The Other Side of Love (Forever Love)

by Cooper, J. S.

  “I can’t say.” He mumbled and his voice sounded hoarse.

  “Tell me.” I pleaded. “Please.”

  “I can’t tell you, Noah. If I tell you, it won’t come true.”

  I spent the next week making plans for the documentary and trying to call Skylar back. Unfortunately, her phone number was now disconnected and I had no other way to get in contact with her. Well, I had one way, but I knew that nothing good could come from going that route. So I threw myself into my work and tried to avoid Zane and Lucky as much as possible. I didn’t want to deal with their questions or concern. I knew that they meant well and I knew that Zane just wanted some answers, but I still wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with everything. I also hadn’t spoken to Robin either, even though I had been thinking about her every day since the dinner. I wanted to call her so badly, but I didn’t know what to say. “Hey, I think I like you. I know I want to kiss you and make love to you. But I’m kind of fucked up in the head right now, and I’m scared that I’m going to hurt you and you’re going to break like shattered glass.”

  So I didn’t call, but every night I saw her face haunting me in my dreams. However, I didn’t dread going to bed anymore. Not when I knew that I would have visions of her and her green-brown eyes sparkling at and teasing me. I had finally decided to give her a call when I got a call from an unknown number. Skylar immediately popped to mind and I answered the phone eagerly.

  “Hello,” I gasped, scared that the other person was going to click off.

  “Noah, mon cheri?”

  “Mom?” I walked to my bedroom door and closed it before going back to sit on my bed.

  “Noah.” Her voice sounded emotional. “You haven’t called me.”

  “I haven’t had anything to say.”

  “I heard you’re back in Los Angeles.”

  “How did you know that?”

  “Your father.” Her voice was light and pained.

  “You spoke to him.” I frowned. I had no idea that she had been in contact with my dad.

  “Oui, I mean yes.” She sighed. “His last two checks have been late. I had to call him to make sure that he wasn’t going to stop providing me with my means to live.”

  “You mean the hush money?” I said coldly into the phone.

  “It’s not like that, Noah. I need this money. It’s how we live.”

  “What do you want?” I said impatiently, not wanting to talk to her.

  “Your father says he hasn’t heard from you since you’ve been back.”

  “He hasn’t rushed to see me.” I laughed bitterly. “You’d think he’d want to see his dead son back from the grave.”

  “Noah, that’s not fair.”

  “You’re sticking up from him?” I said disbelievingly. “I thought you hated him.”

  “I do hate him.” She sighed. “But he is still your father.”

  “He’s my father only by way of my genes.” I scoffed. “He’s not my family. He doesn’t care about me.”

  “But I care about you, Noah. I want to see you. Will you come visit your mama in Paris?”

  “Do you want me to come alone, or to bring Zane and his fiancée Lucky with me?”

  “I don’t even know who this Lucky person is.” Her voice sounded annoyed and vacant. “Why would I want to see her? I want to see my son.”

  “You met Lucky when she went to Paris with Zane.” My voice was hard. “And yes, I know that you pretended you didn’t know who he was. How could you do that?”

  “It was for your safety, my dear boy. I didn’t want to accidentally slip and tell them you were still alive. You told me that it was imperative that I told no one. Absolutely no one, you said. I was just doing as you said.”

  “I didn’t tell you to pretend that you didn’t recognize your own son.” I shouted, angry that she could be so obtuse. “What sort of mother are you?”

  “He is not my son, Noah.” Her voice was angry. “You are my son. You are my love. You are the one I have missed every day. You are my blood.”

  “You raised Zane as well.” I shouted wanting to punch something hard. “He thinks you are his mother. He has happy memories of you.”

  “It is a lie!” she cried. “I will not live a lie anymore. It was all too much. My life was a lie. I couldn’t take it. I won’t live a lie anymore.”

  “You told him to look after me. You told him to be a good big brother and protect me.” I spoke words that I didn’t even know I was thinking. “It just doesn’t make sense.”

