By Candlelight

by Janelle Taylor

  Kate struggled with her conscience. Telling him about April was something she had to do, and now would be an opportune time. But she felt weak, and his words made her sound like the perpetrator instead of the victim, a role she didn’t want at all.

  “Jake,” she murmured, chewing on her lip so hard she tasted blood.

  “What?” He was distracted, lost in his own thoughts.

  “Jake, I feel—sick,” she whispered.

  That caught his attention. Quickly he sat down beside her, his gaze scanning her face. “You look pale. Do you feel dizzy?”

  “No, it’s not that kind of sick. I mean—”

  “What?” he asked.

  Sick at heart, she wanted to say.

  “What?” he whispered, his voice changing tone as he, too, felt their proximity.

  “All those years…”

  He nodded, misunderstanding completely, yet picking up the yearning in her tone. To Kate’s shock he cupped her chin and touched his thumb to her lips, rubbing gently. “Don’t worry so much.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  “Come here,” he invited, drawing her mouth to his.

  Kate should have resisted. She tried to talk in order to do so, but mumbled syllables were crushed beneath the sweet persuasion of male lips. After that she went quite still, a small, breathless, traitorous sigh escaping despite all her will to the contrary.

  And when Jake’s kiss deepened into a persuasive insistence, Kate’s eyelids fluttered closed, and her head lolled back. Later, she couldn’t remember being eased to the couch, or quite how her blouse was found much later in a pool of light silk on the floor beside her. All concentration followed the path of Jacob Talbot’s lips as they plundered the warmth of her mouth, trailed the trembling arch of her throat to capture one taut nipple through the sheer satin lace of her bra in a hot pull that sent fiery tingles shooting to the core of her femininity.

  With a quick flip of his thumb and forefinger, the clasp on her bra was dispensed with. He brushed the garment away and sucked again on nipples erect from his pleasurable ministrations.

  That nearly shocked her back to her senses. It dumbfounded her how she could react to Jake this way, when she had never felt the same thing with Ben. She had almost forgotten what it was like, but he was helping her remember double-quick now!

  “Jake,” she pleaded, tugging fretfully at his thick hair, seeking to lift his head from the source of this pleasure.

  “Kate,” he responded on a sigh, his breath cool against her wet skin.

  “This isn’t fair,” she moaned.

  For an answer the devil moved downward, wetting a trail down her abdomen to areas she knew she couldn’t bear having explored! She yanked more violently on his hair and nape and shoulders, her fingers digging frantically. Jake refused to heed her as his fingers undid the snap on her jeans and systematically pulled downward, dragging her panties along as well.

  “Jake, please!” Kate gasped, then gasped again as his mouth found the heat of her pleasure center, shocking her to absolute stillness.

  Her bones melted. She simply had no substance. The fight went out of her in a rush of air, and her back arched as if she had been doing this for years instead of mere moments.

  Her head thrashed on the couch, but Jake’s exploration was tender and well-rehearsed. Had she been in control of her wits, his very expertise would have turned her off, but Kate was lost in a spiral of sensation that was wickedly self-indulgent. One instant, she was afraid to move; the next she was digging her nails into his back and climaxing with such a rush she cried out in a muffled scream.

  She collapsed back, spent. His hands took up where his mouth left off, but when he started to strip off his own clothes, her head thrashed against the velveteen pillow.

  “I can’t! I can’t! I’m sorry,” she whispered, stricken.

  He glanced at her, in the act of removing his shirt. “Sorry?”

  “Oh, my God. I can’t go on. I’m sorry! Oh, no, I don’t believe this!”

  Kate pressed her palms to her eyes, gulping, embarrassed to the pit of her soul when tears sprang out of nowhere, seeping through her fingers to run in rivulets down her cheeks. Her chest heaved.

  “Katie,” Jake said softly, shocked.

  “I can’t! I shouldn’t have. I don’t know how it happened. It’s all my fault. I’ve never, never, never…”

  “It’s okay.” He got the message, slowly buttoning up his shirt.

