SCARS

by Jaimie Roberts

  “I will never hurt you. You should know that by now. I only seek to—”

  “Right the wrongs?”

  I hear his raspy chuckle, and goose bumps spread across my skin. “You remembered.”

  “It’s hardly something I can forget.” My breathing is growing shallow the longer he hovers over my mouth. It’s intoxicating.

  “You really are quite beautiful… Do you know that?” He pulls at my wrist, securing it behind my back. I’m suddenly glued to him, but I don’t care. I should be scared that he has me in a lock. I’m curving to him perfectly … and I’m finding that I don’t want him to let go.

  “Wh–why are you changing the subject?” I stutter, unable to form words. I’m completely under his spell.

  “Because when I’m around you, the only thing I can think about is your soft skin, your full, pouty lips, and the way your forehead makes the cutest V I have ever seen. I have no other answer, but this: You entrance me.”

  I feel his warm breath against my lips, and it makes me tremble with need. How quickly I have succumbed to him. “Please let me see you.” I feel his nose brush up against my cheek as he squeezes me into him more. I can’t help the small gasp that leaves my lips.

  “Why do you want to see me? Where would the fun be in that?” He kisses my chin, and like a silent command, I lean my head back so he has better access. He plants soft, warm kisses against my neck making a need like no other rise within me.

  “I … I … I really want to see the person who’s been stalking me these past six months.” I’m pleased with myself. I bit the bullet and asked him outright.

  He stills, and I wonder if he’s mad at me. At first, he doesn’t speak, but then he leans into my ear. “You might run.”

  My breathing quickens, wondering what on earth he could mean. Does he think he’s hideous? Scary? All of the above? “Why would I want to run from you?”

  He gently sweeps a lock of hair from my face, tantalizing me with his fingers as he goes. “Because girls like you don’t associate with guys like me. I’m sure mommy and daddy wouldn’t approve.”

  “Well, I’m not like most girls, so—” He touches my face again, robbing me of speech.

  “I know. Why do you think I chose you?”

  “Ch–ch–chose me? You make it sound as though I was in a lineup, and you picked me out over the rest. What is it that you want?”

  “Shh,” he whispers against my lips. “You really are the inquisitive one, aren’t you? I bet your mouth is glad once you fall asleep at night.”

  I gasp, trying to pull away. “You cocky bastard. Let me—”

  He pulls me to him, laughing, and the sound makes me stop in my tracks. “That was a joke. In fact, I feel quite the opposite about your mouth. I personally love the way it feels against mine.”

  Whoa. I think I’ve stopped breathing.

  “I just want to know who you are. Why are you doing this instead of just simply asking me out?”

  His body trembles with laughter. “I am wrong for you on so many levels. You would never say yes to a guy like me. I’m the type of man parents warn their daughters about. Doing things this way …” he leans in closer, “my way … is the only chance I will have to spend time with you. The only chance I will ever have to taste you and not have you hold back. You give yourself completely to me. How could I possibly do it any other way?”

  My breath catches in my mouth as he runs his tongue against my lips. “You make yourself sound like a beast.”

  “I am a beast. But this is no fairytale, Lily. This—right here in front of you—is the real deal. I am a beast in size, a beast in looks, and a beast by nature. I am not a good man.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I am destructive. I follow that path and it follows me. My life has led me down that road for a very long time now. Being here with you is the only path I have chosen correctly. You see me like no one else does.”

  Wow. He’s heavy, but I can’t help being drawn to him in ways that make my head spin. Being in his arms now, I feel safer than I ever have. It’s a strange feeling, considering I have no clue who he is. He seems strong and confident, and yet he has this vulnerable side that I can’t help but reach out to. He may say he’s a beast, but right now, in his arms, I never want to leave his lair.

  “How do you know what I see in you? What makes you think you know me?”

  “You’re your own person. You don’t seek to impress people. You let them take you as you are or not at all. You care for people, but you also don’t like to let anybody get too close … except for me of course. Why is it that a good girl like you allows a man like me to corrupt her?”

