Galloglass

by Scarlett Thomas

  There was an ominous rumble of thunder and, as Hieronymus Moon ascended, Jupiter Peacock slumped to the floor, dead.

  A different audience may have felt sad for poor Jupiter Peacock, cut off in his prime by a vindictive ghost. But this one just clapped and whooped. Some people called for an encore. But, sadly, JP could only die once.

  Lexy was particularly glad to see him gone.

  As the clapping died down, the curtains finished opening.

  On stage was a complicated scene.

  Perhaps the most immediately compelling sight was Tabitha Quinn, dressed in an extremely unfashionable white peasant smock, tied to a chair and blindfolded, being freed by Raven Wilde, who had a black cat sitting on her shoulder. Tabitha Quinn didn’t seem at all grateful to be rescued. In fact, she roughly pushed Raven Wilde away and rushed off the stage in tears, muttering something about maiden sacrifice and getting her revenge on the Diberi.

  Stage left, Maximilian Underwood was sitting at a grand piano, with his hands raised to begin playing the opening notes of the third movement of Beethoven’s Emperor Concerto, while the university’s music students accompanied him from the small orchestra pit. The Binder, whom Maximilian had been controlling ever since their unfortunate meeting that afternoon, was having a little sleep after all the energy he’d used suppressing Jupiter Peacock’s magic while Hazel Bottle had been speaking.

  The music Maximilian now played was joyful and celebratory – with just a hint of wonderful complex darkness. He was playing it not only because it provided a glorious soundtrack to these last moments of this Midwinter cycle, but also because one of the many things he’d learned at the University of the Underworld was how to use music to create a magical aperture that everyone can access to heal, to understand themselves better or just to feel uplifted for a few minutes.

  Stage right, Wolf and Leander were in the process of unbinding various members of the Gothmen who’d been caught by the Binder. Pelham Longfellow had made it understood that anyone who had been bound could now be healed, and so members of the audience started walking – or hobbling, or crawling, or whatever they could manage – up onto the stage with the help of Lexy, Dora Wright and Nurse Underwood. Madame Valentin was healed just in time to recapture her snakes, who had been summoned here this night by dark magic, but were now a bit tired and just wanted to go home.

  Effie Truelove, meanwhile, was spinning and spinning and spinning, right in the centre of the stage, connected to the Flow and providing power for all the others to use. She had turned herself into an extremely powerful magical battery, cosmically dancing for the good of all. She had never felt happier or more whole.

  The music swept everybody up. Members of the audience stood and moved their chairs aside and began dancing in whatever style they knew – there were crazed tarantellas, jigs, can-cans, cha-cha-chas and all sorts of other dances – as bits of stray magic, particles from the Flow and glitter from the orbit of Miss Dora Wright rained down on them. At some point Terrence Deer-Hart entered the Grand Lecture Theatre. He looked dazed, confused. He had found a flowery bandana from somewhere and tied it around his head. He joined hands with the maths teacher from the Mrs Joyful School and let himself get swept up in the great happiness that was life as they danced a sort of hippy mazurka.

  ‘Peace, man,’ was all he could manage to say to her.

  ‘Yeah, dude,’ she said back, perhaps thinking he was joking.

  Dora Wright danced with Laurel Wilde, Nurse Underwood danced with Dill Hammer, and poor Claude Twelvetrees danced alone. That is, until the librarian from Special Collections found the maths teacher from the Mrs Joyful School and they fell in love instantly. That left Claude dancing with Terrence, who asked him if he wanted to go out afterwards for a beanburger and some hot yoga.

  The Free Cats League members had been released and, led by Mirabelle and Malvasia, they danced a cat can-can on the stage that was more accomplished than the human version, but no less odd. The Luminiferous Ether, the Bermuda Triangle and the Northern Lights bade each other farewell for another year and went their separate ways. The yeti got a lift back to the Andes with the Bermuda Triangle. At last the weather started to ease, although it still snowed, as it would now until the Turning of the Year.

  25

  ‘Have you just saved the world again?’ asked Orwell Bookend as he drove Effie home. Cait was looking after baby Luna, and had no idea of everything that she’d missed.

