Giving In to You

by L. M. Carr

  I watch in slow motion as Chris stabs his index finger into Adam’s chest, making a point to their conversation. That’s when Adam loses his temper. Before I know it, Adam reaches out and wraps his hand around Chris’ thick neck, catching him by surprise. Since they’re a short distance away, I can’t hear what Adam is saying, but it can’t be good. The look on his face is fierce—his jaw ticks and the veins in his neck bulge. I’ve never seen it before and I don’t ever want to again. I am reminded of the angry man at the club months ago. The thought that my loving, handsome, sexy man can flip a switch and become this person scares the living shit out of me. I’ve seen people get angry, but this is way past angry. It’s murderous.

  Chris’ eyes enlarge to the size of saucers, he’s caught off guard. Silent words fall from his lips and he angles his face to look in my direction. Adam immediately releases Chris as if his hands were on fire. His eyes find mine and lock immediately. Across Adam’s face is the look of a man in pain, the kind of pain that reaches down into your soul and rips your heart out. I can’t look away from him. I want to run to him, wrap my arms around him and take away that pain, but I don’t. It’s merely a few minutes, but it feels like a lifetime. The world around us slips away while the snow continues to fall and his children laugh with Brady, but I can’t see or hear any of it, all I see is Adam.

  I wait and watch patiently to see what he’s going to do. Finally, he pulls his eyes from mine to glare at Chris who is standing there with a smug look smeared across his face, defiantly watching our wordless interaction. It’s no secret that Adam and I are together, but I have the feeling that seeing us together, seeing our connection just upped the ante. Whatever Chris’ problem is, it now involves me. I feel as if I’m a pawn in a dangerous game.

  Chris nods slowly and then proceeds to back up, disappearing into the thick row of blue spruce trees. I feel a chill run down my spine.

  “Adam?” I ask warily when he reaches me and slips his hand into mine, pulling our bodies flush against one another before inhaling and exhaling to slow his breathing and rein in his emotions.

  He nestles into the red scarf wrapped around my neck and simply shakes his head. Whatever is going on, I know he’s not going to tell me now. My hands reach up to smooth his face and cradle his head and my gloves massage the nape of his neck. It’s the only thing I can offer to comfort him right now.

  My mind races a million miles a minute with questions about their conversation. Why was Chris so angry? Why would he push Adam to the point where, no doubt if we weren’t standing here, in the middle of a Christmas tree farm, Adam would’ve have landed a punch to Chris’ face and probably wouldn’t have stopped there. The look on Adam’s face…it broke my heart. You would think that someone just told him the most devastating news that a loved one died tragically or something along those lines. But he was looking directly at me? Why would he look at me like that?

  I pull away so I can look at his face. “Baby, I love you. Whatever is going on, we’ll get through it. Together.”

  Troubled, dark eyes search my face before he cradles my cheeks and kisses me chastely on the lips. I want to shake him and demand that he tell me what’s going on. I hate the thought of him being involved with any of the DeGennaros. I want to run after Chris and tell him to leave Adam alone and that he, like his father and sister, are horrible people who deserve to rot in the deepest pits of hell.

  “Look, Daddy. We made Olaf,” Maddie calls his attention to the mini snowman that she and her brother built.

  “C’mon, Dad. Let’s go.” Luke interrupts our moment. I’m thankful for the interruption because I can feel the tears creeping their way up into my eyes. The last thing I need to do is cry here in front of Luke and Maddie.

  “Let’s go get our tree,” Adam says on a deep exhale before giving me another peck.

  Maddie squeals with delight as she is lifted high into the air onto Adam’s shoulders. A grimace shoots across Luke’s face. He looks disappointed so I squat down, allowing him to climb piggyback style onto my back. “Hop on, bud. And hold on tight.” I fall in love with this little boy even more when he leans forward to kiss my cheek.

  Adam blinks a few times as he scans over us with a look of complete adoration, fierce love pours out of his eyes. I love this man. I love this man’s children. This is what I want. This is the life I want.

