Fumbled Hearts (A Tender Hearts Novel)

by Meagan Brandy

  He chuckles and my gaze lifts to his. “You like what you see, Lolli?”

  I drop my hand and step back, removing his hand from my waist.

  His green eyes darken slightly, but he tries to keep his smirk in place.

  “Enjoying yourself?”

  His smirk grows. “You wondering what I did in there?” He takes a step toward me, erasing the distance I put between us. “I could show you?” he whispers and reaches up to rub my cheek.

  I jerk my head away and quickly step around him. “I got my own party going on tonight, Jarrod, but thanks.”

  His jaw clenches and his eyes narrow, but only for a second before he forces a playful grin. “Guess I’ll see you some other time.”

  I shrug and turn away from his eerie eyes, throwing an, “Or not,” over my shoulder, before stepping into my room.

  A few minutes later, the soft knock at the door has my body warming. I’ve got alcohol, adrenaline, excitement, and so many other emotions I can’t even name running through my veins right now. I want nothing more than to spend a few hours working them out with Nate. Naked.

  But when I open the door, I don’t find Nate, but a disheveled-looking Parker instead. He gives me a wry grin and I reach out, bringing him inside and shutting the door. I pull him to the bed to set him down. He stumbles a bit, but eventually lands his ass on the mattress.

  “What’s going on, Hero?” I rub his hand and he drops his chin to his chest.

  He shakes his head, but doesn’t lift it. “I don’t know, Lolli Bear.” I can tell he’s far from sober.

  “You didn’t come to the dance.”

  He shakes his head again.

  My brows pull in and I use my other hand to rub circles across his back. “Is it... Ashley?” I ask, my eyes pinching at the sides, trying to understand. “You upset you didn’t get to take her to the dance or something?”

  He laughs bitterly and throws himself back, squeezing his eyes shut. “No, it’s not Ashley. I was only taking her to help her out.”

  “What do you mean?” I drop down next to him, propping myself up on my elbow.

  “She’s in love with an asshole and, apparently, that asshole asked her to come to the dance, but she knew it was a bad idea to go with him, so she told him she had a date. I just so happened to be the first guy to walk by after the fact,” he chuckles.

  “Aww,” I coo. “You really are a hero.” I laugh, dropping my forehead onto his chest briefly.

  “Why do you call me that? Hero?”

  “You don’t like it?”

  He smiles, his eyes closed. “I like it, just wondering.”

  I hesitate for a moment, unsure of what I wish to share. But looking at Parker, I decide I can give my best friend something, even if it’s a small something.

  “Because you remind me of my OG, Hero,” I joke, doing my best to take the seriousness away.

  He laughs lightly, his eye roaming my face, waiting for more.

  I smile slightly. “When I first saw you, your eyes stood out instantly, such a clear, light blue. It was more than just the color. It was the kindness behind them, the soft air around you. I knew you were a happy-go-lucky, all-around good guy. You gave me this familiar feeling of comfort I had lost.”

  The grin on his face smooths out and he gazes at me, making me a bit nervous, but I keep going. “My grandpa was like you. Happy and fun, the peacekeeper between others. Kinda like you are with your parents.” He swallows. “You’re dedicated and eager, confident, but in a respectful way. And you get me.” I laugh and he raises a blond brow in question. “You’re like the epitome of the guy you ‘bring home to mama’ or maybe it’s daddy, since I’m a girl.”

  “They always say little girls grow up to marry men like their daddies.” He grins.

  “You’re an idiot.” I laugh.

  “So, what you’re saying is I’m perfect?”

  “Yeah, Parker,” I smile down at him. “You kinda are.”

  He nods, then looks away, turning back with a smile. “I knew you loved me.”

  I bust up laughing and he shakes his head at me, but the look in his eyes tells me how much he needed to hear my words.

  When I lift myself up, and he stares at me, unblinking.

  “What?” I grin.

  A soft smile forms on his lips as his eyes roam my face. They lower, following the shape of my body, slowly rising back to meet mine.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t notice when you opened the door.” He licks his lips and nods. “You look amazing, Lolli Bear,” he whispers and my brows pull in. “Your eyes, they’re really blue tonight.”