  ‘Not just me,’ said Effie. ‘We all did it. Even you helped.’

  ‘Me? I doubt it. How?’

  ‘Everyone’s dancing provided the power Wolf and Leander needed to unbind everyone.’

  ‘How did unbinding people save the world?’

  ‘Well, it wasn’t just that. It was Lexy, and Raven, and not letting the Diberi do what they had planned . . .’ Effie didn’t know exactly how to explain it all. ‘Actually, a lot of the most powerful members of the Gothmen had been bound. Even Mrs Hide from my school.’

  ‘How did your fat friend avoid it?’

  ‘I was giving him extra power,’ said Effie. ‘I owed him.’

  ‘And how were you doing that?’

  ‘It’s a bit complicated to explain.’

  ‘Why are you so special anyway? You seem to be the centre of all these things.’

  ‘I don’t know, Dad. I really have no idea.’

  ‘Anyway,’ said Orwell. ‘I hope you realise that I still don’t believe in magic.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Or weather.’

  ‘Yes, Dad.’

  There was a long pause.

  ‘And what happened to Professor Thingy? Hardforest, or whatever he was called.’

  ‘Gotthard Forestfloor? Oh. He got recycled. Did you miss that bit? You can’t have done. It was very dramatic.’

  ‘Recycled? What does that mean? Are we going to be getting a visit from the police?’

  ‘Raven explained it to me,’ said Effie. ‘He’d eaten so many animals in his life that she and the Free Cats League were able to perform an ancient spell on him. You can summon the spirits of all the animals a person has ever eaten and then the spirits take back from the person energy equivalent to what the person took from them. The energy is released back into the universe. If it’s more energy than the person has, then . . . That’s pretty much it. It wouldn’t affect most normal people in the world now, because most people get their energy in lots of different ways and don’t live long enough for it to be a problem. But it turns out it’s a very reliable way of killing a two-hundred-year-old carnivore.’

  ‘So you’ve basically just killed someone.’

  ‘Nope. It was just bad karma. He did it to himself.’

  ‘Right. And what about the Guild?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Effie sighed. ‘I don’t think they’re going to like any of this. Pelham Longfellow and Professor Quinn just left for a meeting with Masterman Finch in London, but no one has high hopes.’

  ‘Why are you telling me all this?’

  Effie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe because you seem actually interested for once.’

  Orwell Bookend sighed. ‘We can take on the Guild,’ he said quietly. ‘We’ve done it before.’

  ‘We?’ said Effie, raising her eyebrows.

  But Orwell didn’t reply. He just frowned and went back to looking intently at the road.

  When they got in, Orwell started telling Cait everything she’d missed. He employed his usual storytelling style, which involved exaggerating everything that was actually insignificant and completely glossing over the most exciting bits.

  ‘Effie,’ called Cait, ‘are you going to come and tell me what really happened?’

  ‘Can I tell you tomorrow?’ said Effie, coming out of her bedroom. ‘I’ve got to go somewhere first. You both don’t mind if I go out for a bit, do you?’

  ‘In this weather?’ joked Orwell.

  It had grown completely calm and still outside, except for the snow. The moon glowed pe
acefully in the starry sky.

  ‘You’re funny, Dad,’ said Effie.

  She went back into her room. There on her bed were two things. The invitation from the Otherworld that she’d only just opened – and the walkie-talkie that she’d just used to contact Lexy.

  The invitation was to a celebration at an address in Dragon’s Green that Effie didn’t recognise. Welcome to the Flow, was all it said. Effie wondered what would have happened if she’d opened the invitation sooner. But it didn’t matter, because everything had turned out all right in the end. And even though she didn’t feel she needed further instruction in how to connect with the Flow, she felt she ought to go and thank whoever had sent her the invitation. According to her watch, she still had time to get to the event, whatever it was.

  And then she’d have to face Cosmo.

