Rather, we should look to Jesus, who came not to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45), who not only brings down the rulers and lifts up the needy (Luke 1:52–53) but had all his boundaries—physical, emotional, and spiritual—violated when he took the punishment due for our sins.
In what ways in your own life do you see boundaries violated? What can you do about it?
Prayer: Father, when I see Jesus being so careful, respectful, and kind to all, I am convicted that my words, humor, and actions often fail to honor boundaries. Fill my mind with the truth that “my neighbor” is “the holiest object presented to my senses.”189 Amen.
September 1
There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD. The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD. (21:30–31)
THE TECHNOLOGICAL SOCIETY. Horses were “high technology” that made foot soldiers almost obsolete. So this proverb “warns against overconfidence in power and technology.”190 Today there are many who believe technology will solve our problems. But while science and technology can tell you what can be done and how to do it in the most efficient way, they cannot tell you whether you should do it or not. They can’t tell you if something is good or bad for human life because such things cannot be determined by technology, only by moral wisdom.
Without moral wisdom, cost-benefit analysis becomes ultimate, and economic profit and efficiency become ends in themselves. Sociologist Max Weber argued that technology creates an “iron cage” that traps individuals into depersonalized bureaucratic systems, based purely on efficiency and calculation. Technology, however, will never solve all human problems because we are more than matter. The wise know that our lives are in God’s hands. And they remember that an untrained, ragtag group of men and women, believing in Jesus, turned the mightiest human civilization in history “upside down” (Acts 17:6) and that victory rests with the Lord.
Where have you seen mere technology and data applied to a human problem that really required moral wisdom?
Prayer: Lord, you are a personal God who created a world of persons in your image, and created a universe that isn’t a machine but one animated by your loving hand—even the weather and seasons are ruled by you (Jeremiah 5:24). Yet our society is run increasingly on impersonal, bureaucratic techniques that treat people as numbers, not persons. Save us! Amen.
September 2
Pay attention and turn your ear to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips. So that your trust may be in the LORD, I teach you today, even you. Have I not written thirty sayings for you, sayings of counsel and knowledge, teaching you to be honest and to speak the truth, so that you bring back truthful reports to those you serve? (22:17–21)
ENVOYS. These verses are admonitions to an envoy who will be sent out by those he served and who must be sure to pay attention and remember all he sees and hears so he can bring back truthful reports. What does this have to do with us?
Christians are virtual envoys—ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20)—to those whose knowledge of the truth depends on us.191 We may approach Proverbs asking, “How can this enrich my life?” But you should never learn God’s truth just for yourself. Others’ knowledge of the truth depends on us. Do you understand God’s words well enough that they can be quickly accessed (ready on your lips—22:18b) either for applying to yourself in a given situation or for passing along to someone else? Does Scripture come to your mind during the day, shedding light on decisions or strengthening you in the moment to trust God or do the right thing (verses 19–21a)? We must be like Jesus, who did not keep God’s words to himself but spoke them to us at an infinite cost (John 12:49–50).
How might you be living differently if you took the calling of being Christ’s ambassador with greater seriousness?
Prayer: Father, I praise you I’m not saved by my works but by Jesus’. Yet the quality of my life matters immensely, because I represent him. If I do not love, I make Jesus look ugly to the world (John 17:24). Don’t let me embarrass my loving Savior. Conform me into his likeness. It is urgent. Amen.
September 3
The righteous detest the dishonest; the wicked detest the upright. (29:27)
INTOLERANCE. Two seemingly contradictory currents mark our society. There is a denunciation of all claims of absolute truth. Yet there is also a “fanaticism in which one position or group is absolutely right, nothing is ambiguous, and divergent views should be destroyed.”192
The two are interdependent. Relativism actually feeds fanaticism. If there is no objective standard by which we can sift our inward intuitions, then whatever I feel most deeply about is absolutely right. 29:27 says both the righteous and the wicked are capable of intolerance. The righteous, of course, can be disdainful, condescending, and cruel—because of self-righteousness that comes from having the truth. The unrighteous, however, even if they claim to be amoral or freethinkers, can detest those who “think they have the truth.” Ironically, they think they have the truth, namely, that there is no truth. What’s the solution?
The gospel, that we are lost sinners saved by sheer grace, prevents both. It tells us we are sinners, so there is no relativism. But because we are saved by grace and not our efforts, the gospel is inherently humbling. We cannot feel superior to anyone. The gospel erodes both relativism and fanaticism.
