Giving In to You

by L. M. Carr

  Repeating it in my head like a mantra, “Good afternoon, Mr. Lawson.” I imagine myself looking directly at him, asking to speak to him privately. I practice the words over and over while parents sign their children out for the weekend. I can do this. God, this would be so much easier if I had a few drinks in me! I smile inwardly, shaking my head at my own craziness, when SMACK, I come face to face with the bitch of all bitches. She saunters over, looks me up and down, signing her name not once, not twice, but three times indicating that she’s picking up Adam’s children as well. Well, fuck me! They are together! He is a pig! I want to scream, “Run Adam, run far. Get away from the viper.”

  A small chuckle escapes my lips at the mental image. Gina snarls, venom spewing from her mouth, her eyes narrowing into slits. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

  “Nothing. Nothing at all. And please watch your language. You are in a school with children around.” Condescension drenches my words.

  “Whatever!” The bitch rolls her eyes at me and walks away. I watch as she rounds the corner out of the building, her high heels tapping against the linoleum tile.

  After the last two kids have been picked up, as I gather the sign out sheets for the day, I hear a little voice calling my name. Madison’s arms are around me in an instant, causing me to step back into the table.

  “Hey there, sunshine. What’s the matter? Did you forget something?” I smile down at her, wondering if she needs to get something from her desk.

  “No. I just wanted to give you a hug because I won’t see you until Monday and that’s a long time.” Big brown eyes surrounded by full lashes look up at me.

  “Aw, sweetie. That’s so nice. But you know—” I start to say.

  “Madison!” Gina’s angry voice hollers and echoes throughout the hallway when she sees Madison’s arms embracing me. “What are you doing?” Her voice patronizing. “Let’s. Go. Now.” What the hell? Why is she yelling at her? I feel Madison’s small body stiffen for an instant.

  My eyes drill holes into her. “She’s. Coming.” I say pointedly at Gina.

  “Well, I gotta go.” She smiles sadly. “I’ll see ya Monday.”

  Just before they’re out of view, I can’t resist, even though in that split second I know I should.

  “Hey, Madison, tell your daddy I said hi.” Mia. One. Gina. Who the fuck cares!

  MONDAYS SUCK! PERIOD. Five days is not enough time to recover from the weekend, from the laughing, to the crying, to the almost peeing myself ten times over. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that carefree.

  Friday night, Pete and I lounged by the fire pit, sharing two bottles of wine after enjoying Chinese takeout. He had me either choking or spitting out my drink too many times to count. The best was when he gave me a detailed account about how Fifty Shades of Grey has improved his sex life. And he’s gay! Ah, Peter, with his gorgeous face and killer body, complete with washboard abs, will no doubt someday make someone very happy—at least in the bedroom he will.

  Saturday and Sunday were lazy days spent running, baking, and playing with Brady down by the lake. The end of summer was drawing near and it was a relatively quiet end to the weekend except for the sound of an obnoxiously loud car driving around the neighborhood late Saturday night.

  It actually felt a little too quiet, a little lonely. I called my brother and spent time talking to my niece and nephew, promising them that I would visit again soon. His complaints of running nonstop with his kids annoyed me a little bit because some people would give anything to trade places with him.

  Shane finally succeeded in setting up a “non” date, just as friends, because he knew that’s the only way I’d ever even consider going. Too much has happened. Too much hurt to forgive. Too much pressure on my fragile heart. Friends. That’s what we were before we decided to become more. We’ve agreed to meet up for pizza Wednesday night. I quickly declined his offer to pick me up, opting to drive myself. A girl needs her car for a quick escape if needed, right?

  My non-date with Shane is still on my mind when I walk into the building Monday morning, juggling my coffee, purse, workbag, and my lunch bag. A familiar voice stops me. “Excuse me, Miss Delaney?” Why does the sound of my name coming from that mouth make things tingle below my waist?

  “Yes,” I answer, turning in his direction. “Can I help you?”