  THE YOUNG COLLEGE kid helped Adam secure the tree onto the roof while the kids and I climbed into the Escalade, cranking the heat on full blast. Brady wasn’t too happy when we dropped him off at home, but he needed to get in from the cold. He’s been behaving so oddly lately. I watched as he plopped himself on the couch after doing his business outside, letting out a huge sigh indicating his displeasure.

  For an early Sunday afternoon, it’s pretty busy at Maple’s Restaurant with all the families hustling and bustling in from the frigid day. The temperature has dropped and the winds have picked up, swirling the snow around the tree farm like a snow globe.

  A hostess escorts us to the only empty booth that overlooks the lake. Maddie and Luke bicker about who gets to sit on my side to which Adam whispers and says that he’s invisible when I’m around. Luke finally relents and sits with his dad after Maddie argues that he got to ride piggy back. Adam grins as his eyes dart back and forth between his children like he’s watching a tennis match.

  After removing our jackets, scarves and hats, Maddie snuggles closely to me to read the menu. I decide on a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tomato soup to warm up. Maddie decides to have the same while Luke and Adam select cheeseburgers and fries. Within minutes, a pretty waitress comes over to greet us and take our order. It doesn’t escape me that she notices Adam before she sees me. I mean really, how can you not notice him? He’s freaking gorgeous with his dark eyes, scruffy jaw, rosy cheeks and dark, sexy hair that you just want to run your fingers through and those lips that you just want to kiss and bite. I recognize her as one of the college students who worked at our school last spring. She was working on her degree in education. I think she may have even worked in my room then, but the months of March through June are pretty much a blur.

  “Hi there, I’m Nicole. I’ll be taking care of you today.” Yeah, I’m sure you’d like to take care of him alright. Back up, bitch. He’s mine. Her eyes light up when he places his phone on the table and looks at her. She smiles and tucks her shoulder length strawberry blonde hair behind her ear.

  “Hi. How are you? It’s busy in here today, huh?” Adam says and smiles as he looks past her at all the patrons before bringing his gaze back to her. He’s bringing out the charm. Perhaps he thinks we’ll get better service.

  “Yeah, it is, but I can handle it. I’m quite experienced.” Nicole winks. What a flirt! And right in front of me. What is wrong with some women today?

  “That’s good to hear because we’re starving.” He turns to look at me. “Baby, what would you like to eat?” I watch our waitress struggle to pull her eyes away from Adam and address me. “What can I get for you, ma’am?” Oh no, she didn’t!

  I wait for some sort of recognition from her, but it doesn’t come so I place my order and watch as she takes everyone else’s.

  Adam and Luke both order a vanilla milkshake. A devious grin appears on our waitress’ face. “Vanilla? Hmmm…I wouldn’t take you for a vanilla guy. Forbidden chocolate, maybe.” Oh my God! I can’t believe how this brazen woman is outright flirting with Adam like I’m not even sitting across from him. Am I fucking invisible? Maybe she thinks I’m his sister or something like a nanny, but he did just call me “baby.” I’ve got to give it to her, this chick has some pretty big balls.

  Adam nods and returns the grin. “Actually, I’ll stick to vanilla, but you can give her Forbidden Chocolate.” Again, I watch her struggle to address me. Give me a break. I know Adam is an Adonis, but it’s not like I’m snaggletooth. “Whatever you want, sir.” Nicole smirks and turns to leave when another customer calls her attention.

  “Wow! Can
you believe her?” The shock on my face melts away when Adam reaches across the table and takes my hands in his. “I see no one else but you. You know that, don’t you?” Warmth flows through me, moisture pools between my legs. “I do.” A smile dances on my lips. “Vanilla, huh?”

  “Any flavor is good with you.” He kisses my knuckles before releasing my hands to answer his phone. I surprised myself earlier when “Nora” flashed across the screen on the Escalade. While the tiny green-eyed monster wanted to make a grand appearance, Adam’s reassuring words and warm lips against mine, quelled the feeling.

