The Heart of the Circle

by Keren Landsman

  “No, you’re not going to the Yoyo meeting. I’m not letting you out of my sight, and I have work to do here so we’re staying in. Tell Lee to come over if you can’t calm yourself down.”

  I didn’t reply.

  “Don’t tell me you guys got into another fight,” she said, without looking up from the screen.

  I didn’t tell her. Our last argument had ended with both of us screaming at each other, me hurling all my pain and frustration at him and he in turn blocking me out and shouting that if I was incapable of behaving like a normal human being he didn’t want me anywhere near him. In response, I yelled that he had nothing to worry about because I’d be dead soon enough, and from there we found ourselves at an unbridgeable impasse.

  “There are five reflections of you yelling at me right now,” Daphne mumbled into her computer. “I can hear you even with your mouth shut.” She looked up at me. “You’re going to meet Lee tonight, and you’ll make up, and he’ll dismantle your depression. You’ll feel better tomorrow. I’m sorry there isn’t more I can–” She stopped midsentence, tilting her head, her gaze wandering to the right.

  “Oh,” she said, and turned her gaze back to me. “I’m tagging along.” She turned off her computer and stood up.

  I raised my eyebrows. “To Yoyo?”

  Daphne pulled off her hair band and redid her ponytail.

  “You lecture me for ten whole minutes about the importance of nurturing our youth, all while climbing the walls here with boredom and depression. I explain to you that our youth can bite me because your survival is much more important to me, and I have to talk to Sherry about the last-minute change of plans, and Sherry calls to tell me we’re meeting at the ditch, so we’re going.” She straightened her shirt and slipped her feet into her sandals. “Come.”

  So I did.

  The circle convened in a different place this time, between dilapidated houses uptown, near the shelter that was bombed in’97.

  A homeless man lay on the curb across the street; next to him was a sign scribbled in black: Traumas for a meal. I poked towards him. Blurry walls, like something brought on by one of Lee’s substances. The homeless man sent me a pleading wave. I sent him back some childish glee. I didn’t have enough emotional reserves to share much more. He tugged it into him, opened his eyes and waved in gratitude. Lee told me that in the Confederacy they called moodies ‘emotional vampires.’ I edged out the horror and kept walking in the direction of the circle.

  There were a lot more people than I had expected, divided into two distinct groups; Forrest, Aurora, a few of our mutual friends, and all the kids from my Yoyo group, opposite a group of people I didn’t recognize huddled together on the far end of the lot. The cop that came with us took one look around and joined the second group. Daphne and I began to follow the cop once I felt a wave of recognition reaching me from across the lot. I turned around. Lee and Sherry were standing there and seemed to be instructing people.

  Lee sent me a small, surprised wave. I returned the surprise. Sherry was standing beside him, talking. Lee said something to her and started walking towards us.

  Daphne was massaging her neck. “Lee was planning on coming over to our place after he’s done here. And at least one of your reflections disappears with him behind there.” She pointed to the brick wall behind me.

  “We do other things together too, you know.”

  Daphne sighed dramatically. “Unfortunately, I know exactly what you two do and when.”

  Lee had made it across the lot, followed by Forrest. “What are you doing here?” he asked, and quickly added, “I mean, I’m glad you’re here.” He sent me a small wave of happiness, but didn’t apologize. I was still mad at him for his outburst from yesterday.

  He was hiding something from me. I dug deeper. He was concealing shame and a slight measure of aversion beneath his affection, which was currently dotted with residual anger. He didn’t want me there.

  “Forrest invited me.”

  Lee shot Forrest a look. The redheaded sorcerer returned it and said, “You said you needed help. You said bring people. These are the people I know. I would have invited River and Blaze as well, but you said you didn’t want them here.”

  Before I managed to question him, Gaia ran towards me and almost crushed me with her hug. “You’re here!” she squealed.

  “And I’m now deaf!” I yelled into her ear.

  She laughed. Guy ran towards us, radiating happiness. “Wow! You’re here!”

  I shifted my gaze between the two of them. “What’s with all the excitement?”

