Numbers

by Laurann Dohner

  She’s mine. Why can’t she see that? We belong together. He cleared his throat, so many words wanting to spill out, but he hesitated, trying to think of the least alarming thing to say. She wasn’t ready to mate him, or hear how he never wanted to live another day without her. He didn’t want to frighten her off. “Stay the night with me.”

  She laughed. “You really aren’t playing fair, Mourn. How can I say no after that?”

  He felt relief. It would be so much better if she had agreed to be his mate, but he’d take it one day at a time. She was his until morning. Tomorrow he’d have to think of another way to get her to stay with him.

  “Good.”

  She ran her hands over his body, exploring. He enjoyed the softness of them against his flesh more than anything he’d ever experienced. It soothed him and gave him a peaceful feeling. She didn’t even seem to mind that he stayed on top of her, his dick snugly nestled into her body to keep them intimately linked. He could happily remain that way forever. There was nowhere else he wanted to be, nothing else he wanted to do. Dana gave him purpose and happiness.

  It made him think of 139. He tried to push those thoughts away, but they haunted him. She had never smiled at him after they’d shared sex. She’d never been content to allow him to hold her the way Dana did. 139 would have pushed him away by now to separate them. She’d never stroked her hands over his body as if she enjoyed touching him.

  Dana’s smile faltered, and she stopped stroking him. “What’s wrong?”

  He broke eye contact and leaned down, burying his face in her neck. He inhaled, loving her scent. “You matter so much to me, Dana.”

  She resumed caressing him. She even turned her head, pressing her cheek against his. She shifted her legs, wrapping them tighter around his hips, as if she hugged him with them to keep him close.

  “You matter to me too. What made you look so sad?”

  He shifted his arms closer to her sides and pinned her under him more firmly. He just wanted to hold her. “I don’t want to tell you.”

  She twisted under him and put space between their faces. She gripped his cheeks and turned his head. He allowed it, meeting her gaze.

  “You can talk to me about anything, Mourn. Remember?”

  He nodded. “I need to remove this condom. Jinx said it’s important to throw it away right after we share sex. Let me go and I’ll be right back.”

  She released him and he withdrew his cock from her body. Thinking of 139 had softened him. He walked into the bathroom to dispose of the condom in the trash, and washed his hands. He found Dana sitting up on the bed when he returned. He took a seat next to her. Both of them remained naked. He couldn’t look at her though, instead he studied his hands.

  “What is it?” She inched closer and surprised him by curling her bent knees around his hip, leaning in and putting her face in front of his. He lifted his gaze.

  “I don’t want you to replace 139. I want with you what I never had with her.” He hoped she didn’t become upset or angry at his words.

  Dana looked confused.

  He rushed on before she could speak. “There were things that weren’t right between 139 and me. I am sorry I thought about that just now. I hope you aren’t angry. I realized that what we share is better than what I had with her.”

  Dana pulled away, and his shoulders sagged. He’d upset her. She’d leave and go home. Possibly refuse to see him anymore. It tore him up inside. She surprised him when she straddled his lap. He straightened and wrapped his arms around her as she settled her ass on his thighs. Her hands rested on his shoulders and she leaned in closer.

  “I’m not angry.”

  “Have I hurt you because I spoke of 139?”

  “No. Tommy and 139 were important to us. I’m just trying to understand what you mean. You can talk to me about her, Mourn. She was your mate. You’re still grieving. So am I. We’re going to think about them, and I’d rather we be open about it. Wouldn’t you?”

  He nodded, holding her a little tighter.

  “Tell me what you were thinking. We’ll start there.”

  “I tried to be a good mate to her, but I failed. She didn’t like me holding her. I like it that you do.”

  Dana lifted one hand and brushed her fingers through his hair. “I like you holding me. I don’t think you failed, Mourn. Maybe she wasn’t into cuddling. Some people aren’t. That’s nothing bad on you.”

  “She asked Destiny to hold her near the end.”

  Dana looked confused again. “Who is that?”

  “He’s a primate male nurse. He helped teach me how to care for her, and would come almost every day to check on her. She talked to him more than she ever did to me, and she asked him to hold her as she died. It hurt me deeply, but it was what she wanted so I allowed him to lift her onto his lap and cradle her against his chest as she took her last breaths.”

  Dana paled, appearing shocked and horrified. “Mourn, I’m so sorry.”

  “Destiny said not to take it personally. She was on pain medication, and not thinking clearly. He said it might have been instinctual for her to want to be held by another primate as she died.”

  “I’m sure he was right.”

  Mourn wouldn’t lie to Dana. “He was being kind. There were other primates there. Some of the females had come to be with her. She didn’t ask them to hold her. It was Destiny she reached for. Halfpint touched me by taking my hand. She fears males, but she must have seen how it hurt me, having to watch my mate die in another’s arms.”

  “Who is Halfpint?”

  “She’s one of the Gifts. They bonded to 139. My mate was the only primate female rescued who wasn’t a Gift.”

  “What’s a gift?”

