Swagger (Radioactive Tales of Love)

by Nikki Prince

  Macy

  Thinking back, Macy did always encourage Cruz and I to be together. Those two got along great which I loved. I never felt jealous of their friendship. I wipe away some more tears. I don’t think I’ve cried more in my life since Macy died. I’d gotten so used to holding everything inside. If there is one thing I’ve learned from Cruz coming back here is how it’s best to talk things out. Through the last few days of trying to figure out what where I was headed, this talking things out and soul searching brought out so much for me to think about.

  Dear Diary,

  She finally did it. Kathy cornered me in my room when mom went shopping. She made me take off my clothes. She kissed me and put her hands on my body. She made me feel so dirty. She said if I didn’t go along, she’d go after Roxanne. She’d also said no one would believe me. I need help and there is no one to turn to. Daddy is gone most of the time. I know mom wouldn’t believe me. Though she says I’m her favorite. I think it has more to do with the fact that Kathy has latched on to me. You believe me diary. That will have to be enough. Until I find a solution to all of this.

  Macy

  Dear Diary,

  It’s been three weeks since Kathy kissed me. I thought she wouldn’t do it again. I was wrong. This time, she made me go to the store with her. I’d tried to say no. Mom wasn’t hearing that. So, I went and yeah, we went to the store and then she took me to her place. She touched me and made me strip off my clothes. I had to let her keep touching me. I don’t want anyone to touch me ever again.

  Macy

  I’m finally hit with a moment of lucidity. Kathy has to go. It doesn’t matter what my mom will think. I’m her guardian and she’s half gone anyways. My path is so much clearer. I can’t wait to tell Cruz. I’m going to wait a little; I want to finish this diary like I said I would. Though, what I plan to do with mom and Kathy is going to get taken of tomorrow. It’s been a long time coming and I owe my sister this.

  I wish she would’ve spoken out against Kathy. The more I think about it though, my mother would never have believed that Kathy was doing anything to Macy. Kathy is the reason Macy killed herself. I really don’t have to read more to know that. Macy left this record for a reason, so I will finish it out. I’m at the last entries, so I read more and then the last entry is the one that I had a distinct feeling would hold the key.

  Dear Diary,

  I’ve decided to end it all. This will be my only record. Most people will tell someone cause they don’t really want to. Me…I need to. My heart is too heavy. Kathy has messed with me for the last time. Dear God. Please forgive me for this. I’m 17 and all alone. I want to protect my sister, but I am weak. Let this end with me. If any of this is found out in time. In my jewelry box, under the red velvet lining that I keep in my room, there are letters from Kathy to me. I kept them on purpose. For this very reason, please find them and end what she has done.

  Macy

  It was dated earlier in the morning on the day she died. I remember she’d gone to school with me. We did the whole dinner with the family thing, and then we all went to bed. I wonder if I could’ve stopped her. If I’d known, I would have tried. This is why she didn’t say anything to me. She was so done with it all. I cry for me, but most of all, I cry for her and her innocence. She had letters. I would go look for them when my game plan is complete. Kathy is going down. I was going to do this with the help of Macy.

  “Dear God, I can only hope you have her on gilded wings,” I say this aloud to the universe with the hope that He hears me. I’m not a religious person per say, but I believe in a higher power.

  The closer I get to Macy’s anniversary of her death, the stronger I seem to feel. I like to think she’s helping me from wherever she is. She’s propping me up on her shoulders with her wings out spread. Usually, this would be a sad thing. I like this closure thing. I like it a lot. She’s gone but having read what happened to her…faith buds and grows within me. I hear the door open and I squeal, jumping up I run to Cruz and wrap my arms around his neck.

  “Oof!” He says and hugs me close.

  “It’s so good to see you!” I rain kisses all over his face.

  “I told you I’d be back baby.”

  I cup the back of his head and place my lips on his.

  Cruz utters a groan and picks me up in his arms, cupping my ass.

  This is where I belong. With this strong man who loves me and me alone. I suck on his bottom lip as he walks us to the bed.

  He sits me down on the edge and gets on his knees in front of me.

  I nip his lip.

  “Ow. You’re a little feisty tonight.”

  “You’re gonna tell me that really hurt?” I laugh.

  “Nope, it felt just right. I was just being dramatic.”

  I bring my legs up and lock them around his waist, pulling him forward, so he’s pressed against my bottom. “You look tired.”

  “I am but not so tired, that I can’t make love to my woman.”

  “There you go, claiming things again,” I tease him.

  “Yep, cause you’re mine and no one else’s.”

  “So then…that makes you mine. I’d better not see any other girls trying to mess with my man.”

  “I’m all yours to claim. You don’t have to worry about that other stuff.”

  “I have some stuff to tell you but it can wait until afterwards.”

  “Girl, I hoped you would say that.” He kisses my shoulder, his shirt having slipped, baring it. “You look good in my shirt.”

  “I’m claiming this as mine.”

  “Claim away. All that I am is yours, Roxie. I have been for a very long time. I’m not letting you get away from me this time.”

