Numbers

by Laurann Dohner

  “It would kill you.”

  She smiled, not afraid in the least. His race was made up of strong, big guys. “Probably. Have you tried to talk to other New Species who have lost their mates? It might help.”

  “They don’t discuss it. Few had mates. Most of them who did lost them when we were still in captivity. It’s too painful for them to speak about the past.”

  “There’s grief counseling available. It helped me when I was ready to face my loss head on. I’m sure the NSO could bring someone in for private sessions.”

  “I don’t want to speak to a head shrink. I hate them.”

  His tone revealed his anger. The experience must have been a bad one. She understood. “You could go to group sessions somewhere close by. There would be a therapist on hand if needed, but mostly it’s just people talking to each other, sharing their pain and how they are dealing with everything.”

  “Humans,” he rasped. “No.”

  “I’m not a pork chop,” she gently reminded him. “You’re talking to me. Those support groups are for all the people who have lost loved ones. Their race doesn’t matter. We’re all the same inside. We hurt.”

  “You’re Paul’s sister. He’s Species to us.”

  She liked being included, in a roundabout way. It also touched her that her brother was considered family by the people he had decided to live with. “I could extend my visit if you want to keep talking to me.” She might lose her job, but she didn’t love it anyway. It was just something to get her out of the house every day so she didn’t sink back into hiding from the world. Her mother would have a fit, but she didn’t really care about that either. “I’d be happy to stay for as long as you want.”

  “You could do that?”

  “Yes. I’m lucky enough to have some savings. My husband wanted to make sure I was taken care of. I’m not dependent on a paycheck to make my bills.”

  “I could see if the NSO will pay you for being here.”

  “It’s not needed.” She studied Mourn. He was a large, intimidating guy, but he had a good heart. “But thank you. I’ll extend my stay if you will talk to me.” A blast of wind hit her, and she shivered. “Perhaps indoors next time though, when I’m not dressed for bed.”

  “You’re tired?”

  “No. I don’t sleep so well. That brings the dreams.”

  “I don’t like sleep either.”

  “What do you usually do at night?”

  “I run or work out. It helps to push my body to the limit until I’m exhausted. I don’t dream then.”

  That accounted for how muscular he was. “Why did you get into a fight today? I got the impression it’s something you do on a regular basis.”

  “I’m hoping they will kill me.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to think of the best thing to say.

  “I’ll be deemed unstable and a danger to others. It’s possible that the NSO will put me down.”

  It horrified her. “I’m sure they wouldn’t.”

  “I have nothing to live for.”

  “I used to feel that way too, but I was wrong. You’re just immersed in your grief right now.”

  “What do you live for?”

  The question surprised her, and she struggled to come up with an answer. “I guess for my family. They would be devastated if I just gave up. I couldn’t hurt them that way.”

  “I have no family.”

  “You have other New Species.”

  “I am not close to any of them. I only had my mate.”

  “What about your friends?”

  “I have none. I spent my freedom time caring for my mate.”

  He was breaking her heart. She made a decision. “Well, you have a friend now. You’re important to me. Don’t give up, Mourn. Let me help you. I know you probably feel as if there’s nothing that will make things better, but take a chance. Just give it a shot. You can’t allow things to remain the way they are.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  “I want to.” She leaned closer. “What’s your favorite color?”

  He was silent for a moment. “I love red. It is so bright.”

  “It is. What about your favorite food?”

  “Is this important?”

  “We’re getting to know each other. I love the color yellow. Have you ever seen a sunflower? I love those. I know they aren’t as beautiful as roses or tulips, but they remind me of summer days. They are cheerful. Plus, I like to eat sunflower seeds. They are pretty and a food source as well.”

  He rose to his full height. “I should take you back.”

  Dana had messed up somehow. Perhaps talking about favorites with a New Species wasn’t her best idea. She slid off the branch and got to her feet. Mourn stepped forward and bent, scooping her into his arms. He lifted her easily, as if she didn’t weigh much. She wrapped her arm around his neck and curled her other hand over his bare shoulder.

  “I could walk.”

  “You’re barefoot, and I don’t want you to step on something sharp.”

  “Thank you.” She hesitated before relaxing in his arms and resting her cheek against his chest. He was really warm and smelled of something manly, perhaps a scented body wash. “I hope I’m not too heavy.”

  “You’re not.” He stopped at the short wall that marked Paul’s backyard. “You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you.”

  She turned her head and their faces were close enough that she could make out his striking eyes. “So is fighting. Besides, it’s vapor—not the real stuff. I’m not looking to hurt myself anymore.”

  His lips twitched but he didn’t smile. “You want to live.”

  “So should you.”

  He bent forward enough to clear the wall and gently placed her on her feet. She missed the warmth of his body when they parted. “Your shirt…” She started to remove it, intent on handing it back.

  “Keep it. I’ll come back tomorrow night. Expect me. We’ll talk more.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Don’t tell anyone.”

  That statement surprised her. “Why?”

  “They will attempt to talk you out of it, or prevent me from coming near you. They know I’m unstable.” He stepped into the shadows and turned his head as if searching for something. “I’ll come when the lights go out.”

