by Asia Hill
He told me I had a brother that was two years younger than I was. I was just happy to finally be happy. On my eleventh birthday, I woke up mad because I had to go to school. I got happy when my Daddy told me he was taking my besties and me to Great America and the mall in Gurnee Mills. I couldn’t sit still in class. Shit, neither could my besties. We were all so happy.
Finally, at 2:30, it was time to go. My Daddy’s car wasn’t across the street in his normal parking spot. No big deal. Sometimes I have to catch the bus home. I told my friends to go home and get ready as soon as I changed we was coming to scoop them.
I never made it to the bus stop. “Birthday girl, want a ride?”
“Daddy, you late.”
“I know, boo. I had some errands to run.”
On the way home, I wanted my usual sugar fix. See, every day we stop at the gas station on 76 and Stony Island. I always get some tropical skittles and a red chilly willy.
When we pulled into the gas station, my Daddy seemed like he was nervous about something. He handed me a hundred dollar bill. “Daddy gotta make a phone call.”
When I saw that hundred-dollar bill, I jumped out of that car so fast that you would have thought it was on fire. I walked in the store as if I had a million dollars. You couldn’t tell me shit. I was about to buy everything in there. When I got to the counter, I rang up $55.45 worth of junk food. Hey, it’s my birthday. He won’t be mad, right?
Walking back to my Daddy’s car, I could hear him yelling at somebody on the phone. “Fuck you nigga! Do you know who I am? I will bury yo ass, pussy!”
As I closed the door, he hung up the phone. “Did my baby buy the whole store?” His smile was a mirror of mine and I loved to see him smile. Sadly, that would be the last time that I saw it.
After we left the gas station, we headed home. It was rush hour and traffic was crazy. We took Stoney Island north. We ended up on 67th. Sitting at the light we were rocking to Twista’s “Pimp Like Me.” My Daddy loved this song. We were so busy rocking our heads and singing that he didn’t see the man approaching our car.
Before I could scream, he blew my Daddy’s brains all over my face and clothes. The last memory I have of my Daddy was he dying on my birthday. I hate thinking about that shit. It puts a damper on my mood.
Even though I only had him around for one year that was the best year of my life. My mom all but laughed in my face when I had to come back home. She never changed for me. I still live with her now. She didn’t have to change for me. The full-blown AIDS that she has made her seem different.
We barely talk. But fuck all that shit! I’m alive, sexy as shit, and ready to live my life. Like my girl JuJu, I’m still a virgin. I’m not trying to have babies or catch the kill-kill. We still say ReRe’s a virgin because the shit that her sick ass father did to her doesn’t count.
Aww shit! Talking to y’all, I’mma be late for JuJu’s auntie barbeque. Let me call this girl before I have to curse her ass out.
“Only thing that’s on my mind,
is who gon run this town tonight.”
Chapter 5
ReRe
Sometimes I hate being alone. The demons from my past keep my mind consumed with anger and rage. I could never bring a child into the world because the person that helped bring me into the world decided that instead of loving and guiding me in the right path, he’d rather use my body and me for his own sick and perverted pleasures. My mother was also fucked up in the head because she used to help him. All I know is pain, shame, and loneliness. I remember when my Daddy first hurt me.
I used to always hear my parents arguing about the smallest things. One argument I heard changed everything. “Papi, you can’t! She’s your daughter!”
“You can do this small simple thing or I’m leaving! Then who’s gonna take care of you and that little bitch?”
“I won’t do it!”
The talking stopped so I got up from the couch to eavesdrop. That’s when I saw my father fucking my mother in the ass as if she was less than human. That’s not even the worst part. She was in a deep heroine nod. To control her, he would keep her high.
I thought I could ease back to the couch without being seen, but as I did, I looked up and saw my father looking at me while he pounded my mother’s ass as if he was digging for gold. The next few days were the worst. Before it all became a blur, I remember my mother being extra nice to me.
“Mami, let’s play dress up. You can put on Mommy’s pink dress.”
“Ohhh, and Mommy can I wear your makeup?”
I remember looking up and seeing tears fall from her eyes.
“Yes, you can. Let Mommy make you look pretty.”
I remember looking in the mirror at my face, clothes, and hair. I swear I felt like a princess.
“You look good, baby. Now come sit next to Mommy and let me make you feel good.”
“Ouch Mommy! That hurt! Why you hitting my arm like that?”
“This will just hurt for a few minutes.”
She pulled out a needle filled with white stuff and stuck me in the arm.
“OUCH MOMMY! Tha… Tha… That feels good. Mommy, what’s that?”
