The Secret of Everything

by O'Neal, Barbara

  She unwrapped a rustic loaf of sourdough bread and put a plate on the counter. “Do you want to help, Natalie?”

  “Sure!” She dragged a chair over and stood on it.

  Tessa gave her a container of grape tomatoes and the olives. “Start by arranging those on this plate. Have you ever had a salt-cured olive?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Try it.” She glanced at Vince, who leaned on the counter, watching Natalie’s face. “Pretty strong flavor.”

  Natalie’s eyes opened wide. “Yum! These are the kind they have at the Italian store in Pueblo!”

  Tessa offered one to Vince. He shook his head. “Don’t like olives at all.”

  “His mom can’t cook,” Natalie said sadly. “That’s why we eat out so much. He doesn’t cook that much, either.”

  “Ah, well, I’m not the best. This is what we do on hiking trips. Goat cheese, tomatoes, olives, and fresh bread. If you have sun-dried tomatoes, they’re really good on this.”

  She sliced the bread and put it out with the rest of the offerings, and put the peaches out, too. “The peaches here are amazing,” she said. “I can’t stop eating them.”

  “So, do I put it all on one piece of bread, or like a sandwich, or what?” Natalie asked, a bit tense.

  “You know, that’s the beauty, Nat,” Tessa said. “You can do whatever you think looks best. All separate? All rolled up in the bread? Whatever you want.”

  “Can I have a little plate?”

  Tessa grinned. “Absolutely.” She pulled a battered small plate from the cupboard. “Have at it.”

  Vince picked at the bread, nibbled a slice of goat cheese, watching the other two dig in to the food. “Not your thing, I take it?” Tessa asked, grinning.

  “That’s all right. I like seeing my girl eat. Do you like it, Nat?”

  She had rolled the bread around everything and nodded vigorously, her mouth full. “The olives are great!”

  “They are my favorites.”

  Sasha sat politely nearby, bright button eyes trained on the humans. She was pigeon-toed and cheerful, and Tessa asked, “Can I give her a treat?”

  “Not until we’re finished, or she will beg and whine forever.” Vince nodded at the dogs. “I think your dog likes mine.”

  Felix had curled up with Pedro and put his chin on the bigger dog’s back. Pedro snored, worn out from his run at the river. “Dogs are pack animals,” she said. “That’s why my dad always has three.”

  “Humans are pack animals, too,” Vince said.

  “Not all of them.”

  He nodded. “Even you.”

  Natalie couldn’t believe what a good day it was turning out to be. Her dad had barely even yelled at her, and then she got to eat something new at 100 Breakfasts, and then Tessa was so nice to her and they got to go to the salt store. She loved the picture Tessa took of her hands and the red salt on the avocado, and her dad promised to have it printed at the drugstore so she could put it up on her wall. To make sure, Natalie stood by the computer and watched as they sent it online, not happy until the screen popped up and said, You can pick up your prints in 1 hour, 59 minutes, and 12 seconds.

  Natalie also liked the dog, Felix, and the little house. It had a peaceful feeling inside, especially with the rain, and Natalie loved the way Tessa left the door open to the air, so the smell of rain came inside. She heard it pattering on the sidewalk outside. The flowers drooped, but even they looked pretty.

  When her dad started moving around like he was going to leave, Natalie said, “Oh, I don’t want to go yet!”

  “I have to drop you with Grandma,” he said. “I have to go to the school, and Jade has an appointment at the dentist, remember?”

  Natalie drooped, just like the flowers outside. Her dad might not have yelled at her, but Grandma sure would. “Can I go with you to the dentist?”

  “Sorry, but I think Jade deserves a little alone time, too. She’s pretty mad, you know.”

  That almost made Nat cry. “I really didn’t mean to hurt her so bad.”

  “Baby, I know.” He rubbed her shoulders. “You hurt each other, you know. It takes two. It’s not all your fault.”

  “I’m the older sister, though. Grandma tells me that all the time. I’m s’pposed to be responsible.”