  “Please, please, please. Can you do me a huge one?” Huge one? Why does everything Adam says make me think of sex?

  I’m floored. “Excuse me?”

  Adam stands there in a perfectly fitted, navy blue suit, holding two lunch bags, a blue one with Ironman on it and a pink one with Madison’s name embroidered on it. He looks absolutely ridiculous but devastatingly sexy at the same time.

  “I’m running late to a meeting and my kids forgot their lunches.” He tips his head to the side, giving a pleading look. “Please?”

  I look at him dubiously, wondering why he just doesn’t bring them in himself. “You do realize that the office is right there.” I look behind me, stating the obvious. “I’m sure you can manage walking through the door.” I smirk.

  “I would, but then Mrs. Chapman starts talking to me and you know…Please. I’m begging,” he says giving me the “‘how can you say no to me” look.

  “Fine. Whatever.” He strategically places the lunch bags on my two extended fingers and catches me staring at his face.

  “Thank you so much. I owe you.” A genuine smile plasters across his face.

  “You know, Mr. Lawson, for being the boss and having a job, you sure do come here a lot.” I joke.

  His eyes widen and then narrow. “Believe me, Miss Delaney, I would love nothing more than to come here.” His eyes drop lower over my body. “All. The. Time.” His grin is devious. Bastard! He got me again. He reaches around behind me to open the door since my hands are completely full, ushering me in as if he were a true southern gentleman. I know better. He’s no gentleman—he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

  “I’ll see you later, Miss Delaney.”

  You bet your sweet ass you will, you fine fucker! Oh. My. God. What has gotten into me? I smile politely back at him and step through the door.

  “Thanks,” I say as I step through the open door, whipping around to catch him before he leaves.

  “Oh, Mr. Lawson, don’t be late for dismissal…I might be gone before you have a chance to come…to pick up your kids, that is.” Take that, bastard!

  The door closes behind me and I don’t even give a thought about glancing back. Please, who am I kidding? I want desperately to see the look on his face, saying, “Game on!”

  ***

  EACH AFTERNOON THAT week, the routine is the same.

  “Hello, Miss Delaney.” He blesses me with an All-American, “I’ve got a secret” grin.

  “Hello, Mr. Lawson.” I smile back.

  Each day I find out more and more pieces of the Adam Lawson family. Since it’s raining today, our students will have indoor recess. Shelby and I decide that our classes can combine and play together in our rooms. Luke, Madison’s brother, comes over to join some of the boys in my class. I hear him tell his friends that he’s going to play football this year, but he’s going to miss some practices because he’s going to sleep over his grandparent’s house. He is a carbon copy of his father. He’s a real boy’s boy. Tall with scraped knees, a missing front tooth and head of wavy dark hair that flops onto his forehead just like his dad’s. He either hasn’t discovered hair gel or doesn’t care to use it since he’s only six years old.

  A light knock at the classroom door draws my attention and I see Sophie, Gina’s daughter, standing there with an anxious look on her face. Damn! I didn’t think about this when I agreed with Shelby to combine our classes for recess. It’s not that I don’t want her to play in here; she’s just a painful reminder of the past.

  “Hi, Sophie.” I smile genuinely at her. Her green eyes dart every which way but at me. “Do you want to come in and play?”

 
; She shakes her head from side to side but doesn’t reply with an answer.

  “Are you sure? Are you looking for Madison? I think she’s over there,” I say, pointing to the area by the green rug where Madison is playing a board game with some friends. “C’mon, I’m sure she’ll be so happy to see you. You can even surprise her,” I whisper as I encourage her to enter.

  “No. I…I can’t,” she squeaks.

  “You can’t?” I laugh, surprised. “Sure you can, honey. I don’t mind.”

  “No, I can’t. My mom would get really mad. I’m…I’m not supposed to talk to you,” she mumbles.

  What? Her daughter can’t talk to me? I’m not the enemy here. Has she forgotten that she’s the one who broke my heart and wrecked my life? Not the other way around! What a bitch!

