Heartwood

by J. H. Croix

  That was entirely true. But really, I just wanted to spend the day with Belle. For some reason, I wanted to sound nonchalant, like it was no big deal.

  I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until she replied, “Okay. I can always do a few errands.”

  I released my breath slowly, my shoulders relaxing. “My sister will want to grab lunch. Is that cool?”

  Apparently, now I was going to introduce her to my sister. That meant something. Something I wasn’t ready to ponder all that long.

  Once we were in my truck, driving toward Burlington, I asked, “Now that you’ve been here a little while, what do you think of Speakeasy? Planning to stick around?”

  “I love it,” she said earnestly. “It’s a great restaurant, and it’s fun to work there.”

  “Do you think being a chef is what you want?”

  This question had been percolating in my thoughts ever since Belle shared with me why she dropped out of law school. I was admittedly curious about how she was adjusting. She was still the girl I’d once known—always in a hurry when I saw her at work, and she had that little buzz of quirky. Yet, she was a bit more subdued. When groups of staff from work hung out in the bar in the late hours, the girl I knew in college would’ve been the center of attention. Perhaps starting up a karaoke song, or organizing a silly game. No matter what, she would’ve been the brightest light in the room. These days, she didn’t abstain from drinking, but she didn’t drink much, and she tended to hover on the edges of any group.

  I felt her shrug. “I think so. Because I love it.”

  “Do you ever think about law school and your old plans?”

  I knew a little bit about plans falling through because mine had. I sensed Belle’s experience was pretty different from mine though.

  She was quiet for a few beats, and I stole a quick glance at her as I slowed to turn onto the main highway that led to Burlington. She was fiddling with a bracelet on her wrist, a narrow silver cuff. She was tracing her fingertip back and forth over it, as if she were polishing it. Her knee was jiggling, and she glanced sideways, catching me looking at her.

  Uncertainty flickered in her eyes, and her cheeks flushed slightly. “Of course I do,” she said softly as I looked ahead again, not because I was avoiding her gaze, but because I did actually need to look at the road in front of me.

  “Sometimes I wonder about it, but I can’t imagine going back,” she added.

  “Because you don’t want to?”

  When I slid my gaze sideways again, she was nodding. “I don’t. Well, I don’t think I do. I’m much happier than I ever was in law school. But old habits die hard and all that. School was something I was good at, and it came easily. I’m not saying that to brag or anything,” she added hurriedly.

  “I didn’t think you were,” I said carefully. “Even when I knew you back in college, of course I knew school was important to you, but you weren’t arrogant about it, not at all. And, you were always helping anyone who asked. If I recall, you even offered to help me with a math class that I complained about.”

  Belle’s throaty laugh filled the truck cab, and my body jolted with a sizzle of electricity in response. I wasn’t thinking about sex, but I couldn’t help my reaction to her. It just happened, as easily as goosebumps on my skin when I was too cold.

  “I always did like to be helpful. Still do. You know,” she said, almost as if she were talking to herself. “Maybe I should do tutoring at the high school.”

  “I’m sure they’d be glad to have you. Do you want to do that? That sounds miserable to me. Tutoring doesn’t exactly sound fun.”

  “Don’t you coach for the local hockey league for kids?” she countered, smiling when I glanced over.

  “I do. Because hockey is definitely my thing.”

  A laugh rustled in her throat. “Back to your original question, yes, I love it at Speakeasy. Phoebe’s great to work for, and I’ve learned a lot from her. I like it here in town.”

  “What exactly happened when you dropped out?”

  Although Belle had given me the broad strokes, I was still trying to wrap my brain around what prompted her to drop out.