  “Species who were created with domesticated, smaller animals and DNA from small humans. They were designed to be small and weak. They were to be given to the humans who invested a lot of money with Mercile Industries. They were gifted to them. Some thought of them as pets, others knew they weren’t strong enough to fight back if…when they were sexually attacked. They kept them locked up inside their homes.”

  She looked horrified again.

  He nodded. “Halfpint fears all males. She was heavily abused by the human who owned her. She still held my hand. That was comforting.”

  “I’m glad she was there for you.”

  He took a deep breath and blew it out. “We have total honesty, Dana. My mate never looked at me or touched me the way you do. I know you worry that I want you to take her place in my life, but I want more than what I had. I am truly happy when I’m with you. For the first time in my life.”

  She stroked his hair and leaned closer. “Oh baby. I’m so sorry.” Tears shimmered in her eyes.

  “I know you can never say the same to me since you had a very close bond with your mate, but I hope that one day you will look at me and not wish it was him holding you instead.”

  “You’re breaking my heart,” she whispered. “Stop. Never say that again. That’s not true. I have never wished he was here instead of you. Not once. You’re Mourn. You’re sweet and kind. You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever met. There’s no comparison. You make me happy and you make me feel alive. That’s your doing. Do you understand?”

  Her words helped, but they were being honest. “He was a good mate, and you had no lack of anything with him.”

  She shook her head. “I wouldn’t say that. I mean, he was good to me, but we had problems too, Mourn. Everyone does in a relationship.”

  “You’re saying that to make me feel better.”

  “No. I’m not.” She released his hair and put her hand back on his shoulder, holding his gaze. “Do you want to hear some of my marital problems?”

  “You had some?”

  “Everyone does.” She paused. “Tommy always had to have things his way. He wasn’t pushy or mean about it, but don’t think he wouldn’t use humor and a lot of cajoling to get me to agree to whatever he wanted. He insisted I be at his side at the company he
ran, despite knowing I didn’t want to work there. I had to put my career on hold. I resented it some, because I was always the one to bend and give in to what he wanted. He also liked to impress people and was very social. I didn’t care what everyone thought, and I’m not outgoing. We sometimes had arguments about that. He’d just smile and tell me how much he loved me, and that I’d make him happy if I tried a little harder to fit into the lifestyle he wanted. Sometimes that hurt me. Why didn’t my happiness matter? I was downright miserable at times, but I had to smile and bear it because it was important to him. He figured if it was important to him, it had to be important to me too. That never went both ways though. I was aware of it, but I wanted our marriage to work.”

  “Did he ever abuse you, Dana?”

  “No. Tommy wasn’t like that. He never would have hit me, or anything along those lines. He was just kind of selfish about certain things. He would actually make jokes about it, and he could be very charming to get me to stop being upset with him. Sometimes I resented that too. All his snobby friends ditched him as soon as they realized he wasn’t going to beat the cancer the second time. I felt bad for him, Mourn. In the end he finally realized what was really important. That was us spending time together. He tried hard to make it up to me.”

  He stroked her back, wanting to comfort her. “At least he was human. I’m not. Does that bother you? You’d have to give up the world you live in to be with me. I’m asking too much and being selfish, aren’t I?”

  “No.” She shook her head and smiled. “That’s not being selfish. That’s a necessity, and it’s beyond your control, Mourn. You can’t exactly move into my house. Not to mention, I really enjoyed what we just did. You being New Species made mind-blowing oral sex happen, and did I tell you that you have the best body I’ve ever seen? You’re beautiful in every sense of the word.”

  He chuckled, his mood lightening. “You like the purring.”

  “I do.”

  “I love your taste.” He glanced down at her thighs, which were spread over his lap, and reached to stroke her pussy with his finger. He looked up, watching her face. “I’m grateful you enjoy my touch.”

  She bit her lower lip and her eyes narrowed. A soft moan came from her and he suddenly flipped her over onto her back. He spread her thighs and slid down her. She liked his mouth, and he planned to show her how being his mate had its advantages.

  “I could do this to you for hours.” He used his tongue to play with her clit.

  “Mourn,” she rasped.

  She was his female. He purred deeply and gripped her thighs to hold them open when she started to rock her hips against his mouth. He had her for the night, and he planned to make it a memorable one.

  Chapter Nine

  Dana entered Paul’s house, hoping he’d already left for work. She wasn’t that lucky. He sat at the island on a barstool with his laptop open in front of him and a cup of coffee in hand. He turned his head and looked at her, and then at the clock on the wall. His mouth tightened into a grim line as he glared at her.

  “I probably should have called last night to say I was spending the night at Mourn’s, but you knew where I was so you shouldn’t have worried.” She closed the door. “Where is Becky?”

  “At the women’s dorm. They are watching movies this morning. She would have taken you with her to meet everyone, but someone didn’t come home last night.”

  Dana entered the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. She took the time to add creamer before she faced him. “Mourn told me you had a talk with him. Really, Paul? I’m an adult.”

  “I don’t want you anywhere near him.”

  “At least he’s not like that base tramp you brought to my wedding and dated for six months. How many of your service buddies had she slept with before she sank her hooks into you? She was looking for a soldier to marry. Any soldier. Didn’t they warn you about those kinds of women when you signed up?”