  For once, Effie didn’t much want to go back to the Otherworld. Lexy had begged Effie to come immediately to the party they were having at Maximilian’s house. Lexy had officially been taken on as Nurse Underwood’s Apprentice, and there was all sorts of other news apparently. Everyone seemed to be going up a level and getting apprenticed or finding familiars or discovering their art. Effie felt so happy for them all, but also somehow distant from it. Her own destiny seemed so different. While everyone else seemed excited about going up one magic grade she’d been shown what it would be like to go to wizard level and even beyond. Effie felt that she’d been to the very edge of the universe and back. Why? What was special about her? But it didn’t matter anyway because officially she was still a Neophyte.

  She didn’t need to go to the hedge on the old village green to get to the Otherworld any more, but she did, partly out of habit, and partly because she needed the air. The snow was soft as Effie walked, wondering what she was going to find at Truelove House, and whether she’d be able to make things up with Cosmo, and whether she’d ever be able to forgive Rollo, and . . .

  Melting . . .

  Falling . . .

  Sunshine . . .

  When Effie arrived at the gates of Truelove House, the guard looked at her, confused.

  ‘We’ve been told you’re expected at the party at the Lodge, Miss,’ he said to Effie. ‘They sent a carriage for you, but we said you weren’t here.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ said Effie. ‘I’ll walk. Is it far?’

  ‘About five minutes in that direction, then across the square in the village and turn right. You can’t miss it after that. It’s a white two-storey house. Quite big.’

  Effie followed the guard’s instructions. It was warm, as usual, with the steady hum of bees and the sweet smell of summer flowers. The quiet roads were dusty as always. Effie didn’t see anyone else as she made her way to the Lodge. It certainly was big. It had gates made of wrought rose gold and a gently sloping garden with pink magnolia trees all in bloom. The house was a pleasingly imperfect white oblong, with three windows on its top level and two large windows on either side of an inviting-looking large front door. There were twelve steps leading up to the entrance, which had green stained glass with art nouveau patterns of flowers and trees. The house was shaded from the sun by the branches of the magnolias. Their silvery bark calmly reflected the sunlight. It was an extremely peaceful place.

  A woman appeared at the door.

  ‘Hello, Effie,’ she said.

  It was Suri. Did this mean Effie was in more trouble?

  ‘Hello,’ said Effie.

  Suri smiled warmly. ‘You’ve done it,’ she said. ‘I always knew you would. You managed to discover the Flow, even though it’s almost impossible for islanders to find it. Anyway, welcome. Please come in. There are others here who have also recently found the Flow. All Otherworlders, but I think you’ll like them. You’ll be seeing a lot of them in the next few months. They’re your fellow Apprentices.’

  Effie walked into the front hall of the house. It smelled of pink lilies and open fires. Through an arched white doorway she could see an elegant party in full swing. There were several children of around Effie’s age, each with animal ears and beautiful hair and clothes. There were girls, boys, and people who didn’t seem to want to manifest themselves as either. They all looked very happy.

  ‘Everyone from Truelove House is here to celebrate with you,’ said Suri. ‘We’ll talk later about how I’m going to mentor you from now on. You’ll be taking classes here with me.’

  ‘But Cosmo—’

  Effie hadn’t realised until this moment that she’d thought of Cosmo as her mentor and guide. Had he rejected her for being too much of a disappointment? Was she not welcome at Truelove House any more? Perhaps that was what all this was about . . .

  ‘Hello, child,’ came Cosmo’s voice. ‘I’m glad to see you back.’

  ‘Please join us when you’re ready,’ said Suri, smiling warmly and leaving Effie and Cosmo in the front hallway. There was a mint-green sofa by the table where the pink lilies were. Cosmo indicated that they should sit down.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Effie to Cosmo. ‘I was wrong. I shouldn’t have disobeyed you and gone into the library like that. I didn’t understand. I now know how much I don’t understand. I’m willing to learn. I—’

  ‘You were wrong,’ said Cosmo. ‘And you were right.’