  Daddy nodded. “But you are only eight. It takes time to learn all that.”

  Tessa said, “I don’t know if it would be any better, but I’m just going to hang around here. Natalie can stay here if she wants. If you don’t mind.”

  Natalie jumped up. “Please can I?”

  “Are you sure?” Daddy asked.

  “I would be happy to have some company,” Tessa said. “We can look up good recipes online or something.”

  Natalie held her breath.

  “Okay. I’ll call Grandma and tell her not to come until later. You still have to go to the eye doctor to get some new glasses, so she’ll be here at three-thirty Be ready to go right then.”

  “I will. I promise.” She touched her heart.

  “And one other thing,” he said, and looked up at Tessa. “Would you mind giving us a minute?”

  “Not at all. I’ll be in the other room.”

  He folded his hands and got his dad look on, all serious eyes and straight mouth. Natalie thought he was going to tell her what her punishment was, but he said, “You know she’s here for only a few weeks, right?”

  Natalie flushed. “I know, Dad.”

  “Good. The other thing is, Grandma will want to talk to you about stealing, and I want you to listen to her, okay? I told her I’m going to handle your punishment, but I still haven’t thought of what would be a good idea, so I’ll tell you tonight, okay? You tell her that. That I’m thinking about it.”

  “Why don’t you just put me on restriction or something?” Natalie said. “That’s what everybody usually does.”

  He pursed his lips. “That’s not the answer this time. I think I might have you do some volunteering somewhere.”

  “The lady at 100 Breakfasts has a bracelet on her ankle that she got for being in jail.”

  He grinned. “That might be a bit much.” He stood up and kissed her head. “You just tell Grandma what I said, all right?”

  “I will.”

  And then he left them, Natalie and Tessa, alone with the dogs and a computer. They looked up recipes for red velvet cupcakes, which Natalie thought looked so, so beautiful. “It’s too late to do it today, but I’d like to try them,” Tessa said. “Maybe we could get all the stuff and do them some other day.”

  Afterward, they played rummy, and Tessa braided her own hair and offered to braid Natalie’s. She had soft hands, and the brush felt so good on her head. “My mommy used to brush my hair,” Nat said sleepily.

  “Nice,” Tessa said. “My mom died when I was little. I can’t remember her at all. Do you remember yours?”

  “Yes. She had blond hair, like Jade’s, and she used to wear this pretty necklace with beads that dripped down from a chain, just like blood. I think they were rubies.”

  “Sounds beautiful.” Tessa kept brushing Natalie’s hair, slowly, deeply. “What else?”

  “She sang songs to us all the time from The Sound of Music’

  “Oh, I love that movie! You, too?”

  “It’s my favorite, except for Aladdin.”

  “Cool. Do you want me to braid your hair in one braid?”

  “I don’t care,” Natalie said, even though she wanted that a lot.

  “Let me see if I can do a French braid for you.” Tessa laughed and in her deep, soft voice said, “I used to do it for Renaissance festivals when I wasn’t much older than you are.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Oh, it’s like a country fair, only everybody pretends it’s back in the days of kings and princesses and they dress up like wizards and queens and peasants.”

  “That sounds fun.”

  “It is fun.” Tessa started to hum under her breath.
/>   Natalie heard the tune and turned suddenly. “Do you know the words to that song?”

  “Wait a minute and let me hear what I was humming.” She ran through a few notes and then started to sing:

  “There are suitors at my door,

  o le le o bahia.”

  Pedro heard it and came over to sit on their feet, but something hot was born in Natalie’s heart. She stared at Tessa. “How do you know that song? That was my mommy’s song.”

  “I’m sorry. Did I upset you?”

  “No!” Natalie said, but there was the burning in the middle of her chest, right where her heart should be beating like a normal person’s. “I just want to know how you know it! It was her song. Nobody else ever sings it!”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry.” Tessa brushed her hand over Natalie’s arm, but Nat yanked it away. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I know it. I think it might be a Girl Scout song. There are a lot of songs I sing that I don’t know where they came from.”