I looked up to see my father coming in the room butt-ass naked. “Look at Daddy’s baby. Let Daddy make you feel good.”
The sexual abuse went on like that for three years. I was eight when I finally had the nerve to speak up. Not only did the sexual abuse continue, but the drug abuse did as well. I finally told my teacher that my father was molesting me and shooting heroine into my veins.
She was floored! CPS got involved and I was eventually taken from my parents. I went to a foster home that allowed my father to have unsupervised visits with me. Talk about the system failing you! The abuse didn’t stop until my father was sent to prison for murdering my mother.
I was numb to a lot of shit. I didn’t have a normal childhood. I liked school because I had three friends who loved me for me. I love them with all my heart and I would kill for them. Hell, they had their own problems too. Even E’s father messed with me. Shit was crazy. I’ll never forget that night that she killed him.
After he hurt me, E held me until I fell asleep. Playing possum is what I did best. I let her think I was asleep. She left and went back to her parent’s room. I waited for a good thirty seconds and then I followed her.
I heard him say, “You are the child of the devil,” and then, POW! I didn’t even run. I walked up to her and told her to come back to the living room and lay down as if nothing happened.
She wiped the gun off and threw it in the dumpster behind the house. We left the back door open and went to lay back next to JuJu and Tiki who by this time were wide-awake also.
“Did you kill him?” JuJu asked.
“Yeah, Ju, I did.”
“Fuck him!”
We laid awake pretending to be asleep until we could no longer ignore the screams roaring from the depths of E’s mother’s soul.
“LAWD A MERCY! WHYYYYY? HE DEAD! HELP ME LAWD, PLEASE!”
She knew he was a rotten motha fucker, but damn did she love his sick ass. We never uttered a word to no one. We got each other’s back. They helped me with my nightmares. Mostly every night, I relive my childhood. My father still tries to reach out to me. The nerve!
I moved in with my father’s sister. She’s all right, but she doesn’t give a fuck what I do. My besties are all I need. Speaking of my besties let me call and see what’s cracking with this barbeque. DUECES!
“Who run the world; girls!
Who run the world; girls!
Who run this mother? Girls!”
Chapter 6
JuJu
It’s time to get flyer than that thing. Today’s my friend’s auntie’s barbeque. The block is going to be packed. Food’s going to be good and niggas gonna be flocking. I’m geeked just thinking about it. Everybody and their mammie is going to be out there so you know my besties and I are going to show up and show out. It’s mandatory!
Today, I’mma live up to my nickname, Ms. I’m That Bitch, because when I make my way through, I demand attention. Why? Because, I’M THAT BITCH!
Today I’m rocking my sheer dark grey maxi dress. It’s sexy, but classy. I’ll keep it simple with my hair. A bun at the top of my head should do. It’s hot, plus I want the attention on my blemish-free face. My light brown slanted eyes do damage if you look into them.
“Where my girls at? Damn, my phone ringing.”
I felt around my bed and grabbed it before it stops.
“Hey skank! We at the door.”
“Come up then.”
“Yo ghetto ass auntie on that bullshit.”
I hung up in Tiki’s face and stomped down the stairs with a full-blown attitude.
“Lil girl, you better stop stomping down my stairs before I stomp yo ass! And where you think you going in that tight ass dress?”
I let my friends in and I turn around to answer her question. “I’m going to Boo’s barbeque.”
“Did you ask me?”
“No, I didn’t think I had to since Lil Mama gon be there.”
“I don’t give a fuck about no damn Lil Mama! Fuck her! I raised you! I feed and clothe you! That bitch thinks she’s all that! That’s why she did eight years in prison! Stupid ass bank robbing bitch!”
I couldn’t believe this ol’ ungrateful-ass hoe. My Auntie Lil Mama did hit a few banks awhile back. She got caught because my Auntie Tae was out there stunting as if she was the one getting money.
She got drunk one night and said too much around the wrong motha fucker. That person turned my auntie in for the reward money. She left my greedy ass Auntie Tae everything! House, car, and some money. Tae did her wrong. She barely sent her anything. She did her time like a G though. When she came home, she felt back as if it was nothing. I know my auntie. She was just waiting on the right time. When she’s ready, she’s going to fuck Tae’s ass up.
To be honest with you, I don’t think she gave Tae everything. She’s too relaxed about the situation. Then again, after eight years, wouldn’t you be a little calmer too?
“How you gon talk about her like that when this is her house? That truck you driving, hers too.”
“Who you talking to like that? Don’t get embarrassed!”
I guess E had enough. My auntie always had a soft spot for her anyway. “Damn Tae, chill. You looking sexy as usual today.”