  She watched him disappear into the night. She turned, strolled up to the table and bent over to pick up case and replace the tube. She eased open the slider. Silence assured her that Paul and Becky hadn’t noticed her absence. She stepped in and locked the door behind her.

  Dana entered the guestroom and ran her fingers over Mourn’s cotton shirt after she removed it. She walked to the closet and hung it up, hiding it among her own clothes. He wanted to keep their meeting a secret, and she would respect that. Her brother would have a fit if he knew she’d willingly allowed a stranger to carry her off. A smile curved her lips. It had been a pretty brave venture on her part, and it beat sitting on the patio feeling depressed. Mourn needed a friend, and she appreciated feeling useful.

  Mourn kept his back pressed tightly to the tree trunk as he watched the slim blonde hang his shirt in her closet. She didn’t pick up the phone to call Security. He had feared she might. She also didn’t wake Paul or his mate. Instead she removed the robe and tossed it over the chair by the bed.

  He moved to leave, but the sight of her nightgown surprised him. It was a white T-shirt that fell almost to mid-thigh with narrow straps at her shoulders and a big yellow, round face over her belly. The two black eyes and the curved smile on the big dot indicated happiness. She rounded the bed and climbed on it.

  The shirt hiked high, and he sucked in air. The human wore white panties that barely concealed her sex. They were narrow and were cut high on her hips, exposing a lot of skin on each side of her ass. She had a curved, generous one with very pale skin.

  She got under the covers and shoved pillows behind her back. Her gaze darted around the room, and he wondered if she sen
sed him watching her. She didn’t look toward the window though, or at the gap in the parted curtains. She hugged the bedding to her waist and her head tipped down. Her hair fell forward, hiding her features. She used her thumb to push it back, hooking it behind her ear. When he could see her face again, the sorrowful expression did something odd to his stomach.

  She was suffering too. It was tempting to approach the window and knock to let her know she wasn’t alone. He held still though, keeping in the shadows. She’d lost her mate. She also didn’t seem to be in a hurry to fall asleep. They had much in common.

  He replayed their conversation inside his head. She’d been right about many things. He did live with guilt. He wished he’d talked to her longer, but he’d noticed her shivering despite the addition of his shirt. Humans were fragile, but especially the females. He didn’t want to risk her growing ill.

  Motion at the edge of his vision drew his attention. He turned his head and watched an officer on patrol stroll down the sidewalk, heading toward the front of the house. He shifted positions and took off before the wind direction changed, revealing his presence. He kept to the shadows until he was far from the house and back in the park.

  “What were you doing?”

  He started and spun, a growl tearing from his throat as his hands curled into claws. “You make no sound,” he accused Darkness.

  “I don’t. I’m good at that.” The male wore all black, and stood about eight feet away. “Why were you watching the human female?”

  He clenched his teeth, refusing to acknowledge anything.

  “She didn’t kill your mate.”

  “I know that.”

  “You hate humans, but that’s Paul’s sister.”

  “I know who she is.”

  “Then you are aware that she’s not the enemy.”

  “I didn’t say she was.”

  “I came to seek you out to talk about today, but instead I found you under a tree watching a human through the window. I would have confronted you there, but I didn’t want to alarm her. This is her first visit to Homeland, and Paul is very excited about that. He will not want her to have a bad experience. He’ll want her to visit again. Stay away from the human areas. Do you wish for Paul to attack you if he believes his sister’s life is in danger? He won’t be able to do you much damage, but it would piss off his friends enough that they might seek retaliation if you harm the male. Is that your plan?”

  “I wouldn’t hurt Dana.”

  Darkness’s eyebrows shot up. “You know her name?”

  “I don’t attack females.” It was an insult to be accused of wanting to do her harm. “She’s defenseless. There’s no honor in that.”

  “You were curious about human females? Is that why you were watching her?”

  He said nothing.

  Darkness changed the subject. “Don’t force me to defend myself against you again.”

  “I understand.”

  “You’re not going to deny that you attacked me today because you thought I’d kill you for striking me?”

  “I lost my mate.”

  Darkness stepped closer. “I’m aware. Let me tell you something about me. I don’t like the situation I found myself in today. I’ve had to kill before, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Pick someone else if you have a death wish, Mourn. That was all kinds of fucked up. You want to talk about honor? I would find none in ending your life.”

  Anger stirred. “I’m not defenseless.”

  “You’re broken,” Darkness snapped. “You lost your mate, and you also lost your will to live. You think you’re the only one to know loss? Think again. We’re Species. We were created to suffer, and we all dealt with a shitload of it. We survive and thrive. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit together.”

  Mourn snarled and wanted to attack the male for the cutting words.

  “Exactly. Get angry. Use that to get past the loss. I didn’t know your mate well, but she seemed courageous. I witnessed the death of two of my brothers and had to kill the third one with my bare hands because his mind snapped. I had to prevent him from becoming something he would have despised. They were my blood, yet I’m still here. They would have expected me to live life. They weren’t given that opportunity. Wouldn’t you have wanted your mate to embrace her freedom even if you had died? Wouldn’t you have expected her to go on without you?”