  Her deep breath was audible. “Like I told you, the pressure was getting to me. I was super anxious and constantly tense. My doctor and my therapist both tell me I was on my way to a manic episode no matter what, but it definitely pushed me over the edge to be putting that much pressure on myself. Things just got out of control, and then I ended up in the hospital. It was only one night. It really threw me into a tailspin afterwards. I had some trouble with the school because of what happened, so I dropped out. I needed the time to get myself together. I stayed with my parents for a while, and a friend who worked at a restaurant in Burlington knew a place that needed someone to fill-in in the kitchen while the main chef was on maternity leave. She knew I was a good cook, so I slipped right in. It turned out to be great. I already knew I loved to cook, but I really hit my stride there. It suits my personality. Honestly, even though I’m on medication, that need to be on the move is there no matter what. I guess it’s part of my personality. When I’m cooking, I can be creative and have fun and it just works. Don’t get me wrong, there is pressure, but it’s not the kind of pressure that makes me anxious the way academic stuff did. It’s weird.”

  “I get it. I don’t want to work for my dad because I can’t tolerate that type of pressure. I mean, he’s also an asshole, but I have zero interest in dealing with the pressure of managing investments and all that. But the pressure of hockey,” I shrugged. “It really didn’t get to me.”

  “How has that change been for you?”

  Her question fell softly in the space between us.

  I thought for a moment. “Honestly, it’s okay. I was always pretty realistic about the odds. Don’t get me wrong, I hate that it was an injury that threw me off because it wasn’t on my merits. But maybe that would’ve been harder to deal with anyway, if you know what I mean.”

  “I get that. I’m sorry for you. You were so good.”

  “It was fun while it lasted.”

  She was quiet for a moment before adding, “It would’ve been nice if I could’ve figured out what I wanted before blowing my life up.”

  “It doesn’t sound like you blew your life up.”

  She snorted.

  “I think you’re being too hard on yourself, by the way.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “You’re obviously doing okay. Maybe things didn’t go so well for a little bit there, but it wasn’t like you hurt anyone. As far as I can tell, you’ve got your shit together and you’re doing something you love.”

  Belle’s laugh was a little bitter. “You have no idea. But thank you. I am doing okay now, and I intend to keep it that way. I figured out a medication that works for me, and I know how to keep an eye on myself so I don’t let things spiral out of control again.”

  I caught her gaze again. “It sounds like you know what you need. That’s pretty important to figure out.”

  22

  Belle

  Because my habits of being a dutiful daughter were deeply ingrained in me and because I loved my parents, I sent them a quick text that I was doing errands and having lunch in Burlington. I didn’t want them to think I was going out of my way not to see them. If they wanted me to pop by, I would ask Ty to take a quick detour.

  My mother texted that she was tied up in classes all day, and my father had client meetings.

  We were hoping to come have dinner at Speakeasy again soon, my mother said with a smiley emoticon.

  I glanced to Ty as he pulled into a space in a parking lot. “Well, you won’t have to meet my parents. They’re both busy.”

  He grinned. “Is that good or bad?”

  “Neutral. I love my parents, but I didn’t want you to feel weird if they wanted to see me.”

  “I already met them, Belle.” When I looked askance at him, he added, “When they came to Speakeasy.”

 
; “Oh, right.”

  “Plus, I’m introducing you to my sister. Is that weird?”

  We stared at each other across the seat in his truck. I felt my cheeks flushing as my lips curled into a smile. “I don’t know,” I finally said. “Is it weird?”

  The moment suddenly felt serious.

  “I don’t think so,” Ty said. “I think you’ll like Jess.”

  The moment passed, and we went about our day. Ty picked up the supplies for Speakeasy, and we met his sister at a sandwich shop.

  Jess shared Ty’s coloring, except her dark hair was long. Somehow, Ty had thicker eyelashes, which seemed inherently unfair since he was a man. We had a friendly lunch, and she walked outside the café with us. She just barely had a limp.

  When we were standing outside, she glanced from me to Ty and back again, a sly glint in her eyes. “You make sure he treats you right,” she teased.

  Ty narrowed his eyes. “Really, Jess?”