  ‘I’m too headstrong, I know,’ said Effie. ‘But I can change. I’ve been in the Flow now, and—’

  ‘You understand, then,’ said Cosmo with a smile, ‘why we were so frustrated?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Effie. ‘I do. I know now that you weren’t allowed to mention the Flow to me because I hadn’t been in it yet. And I didn’t realise that’s why I kept running out of power, because you can only store minuscule amounts if you haven’t got access to the Flow.’ Effie sighed. ‘It’s why I could never stay here for very long. And when I thought tennis was helping me store lifeforce it wasn’t because I was converting energy but because I was getting slightly into the Flow by accident while I was playing. But the more stressed I got about trying to store energy, the less that was happening. Our coach even told us about being in the zone, but I didn’t listen hard enough. And it stopped happening because all I cared about was gaining power. I didn’t give myself up to it like I used to.’

  ‘You’ve learned fast,’ said Cosmo.

  ‘Of course, now I can stay here for longer no one will want me to,’ said Effie. ‘Because I am a galloglass. I understand that now, too.’

  Cosmo shook his head. ‘When will you learn to accept that you are loved?’ he said.

  ‘But Rollo—’

  ‘Forget Rollo for now. Look at this.’

  Cosmo reached over to the table by the lilies and picked up the stack of newspapers and magazines that were there. Each one had a similar headline. ‘The Return of the Galloglass’, said one. ‘Why I Was Wrong About Galloglasses’, said another. ‘Why We Need Our True Heroes’, said a third.

  ‘What you did has had quite an effect,’ said Cosmo. ‘It’s actually weakened the Mainland Liberation Collective. Putting that book in the library may even have averted war.’

  ‘But how . . .?’

  ‘These things are so complicated.’ Cosmo shook his head. ‘But people need to accept that the shades are simply neutral. We need the people who act for themselves – or, to be more accurate, on their own – just as we need people who act for beauty, or for usefulness, or for others. It’s in combination that these things work. You can’t start editing fundamental systems and removing the bits you don’t like. If we were all aesthetes the world would be beautiful, but cruel. And if we were all protectors we’d smother each other to death. If we were all shapers there’d be nothing to shape. I realised recently that a Wizard Quest is, in a sense, the ultimate journey of the galloglass. In a Wizard Quest only the most wise go off on a long journey to see what they find, what knowledge they can bring back. It is undertaken alone, by one individual. Having the book in the library will make it better for us all. Most of all, it makes it possible to speak of the Flow, which will ma
ke everyone’s lives a lot easier.’

  ‘Suri said she wanted to be my mentor,’ said Effie.

  ‘That’s right,’ said Cosmo. ‘Your power is very great, but you need to learn to control it. She will help you. You’ll be coming here to the Lodge to study. If you want to, that is.’

  ‘But you—’

  ‘I will be on my Wizard Quest,’ said Cosmo, nodding and smiling. ‘It was my turn many moons ago, but I wanted to make sure you were all right first, child. And so you are. When I come back we can tell each other of our adventures. I trust you will keep the Diberi at bay while I complete my quest.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Effie.

  ‘Well, then,’ said Cosmo, patting Effie’s hand, ‘shall we join the party?’

  Effie walked with Cosmo into the large drawing room. Suri smiled as Effie entered. There was something familiar about her eyes, as if Effie had seen them in another context, another person . . . Will you give everything to me? But surely . . . Effie’s thoughts were interrupted when Rollo came straight over to her.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘What I said before . . .’

  ‘You accused me of being a galloglass and then said I shouldn’t be allowed in the Great Library,’ said Effie. ‘Why? What did I ever do to you?’

  Rollo sighed. ‘It wasn’t because of you.’

  ‘Is this all about my mother? Because I’m actually getting quite tired of—’

  ‘Sort of,’ said Rollo. ‘It’s also about me. I don’t expect you to forgive me immediately, but I thought you might be interested in this.’ He handed Effie a piece of paper. ‘You don’t have to read it now,’ he said, ‘but I want to say thank you for putting the book back. It’s made a difference to me as well.’

  Effie glanced at the sheet of paper. It was the results of a kharakter consultation. Effie could see that Rollo was exactly the same as she was: a protector with a leaning towards galloglass. So that was why. It had never been about her. It was Rollo’s fears about himself that had been his problem.