Have you seen the marks of self-righteousness in yourself? What brings it out or tempts you to it? How should you deal with it?
Prayer: Lord, in our culture, intolerance is a great sin, but self-righteousness and sanctimony are encouraged. The gospel shows me it’s neither. We cannot tolerate sin, but neither can we oppose it with an ounce of superiority. Raise up a whole generation of Christians of whom this is true. Amen.
KNOWING THE SPHERES
Marriage193
September 4
Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. (2:16–17)
COVENANT. Adultery is serious because it breaks the covenant. A marriage is a legal bond solemnized by vows. A wedding is not so much a claim of present love as a promise of future love. The vows keep you together despite the ups and downs and changes that would end a normal relationship. Without a covenant that keeps you together, you will be cut off from the peculiar riches of lifelong committed love that survives through thick and thin.194
There is a self-interested kind of relationship in which each party says, “I’ll be with you as long as the relationship is fulfilling me.” What matters then is me more than us. But a covenant relationship is one in which each party says, “I’ll be there for you.” Jesus, our true spouse, loved us not because we were lovely and fulfilling to him but in order to make us lovely (Ephesians 5:25–27). The wise person knows that fulfillment does not come from seeking it directly but is, paradoxically, a by-product of keeping promises and sacrificial service.
How does the nature of a vow-created covenant relationship privilege sacrificial service over self-fulfillment?
Prayer: Lord, you were not smitten with our beauty, and yet you made an eternal covenant with us. You came and died and made us your own and now you are patiently making us like yourself. Your covenantal love is my life! Teach me to practice covenantal love in my family and friendships. Amen.
September 5
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. (5:18–19)
LOVER. A spouse is someone bound to you by covenant, but what is the relationship that the covenant creates? First, a spouse is a lover. In ancient societies the purpose of marriage was to gain security and status for your family. You married the person who helped your f
amily’s status the most. That meant that the husband often looked elsewhere for sexual pleasure.
Yet the Bible says your spouse must also be your lover. The husband is to be intoxicated with his wife’s love. This is not, however, the modern mistaking of sexual chemistry for real intimacy. Only when, because of your covenant bond, you learn to stick with each other through all things, to repent and forgive when wronging each other, does the richest, deepest intimacy grow. Then sex becomes the celebration of your life together. The physical union is a wonderful sign of the union of all the other aspects of your life. True sexual chemistry, then, grows from the whole relationship, rather than the relationship being based on sexual chemistry.
In what ways does the modern belief that you must have sexual chemistry before marrying distort both marriage seeking and marriage itself?
Prayer: Lord, the Scripture says sex is a gift, with wholesome powers unlocked only within the covenant of marriage. Yet intimacy with you is the only one love we truly must have. Let your people live into your Word so that our spouses are lovers and our single people are living in purity. Amen.
September 6
Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. . . . For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. . . . My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. . . . A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother. (1:8–9, 4:3, 6:20, 10:1)
INTELLECTUAL PARTNER. Here is another surprise. In ancient times women were generally not given an education. Yet in the very beginning of Proverbs we see both the father and the mother teaching their son in wisdom (1:8–9, cf. 10:1). The mother is an authoritative voice right alongside the father. And to be able to instruct someone in the terse and dense poetry of wisdom required education and training. These sayings assume a man’s wife was educated and a true partner in learning and instruction.195
This does not mean that one spouse may not be much more educated than the other. It does expect, however, that as believers they would be true colleagues and students together in learning God’s wisdom from the Word of God. They should be intellectually curious together, fellow travelers in learning biblical truth and brainstorming how to align all areas of their lives with its wisdom. And if the spouses become parents, they should be joint professors in their children’s intellectual and moral formation.
If you are married, are you and your spouse real colleagues in learning? If you are not married but would be open to it, have you been as concerned about this as about sexual chemistry?
Prayer: Lord, let your people have marriages—and find marriages—in which spouses both know your Word, love it, and teach it to one another, their family, neighbors, and friends. Let our families be schools of the Bible, and Christian spouses one another’s colleagues. Amen.
September 7
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. . . . She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (14:1, 31:27)
MANAGING PARTNER. Proverbs assumes, as does the rest of the Bible, that the husband is head of the home (September 18 and Ephesians 5:22–26). This headship will take different forms in different marriages. But however one conceives it, it cannot be taken to mean that the husband alone makes all the “management decisions.” The wise woman builds her house, and here the word house means not to merely construct a physical dwelling but to lay the foundations for a family’s life—socially, economically, materially, emotionally, spiritually. One commentator writes this means that on her wisdom “chiefly depends the family’s stability.”196
What a husband and wife contribute to the affairs of the household will depend on each spouse’s gifts and skills. The wife of Proverbs 31 is administrator, broker, philanthropist, and craftswoman (31:10ff.). That is not an absolute template for all wives or all husbands. But they both contribute what they have and can to create and manage a household together.