  I laughed. Being an only child, I’d always slightly envied the teasing relationships between siblings. “He does treat me well. Should I call you if he doesn’t?”

  Ty’s eyes shifted to me, widening slightly. “Don’t you dare.”

  Jess cast me a warm smile, stepping close and pulling me into a quick hug. It was only then I noticed one of her arms didn’t lift completely.

  “It was awesome to meet you. I promise, he’s the best kind of guy, even if he hides it well sometimes.”

  She hugged Ty after that, and we waved as we climbed into his truck. A few minutes after we were back on the highway, Ty offered, “I hope Jess didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

  “Not at all. It’s nice you two are actually close. Not all siblings are.”

  “Definitely not. I feel blessed. Do you have any?”

  “Nope. Just me. Every so often when I was little, I wished I had a brother or a sister, but my parents are great, so I have no complaints on the family front.”

  “That’s a good thing. Jess and I are close, in part because we bonded over our shitty father.”

  “What about your mother?”

  He shrugged. “I have a decent relationship with her. She was crazy overprotective of Jess. You probably noticed Jess has a limp. That’s from the car accident. Burns are scary.”

  “How old were you when that happened?” I was trying really hard not to think about what I hadn’t told Ty. I wasn’t ready for him to know about my brush with the law, but I had to swat my shame away.

  “Eight.” Ty looked ahead steadily, but I noticed the tightening around his eyes and at the corners of his mouth.

  “I imagine that was hard for you.”

  He gave a one-shouldered shrug. “It was definitely much harder for Jess.”

  Ty deftly changed the subject, and I realized perhaps his family was a sore spot for him. No judgment from me on that score.

  A little while later when Ty took the exit off the highway toward Colebury, he asked, “Want me to drop you off?”

  My heart gave a funny little tumble, and anxiety tightened in my chest. Because I didn’t want him to drop me off. I wanted to stay with him. This day, although it was filled with mundane activities, errands and getting lunch, felt somehow momentous.

  “You can if you want,” I said, trying to keep my tone nonchalant. “You don’t have to though.”

  “Then, I won’t.”

  That was the very first time I spent two nights in a row with him. Two nights turned into three and then four. Every single night, I could forget everything except how good it felt to be in thrall to Ty. The man knew how to make me fly. He handled me with a deft mix of bossy and tender, taking turns being commanding and filthy, and gentle and sensual.

  I knew I was falling for him, and the anxiety I’d been trying to hold at bay was spinning faster and tighter inside whenever I let myself think about it.

  23

  Ty

  Belle’s brown eyes blinked as she peered up at me. All she was doing was standing by the door and shrugging into her jacket. My heart flipped in my chest and a fierce emotion coursed through me. Stepping closer, I slipped an arm around her waist before dipping my head to kiss her. I almost couldn’t tolerate the intensity of my feelings, so I poured them into a devouring kiss.

  She made a surprised sound in her throat and flexed into me. Touching her eased the storm of emotion inside, and I managed to gentle our kiss before lifting my head. “See you later,” I murmured.

  She blinked again, surprise flickering in her eyes. Maybe I didn’t speak aloud about how unsettled I felt, but I could tell she sensed it. The moment spun out before she nodded and stepped back. I missed the feel of her curves imprinted against me instantly.

  “You will.” Just when I thought she’d turn and leave, she leaned up and kissed me quickly, her lips brushing across mine like the lick of a flame.

  Then, she was gone in a whirl, and I listened to the sound of her boots striking the stair treads as she hurried downstairs. I walked slowly across the room, stopping in front of the windows. I rested my palms flat on the windowsill and stared out over the view. The Green Mountains had a dusting of snow on a few taller peaks. Melting hoarfrost glittered where the sun’s rays angled across the landscape.

  I was falling in love with Belle, and I didn’t know what the hell to do about it. On the list of things I hadn’t planned for in life, falling in love was near the top. Fuck. I had no freaking clue how to do love. My parents’ disaster of a marriage was no help whatsoever. I’d honestly, and apparently naively, thought I’d never have to worry about it. I’d assumed I could just decide I wouldn’t fall in love. So much for that.

