by Melissa Hill
‘Of course,’ Colette replied, looking relieved. ‘I’d never hurt you either. And I’m sorry for being a bit pass-remarkable. I should just mind my own bloody business.’
‘It’s grand, honestly. All forgotten about so?’
‘Definitely,’ she replied with a smile, and Annie resolved to hold herself in check over the coming days where Colette was concerned.
Her friend was the only blameless one in this mess, after all.
Chapter 53
Now
Kim’s heart was in her mouth as she drove the others back to the hotel. She was so distracted by Gabriel’s message – and the fact that she couldn’t reach him on his phone in the meantime – that she was lucky they made it back in one piece.
We need to talk. I think I’ve figured it out.
What could he mean? And what exactly had he figured out?
Bidding a quick goodnight to her friends, Kim quietly let herself into their suite, aware that Lily would likely be asleep, and since she and Gabriel were about to have some kind of … conversation, she definitely didn’t want to wake her up.
He was outside on the terrace, a glass of whiskey in his hand.
‘Hey,’ she greeted nervously. ‘What’s up?’
‘You tell me.’ His tone was ominous, a sharp contrast to its usual warmth.
‘I’m not sure …’
‘Kim, I’ve always been straight with you, haven’t I? No matter what. Right from the start there’s never been any secrets between us – on my part, at least.’
‘Gabe, what’s this all about?’
‘I understood how important this project here in Italy was – this so-called tribute to the roots of your business. And I was happy to go along with that and do whatever it took to support you. But I won’t be made a fool of. Neither will Lily.’
‘I really don’t know what …’ Kim’s mind was reeling.
Had Hank since got a better picture about the lawsuit and told Gabriel everything, including the truth that she was in fact a complete fraud? That she’d used a journal and words that were never hers in the first place and passed them off as her own?
No matter about public perception or bad publicity, the last person in the world she ever wanted to disappoint was Gabriel. He was the only constant in her life – the best thing that had ever happened to her.
She sighed. ‘I never meant for any of that to happen, honestly. It just seemed to take on a life of its own. And then things had gone way too far for me to stop them. If it weren’t for Antonio—’
‘Seriously?’ His eyes flashed as he glared at her. ‘You mean there’s actual merit to this? I thought it was impossible, that there was no way … Man, I feel so stupid.’
She couldn’t get over the look on his face, one of complete and utter disappointment in her. It was devastating.
‘I swear, for me, it just started out as some fun, a distraction, even. Gabe, I had no idea it would go so far. If I had, believe me, I would never have got so involved.’
‘He’s twenty-five years older than you, for chrissakes. And we have a child! What the hell are you playing at?’
‘What? What’s Lily got to do with anything?’
‘But that’s exactly it, isn’t it? What’s Lily got to do with anything – that’s how it’s always been for you. She’s never considered in your life, always at the bottom of the pile. But this is too much, Kim, way too much. How dare you …’
‘I’m sorry,’ she gasped, tearfully. ‘Don’t you think I don’t know I’m a terrible mom? I see you two together and I just feel like a third wheel. I’m not even on the same wavelength, and half the time she doesn’t really notice if I’m there or not.’
‘Because you never are!’ He stood up in disgust. ‘And you think this gives you the right to mess up our family, and not just ours, Antonio’s too?’
‘What … what has Antonio’s family got to do with this?’ Kim asked, frowning. ‘He and Emilia have their own problems to contend with just now.’
‘And you screwing her husband while she slowly loses her mind is going to help?’ Gabriel raged.
Kim’s mouth dropped open. ‘What?’ she gasped, floored. ‘You think me … and Antonio … What the hell? How could you possibly think that?’ She was seriously gobsmacked that he would utter such a thing. Never mind the fact that Antonio was old enough to be her father, he was also a close mutual friend of both hers and Gabriel. He and Emilia had introduced them, for goodness’ sake!
‘So you’re denying it?’ he said, but she noticed his voice had lost some of its bluster.
‘Of course I am. Because you are completely and utterly wrong. I am not sleeping with Antonio; he is my friend and business partner and nothing more. Yes, we’ve had to spend lots of time together over the last eighteen months or so while trying to get this venture off the ground, but it’s a business partnership and was never anything else. God, the very thought makes me feel ill. Especially with poor Emilia being the way she is …’
He looked at her. ‘You’re serious.’
‘Yes. I’m absolutely serious. I would never cheat on you, Gabe. I love you, and to be honest I can’t quite understand why you put up with me. But I’m not cheating, I swear.’
He was shaking his head. ‘I don’t get it. Emilia was so sure …’
‘When did you talk to her? And what did she say?’ Kim was baffled as to where all of this had come from.
‘She called here earlier to talk to you while you were out with the others. She seemed upset, some mistake with the licences? She said that Antonio was angry with her and it was all your fault. I tried to calm her down, and then she confided that she thought there was something going on between you two. That Antonio was going to leave her.’
Hearing this saddened Kim to the core. ‘Aw, Gabe, she hasn’t been well for a while. You know that. She was just being paranoid.’ But the mention of the licences now triggered a memory in her brain.