  I swallow hard. “You think you’re corrupting me?” He presses his lips against mine so softly that I moan from the intensity of his warmth.

  “You are here with me, agreeing to blind yourself so that I can see you … taste you … touch you. Would you consider that normal behavior on your part?”

  I sarcastically chuckle at the thought. “I don’t think any part of what you and I do would be considered normal.” He kisses me again, making my knees tremble.

  “And yet, here you are, letting me hold you. We’re alone in this house. I could do anything I wanted to you now, and no one would know. No one would hear us. Doesn’t that thought scare you?”

  My heart beats frantically at his words, but that’s more from excitement than from fear. The fear is there, but my body is reacting to everything he says. It wants to obey him. “Should I be scared of you?”

  “Yes, but not in the way you’re referring. I keep telling you I would never hurt you and I mean it, but you have no way of knowing that.”

  “I think if you wanted to hurt me, you would have done it already. You’ve had many chances to in the past. I know you’ve been in my house, and I know you’ve gone through my things.” I don’t really know this, but I want him to think I do. I suspect I am right.

  “Is it wrong to want to be close to you?”

  My breathing becomes even shallower as he tugs me tightly to him. “No.”

  “Is it wrong that I want to hold you like this?”

  “No,” I whisper.

  “Is it wrong that I want to kiss you right now?”

  I shake my head a little. “No.”

  I feel him leaning in close to my lips. We’re so close that our mouths are almost touching. He holds me there for the longest time, his hot breath mixing with my own. I feel like I’m about to burst.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  A tiny squeak leaves my lips as he grabs a fistful of my hair. “Yes,” I barely whisper before his mouth is on mine. He feels just as he did before in both the bathroom that first time and in the changing room the second. I am lost the moment his lips join with mine as they dance in the sweetest harmony. How does this man evoke so much emotion in me that I never knew was even possible? I forget who I am and the world around me whenever I am in his arms. It’s almost as if he holds some higher power which only someone like him can possess. His lips are like candy, and his tongue is like luscious, velvety chocolate. I am simply drunk on him.

  For a few more seconds, we are locked like this. One hand is in my hair, while the other one releases my wrist only to grab my waist. Both of my hands are tangled in his hair as I tug him in closer—as if this close isn’t close enough. Our tongues mesh together, dancing together in a beautiful symphony of sensation, and I am lost…

  Oh, I am so lost to this man. I am lost in him.

  But just as I want to push him further, he breaks away from me, his ragged breath against my own. “I can’t lose it with you.”

  I find myself smiling. “A beast would never say that.”

  I feel him stroke the side of my hair. “Maybe you’re taming me.” I hear the smile in his voice, and it sets my own lips quirking again. “You have the most beautiful smile. You should do it more often.”

  “Maybe right now I feel I have a reason to.”

  “Oh, baby
. You haven’t even experienced an ounce of the things I could do to make you smile.”

  Could panties literally melt? I know I’ve heard of women’s panties melting because of a man, but I’d never thought it was actually possible. I guess, with him, anything is just that.

  “Who are you?” I find myself asking again.

  “I am what you need, what you crave, and what you desire. I can give you anything you want, but only if you’re willing. If you want me gone, I will go, and you will never have to see me again.”

  That thought suddenly terrifies me.

  How is that I’m more scared at the thought of losing him than I am of him?

  “You would do that after six months of following me … being in my life?”

  “If it’s what you want, then yes. I want you, but only if you want me too.”

  “I want you, but this thing we have now… It can’t last the way that it is.”

  “It lasts as long as you want it to. You call the shots here, Lily. Not me.”

  I can hear and understand his words perfectly, but what I don’t understand is how he can say that I’m the one calling the shots. It is he who knows everything about me. He knows what I look like, where I live, how old I am, the friends I have, and the list just goes on. All I know about him is that he has the most intoxicating aroma, the strongest, most gentle hands, and the most incredibly kissable lips I have ever known… Not that I have known many. Oh, and he also has tattoos. Either permanent ones or fake as Christine suggested.

