Secrets We Keep

by Angel Lawson

  “What did she want?” Finn asks quietly.

  “She told me she was sorry about the prank and for pushing me away. She said she’d fallen for Juliette like a drug. That being around her was exciting and different and that she realized now that like all amazing drugs, it was just a gateway to something stronger and more consuming.”

  “She apologized?” Finn’s as surprised as I was.

  I nod. “There’s something else.” I look away, the guilt too much to bear. “She told me she was in some kind of trouble, and that she needed my help.”

  “What kind of help?”

  “I don’t know.” I bend, wrapping my arm around my stomach. The dam bursts and tears start to fall. “I told her to get out of there. To leave me alone.”

  “You what?” Finn whispers.

  “I thought it was another one of her pranks. Just a trick to get me to go along with whatever she and Juliette had planned.” I wipe my face. “And it felt good to reject her.”

  I look into the shadowed faces of the three boys I’ve known the longest and feel deep, regrettable shame.

  “When she went missing, it didn’t even cross my mind. Like the rest of you, I thought all of this was probably just more drama. She’d been shoving her perfect life, with the perfect family and perfect boyfriend,” my eyes flick to Finn, whose expression is unreadable, “for years, and I figured this was just another moment for her to get the best of all us. It’s not until all this other stuff came out that it started to click. The drugs, the secrets, the fake accounts. Maybe she really was in trouble.” I swallow. “Big trouble, and I’d turned her away.”

  I can’t stand for them to see me revealed like this, for being petty and bitter, after years of pretending to take the higher ground. I got one chance to truly be the bigger person, and I’m no better than Alice.

  I walk off, down the dark trail, using just my phone flashlight to guide me. I need to tell the police what I know—what I’ve been hiding. I need to apologize to Alice. I need to stop pretending like I can have a relationship with Finn, or Ozzy or Ezra.

  I’m halfway down the trail when footsteps crash through the fallen leaves. A hand on my elbow pulls me to a stop.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “So fucking sorry.”

  I turn around and the first thing I see is Finn’s broad shoulders in his purple and gold jacket. “Rose was hard to be kind to. I’d stopped listening to her, Kenley. Completely stopped. She could have tipped me off that something was wrong, and I wasn’t even paying attention.”

  “That’s not the same thing.”

  “Isn’t it? I was her boyfriend—emphasis on the word friend. I should have been there for her or at least noticed some of this shit was going on.” He tugs at his hair. “I had no fucking idea about any of this. I was distracted.”

  “Who would ever assume she’d be involved in something like that? I knew she liked to push limits but…you being distracted had nothing to do with it.”

  Finn looks down at me, eyes dark, jaw tight. The intensity makes me nervous, and I take a step back. His hand reaches out and his fingers curl in my jacket, tugging me back.

  “Do you want to know what was distracting me?” His gaze flicks between my eyes and my mouth.

  I swallow. “If you want to tell me.”

  “It was the girl next door. The girl behind the pulled shade. The girl so close I could almost reach out and touch her, but I’d screwed up so badly it was never going to happen.”

  “What?” I say, barely a whisper.

  “I was going to ask you to homecoming Freshman year. I told Juliette that the day they vandalized your house. She’d confided in me that Rose had a crush on me and wanted me to ask her to Rich Crawford’s party. I told her I wasn’t interested—that I had it bad for another girl, and I was just waiting for my shot. That’s when they acted, betraying you, and looping me into it.”

  My head spins. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”

  He laughs and curls those fingers tighter. “I’m saying that just like Rose, I got sucked into whatever game she and Juliette were playing, but in the last six months things had been different. We weren’t as close.” His eyes shift downward. “We stopped having sex and unless we were in public, we weren’t affectionate at all.”

  I think back to the summer and how he worked out all the time in the gym behind his house and his increased focus on football and all the days Rose and Juliette came to the pool alone.

  “I’ve never stopped thinking about you, Kenley. Not for a single day. My biggest regret is not asking you to that dance, because everything in the last three years would be different.”

  My heart hammers in my chest, threatening to bust right though my rib cage. I’ve loved Finn since I was four years old. And here he is, telling me exactly what I’ve always wanted to hear, and it feels…wrong. Not just because of everything with Rose, but because of the new feelings I have for Ozzy. We’d almost kissed in the car, I know it, and I’d wanted him, too.

  Just like I’d give anything for Finn to kiss me now.

  I take a step back and unlatch his fingers from my jacket.

  “I need to go.”

  He frowns. “What?”

  “I just…I need to go.”

  I spin on my heel and take off in the dark, winding through the trail that leads back to where I parked my car. My nerves are shot and my mind whirls, so much information, so many secrets and, damn, a declaration from Finn.

  Ezra was right about one thing, tonight was the night we all needed a drink.

  24

  Finn

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  I can’t believe I told Kenley all of that. It was a secret I’d kept for years. A secret I should have never told. Only a fucking idiot would willingly offer to get their heart torn out by the girl he’s secretly loved, and publicly treated like crap for years. There’s no doubt I’m an idiot.