  “Well, sweetie.” I struggle to smile, my lips pull into a tight line. “I don’t want you to get in trouble or anything.”

  “Um…can Maddie come play in my room?” She looks at me with those beautiful emerald green eyes that are too familiar.

  “Sure. Let me get her.”

  I’m still in shock when Madison jumps up and heads in to Shelby’s room to play. She told her kid not to talk to me? Did she forget the same DNA was once shared by both of us? How could she forget? She has a beautiful, healthy, living physical reminder every single damn day.

  ***

  THAT AFTERNOON, I make a quick run into the grocery store to get a few things for home and work.

  “Here you go, darling. Just the way you like it.” I reach over the glass counter to take my package of trimmed chicken breast.

  “Thanks, Lee. You’re so good to me.” His thickly parted hair and Coke-bottle glasses hide the wrinkles near his eyes. He hasn’t aged very well, but he’s as sweet as ever.

  “It’s no problem. You just drop off some of that delicious stuffed chicken and we’ll call it even.”

  “You got it!” I smile at the butcher who’s known me since I was a kid.

  Just as I start to push my squeaky carriage towards the dairy section, a little voice calls my name and I turn to find Madison running in my direction. She wraps her arms around my waist, squeezing me hard.

  “Hi, Miss Delaney!” She tips her head back to look up at me.

  “Hi, Maddie! What are you doing here?” I smile at her and glance around looking for Adam or maybe even Gina.

  “I’m shopping with my dad. He’s over there.” She releases me and points behind her. I see him round the corner with his phone to his ear. He’s looking down at the floor, seemingly deep in thought. He disconnects the call and looks directly at me; he stares at me standing there with his daughter. I watch as he walks over to us. I can’t make out the look on his face. Annoyance, maybe?

  “Hi.” He smiles at me.

  “Hey. How’s it going?” I can’t help but ask after I just saw the look on his face. Before Adam can answer, Lee comes from behind the counter without his butcher’s apron. “Now don’t forget about that stuffed chicken, darling.”

  “I won’t. I promise.” I smile back.

  Adam’s eyes follow Lee as he walks towards the front of the store, leaving for the day.

  “A friend of yours?” he ridicules.

  “Yeah, something like that. He’s totally my type,” I whisper and let out a chuckle.

  “How do you stuff a chicken?” Maddie asks. “It doesn’t sound very good.”

  “Madison!” Adam scolds her while stifling a laugh under his breath. “Sorry about that.”

  “It’s fine.” I assure him with smile because kids sometimes say the funniest things.

  “So what do you think?” I hold up a jar of cinnamon applesauce and a natural flavored one.

  “I like that one!” She points to the cinnamon jar. “My gramma always buys the one without sugar.” Her nose scrunches up in disgust.

  She tells her father that we’re going to be celebrating Johnny Appleseed’s birthday and eating applesauce for snack. I quickly count the jars in my cart and realize that I don’t have enough for the class.

  “Will you need some help with that project?” Adam asks, smirking.

  “Project?” I grin, my eyes widening with humor. “I don’t think scooping out applesauce qualifies as a project.” I laugh. “I think I can handle it, but thanks for the offer.”

  “I told you I’m available to help out anytime.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” I feel confident as I answer.

  “Please do.”

  “Dad, we can get some applesauce?”

  “Sure.”

  The three of us walk together, back a few aisles to get more applesauce. There’s a current of tension between us. It’s almost tangible. After a few moments of awkwardness and we’ve gotten our items, I turn to face Madison and her dad.

  “Well, I’ve got to get going.” I address them both. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Maddie.”

  I look at her father who’s standing next to her, carefully watching our interaction.

  “Goodbye, Mr. Lawson. Have a good night.”

  “See you later, Miss Delaney.”

  If only he knew that I would see him later…in my dreams.

  ***

  BY WEDNESDAY, I’M more than ready for my non-date with Shane that evening. The few texts that I received from him were light-hearted and funny. I’m thankful he has kept his flirtations to a minimum.