If you are married, are you and your spouse real managing partners in your household? If you are not married but would be open to it, will you make it clear to any prospective partners that this is your expectation?
Prayer: Lord Jesus, though as our true spouse you are our head (Ephesians 5:25), you treat us as friends, not servants, because you include us in your business (John 15:15). We will reign with you (2 Timothy 2:12). May the husbands in our churches be conformed to your image in how they treat their wives. Amen.
September 8
Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. (2:16–17)
FRIEND. Though having many wives was common in the ancient Near East, Proverbs prescribes the union of one man and woman, and that union is too fully personal to fit with polygamy. The word for partner here (Hebrew hallup) means the closest of friends (16:28; 17:9). “This is a far cry from the not uncommon ancient idea of a wife as chattel and child bearer but not companion.”197
In a culture in which women were seen mainly as possessions, to call men to have wives who were their exclusive lovers (September 5) and best friends disrupted the world’s cultural categories. All the marks of friendship—constancy, sensitivity, speaking the truth in love to each other, counseling each other—must be present in marriage. This is the highest view of marriage possible. In an age when people did not marry for romantic joy or for intimate companionship, Proverbs called for both.
If you are married, is your spouse your best friend or nearly so? If you are not married but would be open to it, have you been as concerned about this as about sexual chemistry?
Prayer: Father, out of your divine friendship within the Trinity you created the world. You made us friends of Jesus and you changed us through spiritual friendship in the church. Let Christian marriages be known for this—that the spouses are not just lovers and partners but the greatest of friends. Amen.
September 9
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (12:4)
EDIFYING. To crown someone was to lift them up and honor them. It is the opposite of bringing decay in the bones, meaning an inner weakening and fragility as opposed to the inner confidence and resilience that come with a crown. A spouse should edify, build up the other. Indeed, your spouse has the power to make or break your dignity, confidence, and sense of self.
Your natural self-image is a compilation of verdicts that have been passed on you by various people over the years. But when you marry, your spouse has the ability to overturn all those verdicts. If the world says you are ugly but your spouse says you are beautiful, you will feel beautiful. Your spouse has the power to massively reprogram your self-image and to heal you of many of the deepest wounds of the past. And when your spouse is also a Christian, not just loving you but pointing you to your identity in Christ (Galatians 3:25–29), your spouse can truly be your crown.
If you are married, do you and your spouse build each other up or more often criticize? If you are not married, do you consider when looking at prospective partners the psychological power you will wield in each other’s lives?
Prayer: Lord, your word of grace edifies us (Acts 20:32). We are to build each other up formally through the church’s ministry and informally through friendships. Send your Spirit of edification so our marriages become preeminently places where people build each other up and not tear each other down. Amen.
September 10
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. . . . Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (21:9,19)
NOT QUARRELSOME. Another job of a spouse can be put in the negative: to not be quarrelsome.198 “Quar
relsome” is best conveyed by our word “nagging.” To nag is not to do thoughtful criticism (September 11) but to do “drive-bys,” making brief caustic or cynical remarks that complain and question motives and character. Two telltale signs of a nagging statement is that it begins, “You always . . .” or “You never . . .”
The images of living on a corner of the roof and of living in a desert evoke a situation in which we are exposed to the elements. A spouse is to be a crown who builds up (September 9), but nagging tears down. A marriage is supposed to be a haven of rest and shelter from the world, but the attack of nagging makes you feel you have no roof or walls around you, no real home, no shelter from life’s storms.
Do you tend to nag people in your family or your friends? Do you know of someone who habitually nags rather than offering respectful criticism? How could you help them?
Prayer: Lord, because of my pride, impatience, and a lack of your lovingkindness in my heart, I often nag rather than lovingly correct. Let your people’s marriages and all our churches be free from this sin of the tongue, and put a guard over my lips too. Amen.
September 11
A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. (19:13)
TRUTH TELLING. Water in single drops coming through a leaky roof was not only useless but harmful. Nagging is the slow, constant dripping of short, unhappy barbs and arrows, which can wear out the love of a relationship as dripping water can erode even stone.
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