  I’m also not a creeper, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting her walk back to the car alone. Not with Rose’s disappearance. With everything we’ve uncovered, it’s looking more and more like she’d been hurt or taken. There are too many variables at play.

  I follow a few steps behind and stick to the woods as she gets into her car. Once she drives away, I head back to the cottage. The guys are still inside. Ezra raises an eyebrow when I enter.

  “She left. I was just making sure she got to the car safely.”

  Ozzy nods. “Is she okay?”

  “She feels guilty.”

  “Join the club,” Ezra mutters, unscrewing the cap on the whiskey and taking a sip. He passes it to me and I swallow a gulp. It burns the hell out of my throat on the way down.

  “Jesus.” I shake it off. “Can I see that dating site?”

  Ozzy pulls out his phone, opens the app and hands it over.

  “Your fake handle is Lolita Love?” I make a face.

  “Whatever. I got hit on right away.”

  “I bet.” I scroll through, looking it over. The idea is simple. Young girls, presumably eighteen and over, looking for older men for a particular kind of relationship. The situation varies depending on what people want. There are the creeps, who start with dick pics and escalate from there, but that’s not all. Some older guys seem to just want companionship—someone to have dinner with or go to the theater. Others have detailed plans of their expectations, including sex. All of them involve money.

  “This whole thing is a clusterfuck,” I say. “I can’t believe Rose was on that site. I knew she had daddy issues—real ones—but to go seeking something like that?”

  I’m not even sure where to begin processing how I feel about this. Embarrassed? A little. Inadequate? Sure, especially since we’d stopped fucking months ago, but that was mutual. With all the tension and distance, it felt off. But there’s something else that I feel. Worry and confusion. After all these years, it’s becoming clear that I didn’t know Rose very well at all.

  “The
thing about Rose,” Ezra says, looking at the page over my shoulder, “is that she had to have a reason to be involved in something like this. She had money. She had you. What was the point? Just for thrills? Was she just bored, like she said? Maybe she left her car on that bridge and her ‘Daddy’ came and picked her up and she left Thistle Cove for good.”

  “It’s possible,” Ozzy says. “But, it’s also pretty fucking scandalous. Especially when you have a father in politics. Maybe we aren’t the only ones that found out about this account?”

  I grab the bottle again and take another swig. The deeper we dig into Rose’s life; the more complicated things are.

  “Should we tell the police about this?” I ask.

  “I think we have to,” Ozzy says. “She could still be out there.”

  “And she could be in trouble,” Ezra adds.

  I nod in agreement.

  Ozzy takes back the phone. “In the meantime, I’ll see if I can get into her account—maybe see who she’s matched up with.”

  My phone vibrates at the same time as the others. We all check. It’s Kenley.

  Home safe.

  I’m not sure about the other guys, but one thing runs through my mind; we may have failed Rose, but at least there’s one girl in Thistle Cove we can protect.

  25

  Kenley

  Ozzy gives us the heads up that he’s going to tell the police about the SugarBabies app and Rose’s connection to it.

  “Can I go with you?” I ask when I pick him up the next morning. “I think I should tell them about the conversation Rose and I had at the pool.”

  “Sure.”

  I drive over the bridge, the emergency vehicles long gone. A small shrine has started in the spot where they found her car. I divert my gaze. We pass the high school and head into the small town of Thistle Cove. On paper, it’s perfectly quaint, with a town square that has a gazebo in the middle, the courthouse, and parallel rows of shops. The police station is on the backside of the courthouse. I find a parking spot out front and ease in.

  Before I get out of the car, Ozzy reaches over the gear shift and rests his hand on mine, squeezing gently.

  “It’ll be okay,” he says, probably to himself as much as for me.

  There’s a thrill that runs up my arm from his touch. I like Ozzy. A lot. More than I ever expected. I had some crazy idea in my head that if I couldn’t have Finn, then I wouldn’t have anyone as long as I lived in this town. But the more Ozzy and I rekindle our relationship, the more I see him in a different light. He’s smart and handsome. He’s not the buff athlete that Finn and Ezra are, but I like his lanky build and the way his clothes fit. I like the way he looks at me and how his skin feels against mine.

  But I’m not sure how I feel about Finn. Especially after his confession last night.

  My thoughts shouldn’t be on boys, I remind myself and get out of the car. Ozzy meets me at the front, and we walk toward the station. We pass a few officers on the way in and at the front desk Ozzy tells the woman in a dark blue uniform, “We need to talk to Chief McMichael or one of the detectives about the Rose Waller case.”

  We don’t have time to take a seat in the empty waiting room. Detective Jones walks out with his neat beard and pensive eyes and waves us back.

  “What can I do for you?” he says, taking us past a series of messy desks to a small room that only has a table and a couple of chairs. He sits on one side. Ozzy pulls out my chair and we both sit.

  “We had some information about Rose.”

  “What kind of information.”

  Ozzy looks at me, and I take a deep breath and start. I tell him about speaking to Rose before school started and how she apologized for the rift in our friendship as well as confiding in me that she was in trouble. Detective Jones quietly takes notes and then says, “Is there a reason you’ve waited until now to come forward?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, running my hand nervously down my thigh. I’m making my third pass when Ozzy reaches out and takes my hand under the table, threading his fingers with mine. “I guess I didn’t think it was important.”