  I couldn’t think of anything to say the moment his lips took mine in a sweet kiss. Then, we were touching each other, clothes were being removed and he was taking me to heights unimaginable. God, I love this man. Love him so much. Everything has to be okay, it just has to.

  Chapter 27

  Cruz

  I decide it was time to talk to her. To let her know what’s been going through this head of mine. In order for us to survive whatever was going to happen, we had to be honest and forthright with one another. I sat in the bed with my back propped against the pillows as I wait for her to return from the bathroom.

  “Well, you look deep in thought,” Roxie says as she pauses at the foot of the bed.

  “Yeah well, there are some things I want to discuss with you. They’re important things, things that will make us stronger for talking about them. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.”

  The look she gave me was pensive but she still sat down on the bed with her hands on her knees. “Okay well…I’m ready when you are.”

  “I told you about my mom, but I never finished with what happened to Cisco and my father.”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  “Well, let’s see. Cisco and I started to do anything and everything we could not to be home when our dad was. It’s funny how much of a functioning alcoholic my father was. No one ever knew he was a drunk except for Cisco and I. He made sure to beat us where it wouldn’t be seen and dared us to tell anyone.”

  Roxie sat watching me as sadness crept into her eyes.

  The memories flood in and I swallow hard, forcing myself to continue, “The day I got arrested was because I beat my father to a pulp. I’d gotten tired of the beatings and I lost it. Cisco finally pulled me off him. I cleaned myself up and got ready for school. That’s when the police came for me. Dad pressed charges. Because of my age, they sent me to juvenile hall.”

  Roxie looks as if she was hanging on my every word. “And Cisco—what happened to your brother?” She reaches over and touches my leg.

  I place my hand on hers with a small smile. “I found out later that because of what happened, they did some investigating and Cisco was sent to a foster home. I don’t know where and they wouldn’t tell me. In juvie, I was told he got adopted at a later date. I’m happy for h
im. Anything was better, than for him to be with my father still. My father didn’t deserve us. My father left the area.” There—it was all out and it felt good.

  Roxie squeezes my knee. “I didn’t know all of that was happening.”

  “Like I said before, you had problems of your own Roxie. What could you have done?”

  “I don’t know—tell someone?”

  “It’s neither here nor there anymore, Roxie. What happened to me and my brother just happened the way it did. It’s one of the things that make me who I am today.” I believe this with each passing day. I won’t make any excuses anymore. Moving forward, I intend to live life and make the best of it.

  “That’s true. I just wish he would’ve paid for what he did. It sucks that he got away with it.”

  “Well, they say Karma is a bitch. So, even if we don’t see it now…life has a way of catching up with people.”

  “One can hope.” She shrugs, and then gets on her knees, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me softly.

  “I’m not done,” I say to her.

  “Oh…”

  I grin at the cute little O shape she makes with her mouth. “Yeah, I have a lot of skeletons and a lot of demons.”

  “It’s okay. None of us goes unscathed in this life.” She kisses my cheek and settles back down on the bed.

  “I told you earlier that I was going to go somewhere quiet and get some writing done.”

  “You didn’t?”

  “No. I’m sorry for not telling you, but I actually went to see my shrink today. Doctor Hubert Ballantine. I know I shouldn’t have said I was writing when I wasn’t. I think, I just wanted to go there without having an extra voice in my head besides my own.”

  “Please, just don’t do it again. I understand though, why you kept it to yourself. It’s hard doing what we’re doing. Opening ourselves up like we are—when we’re not used to it. But it’s like you said…in order for us to work we have to talk.”

  I sure like this girl. She’s using my own words to battle with me. “I promise I won’t do it again.”

  “So, what else did you want to tell me about this visit?”

  “I talked to him about us and my issues with PTSD.”

  “PTSD?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m acting as if everyone knows what it is. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is basically, an anxiety disorder. It’s one of the reasons I have a hard time sleeping because of thoughts of the war, along with flashbacks that come from the emotional trauma of being there.” This term has been around for a while but still…people didn’t know of it or understand it.

  “So, is there anything they can do to help you?”

  “Counseling and pills. At this point, I’d rather just go the counseling route and it seems to be helping. My addiction to alcohol makes me a very addictive personality and I don’t want to even try it with a drug.”

  She nods her head.

  “The most important thing is for us to keep our line of communication open. I can’t say that enough.”

  “Well, on that note, I want to tell you what I found out so far from reading the diary.” Roxie bends and picks the little book up, which must have fallen on the floor near the bed and she sets it in her lap.

  “Go on.” I’m eager to hear this. It’s one of the things holding us back from fully being together. I see her take a deep breath and I tune in. I want to hear every last word she says.

  “Kathy and my mother were lovers, remember I told you before? It’s why my dad left.”

  “Yeah…” I scowl.

  “Yeah, well that’s not the really the problem though. The problem started with Kathy messing with Macy.”

  “Messing with her how?” I actually understand what she means, but I found myself in disbelief.

  “Sexually. It started with kissing, and then went into full fledge sex. She warned Macy not to tell anyone. Basically, what your dad did with beating you and Francisco, except it was with sex.”

  “Damn. I didn’t expect that. I mean I didn’t know why she killed herself. That sure wasn’t the first thing on my list.”