  “It’s the dress.” I search his face. “The contrast and shit.”

  He chuckles lightly, his hand coming up to trace the line of my left eyebrow. “Nah, it’s you.” He smiles, another sad one. “You’re here right now, Lolli. All of you.”

  “I don’t understand,” I place my palm on his hand that splays across his stomach.

  “You told me what you see in my eyes. Well, I see things in yours, too. They always have a shadow, a little something in them, hiding a part of you.” His hand lifts from under mine, coming back down to cover it. “But it’s gone tonight. Your eyes; they’re big and bright and beautiful.” His eyes skim me one more time. “You’re beautiful.”

  He sounds so sad, so lost.

  “And you’re happy,” he says, his face pinching slightly. “Right? You’re happy?”

  I nod, searching his face to try and figure out what’s going on with my friend, but I come up empty. While I see pain and confusion laced in his features, I can’t figure out why.

  He chuckles again, scrubbing his hands down his face. “I’m kind of drunk, Lolli Bear.” He drops his hands and sighs. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

  “You don’t have to. You can stay if you want.”

  He hops off the bed and makes his way to the door. Turning back to me, he smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “Come on, Lolli. Look at you.” He gestures to my body with his hand. “You in that dress?” He raises a brow playfully. “You and I both know how tonight ends for you.” He waves and opens the door, revealing Nate on the other side.

  Nate’s head snaps up, his hand frozen mid-air, as if he was about to reach for the handle. His eyes narrow and he looks from Parker to his keycard, to the number on the door, then back to Parker.

  When I push up off my elbow to rest my weight against my palm, the movement catches Nate’s eye and his gaze darts to mine, dropping to my dress, the bed, and back to my eyes.

  His dark eyes are blazing, so I don’t say anything. I know him and I know he needs to go through his entire thought process before anything. If not, well, the whole ‘thought’ part never catches up and he acts like a crazy person.

  His eyes shift back to Parker and narrow in a way I don’t like. He looks crazed and ready to kill, but I can read what his body language isn’t saying, and he’s a little unsure of what to think at the moment.

  I stand.

  “Hey, man.” Parker nods, pulling the door open wider.

  “What’s up?” Nate feet widen slightly, his body not budging an inch.

  Parker shrugs. “Just came by to hang with Lolli for a bit. I’m down the hall.” He jerks his head to the left. “Room 11.”

  “This is Room 54.” Nate’s brows drop even more.

  Parker scoffs and shoulders past him. “I’m aware, man. Like I said,” he gives Nate a hard look, “I came by to hang with Lolli.” He turns to me, his features relaxing instantly. “Night, Lolli.”

  I nod, rushing forward when he’s gone from my view.

  Nate’s eyes narrow and his nostrils flare, but I place a hand on his chest, offering him the only comfort I can right then, and peek out the door around him. “Hero!”

  He turns around, a brow raised. His eyes are glazed from the alcohol, but it’s more than that. They look a little empty, which is not normal for my spunky, easygoing friend.

  “You okay?”

&nb
sp; He nods, waves, and walks away. I know he’s lying, but now’s not the time.

  Nate shifts away from my hand and hastily storms into the room, quickly locking himself in the bathroom.

  After closing the door, I walk to the sofa chair and sit down to wait, hearing the sink water turn on. I picture him scrubbing his hands down his face, maybe pulling on that hair of his a little bit.

  I’m an asshole for thinking about how sexy he probably looks right now, when I know he’s upset, but I can’t help it.

  Everything he does is sexy.

  The water turns off and the bathroom door opens. Nate walks out with his eyes to the ground, tosses his wallet and keys on the table, then pulls out the shot glasses and second bottle of Patron we bought for tonight.

  Harder than necessary, he sets the mini glasses on the table, opens the bottle, pours a shot and downs it, then pours another. After taking the second one, his head drops back to scowl at the ceiling.

  When I stand, his gaze snaps down and he pours another.