I rolled my eyes. This ol’ thirsty-ass hoe had the nerve to smile. “Thank you baby. Tell Irene to call me.” She rolled her eyes at me and walked off.
“She wanna fuck you E.”
“Fuck you Ju!”
I stepped back to admire my besties outfits. Okay I was impressed. ReRe had on this Baby Phat cotton romper. Her hips and ass were on full display. “Damn ReRe, you trying to catch you one, huh?”
With us she’s so silly. She walked in the middle of our little circle and made her ass thunderclap saying, “Shawty gotta big ol butt, ohh yeah.”
We all fell out laughing. E was in this hoe looking mighty sexy with her Chicago Bulls jersey on. The back had my number one player on it. D Rose, of course! She killed it with the all-white Roca Wear shorts and buried the game with some red, black, and white Jordans. Her waves were making me seasick!
“Damn E, what bitch you trying to make chase you today?”
“Ju don’t be J. I’m on one shawty.”
“Whatever!”
Tiki looked like a true diva. My bestie had on this all-white cotton maxi dress like mine except her whole back was out. She had on some cute beige wedges.
“Tiki over here looking like a glass of whole milk and shit.”
She smiled at me on the way out the door and said, “Well you know milk does a body good! Let’s roll!”
We stepped out of my door looking like a thousand bucks. We weren’t anywhere near millionaire status, but you sure couldn’t tell us shit! The barbeque must have been juking because we heard the music all the way down here. We walked from 88th and Marquette. As we crossed 87th street, I heard all the ‘ooh’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ from the block boys.
This one little cutie named Woodie said, “Damn Juju, you make me wanna leave home!”
I shot back, “You can’t hug the block and this coochie at the same time.”
“I ain’t going nowhere. I’mma get you girl.”
“Boy bye!”
(LJ)
“Man Auntie Boo, this little block party is cracking. It’s some cute little broads out here.” My auntie’s friend Lil Mama looked at me and smiled, “You ain’t seen cute yet. Wait until my niece and her little crew get here and shuts this motha fucker down.”
I looked at Lil Mama’ sexy ass and said, “Since I know I’m too young for you, please tell me that your niece is as fine as you.”
Lil Mama chuckled and had the nerve to blush, boosting a nigga’s ego. “Today is your lucky day because she looks just like me. Speaking of the devil, here they come walking up the street now.”
I stood up and looked in the direction that she was pointing. Before I could say anything, Poohman’s hotheaded ass jumped up off the porch and said, “There go that little hoe that cut me.”
(JuJu)
“JuJu, if you switch any harder, you gon break yo hips.”
“Don’t hate! Don’t hate bitch! Learn to appreciate!”
We too damn goofy. I love my besties. As we crossed the street, I looked up and I almost fainted. “Re, ain’t this a bitch? Tell me that ain’t the ol’ boy you cut standing up in Boo’s yard!”
ReRe’s hand shot to her purse. “Hell yeah, that’s him. Let him turn up and I’mma turn his ass down real quick!”
(LJ)
“Damn auntie that’s shawty and her little crew that I told you about.” Boo stood up. “I’ll be damned. I shoulda known. Ja`ziya bring yo ass here right now.”
(JuJu)
“Damn y’all, Boo’s ol’ ignorant ass just called my government like that.” There was few people in the yard when we walked up. Shit, my besties and I were ready for whatever! I got ready to hit the stairs when the passenger dude jumped in my way. I looked at him and smiled. I had to be on my best behavior since my auntie Lil Mama was watching.
“Excuse me; I’m trying to get past.”
This clown was unaware of what hood he was in, said, “Bitch you got a pass, you won’t get another one.”
WHAAAATTTT? Before I could say anything, my auntie came walking down the stairs. “Poohman, out of respect for Jaw, I’mma let you get that pass, but if you call her another bitch, I’mma show you what eight years of frustration look like.” She paused for a minute to let that threat sink in. “Do I make myself clear, baby?”
He looked at Jaw for some help. Shit, that nigga put his head down.
“I got you, little Mama.”
I walked up the stairs and sat in the seat that my auntie was in. LJ watched me the whole time, but didn’t say a word. He had this, “Hell Naw” look on his face. Boo watched the whole exchange. “Damn Jaw, close your mouth, or speak.”
(Jaw)
This is a small world, I swear. I’ve been thinking about this chick for a minute. Come to find out, she’s my auntie’s Goddaughter. Crazy! I look at my man’s and this nigga’s mugging the fuck out of the ol’ girl that cut his ass. Shit, she mugging his ass right back like, “Nigga what.”