  “My mommy was a Girl Scout. I have her sash.” Natalie closed her eyes. “Will you sing the whole thing?”

  Tessa sang.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Tessa was chopping celery for soup when Vince pulled up in front of the house. She watched him through the kitchen window, stepping down heavily, the weight of the world too much for even those broad shoulders. His expression when he thought himself unobserved showed his worry.

  By the time he got to her door, he’d wiped that all away and said simply, “I really wanted to kiss you so much earlier that I came back just to do that,” and he bent down and did it. He smelled like spice and rain and the kind of wind that blows through the mountains, and his hands were so huge they cupped her whole face. It felt so good to be so wanted that Tessa could only lift her arms and kiss him back, drawing him into the house so she could close the door.

  “I only have an hour,” he said.

  “That’s enough time,” she said, and led him into the plain bedroom with its double bed and soft light. She took off her shirt and skimmed out of her jeans and he followed suit, so they were standing only in underwear as they came together, bellies and thighs, his hands moving down her back and up into her hair, over her breasts. She closed her eyes and imprinted the shape of his buttocks into her memory, the feeling of his hair falling against her neck as he kissed her breasts. He was too big to make the missionary position comfortable, so he pulled her sideways and they made love slowly, bathed in the soft blue light reflected in the room, and then lay face-to-face, stroking each other. He touched the hollow of her throat. She followed the powerful line of his thigh, his arm.

  “I don’t want to freak you out or anything,” he said, his voice as deep and rumbling as thunder, “but I really think I’m falling in love. It’s fast, and I know there’s no future, but there it is.”

  Tessa swallowed. “I know—me, too. But it’s not going to be okay. You know that, too, don’t you? It’s not a fairy tale. Love isn’t going to change my essential nature or change what you need.”

  “What’s your essential nature?”

  “I’m a wanderer.”

  “Are you?” He bent in and took her lower lip in his mouth, moving his tongue lazily over the flesh. “You stayed in Tasmania. You fell in love and stayed with the scientist.”

  The easy emotionalism rose in her throat. Tears pooled in her eyes as she thought of Glenn, but more as she thought of her father who wasn’t her father, and she ducked her head into his shoulder. “I don’t believe in happy endings.”

  “How about happy episodes?”

  “Maybe.” She closed her eyes, breathing him in. She curled closer and put her hands in his hair, wishing he didn’t have to go.

  Under her breath, she began to hum.

  “Is that ‘Let It Be’?” Vince asked.

  Tessa listened. “Yes,” she said, and laughed. “My single most annoying habit, by the way. Humming all the bloody time.”

  “It’s kinda cute.”

  “The first twelve thousand times, maybe.” She wiggled a little. “Sorry, I have to attend to Mother Nature. Be right back.”

  For a second she dithered over whether she ought to put something on, and then she just let it go, dashing into the bathroom naked. She peed and looked at her face in the mirror, flushed and sweaty, and wished she could stay here, in this time, in this place, forever. From the counter in the kitchen, she grabbed her camera and carried it back into the bedroom.

  “Do you mind?” she said, holding up the camera. “The light in here is beautiful and, really, you look great.”

  He propped himself up on his elbow. “I wish I could take your picture right now. Naked woman with camera.”

  “I’m not particularly shy about being naked, actually,” she said, and raised the camera. “Is that a yes or a no?”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Thank you. On your belly first, please.” Tessa looked at him through the lens, the soft gray rainlight pouring over his back. “You have very beautiful skin,” she said, shooting the long curve of his spine, the buttering of light along his shoulders, the biceps with the tattoo. Then buttocks and legs, those massive thighs. He turned over, winking at her, and she shot the frontal view, too, his broad chest and thick, lazy erection, and then zoomed in on his face, the dark-brown eyes and tousled hair and beautiful mouth. “Zeus,” she said, and laughed. “God, you are so gorgeous.”

  He held out a hand. “My turn?”

  “Are you going to sell them on the Internet?” she asked. “Pass them around to your friends?”

  “I will if you will.”