  A few days later

  * * *

  “What the hell are you talking about, Dad?” I said into my phone. I held it against my ear with one hand as I dusted the sawdust off a worktable downstairs in the barn with my other hand.

  He hadn’t called since that morning when he showed up unexpectedly and saw Belle here. For which I’d been grateful. He usually only called to nag me anyway.

  “Your little girlfriend isn’t being upfront with you,” he said.

  “Dad, I really don’t want to discuss anyone in my personal life with you and please don’t refer to Belle like that.”

  “Did she tell you she got arrested for car theft?”

  I couldn’t help the shocked question that slipped out. “What?”

  “I didn’t think you knew. Yep. I did some digging. You’d best know who you’re getting involved with.”

  “Oh, my God, Dad. I don’t think Belle—”

  “I thought you should know she got arrested for car theft, and then the charges were dropped. Looks like some kind of inside favor. Probably because of her family. Since both of her parents are attorneys, I’m sure they know their way around the legal system.”

  Even though my thoughts were skidding into a tailspin over this, I didn’t want to hear more from my father, most definitely not speculation. “Dad, I’ve gotta go.”

  I ended the call abruptly. I was pissed at my dad, but I was also confused. Him digging into someone in my life wasn’t a surprise. He was both distant and intrusive. He was a sledgehammer of a personality, just driving right at things and not caring what or who he harmed in the process.

  Belle was arrested for stealing a car? I was going to have to ask her about it. I didn’t like how that felt. It wasn’t as if she owed me her entire life story. And yet, this hit uncomfortably close to home for me, considering what happened to my sister.

  I couldn’t even wrap my brain around the how and why Belle would somehow have stolen a car. It made no sense. Much as I loathed my father, I didn’t doubt his information was accurate. Fuck.

  I spun away from the table, running a hand through my hair. I put away my tools for the day and jogged upstairs to shower. I needed to get into town because I promised Alec I’d help him move something from his apartment. As I drove into town a while later, I mulled over how to talk to Belle. I wondered what el
se she hadn’t told me, and more importantly, why she didn’t trust me to tell me. I was feeling edgy.

  Belle was starting to matter. A lot. I felt too unsettled about whether or not I could trust her.

  After several nights in a row together, we’d both been busy, and our schedules had fallen out of alignment. I’d had to cover some late nights at the bar because of one thing or another, and Belle was busy at work as always.

  I pulled into the parking lot at The Gin Mill, waving when I saw Alec tossing some trash in the dumpster. Climbing out, I called over, “You still need a hand this afternoon?”

  “If you’ve got a few,” he replied.

  “That’s why I’m here.” I stopped beside him, and he gestured over to a truck parked behind The Gin Mill. A mattress covered in plastic was in the back. “We have to carry it all the way up to the third floor.”

  “Let’s do it,” I said, crossing over and eyeing the mattress.

  A few minutes later, after we grunted our way up two flights of stairs, I leaned against the wall to catch my breath. “No wonder May didn’t want to help,” I offered with a chuckle.

  Alec flashed a grin. “She doesn’t know.”

  “Oh, you’re surprising her with a new mattress.”

  He nodded. “Yep. She’s gonna love it.”

  “So, a mattress is a sign of true love then?” I teased as he opened the door.

  We hefted the mattress up again, and he replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only been in love once. I got a deal on this, and I wanted to surprise her with it. She’s at work all day, so I figured now’s the time.”

  We went down a hallway and into a room. The entire space was nice with exposed brick walls, glossy hardwood floors, and the like. Situated on the top floor of the old mill building that housed The Gin Mill, their apartment definitely had atmosphere.

  We both let out a heavy sigh as we settled the mattress on the bed frame. There was another mattress already propped against the wall. “Need help carrying that one down?” I asked.