Crazy Twisted Love

by MF Isaacs

  After getting dressed I wrapped the rest of the presents, including Natalie’s name with mine on each tag. I carried all the gifts up to the living room to put under the tree. The number of presents had more than doubled since I had put gifts under there last night. I was tempted to look at whose was whose, instead I followed the scent of cookies to the kitchen. I found Hannah and Sierra decorating sugar cookies. I took a quick picture before snagging a poorly decorated angel. I sent the picture to both Steve and Cal, letting them see what they were missing out on.

  Cal returned the favor by sending me a picture of Natalie, she wasn’t aware that he took the picture. She was busy talking with an attractive guy who held a little girl in his arms. I could see the smile on her face and the closer I looked the more it appeared she was actually talking to the little girl. The site confirmed for me once again that I want that. I want to be a Dad and I want to be a husband. I need to know if she wants to be a mom, if she wants to be a wife. I am already falling for her, but what if she doesn’t want what I want. What if she wants the type of unconventional relationship I just walked away from?

  I was busy going through all the things I still needed to know about Natalie when Amy walked in, clearly dressed for the gym. When she asked if I wanted to join her, I knew it was the smartest option for me. My mind was nowhere near slowing down, it was twisting and turning at all the possible scenarios I could think of. I changed into appropriate gym clothes and hustled out the door with Amy in tow. She refused to let me drive, saying it was easier for her to drive since she knew where we were going. It wasn’t until we pulled into the parking lot that I figured out exactly where she was taking me. It wasn’t the kind of gym I was used to; it wasn’t even called a gym, it was a community center. We were participating in a PIYO workout. She clearly thought she was funny, she told me it was payback for fooling her into running with me.

  I feel it is necessary to point out that I run approximately 25 miles per week and in addition to that I spent approximately 6-8 hours lifting weights per week. I think of myself as being in great physical shape, not being arrogant, just honest. Well, that thought went to shit as soon as the over excited instructor started dictating crazy moves. Thankfully my self-esteem isn’t dictated by my ability to perform a crouching crow or whatever the fuck she called it. After 25 minutes, I was sweating more than I normally do on a 10 miler.

  Rather than heading straight back to the house, we stopped at the organic smoothie bar down the street from the community center. Amy surprised me at every turn, she never once judged me or the decisions I was making for myself. From what I had seen, she did the same thing with her own children. I’ve spent the last few years feeling bad that I walked away from organized sports because I knew it was something that made my parents proud. She must have sensed that about me and asked the questions in a way that made me question my own decisions, not in a way that indicated she questioned my choices. I loved her like a crazy aunt for all that she sparked within me.

  She asked me the question I’ve been playing over and over in my mind all day. It’s the question I want Natalie to answer. “Do you think you’ll be okay being in a relationship with just one person?” I didn’t even have to think twice about my answer and I wondered if she would be able to answer just as quickly.

  “Absolutely. That is exactly what I want.” She looked at me like she didn’t believe what I was telling her.

  “With a man or a woman? Not that I care one way or the other.” She asked questions in a way that made it easy to answer. I didn’t feel like I was being put on the spot, I felt like she was asking so she could support me appropriately.

  “A woman. I realize that might not be the message my relationship with Callie and Will sent to everyone. The reality is, I was in that relationship for two reasons. Sexually, it was because of Callie. Socially, I was in it for the friendship I had with Will. That is truly the best way I can explain it. I lost my best friend, what he represented is what they, Callie and Will, offered me. I thought they filled what was missing in my life.” So PIYO and organic smoothies were quickly turning me into a pussy, I have never spilled my guts like this.

  “How did your friend die? Nobody has mentioned you losing a friend.” I could hear the concern in her voice.

  “Oh, he didn’t die.” Honestly, this is not a conversation I ever envisioned having with Amy let alone anyone else. “Jimmy and I hit it off right off the bat when I got to Western State. We had so much in common. We lost our virginity at the same time in the same dorm room. That set the pace for our friendship. Without giving you too much information, we went about sharing women for the next couple of years. There was never anything sexual between the two of us. When he tried to go in that direction at the end of the school year, I freaked out. I spent the summer avoiding, yet missing him. When school started, I tried one night to beg him to go back. In my desperate attempt to keep him in my life, I reminded myself of Cody. The same Cody who killed my family because he was desperate to keep my sister in his life. So yeah, I walked away. The last time I saw him he introduced me to his girlfriend.”

  “Interesting. Do you plan on having that conversation with Natalie? I guess I am assuming you want to have some sort of relationship with her?”

  “Steve sort of held my feet to the fire yesterday so I was forced to tell her I had just gotten out of a relationship. I panicked that he would say something to her about the kind of relationship I’d been in, so I told her this morning. It probably would have been better if I’d told her that story as opposed to what I did tell her. Her response wasn’t what I expected. She told me ‘I can’t judge you for doing something that I have done.’ Then she basically told me she didn’t want to know the details because we’re just friends. If our relationship changes, we can talk about details. So now I’m stuck with my mind going in circles, wondering if she even wants a traditional relationship.” Speaking it all out loud was the most freeing experience I’d had in years.