  “First this.” She fell down beside him, head to head on the pillow, and held the camera up overhead. “Look up.” She clicked the shutter, shifted the camera, shot again, and then again. “Okay, it’s yours.”

  “I’ve never taken a picture of someone naked before,” he said, standing up, and aimed the camera at her. Tessa played coy and covered bits and looked at him from under her hair and laughed until he came down beside her and put his hand around her breast and took a picture. And then he was over her, in her, and they were lost, the camera forgotten.

  Before he left, he said, “Come have breakfast with us this weekend, at Vita’s.”

  “Do you eat there every day?”

  “Not usually. Usually we go only on the weekends, but it’s been a little unsettled.”

  “It’s a bad idea, Vince.”

  “One more time, and then you can be my secret lover until you go.”

  “It just seems—”

  He kissed her thoroughly. “Think about it. We’ll be there around ten on Saturday.”

  She sat up. “Oh, I forgot—I meant to tell you that I was humming a song this afternoon, and Natalie heard it and said it was her mother’s song.” She sighed. “It really upset her, I think.” She shook her head, feeling the edge of that sucking depression creeping around her belly. “Makes me sad.”

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  “No, not really. I found out my father lied to me about a lot of stuff, and I’m pretty upset about it.”

  “Lied about you? About him?”

  “Lied,” she said. She took a breath and said it out loud for the first time. “He’s not my father. It seems I am one of Xander’s 476 children.”

  “Ah.”

  “Did you know that?”

  “No. But you look like them, the commune kids.” He stayed where he was, one arm propped behind his head. With his other, he stroked a thumb over Tessa’s wrist. “What can I do to help?”

  “You can’t, really. It’s just weird. The dude sounds weird as he can be, like Jim Jones or something.”

  “No, I don’t think so. It was another time, Tessa. It wasn’t the same thing—it was a big social experiment, and it didn’t work out, exactly. But that doesn’t mean that all the children were a mistake.”

  “I know.” She plucked at the bedspread. “The other thing is, I kept remembering a little girl with long blond hair
. My sister.”

  “There were a lot of kids out there.”

  “I know, but I talked to Paula, and she remembered my actual sister. She drowned, along with my mother, at the same time I went into the river.” She twisted threads into a knot. “A twin sister, actually.”

  He went still. “Guinnevere and Rhiannon were the twins.”

  She nodded.

  “Which one are you?”

  “Guinnevere, evidently. Not that I remember. I still don’t.” She looked at him, shrugged. “Not completely.”

  He had an odd expression on his face, both stricken and relieved. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “I’m so sorry.” He held her hand close to his face. “I have to go soon, but I don’t want to leave you at the moment of revelation.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. It just came out.”

  “It’s okay.” He kept her hand close. “I have a couple more minutes.”

  Worried that he would remember that Tessa’s mother was a murderer, Tessa asked, “Do you know who killed Xander?”

  “No. The few people who might are not ever going to talk. Somebody offered a $250,000 reward a few years ago, and there were no takers.”

  “Thick as thieves,” she said.

  “Yeah.” He sat up. “You okay?”

  Tessa smiled, and it was genuine, if a little rueful. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s all water under the bridge—ha-ha.”

  “Very funny.”

  “Thanks for listening, Vince. Seriously. It’s a lot to process.”

  “I wish I could stay. I have to go get my girls. Call me later and we can talk about this some more.”

  “I understand.” She stood up and started to put on her own clothes. “Did you talk to the school counselor about Nat?”

  He pulled on his boxers, picked up his jeans from the floor. “She’s going to work with her.”

  “Good. Poor baby.”

  Vince nodded. He finished dressing, then kissed her. “I’ll call you this evening. If that’s okay.”

  “Yes.”

  The weather grew more cantankerous as Sam drove into the mountains, and by the time he reached Flagstaff, it was plain he would need to stop for the night. He found a motel that allowed dogs. He fed and watered them, then got Peaches settled in a comfy spot, covered with her little blanket, and took the other two out for a good long walk to shake out the kinks.