  Luke and Maddie distract me as Adam taps out a text message. I watch as his eyes widen momentarily as his jaw tightens. He looks around the restaurant and I follow his gaze. Our eyes land on a piercing blue glare. A look of scorn and hate stain Gina’s face as she stares back at us. I notice the large body sitting across from her is Chris. Sophie sits quietly playing on an iPad. How did I not notice them when we walked in? They’ve been there for a while as their half-eaten plates are still on the table, waiting to be cleared away. Her lips move silently but quickly. I know she’s just told her brother that we are here because he immediately turns in our direction.

  Chris DeGennaro is a big man, but it’s the ferocity of his face that is menacing. He scares me. He intimidates me. I know what he is capable of. I shiver when I think of the business transactions that Adam has been involved with or the kinds of people that he’s met through his association with Chris.

  Adam turns back, grimaces and taps out another message. What the hell? I would love to know what is so important that he needs to be interrupted on a Sunday afternoon when he’s out with his family. Family? Where the hell did that come from? I’m not his family. Not technically anyway. His children are his family.

  Nicole returns with our drinks, placing the vanilla shake in front of me and the chocolate in front of Adam. The grin on her face disappears in an instant when he looks at her with disdain. “Are you serious?” Gone is the incorrigible flirt, now replaced with a stern, serious, and very annoyed man.

  “Oh, sorry.” She smiles sheepishly before she switches our drinks. It amazes me that he didn’t even have to tell her what the problem was. She knew.

  “Adam…” I lace my fingers with his hoping that my simple gesture will calm him. I’m not sure if he’s agitated because of Nora, Chris, or Nicole. Whatever it is, I refuse to let it ruin our day with the kids.

  “It’s okay, babe. I’ll be fine.” He offers a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be right back.” He stands up and heads in the direction of the restroom which happens to be near the kitchen.

  My heart nearly flies out of my mouth when I see Chris rise and walk in the same direction. I want to follow them to see what’s going to happen especially after what I witnessed at the tree farm. My gaze drifts to Gina who is staring at me even though her daughter is tugging on her arm to get her attention. I can’t waste any more time, she’s not worth it. Instead I pick up a blue crayon and challenge Luke to a game of tic-tac-toe on the paper placemat while we wait for our food.

  What seems like a long time later, Nicole comes to the table carrying a large tray with our lunch. I thank her by name when she places it all down.

  “How’s school going?” I ask casually as I pass Maddie her tomato soup.

  Her eyes dart to mine immediately, now with recognition. “Oh, Miss Delaney. Hi! I…I…um didn’t recognize you.” Yeah, right. I’m sure you didn’t.

  “Yep,” the “p” making a popping sound, “it’s me.” I feel my phone vibrate in my jacket pocket.

  “You look different.”

  “Do I?” She probably didn’t recognize me with my hair now layered and highlighted. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m actually smiling, not walking around like someone just ran my dog over. When she came to work in my classroom, all that shit had just happened with Shane. I was catapulted back into my dark place, even Shelby and Pete couldn’t pull me out. The day of Mike and Shelby’s wedding was the only exception. My friend, Xanax, helped me through the day. I smiled for pictures and mumbled the right words through the toast as maid of honor.

  “Yeah, you look good. Happy.”

  Adam excuses himself and sits down, mussing Luke’s hair and winking at Maddie.

  “I am. Thanks.” I smile at Adam.

  “Well, let me know if I can get you anything else.” I’m happy that her attention is now directed at me.

  “Everything okay?” I ask as I dunk the corner of my grilled cheese into my soup.

  Adam nods a curt, “Yes” and proceeds to dip his french fries in ketchup.

  Christmas songs from the jukebox help to get us back into the holiday spirit. I don’t want anything or anyone to ruin it for the kids. My phone buzzes once again, reminding me that I never checked the earlier message. I pull my phone out and see that it’s from Adam, but he’s sitting across from me. I know I look confused as I open the message.

  AL: I’m a starving man. I want to eat you. All. Night. Long.