  I reach into his bag and grab the Ziploc full of pre-cut limes, and the small salt shaker.

  His greedy eyes can’t take it, and they watch my tongue as it licks the skin between my thumb and pointer finger, sprinkling some salt over the wet spot. His follow my other hand as it reaches into the lime bag and places the thin cut citrus between my lips.

  His breathing gets louder and he licks his lip while staring at mine.

  Wildly tossing back the shot, he lifts my hand to his mouth, his tongue angrily licking the salt off me.

  His eyes dart to the lime and he pushes forward, gripping my forearms firmly. When I tilt my head, offering him the lime, his eyes finally connect with mine. They narrow a little more, his brows dropping lower. His hands come up to case around my neck as he brings his mouth to mine, biting into the lime and tearing it from my lips. He spits it to the side.

  “Why was he in here?” he growls, fury burning in his dark eyes.

  “Because I let him in.” My voice is calm.

  His nostrils flare. “Why?”

  “Because he wanted to talk.”

  He scoffs and scrubs his hands down his face. “Talk. Right.” He scoffs again. “So, you had to lay down on the bed to chat?”

  My head rears back, and my hands find my hips. “Say whatcha gotta say, Handsome. Don’t be a pussy about it. No games, remember?”

  “Fine.” He steps up to me, bringing my body flush against his. “Here it is. Knowing he was in here with you makes me feel sick,” he grits out. “Literally. I almost puked in the bathroom just now.”

  His hands are flying around as he bends at the knee to bring himself eye level. “No other guy should be in a hotel room with you, or any fucking room with you alone, for that matter! Never!”

  “Do you not trust me?” I ask as calmly as I can, when really, I’m thinking about smacking him upside his head. But I get it.

  Kind of...

  He stands tall and tilts his head. “Trust?” His brows raise. “Trust. Kalani, this has nothing to do with trust, and everything to do with how fucking fine you are, and the fact that every guy in this place, at our school; basically anyone who sees you wants to fuck you, and has thought about it at least once!”

  I don’t even know how to respond to that.

  He stares at me for a few seconds, his chest heaving with each exasperated breath he takes.

  His knuckles come up and tap against the side of his head. “The images in my head right now…” His eyes widen. “You lying on the bed in that dress with your hair draped over your shoulder,” He pauses and I don’t think he notices the way his voice grows quieter with each word spoken. “The ends touching the blanket, and your head tilted up showing the line of your sleek, soft neck...” He swallows hard, his brows pulling in slightly as he focus on something over my shoulder.

  I place my palms on his chest, realizing when his chancy eyes find mine, he’s not mad Parker was in here. Not really.

  He’s scared. Or maybe threatened is a better word for a guy like him, but whichever it is, both leave him seeking the same thing. Reassurance.

  “Parker’s my friend, and I’m his.” Nate doesn’t say a word. “He’ll be around awhile, probably forever, and I won’t deny him when he needs me.” I pause on purpose, making sure he’s hearing me. The tick in his jaw tells me he is. “Unless you needed me more.”

  He swings his guarded eyes to mine.

  Stepping out of his embrace, I walk around the bed, his eyes tracking my every move, and pull my phone out of my overnight bag. Turning on my playlist, I set it at random, then climb on top, laying exactly the way his mind imagined. The way he wants me.

  When I lift my head to look at him, his tongue peeks out and skims across his lower lip, his eyes dropping to travel the length of my body. When they come back to mine, they’re black in color.

  Slowly, I allow my elbow to slide across the cheap hotel blanket and drop onto my back.

  Nate steps up to the edge of the bed, eyes blazing. He reaches out, feeling the soft material of my dress between his fingers.

  He then crawls up me, dipping his head to lick the curve of each breast, then my throat, earning a soft moan from me. His mouth finds my ear, where he bites, then kisses, apologizing wordlessly. “I need you.”

  “You have me.”

  His body tenses slightly, his eyes flying to mine and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me.

  My arms find their way around his neck, and I bring his forehead down to mine. “Did we not go over this, Handsome?”

  He gives a terse nod.