  “No, no.” She peeked through her fingers, abjectly miserable. “I’ve never been a tease, and after that—it’s just not fair.”

  “It’s okay,” he assured her.

  “My God!” Kate made a sound of humiliation and inhaled a shuddering sigh.

  “That good, huh?” Jake managed.

  She shot him a look. His face was angelic, and she realized with a rush of relief that he was hiding a smile. She wanted to cry all over again.

  “You don’t play fair,” she murmured.

  “I know,” he admitted, shame-faced. Only it was all an act, and Kate, who was rapidly becoming aware of her nudity, grabbed up her clothes and struggled to put them on before another unexpected episode suddenly took her by surprise.

  Jake brushed her hands away, refusing to let her put on her armor. “I like you like this.”

  “Oh, Jake, let me go.”

  “I can’t,” he said simply. “I want you to stay.”

  “Your powers of seduction are many,” she murmured, cheeks flaming.

  “I wish…”

  In lieu of finishing his sentence, Jake seemed to come to his senses and allow Kate to redress. She felt his gaze on her several times, but he didn’t actually speak until she was completely clothed—and then she cut him off.

  “Kate—”

  “You wish what?” she asked.

  He hesitated. Her heart started pounding, and goose bumps rose on her flesh. For some reason, she thought he was about to say something momentous.

  He gazed at her seriously, and Kate couldn’t help lifting a hand to his cheek and stroking his beard-roughened skin. Jake shifted his lips to her palm, kissing her, and when he was about to answer the phone rang shrilly making them both jump.

  Jake rose to answer it, and Kate collapsed against the cushions, feeling as if she had run a marathon. She wished she understood herself—and him—a little better.

  “Phillip!” Jake said tightly, clearly as undone by his brother’s poor timing as Kate was. “What do you mean? When did you talk to Marsh?”

  His attention was riveted to the phone. Kate waited, growing slightly alarmed at his change in demeanor.

  “Damn it,” Jake whispered under his breath. “Okay, okay. I’ll be there tonight. No, wait…”

  He stood tensely, his back to her. She could almost hear him calculating as his head half turned her way. “Tomorrow.”

  Whatever Phillip answered had no effect on Jake, who finished with, “I’ll call him from here. Stop worrying. No, it’ll be fine.” He shook his head and asked in a lower voice, “What’s with you? It’s no surprise that he’s changed his opinion. I knew it wasn’t kids.” After a moment, he added in frustration, “For God’s sake, you act like someone’s blaming you! Forget it! I’ll deal with it as soon as I get back.”

  He hung up the phone with Phillip’s voice still squawking from the receiver. Shrugging a bit, he said apologetically, “A few problems at work.”

  “The ones you didn’t want to share with me.”

  He half smiled. “Yeah, those.”

  “You don’t seem too concerned.”

  “I’m not—yet.” He threw her a sideways glance. “I’ll tell you all about it if you promise to stay another night.”

  “Blackmail. Coercion. Unfair advantage.”

  “All of the above,” Jake agreed, watching her.

  Sighing, Kate acquiesced, knowing she should be more careful, but sick and tired of listening to her conscience. “One more night,” she agreed and wondered why i
t sounded like the death knell.

  * * *

  They barbecued hamburgers and drank beer which went right to Kate’s head. She sat in the kitchen while Jake walked back and forth from the barbecue which stood on the small deck at the side of the house. The luxury of being waited on was a new experience for Kate, who had spent years being partner, wife and sometime slave to her husband. “I could get used to this,” she admitted as he handed her a paper plate with a charbroiled burger face-up on a bun. The aroma sent her saliva glands into overdrive.

  “I could, too,” Jake admitted in a reflective murmur.

  Kate munched on her hamburger, swiping at her chin with a napkin as juice dribbled from the sumptuous ground beef. “How embarrassing.”

  “What, are you kidding? I’m just glad I didn’t burn them to hockey pucks.”

  “Are you trying to tell me you’re normally not this handy in the kitchen?”