  Guy skimmed over my futures, looked at me and winked. Gaia sent me a wave of secrecy. The surprise for Daphne. Of course. I had almost forgotten about it. I sent her a wave of anticipation, and she shot me back an arrow of confirmation. It was ready, or almost ready.

  “I’m starting to regret that you two weren’t born ariels like the rest of your class.”

  Gaia made a show of gaping at me in astonishment. “Wow! The geezer got the slang right!”

  I waved my finger at her. “If you don’t stop, I’ll turn you into a toad.”

  “You can’t do those kinds of things,” Guy said, and put his arm on Gaia’s shoulder, her hair spilling under his arm.

  “I can maneuver you into thinking you’re a toad.” I folded my arms across my chest, trying to look threatening and stern.

  Gaia giggled again. “Bring it on.”

  Sherry cleared her throat, and Gaia immediately turned serious.

  “Lee, over there,” Sherry said and pointed at the distant part of the lot. “Gaia, you’re with Forrest.” She glanced at her and added, “Reed thinks you’re good.”

  Gaia blushed and lowered her gaze.

  “Reed’s with me,” Sherry concluded. She looked at Daphne. “Are you synchronizing?”

  Daphne nodded.

  Sherry led me to the edge of the lot. The groups divided into two clusters.

  “What exactly do you need from me?” I asked when we began walking off. I thought we’d be forming circles, but there was no way Gaia could hold a circle by herself.

  “Lee promised to help with my cops.”

  “Those are cops?” My voice went up half an octave. Two men standing on the fringes of her group were looking at me.

  Sherry nodded. She pointed at a half torn-down wall at the edge of the lot, which offered a good vantage point.

  “But we’re not allowed to attack–” I didn’t even know how to begin to phrase my objection. More than I was scared of dying, I was scared of participating in a battle with cops. And in such numbers. I had no idea there were so many cops like us.

  “It’s not a sorcerers versus cops problem,” Sherry said, putting her hand on my arm. “It’s our problem. People who believe we have a right to exist versus a bunch of extremists who want to murder every last one of us.” Something about her tone suggested she had already given this speech more than once. With a softened expression, she added, “Really, Reed, do you think Lee would have been here if there was any chance it would end in jail time?”

  She was right. I balled up my panic and edged under my fear of death. Lee withdrew himself from me, focusing entirely on the goings-on in the other group.

  The teams stood on either side of the lot. Sherry led me to the half wall and climbed it. I followed suit.

  “I need you to explain to me what’s happening,” she said, once again her usual driven and focused self. I sat beside her on what was left of the wall. It was warm outside, the faint smell of blossoms wafting through the air. Just another ordinary summer evening. Just an ordinary summer evening practicing assault and defense. Practicing assault and defense against a group of cops. Nothing more. “How are your suspects doing?”

  A pyro in the cops’ group produced a small fireball, and thus the battle commenced. The elementalists were moving slowly, as if just practicing the movements and not really trying to strike.

  After a time, Sherry poked me with her finger. �
��Explain what’s happening.”

  “Your splashers aren’t very good.”

  “I don’t care about the elements. I need you to be an empath, not a sports commentator.”

  I put my feelers out into the distance, groping after the sorcerers’ awareness. On Forrest’s side they were all nervous and scared, yet focused on their attempt to break up the lines. The feeling on the other side was different. Blurry.

  I retreated.

  “What…?” I mumbled.

  “Lee,” Sherry replied.

  So that’s why he hadn’t wanted River or Blaze here. Now I also understood the shame he radiated when he saw me. He didn’t want me around when he was using. No. He didn’t want me around when he was maneuvering people while using. I swallowed my sigh. He could have just told me.

  I pulled my knees to my chin and instead of focusing on Lee and ‘our’ group, looked at the group of cops, ignoring the elementalists. A fire wall sparked up between the two sides. I was searching for moodies on the cops’ side. They had three. One of them managed to stir nausea on Lee’s side. Another lay on her back and gazed up at the sky. I felt his consciousness drifting away. Now I could recognize Lee’s fingerprints. The third was still standing, directing his thwarting efforts at his own team out of sheer confusion.