  “Yeah,” I nod in return. “We did. I’m yours. You’re mine.” I pepper kisses on his lips, whispering, “It’s a done deal.”

  “You’re mine,” he growls, his fist tightening in my hair.

  “Yeah.” I grin.

  His eyes narrow. “You do realize, when I say you’re mine, that doesn’t just mean you only fuck me and I only fuck you, right?” He raises a brow. “It means your everything is mine, Kalani. All of it…” he says, his finger tracing my bottom lip, “is mine. All of you.”

  I nod again, feeling even more breathless.

  His eyes penetrate mine. “This is more than just sex.”

  Excitement and fear - two emotions my body is trying to figure out how to process - flit through me at the possessive and assured tone he uses, but I push everything aside and allow myself to enjoy the now.

  I run my hands down his chest, pushing them back into the hair at the base of his skull. “So, tell me… what are you gonna do with me?” I whisper, letting the tip of my tongue tease his full lips.

  He lifts slightly and reaches for my phone, choosing a not so random song that makes my heart beat even faster, then lowers back down to me.

  “I’m gonna fuck you long and hard.” His hands case mine behind my head. “Then soft, and slow,” he whispers into my skin. “All night long, that way you can’t make me leave.”

  And when The Weeknd’s “Acquainted” starts playing through my tiny phone speaker, he does. All night long, only leaving when my eyes refuse to stay open in the early hours of the morning.

  Winter break came and went in a whirlwind of bliss.

  I spent the two week vacation in California, allowing myself a small trip down memory lane for the first time since my family passed.

  I mean, I didn’t go home. I couldn’t. Not with the way I’ve been having a harder time shutting down my thoughts lately - that’s too much. But I did go to the stadium and watch the AFC Wild Card game the Tomahawks were playing in.

  While they weren’t horrible, they did have a tough year this year. In reality, they’ve been having a tough ‘year’ since my Grandpa retired as their coach and took on the partial owner role three seasons ago.

  They could use a new safety - he gets dipped on the regular, and that’s not okay- maybe even a new QB. Maiven Walkins, first round pick from Indiana, got sacked during the second preseason game against Dallas, on
e he never should have been playing in the first place, taking him out for the season. The second string is good, but far from great. They need an arm like Nate’s – fluent and precise. Too bad he’s still got a few years of college ball before he’s eligible.

  Pressure builds in my chest and I do my best to take a deep breath.

  Nate.

  That boy crept up on me like the fourth shot of Patron, warming my body from the inside out, leaving me feeling weightless and capable. Completely knocking me off my feet.

  It’s not like I thought it would be, caring about someone. I kind of like it. It’s fresh and new, and making me realize that sometimes it’s okay to allow yourself to feel things, not that Nate ever gave me a choice. I tried so hard to keep him at arm’s length, keep it skin deep, but when all I want to do is pull him in and keep him there, feel his warmth against mine, that’s kind of hard to do.

  It was a wasted effort from the start. I should have known the minute he pissed me off the night he knocked on my door, refusing to believe we hadn’t slept together. I hadn’t let anyone get under my skin in a long, long time, and he managed to within seconds on day one, making me think of him on day two.

  Truth be told, I missed him while I was gone. I kept thinking about him during the game, wanting to turn my head and argue play calls with him, but as soon as the thoughts would come, I told myself I was being a stupid teenage girl and made myself stop. Then, when I went to the beach, I kept thinking about how nice it would be if he were there to wrap his arms around me; help keep me warm. Again, I told myself to shut up. But the following day, I was running along the shoreline, my legs beat and ready to give out, when the raspy draw of Evanescence blared through my Dre’s, momentarily stopping me in my tracks. It had been a while since I’d allowed myself to listen to “Bring Me To Life” but from the first chord of the song, it was as if my body got a second wind, feeling lighter with every stride taken.

  Nate woke me up from the empty life I’d forced myself into, filled the hollow parts I created with wonder and anticipation. He did that. He’s been showing me that life is more than movements and motions, more than processes and requirements. He’s waking me up and he doesn’t even know it. Or maybe he does, I don’t know.