  “And you do now? Why’s that?”

  Ozzy clears his throat. “Because none of us really thought Rose would get herself into any trouble. She seemed very much in control of her life and happy. But all the pieces started clicking together and,” he reaches for his phone, pulling up the app, and sliding it across the table, “I found this.”

  “A dating app?”

  “SugarBabies. Where women match up with an older man for a sugar-daddy-style relationship. Rose had an account.”

  Detective Jones stares at the screen for a long moment and rubs his chin. I tighten my grip on Ozzy’s hand. “How did you find this?”

  “I uh, got into her ChattySnap account and fished around a little. The link was buried in her DMs. I wasn’t able to get on her actual SugarBabies account, but by making my own fake account I was able to see that she did have one up, Rosemary’s Baby.”

  The Detective grimaces and returns the phone. “So you accessed it illegally.”

  “Possibly.”

  He sighs. “We’ll definitely look into it, any information at this point is helpful.”

  “Has there been any other progress?”

  He looks between the two of us, eyes narrowing. “You didn’t hear it from me, but we’ve got nothing solid. That girl simply vanished. No sign of her in the water. No movement on her phone or social media. It’s like one minute she was on that bridge and the next she was gone.” He snaps his fingers. “Poof. But what you just showed me? That may be the biggest break we’ve had yet.”

  Ozzy doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk out of the station toward the car. It feels right. Just like how telling Detective Jones everything was the right move. Before we left, he told Ozzy to stay out of other people’s personal information, but it was clear he was grateful for the tip.

  “Do you think this will help find her?” I ask Ozzy, once we’re back in the car.

  “I don’t know,” he says, resting his hand on mine, “but I think it’ll at least answer some questions.”

  I hope he’s right, I think, heading back to the school, but I’m afraid it may be the opposite; we may have just opened up Pandora’s box.

  Thistle Cove is one of those small towns where Friday night football takes precedence over everything else. Shops close, main street looks like a ghost town, and families don their purple and gold spirit wear and head to the stadium.

  Even a missing head cheerleader can’t stop the force of football.

  I ride with my parents—they’ve gotten increasingly nervous about me being out alone. With Alice and I not on speaking terms at the moment, I didn’t have an excuse. I could have brought up Ozzy, but I’m not ready to have that discussion with my mother yet. Plus, he didn’t ask if I wanted to go.

  “I talked to Regina today,” Mom says from the front seat. “Took her a casserole. She looks exhausted. This whole thing has been devastating.”

  “I can’t imagine,” Dad says, his eye catching mine in the rearview mirror.

  “She told me the police are doing their best, but even Brice’s influence only goes so far. They can’t find a girl that either doesn’t want to be found or something tragic has happened to.”

  “Someone must know something,” My dad says. He’s been repeating that line for days. Someone must know something. Again, our eyes meet in the rearview mirror. “Any news at school?”

  I shake my head. “No, nothing. Everyone’s just anxious about the game tonight.”

  He pulls the car into the crowded stadium lot, and I make my escape as quickly as possible, giving my mom a hug and accepting the cash my dad slips into my hand for admission and food.

  “Meet you back at the car when it’s over?” Mom says.

  “I’ll text you if something comes up.”

  “What would come up?”

  I start to answer, and my dad says, “It’s her senior year. I know thin
gs are a little different right now, but post-football parties or eating down at the Waffle Hut after the game is still a thing.”

  I give him an appreciative smile. “Thanks, Dad.”

  The theme of the night is recognizable even before I get in the actual stadium. The cheer squad is handing out rose-colored ribbons and wearing rose-colored bows and socks in honor of their missing leader. Juliette, who’s walked around the school crying all day, is front and center, letting everyone know that she’s here for her missing best friend. Campaign banners hang from the fence near the entrance. They’re new and no longer the simple logo Mr. Waller has used for the last several years. Now it’s a bright photo of his family, Rose in the center.

  “Wow,” I mutter, already knowing this is going to be over the top. Alice would hate it, and I miss having her to snark to as I try to process everything going on. I know there’s supposed to be an announcement at the beginning of the game and some kind of special half-time presentation. I’m trying to figure out if I can handle all of this when a hand touches my lower back.

  “Hey,” Ozzy says, smiling down at me.

  “Hi. I didn’t know if you were coming.”

  “Yeah, my parents came,” he looks over my head toward the stands. “They wanted me to ride with them.”

  “Mine, too.”

  We’re down by the field about to enter the stands when the announcer directs everyone to the middle of the field. The cheerleaders are all in place, along with the dance team, each with rose-colored accents. I look at the field and see the football players in special pink jerseys. On the sleeves I can make out a small logo for Mr. Waller’s campaign.

  “What the—” Ozzy says.

  “Welcome Vikings and our guests, the Ridgeview Ravens. We’re dedicating tonight’s game to one of our most loved Vikings, Rose Waller…”

  I tune the announcer out, focusing instead on the people walking toward the middle of the field. The Wallers, Coach Chandler, Juliette, and dragging a few steps behind is Finn, who looks absolutely miserable.