  I wonder if she’s watching us now.

  “So, if I told you to kiss me again?”

  “Then, I would.”

  “Kiss me.” He touches his lips against mine gently at first, but then our hunger sets in as we grab, pull, and twist at each other’s clothing. I want him with a passion, but I know he will never let it get that far.

  As if on cue, he pulls away, trailing a line on my bottom lip with his thumb. “Do you know how much it turns me on to know your lips are swollen because of me? I could stare at these lips all day.” I moan against him, seeking him out, but he’s distancing himself from me. I feel the loss and try to get him back, but I’m losing him. “Time’s up, Beautiful,” he says before breaking away from me.

  For a moment, I’m stunned. I can’t seem to move my feet.

  Did he just leave me?

  “Are you still here?” I ask, feeling pretty stupid when no one answers. “Shit!” He’s gone, and I wanted more time with him.

  I take the bandana off and blink a few times to adjust to the light. No one is in the room with me. I run to the window and look outside, but I see nothing. “Dammit!”

  If only I could have seen the back of him.

  Then, I remember Christine.

  Where is she?

  I walk out of the living room towards the foyer, and I hear muffled banging.

  How did I not hear her banging before now? I must have really been in a daze.

  “Lily! Where are you? Let me out!” she screams from upstairs. I run up to the closed door and notice there is a key in the lock.

  “It’s okay, Christine. I’m here. I’m going to let you out now.” I turn the key and see Christine standing there looking all flustered.

  “Thank fuck!”

  “What happened?”

  I watch as she grips her fists together. “The fucker locked me in, that’s what happened. I didn’t even realize that he did it until five minutes after your text when I tried to come downstairs to spy on you.” She runs towards me, taking my hands. “Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

  I shake my head. “No, he was a true gentleman as always.”

  She smirks. “Why does it look like that pisses you off?” She gasps. “Do you want him to take your virginal flower?” She giggles at her own joke.

  I smirk back, but nudge her. “No. I don’t even know who he is. I would never lose my virginity to someone who I can’t even see.”

  Her eyes widen. “So, you still didn’t manage to get a peek?”

  I shake my head. “No. He’s so damn quick and silent that by the time I took the bandana off, he was gone. I raced to the window, but saw nothing.” Just as I say this, my phone pings. I look down and see it’s from him.

  SMIHG: One thing you need to know about me, Beautiful: You can’t outsmart me. ;)

  I stare at the screen and shake my head. “What’s wrong?” Christine asks. I show her the message and she rolls her eyes. “We’ll get him one day.” My phone pings again.

  SMIHG: I hope your friend isn’t too mad at me? P.S. I can still taste you.

  My face flushes at his message. “Is it him again?” I nod. “What does he say?”

  “That he hopes you’re not too mad at him.” I start chuckling and have no idea why.

  Christine scowls at me. “This isn’t funny. I was locked in there for a good fifteen minutes. What were you doing all that time?” She sees my embarrassment and puts her hand up. “On second thought, don’t tell me. I imagine it involved a lot of kissing.”

  I nod my head. “Yes, there was definitely a lot of that.”

  “What else?”

  I find myself in a difficult position because I don’t want to reveal our conversation to Christine. That was something shared between us, and it should remain with us alone. “Not much. He thinks I’m beautiful.” I smile, thinking that it’s okay to reveal at least that. Besides, I like that he calls me “Beautiful.”

  “My God, you’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

  I look at Christine like she’s crazy. “No. That’s just … just …”

  “Crazy? You don’t even know what he looks like.”

  “I know. It’s just when I’m with him—” I stop myself by biting my lip, but I know Christine won’t let me loose on that slip.

  “What?” she asks, as if on cue. “When you’re with him, what?”

  I look at Christine’s expectant eyes, but shy away when I know what I’m about to admit. “He makes me feel … I don’t know … alive? It’s hard to explain, but when he kisses me, it feels as though we’re meant to kiss. It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t explain it any other way.”

