The maiden sacrifice can watch the yeti now. I’ve got something else for you to do.’

  He pushed Lexy into a stable where a very hairy creature about the size of a seven-year-old child looked at her with big, frightened eyes. As JP locked the bottom half of the stable door, Lexy looked back at the yeti and tried to make her eyes say, ‘Don’t worry – I’ll save you.’ The poor thing looked so very afraid. Then they were enveloped in gloom as JP pulled the top of the stable door closed and locked that too.

  Effie finished telling the others about everything she’d learned recently, including what she’d overheard the day before in Mrs Bottle’s Bun Shop.

  ‘So the Great Library actually wanted the book back?’ said Wolf. ‘The one about the Diberi?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Effie. ‘I mean, I suppose it’s fair enough – the Diberi are a part of reality after all. It does feel like cheating to just remove them magically like that. On the other hand, if they’re planning to destroy the whole world then maybe it was a sensible thing to do. Anyway, the short version is that my mother removed the book and I put it back.’

  Pelham Longfellow sighed. ‘You did the right thing, even if it was a mistake,’ he said.

  ‘And the end of the world. That’s planned for this evening?’ said Maximilian. ‘Well. It almost makes you think that Madame Valentin was right with her ridiculous prophecy about cats flying through the air and—’

  ‘Oh my God!’ said Raven, jumping to her feet. ‘That’s it!’

  ‘What?’ said Effie.

  ‘Her prophecy. It’s exactly right. Oh, why didn’t we see it before? We’ve been so stupid. You know when we were in the library on Saturday, in Special Collections, and Lexy and I overheard them talking? Yes, I know we weren’t going to say anything about that bit but it doesn’t matter now, because . . . Anyway, they were getting out a book with a spell in it that included a hundred live cats. But I wasn’t listening to that bit because then they said they needed your consciousness, Effie, and I didn’t know what that meant. Oh! Why didn’t I spot that before? The spell includes cats, and that’s what Madame Valentin saw as well.’

  ‘What was the prophecy again?’ said Festus Grimm. ‘On the dot of Midwinter . . .’

  ‘Twelve minutes past eight precisely . . .’ said Raven.

  ‘What’s happening then?’ said Leander.

  ‘The Midwinter Lecture,’ said Mrs Beathag Hide. ‘Jupiter Peacock talking about his translation of Galloglass.’

  ‘I wonder what the poem has got to do with it,’ mused Effie.

  ‘Anyway, I know exactly where they’ll be getting the cats,’ said Raven. ‘The cats’ home – which, in case you had forgotten, was funded by the money that Skylurian Midzhar left when she died. It’s basically being run by the Diberi! That’s what they meant when they said that bit of the spell would be easy.’

  ‘I can’t believe I didn’t spot all this when I went into your memory of that afternoon,’ said Maximilian crossly. ‘If only you ordered your mind better. I’ll have to teach you. But I do vaguely remember something about them thinking it would be easy to get access to Effie as well. Oh yes, and then we overheard Terrence Deer-Hart and that Russian poet. Weren’t they planning to kidnap you, Effie?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Terrence Deer-Hart’s coming to my house tonight to have dinner with my dad and my step-mum before they all go to the lecture. They’re sort of friends. I’ll let him kidnap me. It’ll give me a great opportunity to infiltrate them, see exactly what they’re trying to do and stop them.’

  ‘Are you sure that’s safe?’ asked Pelham Longfellow. ‘It sounds foolhardy to me.’

  ‘It’s only Terrence Deer-Hart,’ said Effie. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Well, one other way of preventing whatever they’ve got worked out with this spell is by making sure they can’t get hold of a hundred cats,’ said Raven. ‘I’m going to the cats’ home to talk to the cats and see if they know what’s going on.’ She stood up. ‘I’
ll go now. I’ll check on Lexy too. I haven’t been able to get in touch with her for days. If there’s going to be a big battle tonight we’ll need her and her potions.’

  ‘And I’ll go to Madame Valentin to see if she can add anything to her prophecy,’ said Maximilian. ‘Wolf, do you want to come with me?’

  ‘Yes, sure,’ said Wolf, getting up to follow Maximilian.

  There was a strange little flash in the air. There it was again. It was a shard of sunlight that had come through the stained-glass window and was hitting the ring hanging around Wolf’s neck.

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Pelham Longfellow, noticing the ring for the first time. ‘Lapis lazuli? Are you a cleric?’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Wolf. ‘Well, a warrior cleric. Why?’

  ‘Actually,’ Pelham said to Maximilian, ‘Wolf’s going to stay here. You can go and see Madame Valentin on your own, can’t you?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Maximilian. ‘Although I’m very fascinated about why you want him to stay here.’

  ‘I’ll explain later,’ said Pelham Longfellow. ‘Leander, you stay too. I can use two clerics.’

  ‘Well, I’m going to work some more on the counter-spell,’ said Mrs Beathag Hide. ‘Mr Grimm has offered to assist me. We’ve borrowed Dr Cloudburst’s laboratory at the school.’

  ‘And we’re going back to the Creative Writing Common Room to see what we can find out,’ said Laurel Wilde. Dora Wright got up to leave with her.

  Soon, everyone except Pelham Longfellow, Leander, Wolf and Effie had left the chapel.

  ‘Right,’ said Pelham Longfellow to Wolf. ‘What level are you?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘How powerful a cleric are you?’

  ‘I only found out yesterday,’ said Wolf. ‘So I’m guessing not very.’

  ‘But you’ve been in the Flow,’ said Pelham. ‘And Effie. At long last. We’ve been waiting for you to discover the Flow for so long now. Leander, you know what I’m talking about.’