  My head drops to my chin and I try desperately to hide my grin. If my cheeks weren’t already red from the cold, they’re definitely red now from lust. I look at him just as he sinks his teeth into his burger. His tongue darts out to lick the ketchup on the corner of his mouth. But he doesn’t stop there. He continues his tongue tease as he brings his thumb to his mouth and licks it before turning his thumb again to suck on the pad, his index finger resting on his cheek, forming a V. Oh, Adam! Why must you torture me here and now?

  A slow throb begins and my heart beats faster. If we didn’t have the kids, I’d drag him to the nearest bathroom and take him into my mouth before letting him drive into me.

  Me: I think I’m in the mood for Italian tonight.

  AL: Sausage or meatballs?

  Me: Both. You can’t have one without the other and my appetite is insatiable. You know I’m a greedy girl.

  AL: And I’ll have your sweet cream for dessert.

  Oh my God! Leave it to him to get me hot and bothered on food sex talk!

  Chris, Gina, and Sophie walk past us as they leave the restaurant. Gina shows her obvious and desperate need for attention when she says hello to Adam and no one else. Not even the kids. If she was hoping for more, she was sorely disappointed when he simply nodded and said, “Gina.”

  On the way back at Adam’s house, we pick up Brady and bring him with us. We decorate the perfectly shaped, beautiful evergreen which stands almost 8 feet tall in the corner of Adam’s expansive great room. I’ve earned a few smacks in the rear when I kept “mistakenly” calling it “his” tree instead of “our” tree. But in reality, it is his tree. The little artificial tree sitting in my garage is my tree. It’s all I need. I used to love Christmas, it was my favorite holiday. Well, it was up until seven years ago. I guess it’s easier to go through the motions than to explain all the events that led up to my melancholy over the holiday.

  The four of us change into warm, comfortable clothes. Maddie and I are nestled in Adam’s arms on the leather sofa while Luke sprawls on the plush rug with his head on Brady’s belly. “Our” tree is really beautiful with its white lights and handmade ornaments. A warm smile spreads across my face when I see the small green wreaths, covered in silver glitter that has the kids’ school pictures in the center. They’re the ornaments that Maddie and Luke made in school last week. Maddie tugged on my heartstrings when she asked me privately if she could make two ornaments, she wanted to hang one on the tree at her grandparents’ house, too.

  My body is weary and my eyes are heavy and I would love to stay awake and watch the Patriots game. As Adam runs his fingers through my hair, pulling gently at the long strands, I feel Madison’s little body slip into a deep sleep in my arms. Before my eyelashes meet and close for the last time as I begin my nap, something on the mantle catches my attention. The addition of two new stockings hanging beside their three makes me smile, and I get a warm and fuzzy feeling in my belly. My sleepy ey
es drift downward to the small fire that dances and crackles in the fireplace, providing light and heat. If I could freeze time, I would because in this moment, I know that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

  Sheer joy fills me as I walk through the woods on a narrow trail that leads to a vacant lot. My father’s voice beside me encourages me and tells me that I look stunning in white and how happy he is that he can be here to celebrate this day with me. Adam stands tall, smiling at me. His face is full of love and he looks so incredibly handsome in his black tuxedo and crisp white shirt, his dark hair coiffed elegantly. Maddie looks precious in a simple pink dress with tiny, white flowers on the trim. Luke’s dark dress pants and a white collared shirt make him look older than his seven years. They all look so dressed up like they’re going out to a Christmas party or even a ball.

  A soft melodious hymn fills the air while my loved ones and other faceless people watch as I step slowly, keeping in tune to the music while my father guides me toward Adam who waits patiently for me. I have never been happier in my life. Everything I’ve ever wanted is mere feet away, just within my reach. My father’s large, rugged hand reaches down to grasp my slender hand. He places my hand in Adam’s.

  I pull my gaze from our clasped hands and all I want to see is the man of my dreams, the love of my life. Instead, an angry Chris DeGennaro looks down at me with the face of Lucifer himself.

  “Hello, Mia. I’ve been waiting for you.” The devil smiles at me.

  Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Please feel free to contact me.