  I explained to Sherry what I was feeling. She pursed her lips and drummed her fingers on her knees.

  “We’re never going to win if this is how they behave,” she mumbled.

  “In the rally?”

  “In general.” Sherry wasn’t listening to me. Her narrowed gaze was fixed on the group of cops. “The rally is only the beginning.”

  “Lee’s focusing on your last moody, and he’s also slowing down your pebbles’ movements,” I said, pointing at the other side of the lot. The rally was only the beginning. What would follow? What would happen after the Sons of Simeon got me? Me and the person next to me. The rally would turn into a bloodbath, and then what? Martial law would probably be imposed, and then… and then they’d take over every position of power. And after that?

  “Need to talk to someone? I’m here.” Sherry placed her hand on mine.

  “After–” I cleared my throat. “After I die, I want you to look after Matthew.” She seemed as though she was about to object, so I kept talking before she could say anything. “I don’t mean romantically. Just… be there for him. You know what it is to lose a sibling. He’s going to need someone to talk to, and Daphne won’t be in any position to support him.”

  Sherry bit her lip. “OK,” she said quietly.

  I turned my gaze back to the battlefield. Our teens were doing an impressive job of resisting, creating whirlwinds of fire and mud on the cops’ side. Guy was hopping around, and I assumed he was moving between futures so that no one could hurt Gaia. There were other damuses on ‘our’ side, but I wasn’t familiar with them. When the last moody on the cops’ side sat down to stare at an ant crawling on the ground, the battle was over.

  Sherry got up, wiped the dust off her pants and climbed off the wall. I bounced off after her. I felt Lee alleviating the cops of their blurriness, along with Gaia’s help. I joined them, and together we rid them of any remnant of their daze.

  We grouped around Sherry, the teams breaking up.

  “That was disappointing.” She turned her gaze towards her cops. “A group of twenty civilians can knock you down?” Not a shred of her inner turmoil reflected in her expression.

  Lee sent me a little ball of satisfaction. I wondered whether he had put ‘getting cops high’ on his bucket list.

  One of the cops, an airhead, took a step forward. “Chief, that was nothing like the rallies. You said it would be just the same.”

  A wave of agreement passed through the lines. Lee and I exchanged glances. What had they been thinking? That Lee wouldn’t try to challenge them?

  Sherry looked at Lee. “Care to respond?”

  “You said sorcerers were slowing down your cops, inhibiting their movement. That’s what I did.” He shrugged. “You want me to do something else?”

  “Yes.” She smiled. I felt a wave of tension coming from the cops. They knew her better than I did. “Let’s see how fast you respond when your movement is stimulated instead of suppressed.”

  She gave Lee a number, and he smiled his thin, sardonic smile.

  We divided into two teams again. I felt his enjoyment, and a similar, smaller wave in Gaia. We were all happy to get another chance to aggravate the cops, and with such explicit permission.

  When Sherry and I hopped back onto the wall, I asked, “You numbered Lee’s list?”

  Sherry nodded. “It saves me time. I already know your boyfriend’s good at memorizing things quickly. He’s very analytical.”

  I glanced at Lee, who was squatting in the distance, rummaging through his bag in search of a substance I could only assume was illegal. Or borderline legal. There was a lot of things I’d call him, but analytical wasn’t one of them. A wave of sharp pain came over me. I didn’t know him well enough, and now I never would.

  I edged out the pain along with the fear. I couldn’t focus on that right now. I hadn’t even noticed I was no longer angry at him.

  “I wanted to ask you…” I said, trying to distract myself, “Why do you keep using the official terms instead of our slang?”

  “Because words matter,” Sherry replied without taking her eyes off the teams repositioning on the battlefield below. “And if we ever want to be acknowledged as equal members of society, we must remember what our powers are. If I call myself a pebble, I’m sure to be met with disrespect.”

  “And calling yourself an earth sorcerer would make them less scared of you?”