  “I wasn’t going to marry her. I made that clear. That has nothing to do with this.”

  “It does. I didn’t ride your ass for dating her or threaten her about what I’d do to her if she hurt you. You were an adult and knew her history. I gave you enough credit to be too smart to fall into that honey trap. Mourn actually cares about me.”

  Paul cursed. “I knew he’d tell you that I threatened him.”

  That pissed her off. “Actually, he didn’t. I was just using that as an example of what I wanted to do to that woman but I resisted. You threatened him? Paul!” She glared at him.

  He shrugged. “I’m trying to protect you.”

  She sipped her coffee so she wouldn’t round the island and punch him. It was tempting. She set the mug down on the counter and took a few calming breaths. “I don’t need you to do that. I appreciate it, but stay out of this.”

  He slid off the barstool. “I’m worried about you.”

  “I get that. It’s why I haven’t smacked you. I can’t believe you threatened him.”

  “I had to talk to him about something important. You don’t understand.”

  “You mean about using condoms so I don’t get pregnant?”

  His jaw dropped.

  “He told me the truth. I won’t repeat it, and only brought it up because we’re alone in the house. Mourn is a good guy, Paul. I know what I’m getting into with him. I’ll say it again. I feel things for him, and I want to see if our relationship can work. Cut me some slack. I get enough shit from our mother. I don’t need you trying to run my life too.”

  Paul seemed to recover. “I can’t believe he told you about the babies. It’s classified.”

  “He trusts me. I wish you would.”

  “I couldn’t tell you. I swore an oath of secrecy, Dana.”

  “I’m not talking about NSO classified information. I wish you’d trust my judgment. I’m falling in love with Mourn. I know more about his past than you do. He didn’t have anyone he could talk to and open up with. Now he does. He was self-destructive, but not anymore. I understand exactly what he’s going through, and guess what? We’re good for each other.”

  “You deserve someone who is going to love you first and foremost. He had a mate.” Paul lifted his hand and scrubbed it over the back of his head. “They aren’t like married people. I don’t know how to get my point across, but I’m terrified you’re going to be unhappy in the long run.” He dropped his hand to his side. “I don’t want him to break your heart because he expects you to fill a dead woman’s shoes.”

  She sighed, all her anger gone. “I had the same fears, but guess what?”

  Paul waited, watching her.

  “We both discovered that our marriages weren’t all that perfect, okay? He told me about his problems with his mate, and I told him about my issues with Tommy. Neither of us wants to duplicate that. We both want better than what we had.”

  He frowned. “What? But they were mated. I’ve never seen an unhappy mated pair.”

  “Were you around 139 and Mourn?”

  “Not much. They were moved into couples housing after they were freed. We wanted 139 to be more comfortable in a home setting instead of having to live at Medical. Destiny was the nurse assigned to check in on her since she wasn’t comfortable with me, because I’m human.”

  “They weren’t that happy,” she confessed. “I’m not going to give you details, but I’ll say that much so you’ll back off.”

  “What problems did you have with Tommy?”

  She sipped her coffee. “It wasn’t all roses, okay? We had rough patches.”

  “You never told me that. You always seemed so happy.”

  “Do you call me to bitch about something Becky has done to piss you off or hurt your feelings?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. I’m not looking to replace Tommy. Mourn and I are totally different together than we were with Tommy and 139. That’s one of the things that attracts us to each other.” She set down her cup and walked up to her brother. “Stop being such a butthead and back
off on the big-brother routine, okay? I’d like for you to give Mourn a chance. No more threatening him or trying to break us up.”

  “I just wish you’d chosen someone else.”

  “Get over it.”

  Paul nodded. “I’m just worried.”

  “Don’t be. Mourn would never hurt me. He’s really sweet, Paul. I wish you could see him the way I do. He makes me happy. He makes me feel alive.”

  “I take it you’re going to keep seeing him no matter what I say?”

  “Yes. Do you want me to go stay with him instead of here? I don’t want to put you out if you’re uncomfortable with me seeing Mourn.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t live with him. You can stay as long as you want.”

  “Thank you.” She reached up and patted the side of his face. He flinched away when she did it a little too hard the second time.

  “Ouch. What was that for?”

  “Don’t threaten him again.”

  He rubbed his cheek. “You’re mean.”

  “It could have been worse. I was thinking about going for the shorthairs on the back of your neck.” Dana turned around and returned to her coffee. She lifted the mug to take a sip, but Paul’s next words froze her in place.

  “Mom called this morning. You’re not going to like what I’m about to say.”

  She lifted her gaze. “What did she want?”

  He cleared his throat. “She informed me that she plans to fly out here today.”

  Dana gawked at him.

  “I know. She’s never visited here before. I got the impression she’s pissed that you didn’t come home when she expected you to.”

  “I’m not a kid.” She thought about how her mother would react to her dating a New Species. “Shit. Tell me you talked her out of it.”

  “I tried.”

  “Did you tell her that you’re only allowed one visitor at Homeland at a time? We came up with that lie together so she wouldn’t be tempted come with me, remember?”

  “I told her that.”

  She blew out a relieved breath. “Thanks.”

  “So she said she’d stay at the local motel a few blocks away.”