The way Antonio had been at the town hall meeting, and how he’d squirrelled away the planning documents that had caused the trouble without her seeing them, promising her he’d take care of it and find out who in the company had been behind it.
Could Emilia have been behind the new application, albeit unintentionally? She was a company director and signatory on all the plans. Could she have mistakenly resubmitted the applications? If so, then perhaps her prognosis was worse than Kim, or indeed Antonio, originally suspected.
Then another thought struck her. Could Emilia also be the one behind the so-called plagiarism claims? She was the only one who had some sense of the truth; Kim had once confided in her that some of the inspirational quotes might not be wholly original, though she hadn’t breathed a word about any journal. But Emilia hadn’t seemed to think there was any issue at the time.
But now, because of her (unfounded) suspicions of an affair, could she perhaps be trying to get back at Kim and sabotage the launch of Villa Dolce Vita? It made sense.
Kim breathed deeply, deciding it was time to come clean to Gabriel once and for all about the notebook and how The Sweet Life originally began.
‘The quotes – some of the original ones – they’re not actually mine,’ she confessed meekly, explaining how everything had barrelled out of control once Emilia and Antonio had come on board. ‘I never purposely meant to pass them off as my own, or use them to launch the business. They were just … there, and the longer it went on, the easier it was to just keep going.’
Gabriel seemed taken aback, but much to Kim’s relief, not particularly horrified or upset with her.
‘Of course you wouldn’t have intended anything untoward, and knowing Antonio and Emilia as I do, I totally get how it all could take on a life of its own. But more importantly, why the hell wouldn’t you tell me any of this – let me know what was really bothering you all this time?’ he said, reaching for her hand. ‘We could’ve figured this out together.’
‘I didn’t know if it was possible to figure out. Instea
d I’ve just fought fire after fire, hoping that it would all be OK in time for launch night. But I realise now I should’ve included you from the get-go.’
‘Yes, you should. We’re a team, you and I. In every regard. But you don’t seem to realise it.’ He put his arms around her and pulled her close. ‘I’m sorry I accused you like that. I just thought that could well be the reason for your frequent absences, and the … tension … between us since Lily and I got here. That being said, I couldn’t quite imagine you and Antonio together but—’
‘Ugh. Please don’t. I need to talk to him, though. Obviously Emilia’s deterioration is worse than any of us thought, maybe including Antonio. He needs to know just in case …’
‘Sssh, not now.’ Gabriel nestled her into the crook of his neck. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d been together this way. It felt wonderful and Kim instinctively felt all of the tension leave her body. But then she exhaled.
It was now or never.
‘I’m sorry that I haven’t been a good wife to you or a mother to Lily,’ she began. Her heart was beating so hard it felt like a congo drum in her chest. She was so scared he wouldn’t understand. That she’d bare her soul to Gabe and he’d just tear it apart.
Still, she continued.
‘I know it seems that work is more important than the two of you – especially lately – but it isn’t. It really isn’t,’ she assured as she took his hand and began to play with his fingers. ‘You and Lily are my family, my only family, and I love you. I know you might not think that and sometimes I know I don’t act it, but I do. I love you so much.’
‘I do know,’ Gabriel replied, as a tender hand touched her cheeks. ‘And Lily does, too.’
Kim swallowed the boulder that had formed in her throat. ‘I need to tell you something else. Something I’ve been keeping to myself for a long time because I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want you to hate me.’
‘That could never happen. I love you. I’m always going to love you. No matter what. Even when I thought you and Antonio … it still didn’t stop me loving you.’
‘You might not feel that once I say what I have to say. I hope you do, but I’d understand if you didn’t,’ she replied as her eyes fell from his. This was the most difficult thing she’d ever had to do.
‘OK, now I’m really worried,’ Gabriel said, sitting back down again.
Kim looked at her hands. ‘When I got pregnant with Lily, I was terrified. I didn’t know how to be a mother. I still don’t. Every day I look at her and wonder why on earth anyone would see it fit to make her mine. I’m no kind of mother, Gabe. I couldn’t even breastfeed her when she was born. I couldn’t get her to stop crying when she had colic. I was utterly useless in her life and I still am. The only person she needs is you and she has you. There’s no room for me.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Yes, it is. I’m a terrible mother. Worse, I’m my own mother’s daughter.’ The words were bile on her tongue but they were the truth.
‘You are nothing like Gloria,’ Gabriel replied sharply. ‘That woman should never have had children. Though I’m obviously glad she did.’
She couldn’t smile at the attempt at levity. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have either.’
His face became still. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean I didn’t really want Lily, Gabe. The same way my mother didn’t want me,’ Kim said slowly, as if each word was a tooth being extracted. ‘Look at me. What good am I as her mother? She doesn’t even need me.’
She was crying now and she didn’t even know when it started. She felt so terrible inside but she couldn’t stop now. She had to say it all.
‘I never wanted to be a mother,’ she admitted. ‘But you wanted a child so much …’
Gabriel’s lashes fluttered as his gaze turned away from her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘But it’s the truth. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I just wanted it to be you and me, and then suddenly there was another person in the mix and I didn’t know what to do about it. I wasn’t prepared. I tried to be happy, but all I felt was fear. I had no reference to what it was to be a good mother. I had nothing to measure myself by except the fake happy families I saw on television. Then after Lily was born I felt even worse. Nothing I did was right for her. Even now I can’t seem to get anything right. I’m a failure.’