  “Only way to find out is to ask. You should be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. Remember, be honest with yourself about what you want and you allow her the chance to do the same; it’s one of the many steps to figuring out whether a real relationship will work between you. I know Luke probably already gave you his spiel about how you get to choose what works for your relationship. In your situation that is going to be key. I don’t know what she is going to tell you in terms of her past relationships but I would venture to guess her hesitation, if she has one, is going to be the thought of you being with a man. I would urge you to really examine that, because that is the one thing she won’t be able to give you.” I wasn’t emotional in the sense that I wanted to cry, but I was overcome with the gratitude for this woman before me. I would have been so lost in my head today if not for her.

  I stood beside the table and took her hand to pull her up by me; then, without warning, I crushed her in the biggest hug I could give. “Thank you. And don’t be like Luke and tell me not to thank you.” I kissed the top of her head before releasing my hold. I picked up the trash and made my way toward the door. In talking to her, I decided I wanted to tell Natalie everything I’d just told Amy. Decision made, I needed to convince her to let me drive her back to her family.

  NATALIE

  We hadn’t been on the road but five minutes and Curtis started talking. “I spent a good portion of the day lost in thought. I feel like a huge fucking hypocrite when it comes to sharing about my past and wanting to know about yours.” I swear the tension in the car increased instantly. “I know you said you didn’t want to hear about my past, and at first I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to tell you everything. But then I spent the day with Amy McMann and she said so many things that made me think about what I want. The picture is crystal fucking clear for me, but I don’t want to invest my time and energy into something with you, if it isn’t even close to what you want for yourself.”

  I could feel his head turn my way without even needed to
look. When he reached for my hand, I didn’t hesitate in linking our fingers together. “I think your story is going to be way more in-depth than mine. I will listen, if you’ll do the same?”

  “Of course I’ll listen. Why wouldn’t I listen?” He squeezed my hand when I didn’t answer his question.

  “Oh sorry. I didn’t realize you were waiting for an answer. Um, let’s see, why wouldn’t you listen? I guess based on my shitty friends, I am not used to people really listening to me. I mean sure, they’ll listen if I am telling them something they want to hear. But talking about me, most people don’t want to hear that.” He still had my hand, otherwise I would have been picking at my fingernails.

  “I’m sorry I can’t pull the car over right now so I could look you square in the eyes and tell you, ‘I want to hear about you.’ I want to know about your hopes and dreams. That was part of my conversation today with Amy; she asked me if I thought I would be okay in a relationship with just one person. Fuck, let me back up okay?” Of course I wanted him to back up, I couldn’t help but wonder all day what he hopes to have, relationship wise.

  “If I told you my whole life story we’d be able to drive like Forest Gump ran. Keep going, and going, and going. The watered-down version of my teenage years; when most boys were getting their first BJ, I was saying good bye to my parents and older sister. They were murdered by my sister’s abusive boyfriend.” I knew that story, it was one he’d already shared with me. “My first week of college I met Jimmy; we had a ton in common and spent as much time together as possible. We lost our virginity at the same time in the same dorm room. That night carried over into several different scenarios. Sorry if it’s TMI, but we watched each other with girls, traded them or shared them. There were times we’d go on our own with girls, but for the most part that was our reality for two years. At the end of the school year, he turned his attention on me, it freaked me out and I walked away from our friendship completely. I spent the summer avoiding him and missing him at the same time. When school started in the fall, I tried to go back and undo the damage my freak out had done to our friendship. I got desperate and begged him. When I heard myself begging him, I realized I sounded exactly like my older sister’s abusive boyfriend.” He released my hand to take a drink of his energy drink and turn down his seat warmer.

  “It was a week later that I met Callie and Will. I met them while we were out of town and it started as a fling. Will was a lot like Jimmy and we connected quickly as friends. Callie was beautiful and I was immediately attracted to her. Fast forward, when Steve and Sierra both decided to get married it reminded me that it was something I’d always wanted. Then Sierra announced she was pregnant and I remember being so fucking happy for her, yet devastated for myself at the same time. Callie and Will had been a couple for years before I came along. Will was clear that he never wanted children, and I knew in the back of my mind that if anyone was getting married it would be the two of them, not me. I made the decision to put myself first, I wasn’t willing to stay in the relationship just because I was already there and it was easy. I had to walk away; I had to put my wants at the top of my priorities because nobody else is going to.” That was not at all what I expected to hear. I think, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking he was probably gay and just not ready to accept it yet. Now, is that possible? Sure, anything is possible. But that isn’t what I think is going on with him.

  “Thank you for telling me. I know for sure I will have questions that will pop up as I try to process everything. I hope you won’t mind when I ask them?” I knew a couple of questions were formulating in my mind already.

  “Of course not. I want you to ask me. I want to have this conversation with you, so you can see that I know what I want.” He lifted my hand to his lips and softly kissed the back of my hand.