  For a moment, there’s silence, so I look at Christine to gauge her reaction. She says nothing at first, just stares, but then she grabs my arm. “Just be careful with him, okay?”

  I nod my head and am immensely relieved that she’s not calling me insane. I know in my heart of hearts I am, but the pull I feel towards this guy is hard to resist. “I will. Don’t worry.”

  She tugs my arm. “Come. Do you feel like getting some ice cream? I could really use some after being stuck in that bathroom for the last fifteen minutes.” She laughs, and I know that means she’s gotten over it already.

  “Ice cream sounds good.”

  We leave the house, and Christine places the key back in the soil where she picked it up. The sun is still out, and it’s getting a little warmer, which is nice. Yesterday was really cold, but today seems like a beautiful spring day. I breathe in its aroma and sigh with appreciation.

  I wait until after Christine drops me off before texting my stalker back. I really didn’t want to be starting a conversation with him while Christine was with me. She can be too inquisitive at times.

  Me: That wasn’t very nice of you.

  I hit SEND and stare at the latest lily flower. Today, it is a beautiful shade of pale yellow. I smile as I place the flower against my nose and inhale. It smells of him, and I love it. As I grab a cup of juice and head for my room, I hear another ping from my phone.

  SMIHG: It was a necessity. In fact, I have the right to be very angry with you for trying to thwart me. I think the act is punishable.

  I gasp at his choice of words, but can’t help the excitement that creeps up my spine at the thought of him punishing me. But how?

  Me: How would you punish me?

  SMIHG: I don’t know. I’m sure I could think of something, though.

  Very soon after a
nother text appears.

  SMIHG: Are you flirting with me?

  With a big smile, I reply.

  Me: I might be. What’s wrong with that? I let you kiss me, so why not flirt?

  SMIHG: Why not indeed. But punishments (or anything else for that matter) shall be reserved for after you’ve turned eighteen. I’m not touching you until then.

  I close my eyes, relishing the thought. What does he mean by “anything else for that matter”? That thought makes my skin heat and my belly dance. I’m actually finding myself looking forward to my eighteenth birthday for the very first time. Would I let him take my virginity? Of course I shouldn’t. That would be crazy. Just as he said he couldn’t lose it with me, I, in turn, can’t lose it with him.

  Me: You said to me that you were a beast. A beast wouldn’t think like you.

  SMIHG: I do have morals, Lily.

  Me: A beast with morals? That’s rather comical.

  SMIHG: Are you making fun of me?

  Me: Perish the thought.

  SMIHG: You really are getting smart with me. I wonder if your texting fingers are happy once you fall asleep at night.

  Me: Here we go again with the jokes. I wonder if yours are as well.

  SMIHG: I rarely sleep that much, so I suppose that’s a moot point. Besides, would you rather I had no morals and took you before you turned eighteen?

  Take me? Does that mean what I think it means?

  My face flushes bright red again, and the primal urge to type yes takes over. Through my logic, though, I know I’m being stupid.

  What’s wrong with me?

  As I look back at his message, I frown. He says he rarely sleeps. It makes me wonder why.

  Me: Why do you rarely sleep?

  SMIHG: Nice way of avoiding my question. Because I have nightmares, Lily.

  So, he does have demons. Knowing this just makes me want to probe him with more questions.

  Me: What about?

  I bite my lip, waiting for an answer. I doubt he will answer with a full in-depth blow-by-blow, but it’s worth a try.

  SMIHG: If you knew what was in my head, you would run miles to get away … and I wouldn’t blame you.

  How does he have this uncanny knack for saying things that should scare me, but saying them in such a way that instead of scaring me, they make me want to beg for more? I find myself wanting to reach out to him, to touch him, to caress him, and … to care for him. I don’t have a clue who he is, but that doesn’t seem to matter. All that does matter is that he’s somehow—in a fucked up way—in my life.