‘You don’t think you get things right?’ Gabriel replied sharply. ‘But you have to try to get them right, Kim. And you haven’t done that.’
‘I know,’ she said sadly as she hung her head. He was angry. She knew he would be. She deserved his scorn.
‘No, you don’t, but you’re going to,’ he continued, smiling now. ‘Don’t you stand there and talk about yourself like that and expect me to just sit here and listen. I won’t let you tear yourself down and act like you’ve got a right to do so. Do you know who you sounded like just now? You sounded like your mother, and you aren’t your mother. Even though she’s out of your life, that woman’s poison still looms over you and I’m not about to let it continue.’ He looked at her. ‘I probably should have said something before but … this saboteur and the online stuff … I wonder if it might be Gloria?’
Kim’s eyes widened at this idea, which, she had to be honest, had never even crossed her mind.
Could it be that her mother was behind all the recent problems with Villa Dolce Vita? Punishing her for rejecting the family by trying to up-end the grand launch? It was possible, but Kim couldn’t really see it.
Underhandedness wasn’t at all Gloria’s style, to say nothing of the fact that she and Kim’s dad had made good on their promise to cut her out of their lives all those years ago.
The Westons hadn’t attended Kim and Gabriel’s wedding; they didn’t even bother to reply to the invite. Which at the time had been hurtful, yet no real surprise to Kim.
Her parents had just got on with their lives, as if their daughter had never existed. So what would have changed in the meantime for her mother to want to mess things up for her, after all these years?
‘I don’t think it could be her,’ she told Gabe wearily. ‘But at this point, I really have no idea.’ What with Antonio’s secrecy, Emilia’s accusation, and the ongoing weirdness between her old friends, Kim wasn’t sure of anyone anymore.
It seemed the only constant in her life was Gabriel.
Now he stood up and held her face with both his hands, turning it up to his. ‘Well, anyone who does try to hurt you has got me to answer to. I love you, Kim. Our daughter loves you, too. You may not be there the way I’d have liked over the last couple of years, I’ll admit that, but I know you love us. I also know you and have been aware for a long time that you felt inadequate as a mom. I tried to help you, to take it slow and not rush you. But maybe I was wrong to do that. Maybe I should have forced you to face your fears from the start, but I didn’t think you were ready.’
‘What’re you saying?’ she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
‘I’m saying that it doesn’t matter what you think you are to us and what failings you think you have. I want you to know that I love you despite them and so does our daughter. You think she knows yet whether you’re at work or not or when you’re gone too long? She’s three years old. She doesn’t. As long as she sees you at all she’s happy. You’re her mother. There is no one like you in the world to her. Don’t you get that?’
Kim thought again about her own mother. Even when she’d broken away and moved on with her own life, she’d still loved Gloria and wanted her love in return.
Gabriel’s latest suspicions aside, she cared about her mother and father despite the things they put her through, and even though they no longer had anything to do with her, if they came back this minute to say they wanted a fresh start, she would’ve given it to them.
Why did she think Lily would be any different?
Her daughter was still young. There was still a chance to fix the wrongs she’d made by b
eing so absent in her child’s life while she focused on her business. She could fix the things her mother never bothered to. She could be the mother she’d always wanted for her own daughter.
‘OK,’ Kim said. ‘Thank you. I want to be the parent I need to be. And the woman you need me to be,’ she replied. ‘And I’m going to start from today.’
Gabriel smiled. ‘You are already the woman I need.’
‘No, I’m not. Not quite yet, but I can be. I will be. Just be patient with me.’
He leaned forward and kissed her. ‘Haven’t I already?’
She smiled. ‘I really don’t deserve you.’
‘That makes two of us,’ Gabriel replied as he kissed her again.
Kim was still reeling at the night’s conversation and particularly the accusations of an affair. With Antonio of all people. But at least, she thought, as Gabe took her hand and led her back inside to the bedroom, the mystery of her saboteur looked to have been resolved.
Emilia. She knew there was no malice or reason to the older woman’s actions. She had been her great friend and mentor for all these years after all.
But again, Kim realised sadly, of late, she had let her down, too. She hadn’t visited Emilia in months, afraid to confront the disintegration of the sharpest mind she had ever known.
And she was wrong to do that.
She would remedy it soon, though. She would talk to her at the launch, of course, but once tomorrow night was over, Kim was setting her priorities straight.
She, Gabriel, and Lily would extend their family vacation by spending a few days in Milan with Emilia and give her old friend the respect she deserved, and also well and truly appease any fears she might have about Antonio, who adored her.
That night, she and Gabriel made love with an intensity that had been missing for some time, and afterwards Kim’s mind was finally at ease with the sense that everything was going to be all right.
Chapter 54
Now
Music filled the evening air and hundreds of glamorous, well-dressed people milled around. Cameras flashed as guests in their finery posed with happy smiles at the grand launch of Villa Dolce Vita.