  “Anything past the barbecue is way too tricky.”

  “So, what do you do? Go out for dinner every night?”

  “Pretty much,” he admitted.

  “You’re kidding.” Kate saw dollar signs burning up. But he was a Talbot after all, and he didn’t have a family to support.

  “I tried a cook/maid for a while,” he said with a shrug, “but she was always fixing something exotic and inedible.”

  Kate grinned. “No gourmet tastes, either?”

  “Not a one.”

  “Meat and potatoes all the way?”

  He lifted his hands in surrender. “Guilty as charged.” He picked up his beer and took a long swallow, eyeing the bottle as he asked casually, “And your husband? What was he like?”

  She didn’t want to talk about Ben. Not with Jake. “Pretty much the same,” she muttered dismissively.

  “Meat and potatoes all the way.” Jake met her eyes.

  “Yeah.”

  “Was he good to you?” Jake asked after a pause.

  “He left me the business, and he treated April like a princess.”

  He nodded, hearing the closure in Kate’s voice but ignoring it in true male fashion. “How has April handled his death?”

  “Fine, I guess. Death’s always scary and upsetting, but she’s coped.”

  Jake frowned. “Losing a parent, though.”

  “They weren’t all that close,” Kate revealed, then could have kicked herself for saying too much. “She’s a teenager, and Ben never understood.”

  “Understood what?”

  “Why she was moody, or not interested in talking about business, Ben’s favorite subject. He fussed over what she wore and what she said. It just all bugged her.” Kate nervously twisted her beer bottle atop the table. “She was devastated when he died,” she admitted.

  It was a milestone. She hadn’t thought about Ben’s death in relation to April that much because April had been unusually quiet. Kate realized her error too late. Maybe because she had known Ben wasn’t really April’s father, she hadn’t given April’s feelings the same merit she might have otherwise, and since April didn’t ask for help, the issue had simply been shoved aside.

  “She wants me to date again,” Kate said, beginning to see new reasons for April’s interest. She missed having a father. Maybe Ben wasn’t perfect, but he had been the only father she had known. She wanted Kate to have a partner, and she wanted to be part of a family again.

  “You mean you haven’t been?”

  “It’s only been six months.”

  “Were you in love with him?”

  This was getting into tricky territory. “That’s kind of personal, don’t you think?”

  Jake inclined his head in agreement. “I don’t know what it is. I can’t talk to other people like this. Maybe it’s because we grew up together; or something, but you’re easy to be with. If I step over the line, just tell me.”

  “You constantly step over the line,” Kate said, remembering those intimate moments on the couch.

  “Hah. You just don’t want to answer.”

  “What?” Kate asked, losing track.

  “Were you in love with your husband?” he repeated patiently.

  “When we got married?” she stalled.

  “Ever.”

  She choked out a tense laugh. “This conversation is way too dangerous. And you and I are too comfortable with each other,” she added. “But it’s false. I just know it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, we’ll get back to Portland and this will be over, and we’ll be strangers.”

  He didn’t deny it. How could he? A whole other life awaited them both, and so they were spending some intense hours together. It didn’t change anything for either of them, no matter how much they might want to believe it did.

  Kate felt a sudden chill. Excusing herself, she began to clean up the kitchen but stopped, frozen in mid-dishwashing, when she felt Jake come up behind her.

  “We’ve got unfinished business,” he said quietly. His hands rested lightly on her hips as his breath fanned her neck. He brushed her skin with light, nuzzling kisses.

  Kate felt herself begin to respond to his persuasive mouth. She closed her eyes and swayed, but all the words they had spoken jumbled together in her head, making her feel uneasy. What had they really discovered this weekend? Nothing they didn’t already know. They were simply two people who were chemically attracted to each other, but who lived in two different worlds.

  “I can’t let you seduce me,” she said in a thin, unhappy voice. “I won’t be able to live with myself if I do.”

  “Ahhh, Kate,” he sighed.