  “Same here. I was so blind to it all. I feel so much guilt about it. I mean I’m the younger sister, but maybe I could have done something. She was going through so much Cruz and I didn’t see it,” Roxie sobs out.

  I pull her into my lap, holding on to her. I held her as her body shakes with her grief.

  She pulls back a bit and she seems so sad.

  “Baby, there was so much going on. You were even younger than her. Just as much as she didn’t know who to turn to… you wouldn’t have known what to do either.”

  “I know, I know—it’s just so fucking messed up. Kathy is walking around while my sister is dead Cruz. Macy deserved to have a happy life just as much as anyone else. Yet, she chose to end it because that bitch couldn’t keep her hands to herself. I’ve decided that I’m going to put mom in a home. I just wish I could prosecute Kathy for what she did to my sister. I have to wonder if she’s done anything to anyone else.”

  “Well, maybe there is something we can do? Some sort of law on the books that will enable us or I should say, you to prosecute.”

  “I was thinking of going to the law library tomorrow. You want to go with me? Then we can go to Macy’s gravesite. Perhaps, I’ll have good news to tell her.”

  Through the tears, I could see the desperate hope shining in her beautiful brown eyes. I would pour over whatever kind of books I had to—to bring a smile to her face. “Yes, I’ll go with you babe…”

  She sobs and buries her face against the side of my neck. Her tears coat my skin like a warm blanket. They’re tears of joy and sorrow mixed in.

  My baby has been through a lot. I will so be there for her. “So, you’re off at the motel?”

  “I took your and Candy’s advice to use those who work there. I don’t have to kill myself just working all the time. It’s why I have employees to take the slack. It’s the anniversary of her death. There is no way I’d work tomorrow anyway. The library first and then the gravesite later.

  “Are you done reading her diary?”

  “I finished tonight. I’m actually ahead of schedule. I didn’t think I’d finish this fast but I had to know what happened.”

  “Then, we should get some sleep. Well, at least you should get some sleep, as I don’t sleep much.” We were already naked, so I stood up, pulling back the covers and held my hand out to her. We were together for a reason. She settles sweetly into my arms with her head tucked under my chin. In my head, I chant her name. Roxie, Roxie, Roxie.

  Chapter 28

  Roxie

  Sitting across from Cruz in the law library was fun. I mean of course we didn’t talk, but we played footsies under the table as we poured through California law and it’s statute of limitations. It’s my way of having contact with him. I wanted to find out whether or not it was too late to prosecute Kathy. She’d done my sister wrong and even my mother.

  I hold no sympathy for my mother. When I get the chance, I was going to ask her if she suspected what Kathy was doing and then, turned a blind eye to it. If she did that…she was just as guilty as Kathy. Perhaps it was guilt that made my mom so sick over the last few years.

  Chances were, my mother would be deep in a fugue when I wanted to ask her. I also may never know the truth from her. I’m okay with that, mainly because I’m already well acquainted with what Kathy had done. I flip through another large tome and yawn. I could never be a lawyer this was some heavy shit. I pick up my pen and write down a few more notes of what I found. I’m excited. There is hope. “Bingo…” I whisper and tap Cruz with my foot.

  He looks up from his book and I swear his eyes are crossed. We’ve been looking through these books for hours.

  I giggle softly and get a shhh, from the librarian across the room. The funny thing is we’re the only ones in here besides the older woman, so it seems a bit silly on her part.

  Cruz makes a funny face. “What did you fin
d?”

  I hold in the next laugh and whisper, “I found a statute of limitations for prosecuting Kathy civilly. It states and I quote…” I take a big breath and read from the page, “In California, the filing of a civil claim of sexual abuse must be made within 8 years of the age of majority…meaning before your 26th birthday. However, California is one of 28 states that have adopted an extension of the statute of limitations based on the ‘discovery’ of child sexual abuse or its effects. While nearly every state has a basic suspension of the statute of limitations while someone is a minor, many states have recently adopted these new discovery extensions specifically designed for cases of sexual child abuse.” I run my fingers along the words, so that I don’t lose my place.

  Cruz sits and listens as I read.

  “The discovery rule allows for civil lawsuits to go forward when they are within three years of the date the plaintiff discovers or reasonably should have discovered that psychological injury or illness occurring after the age of majority was caused by the sexual abuse. This rule was designed to counter the problem of prosecuting molesters whose victims had repressed the memories for decades, long after the statute of limitations expired. Now, upon discovery of the memories of abuse often through therapy, a person has 3 years to file a claim. After the Catholic Church abuse scandals, California also enacted a law that allows for lawsuits against people whom were aware of the unlawful sexual conduct by their ‘employee, volunteer, representative, or agent’, and failed to take ‘reasonable steps’ to prevent it. Upon his discovery of this person or entity, a plaintiff has one year to sue.”

  “Wow, that definitely was a crazy mouthful,” Cruz says.

  I inhale deeply. I want to solidify it in my mind and heart. A huge weight is lifted from my shoulders as I’ve found what I was seeking. A way to help my sister even though she’s already gone from this world.