  “So, I know I told you earlier that I can’t judge you for doing what I have done. Now that I have heard your story, mine is not the same. My stories are all alcohol related. Apparently, tequila is not really my friend, but I was a slow learner. It took four years of college to figure out that the things I thought were a good idea while drinking tequila, weren’t. I have a true love, hate relationship with tequila. I’ve been that token drunk girl who thinks going topless is a great idea. Every threesome I have participated in took place after drinking tequila. I’ve been the girl two guys shared; I’ve also been the third to an already established relationship. I have not, however, been in a relationship with two people. Everything I did was strictly sexual and was usually a onetime deal. Makes me sound like a real catch, doesn’t it?” Damn I hate the fact that I am telling him all this.

  “I already told you what Luke says about how we each get to decide what we want our relationships to be like, right? The other thing I have learned recently, we are usually harder on ourselves than anyone else will be. Your history with tequila is just that, history. I think the important thing for us to do is be honest with ourselves, and each other, about what we want out of our relationship. I need to know going in whether you want a threesome. I need to know if you see yourself getting married, having children. I know I am extremely attracted to you, but I want to make sure it’s more than that before we go forward and explore a true relationship.”

  Holy. Shit. I don’t know if he is setting me up or if he really does want to have the ‘let’s see if we want the same thing’ talk. “You need to get over, we need to take the next exit.” I tried to let go of his hand so he could drive with both hands while changing lanes, but before I could, he pulled our joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of mine again. This time, I felt the jolt run all the way up my arm the second his lips connected.

  CURTIS

  “Any last-minute warnings before we get there? Who all is going to be there?” I suddenly felt nervous about meeting her family. I’ve never met the family of someone I was interested in before. I’d met Jimmy’s family, but we were best friends so it wasn’t the same as this.

  “I know for sure my sister, Caroline and her husband Greg, my niece Ellie and nephew Alec. My parents will show up at some point. I’m guessing if Caroline called my mom to tell her I was brining you, they will be earlier than normal. Some years, Greg’s parents show up.” She had already told me a little about her family so I had an idea of what to expect. “Go straight at the stop sign, their house is the one with all the lights and the cars.”

  “Um, Natalie that’s a lot of cars. Who all do they belong to? I’m going to park here, that way if I need a quick escape I won’t be trapped by anyone.” Seriously there are four cars in the driveway, two on either side of the driveway, and four parked across the street. I suddenly feel like I am going to be ambushed the second we walk in the door. As we walk up to the door, I can hear the party taking place inside and I pray Natalie doesn’t feed me to the wolves.

  We’re each holding a bag full of gifts and the minute she walks through the door, two little kids come barreling at her so she hands me the bag she’d been holding. I stood off to the side and watched as she pulled both kids into her arms. There was no denying the love she felt for them or that the feelings were felt in return. I was so busy watching her, that I didn’t notice everyone watching us or, more accurately, watching me. I knew the minute I looked up exactly which one was her sister and which one was her mom. Her sister looked more like her twin than I did mine. Her mom was an older version of the two sisters. I didn’t dare guess who anyone else was. Nothing like being wrong when it came to guessing who her dad was.

  Her sister approached me first; she smiled kindly as she spoke. “You must be Curtis, I’m Caroline. Here, let me take those from you.” She reached for the bags at the same time a man approached. He wordlessly grabbed the bags from Caroline and unloaded the gifts under the extravagant tree. “Sorry, that was our dad. We’ll introduce you to everyone as soon as Nat is done saying hello to the kids.”

  “Thank you. I didn’t realize there would be this many people here. There is no way I will remember everyo
ne.” She smiled at me, which surprisingly had a slightly calming effect. I glanced around the room and was thankful that most people had returned to the conversations they had been having when we arrived.

  I was still standing in the entry while Natalie squatted with Ellie and Alec right beside me. I wasn’t willing to venture further into the room without her coming with me. She stood with Alec still in her arms and Ellie bouncing around next to her. I was struck dumb at the sight of her holding her nephew. She was so at ease with him in her arms, I instantly wanted to plant my own child inside her. In that moment, I didn’t care if she wants a threesome; I want her and I want a baby with her. When she grabs Ellie’s hand and talks to her like a person, not a little kid, my heart expands. “Ellie and Alec, this is my friend Curtis. Curtis, this is my niece Ellie and nephew Alec.” I smiled mostly at Ellie since Alec was busy pulling on Natalie’s hair.

  Ellie looked at me with her twinkling bright blue eyes and asked, “You Auntie Natlee’s boyfend?”

  It was my turn to squat down with her; as soon as I was eye level with her, I told her the truth, “I would love to be your Auntie Natalie’s boyfriend. I am trying to get her to say yes. You want to help me?”

  “Mommy says I’m a good helper. I’m this many,” she proudly displays four fingers “and my brover is this many.” She uses her second hand to pull and hold down her pinky finger, displaying three fingers for her brothers age.