  “I know you think I will, give in, that is, and you’re probably right. Enough pressure and everything goes back to the way it was in high school. But you hurt me. You may not have meant to, but you did, and I barely recovered.”

  “With Ben Rose.”

  “I made a choice,” she said unevenly. “For better or worse, and it was mostly okay. Ben was good to me. And that’s the bottom line.”

  “But you’re blaming me for something that happened when we were kids.”

  “Of course I am! In my heart, we were married, Jake. We had a ceremony in a church with candlelight and vows—vows that I meant!”

  “I meant them, too,” he declared.

  “You left me. I thought you were engaged.”

  “And you married someone else!” he interrupted harshly. “For God’s sake, Katie, if I can forgive you that, can’t you forgive me for going away for a few months? Because whether you like it or not, that’s all I did. I didn’t marry Celia for years, and then it was just because the timing was right. You and I—that’s all that was wrong. Timing. We had bad timing because we were too young.”

  “I know, I know…”

  “And my mother’s interference didn’t help. I’ll take the blame there, but there’s nothing more to say. It doesn’t matter anymore, Katie,” he added persuasively. “Now is all there is.”

  She swallowed. “Jake, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “When you talk about bad timing…I, well, there were other things, too.”

  “Mmmm…”

  He was nuzzling again, and Kate struggled to keep a clear head. It had been her saving grace for years. She prayed for it now. “I needed you home that summer. If you’d been there—but you weren’t. And then your mother said you were engaged. Jake, please,” she begged, no proof against such persuasive appeal.

  “Please, what,” he murmured, deliberately misunderstanding as he slowly turned her toward him.

  “You’re not listening, and there’s something…something…” She gulped as his lips caressed her throat, his body pressed warmly against hers. “…something I have to…say.”

  “Go ahead and say it,” he whispered, but his mouth had traveled downward as his hands sneaked beneath her sweater to roam up her bared back.

  “I can’t,” she expelled, collapsing against him in total surrender. Her brain
shut down. She gave in so completely that when Jake swept her into his arms and carried her upstairs to the room they had occupied so long ago, it seemed not only right, but preordained.

  I love you, she thought, knowing it was true, knowing it had always been true.

  “I want to make love to you,” he muttered harshy against her mouth as eager hands stripped her clothes.

  “I want you to,” she whispered back, her own hands just as eager.

  “No second thoughts,” he warned.

  “No second thoughts.”

  “Kate…” Desire throbbed in his voice, but it was a last question, a plea that she play fair.

  For an answer she dragged his mouth to hers and plunged her tongue inside. With a groan, Jake hauled her body tightly to his, fitting her feminine contours against his masculine ones until there was no room for anything between them except physical love.

  Their clothes were dispensed within a fever of desperation. His tongue entangled with hers, their breath warm and mingling. She felt his hands slip down her rib cage and over the curve of her hips, drawing her body hard against him. She felt his hardness and suddenly longed to be possessed by him once more.

  With a moan that verged on a plea, she clung to him, her fingers exploring him as completely as his explored her. Jake groaned then, low in his throat, her touch having a direct effect on him. She nuzzled his throat with her tongue, tasting him, and it was this final coaxing that tore through the last shred of his resistance. No more waiting. He brushed her hands aside, held on to her hips and thrust inside her as if he had been waiting for years to thoroughly possess her. And Kate responded eagerly, urging him on, her own needs rapidly escalating out of control. She matched his rhythm as if they had practiced daily, not waited for eighteen long years to find each other again. When Jake stiffened in surrender, desire sizzled down Kate’s nerves. Her body reacted simultaneously in a sweet, convulsive response that had every muscle pulsing with pleasure. Crying out, her fingers dug into his flesh, Jake’s answering groan a signal that he, too, had reached the same, soul-shattering climax.

  She was floating somewhere, languid and replete. Jake lay atop her, his heart pounding wildly against hers. She caressed his hair, his face, the muscle of his back and hips. Her face turned to his in love, and Kate rubbed her lips against his warm flesh.