  “I wasn’t the one to die.”

  “She fought hard to live. Don’t dishonor her memory by throwing the rest of your life away. She would tell you this if she could.”

  “Don’t speak for her.” Mourn felt as if it all his blood rushed into his head, and he wanted to punch the male in the mouth.

  “Someone needs to, and you brought me into this when you threw the first punch. I don’t know what you were doing near Paul’s sister, but I’ll have you sent to the Wild Zone if I catch you within a hundred yards of her. Am I clear?”

  “I’m not going to hurt Dana.”

  “Why were you there?” Darkness stepped closer. “Shit. You’re not thinking about grabbing her, are you?”

  “No!”

  “She couldn’t put up a fight the way one of our females would. They’d kick your ass if you attempted that bullshit. Is that your new plan? Stealing Paul’s sister to take as a mate, and forcing us to kill you when we take her back?”

  Mourn was horrified. “That’s what you think I’m capable of?”

  “I don’t know what you’d do. I’d have sworn you’d never take a swing at me before today, yet you did exactly that. She’s under our protection. Stay the hell away from her.”

  “We were talking. That’s all.”

  “Bullshit. You were watching her through a window.”

  “I was making sure she didn’t tell anyone I visited her.”

  Darkness frowned. “Explain fast, and don’t lie to me. Otherwise, I’ll personally knock your ass out and you’ll wake up inside a cage. I’ll keep you there until she’s gone.”

  “I met her today at Medical and she offered to talk to me. We both lost our mates.” He resented having to share those details, but what the male had assumed was outrageous. He wasn’t anything like Vengeance. That male would be the one to steal a female to take as mate. “I sought Dana out tonight, we talked and I took her home. I wasn’t sure if she’d call Security or tell her brother about our conversation. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

  “Why would you care that she told someone if you did nothing wrong?”

  Mourn hesitated. “Some might object.”

  Darkness blinked a few times as long seconds passed. “She lost her mate too?”

  “I said that.”

  “Did he die or just leave her? Humans sometimes abandon their mates for a new one.”

  “He’s dead.”

  “How did your talk go? Did you frighten her?”

  “No.” He scowled. “You believe I’d enjoy scaring a female?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I wouldn’t hurt her, nor would I take pleasure in making her feel fear. She’s a kind female.”

  The male studied him closely. “Do you plan to talk to her again?”

  He gave a sharp nod. “Do you plan on stopping me?”

  “It depends. Are you going to do anything stupid that would piss off her brother or me?”

  “No.”

  “I’ll be watching you,” Darkness warned. “Remember that. You harm a hair on her head, and you’ll end up at the Wild Zone. They won’t allow you to leave. Valiant will make damn sure of that, even if he has to lock you inside one of the cages for the newly acquired animals that are dangerous. Understood?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you planning on spying on her again tonight?”

  “No. I was going to go for a run.”

  “Good. Do that.” Darkness waved his hand toward the park.

  Mourn spun and sprinted away, needing to rid himself of the anger. He wouldn’t hurt Dana. It was an insult to be accused of it.r />
  Chapter Three

  Dana glanced at the clock and faked a yawn. “Wow. It’s getting late. Don’t you have to work tomorrow, Paul?”

  He and Becky were snuggled together on the couch, looking way too content. “Not until midday.”

  “Oh.”

  “Are you tired?”

  She hated to lie, but nodded. “A bit.”

  Becky stood. “Okay. Well, it is almost eleven.” She shot Paul a teasing smile. “I guess it’s time for us to all go to bed.”

  He jumped up. “Sounds good to me.”

  Dana resisted rolling her eyes. The couple may have been married for years, but they acted like newlyweds. She was pretty sure what Becky’s look meant, and why her brother suddenly seemed so eager to retire to his room. She didn’t care if they were planning to have sex as long as they stayed there all night. Mourn didn’t want anyone to know they were talking, and she respected that wish.

  “I’ll see you two tomorrow.” Dana hugged them both and fled to the guestroom. The living space separated the bedrooms so she pressed her ear to the closed door and waited. A full minute passed before silence reigned. She flipped off her light, eased the door open and peered into the dark living room.

  She went to the slider, opened it and entered the backyard. Dana glanced around, hoping Mourn had already arrived. She didn’t see him, but it took a moment to adjust to the darkness. Movement near the tree closest to the patio table drew her attention and she smiled when Mourn stepped out of the shadows. She waved and approached him.

  “Hi.”

  He didn’t appear as happy to see her as she did him. He was a handsome man despite the facial differences that marked him as a feline New Species. The color and shape of his eyes never ceased to fascinate her.

  “You’re wearing shoes.”

  She glanced down at her outfit. Part of her had wanted to dress up a bit, but it might have made her brother or his wife suspicious. She wore comfy, cream-colored cotton pants and a baggy black sweater with matching slip-on canvas shoes. “I am. Do you want to stay here or go sit in the park again?”

  He swung his head around, searching the area around them. “Why don’t we go somewhere new?”