  Sherry looked at me, her eyes narrowed. “I don’t want people to stop being scared of us. That would be impossible. I want them to appreciate and trust us. Like Matthew appreciates and trusts you.”

  “I’m not everyone’s brother.”

  “God, sometimes I just don’t get why you insist on playing dumb.”

  I shrugged. “I truly don’t understand.”

  Sherry smoothed out her shirt. “Matthew appreciates you because he grew up with you, and he knows you’d never hurt him. He doesn’t for a moment suspect you might maneuver him against his will or that Daphne would force a future on him that would benefit her. He’s not afraid that I’d maneuver elements near him.”

  “Matthew’s very special,” I said quietly.

  “Matthew grew up with you and saw what you do and don’t do, and he knows you hold back when you’re around him.” Sherry held her hands out and gestured at the battlefield below us. “I want these kids to grow up in a world in which everyone knows that. I want them to be free to have whatever job they want, study whatever they want, marry whoever they want.” She pointed at Guy and Gaia who were huddled together. “I wish that they’ll never have to know what a shredder or a gorger mean.”

  I’d never heard either term before, but I could guess by the insult she was radiating.

  “Don’t you get it?” She looked at me. “The Sons of Simeon are able to win public opinion by convincing the normal people that we want to take over the country; at the same time they’re gaining traction with sorcerers themselves since we have it so bad, that the utopian vision of sorcerers ruling the country actually sounds like a good idea. No one is using common sense anymore.” She put her hand on her chest. “We have to convince everyone that it isn’t true. That we can all live together, peacefully, quietly. Respecting one another.”

  She started listing the necessary steps with her fingers. “That means we, the community, have to understand the normal people. We have to make sure everybody’s on the same page, take neutralizers if need be, make sure whoever breaks the law is punished. The thought that in the name of some wacky notion of camaraderie the Cash Splasher got aid from the community makes my stomach turn. We can’t stand for that. No. We must remember that our true allies are the normal people, and we have to obey their
laws. In return, we’ll receive meaningful, real integration, a cohesive, free society.” She was panting by the time she was done talking.

  I whistled quietly. “If you’re running in the next elections, you totally have my vote.”

  She flashed a brief smile. “If you want to live to see the next elections, you better start paying attention to what’s happening here.”

  We turned to the battlefield, Sherry’s words still resonating inside me. I imagined Gaia working toward her PhD in the classroom with everyone else, instead of sitting in the corner marked in white designated for people like us. No. More than that. I imagined parents not crying when they found out their kid was like me. Someone like Ivy not getting swept up in visions of a utopian future because the present was good enough. Myself walking down the street without being cursed and spat at. All of us sitting at a pub without separate entrances, in a world in which we no longer had to hide, or hole out in cellars or risk fresh scars at rallies, because true equality had been achieved. I finally understood Dimitri. I would cross continents for something like that.

  The battle started up again. This time Lee afflicted the cops with an itching sensation. I absentmindedly scratched the back of my hand. My skin was tingling all over. I shut Lee out and focused. The pyros were creating little explosions around them in an attempt to edge out the itchiness. The splashers drenched their clothes. They invested so much effort and concentration in avoiding the itchiness that they failed to notice the airheads creating dust devils all around them, making it harder for them to breathe.

  “Have you arrested anyone else?” I asked Sherry, more to suppress the itchiness than to actually get new information from her.

  She laced her fingers. “Another five. They were hiding in a cave down south, planning to infiltrate Masada. We’re trying to make out their power base, but they’re scattered in unconnected cells.”

  “Like any terrorism network.”

  Sherry nodded.

  I nudged her with my elbow. “See? I do know something.” Sherry shot me a side glance. “I’ll tell Lee.”

  This time their moody managed to block out the itchiness from a few cops, who were starting to fight back. The battle was finally becoming interesting. The cops created small mushrooms of fire, surrounded by clumps of earth that exploded between the lines on Lee’s side. The pebbles in Lee’s group were crushing the clumps faster than the cops could produce them.