  Walking into Mario’s Pizzeria, I find him sitting there in a white Boston t-shirt and navy board shorts, waiting for me while he scrolls through his phone. A huge smile crosses his face when he finally notices me standing there.

  “Wow! You look great!” He stands up and leans in slowly to kiss my cheek, waiting for approval.

  I don’t know what’s so great about what I’m wearing. My cargo pants rolled to the ankle paired with a cardigan over tank top and red Converse isn’t really all that, especially because it’s a “non”-date after all. No need to dress to impress.

  “Thanks.” I accept the compliment as I slide into the booth and pour myself a glass of water. We decide to share a meat lover’s pizza and a pitcher of beer. After a few minutes of awkwardness, we fall into a comfortable conversation about my summer trip to see my brother. Tears stream down my face when he shares his adventurous mishap of changing the diaper of his newest niece. I’m so thankful when he tells me that my principal, Mrs. Chapman, and the Board haven’t made a decision on the assistant principal position yet. I can tell that Shane is hopeful that we’ll be working together and, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I find myself enjoying the time with Shane. We used to be really good friends.

  Pushing myself away from the table, I rub circles over my full stomach. “Oh my God, I’m stuffed!”

  Shane’s eyebrows shoot up in amusement. “Well, you did just down half of a loaded pizza and drank more than half the pitcher of beer!”

  “Shane Davis!” I chide in mock horror. “Where are your manners? I always thought you were a good guy? Nope, I was wrong. You are a dirty dog!”

  He looks sheepish.

  “You’re going to make me self-conscious about my weight now.”

  I cross my arms, feigning hurt, pushing my ample boobs up. I don’t miss the way his eyes drop to my chest. Yes, idiot, this is what you gave up for a quick fuck in the bathroom. Feeling slightly self-conscious, I tighten the cardigan around my chest, hiding my cleavage.

  “Aw, c’mon, Mia. Don’t be like that.” I’m not sure if he’s referring to the fact that I’ve shut down the peepshow or because I know he’s a dirty dog.

  “Fine. Whatever,” I tease, rolling my eyes.

  Then with a look of hope, he continues, “If you want, we could start running together again.” And there it is—the elephant in the room. An awkward lull comes between us as all conversation comes to a halt.

  God, I hate this. I really do. Shane was always the guy that every girl wanted. I’m pretty sure he had the same girlfriend all throughout high school. He always seemed so lo
yal. Well, he did until last March.

  Shane’s rough hands reach across the table, curling his fingers around mine, his face remorseful. “Mia, I’m sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t tease you about how much you eat. And while I’m handing out apologies, I’m sorry again for last spring. I know I fucked things up with you. I know I hurt you. You have no idea how truly sorry I am.” His thumb rubs back and forth across my knuckles, his eyes pleading for mercy. “I know it’s a piss poor excuse for being such a douche bag, but I was really, really, really drunk that night. I don’t even really remember much of what happened. I remember being at the bar with you and then Gina...” His words abruptly cease when he mentions her name. The truth in his remorseful words rings loud and clear. “I’m just really sorry.” I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, but he did. Nothing can change that fact.

  “Shane,” I sigh his name, pulling my hands out from under his. “Look, we were friends before we decided to be anything else. We were just having a bit of fun, right?” Wrong! He knows as well I do that that’s not true. He was the first guy in a really long time to find his way into my heart whether I wanted him there or not. Who would’ve thought that I’d be here comforting him? He’s the one who got caught with his pants down. Literally! I pour myself another glass of water and keep my palms wrapped around the glass.

  “But that’s just it, Mia. I don’t want to be just friends with you.” His blue eyes bore into mine.

  “Shane…” I beg for him to understand.

  “Please give me another chance.” His voice is pleading, his eyes searching my face for a sign, any sign that his words are not in vain.

  I shiver when I run my hand along my arms and feel goose bumps lining my skin. The bell on the entrance door diverts my attention, causing me to look in that direction.