  “He always looked after you.” She sighed. “I knew from the day that you were born that he would protect you with his life. You were safer with him than with me. I had postpartum depression, I couldn’t think straight. I was scared that I would hurt you. And I would never have been able to live with myself if I had hurt you, my precious son.”

  “So you trusted and loved him enough to have him look after me when you walked away. He was a little kid, Mom. He didn’t do anything to you.”

  “He was too much like your father.” Her voice quivered. “He looked just like your father. It was too much for me. Every time I looked at him, I felt a mixture of emotions. I wanted to love him. In my way, I tried to love him. I just couldn’t love him as I love you, my son. Please come to Paris and visit me. I miss you. I want to see you. Forgive me, Noah. Forgive me for leaving you. Forgive me for being a poor mother. Please understand that I’ve never stopped loving you. You have always been in my heart, just like the blood that pumps through my veins.”

  “Zane is my family. It’s my turn to protect him now.” My voice was cold as I spoke into the phone. “I will not come to visit you. I will not have his heart broken.”

  “Tell him, Noah,” she cried out. “You need to tell him the truth.”

  “No.” I shook my head vehemently. “It would kill him.”

  “He deserves to know the truth. You cannot hide it from him. It is not fair of you to play God.”

  “It wasn’t fair when you walked out and left us brokenhearted. I won’t have him go through that again.”

  “It is not my fault. I beg of you, Noah. Please come and see me.”

  “If you cannot love my brother as your own, then you cannot love me.” I spoke slowly. “Goodbye, Mother.” I hung up the phone and powered it off, and sat on the bed just staring into space. A few minutes later, I heard a knock at the door and ignored it.

  “Noah?” Lucky opened the door slowly, and poked her head around the door. She stood there hesitating. “Can I come in?”

  “Not now.” I looked away from her, willing her to go away. I didn’t want to talk to anyone at that moment.

  “We have to go the Johnsons’ now.” She stepped into the room. “They’re expecting us.”

  “Shit, I forgot that was today.” I sighed and jumped up, still avoiding her gaze. “Okay, let’s go.”

  “Noah, wait.” She bit her lip and walked over to me. She had tears in her eyes and as I studied her face, I could see that she looked distraught.

  “Oh, my God, Lucky. What’s wrong?” I studied her face anxiously, worry for her consuming me. “Is it the babies?”

  “No.” She sobbed and tears streamed from her eyes. “It’s not the babies.”

  “What’s wrong, Lucky? Oh, my God, is it Zane? What happened to my brother?”

  “It’s not Zane.” She started crying even more and I stared at her hopelessly.

  “What is it, Lucky? What’s wrong? Oh, dear God, you’re not leaving my brother, are you?” Dread and fear filled me at the possibility. If Lucky left Zane, he would be devastated for the rest of his life. I knew that there was no way that he would ever get over losing Lucky.

  “No.” She gave me a small smile. “Of course I’m not leaving him. I love him.”

  “Lucky, you’re killing me here. What’s wrong?” I shook my head in exasperation. “Why are you crying?”

  “I didn’t mean to listen.” She sobbed out. “I came to knock on your door to tell you that it w
as time to leave, but I heard you shouting, so I decided to wait until you got off the phone and I heard what you said.”

  “What?” I froze still.

  “I heard what you said, Noah.” Her eyes looked at me wildly and sorrowfully.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” I shook my head and looked away from her.

  “It’s true, isn’t it?” She sat on my bed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I guess it makes sense. I mean, not really, but it adds up.”

  “I don’t know what …” I paused as she looked at me with her big brown eyes full of love and concern for me. “Okay, it’s true.” I sighed. “Zane and I don’t have the same mom.”

  Chapter 9

  “You have to tell him,” Lucky’s tears dried up on the car ride over to the Johnsons’. “You can’t keep this inside. It’s not healthy for you and it’s not good for Zane, either. He needs to know the truth.”

  “I don’t want to break his heart.” I shook my head. “You have to keep this a secret.”

  “Noah.” She sighed. “I don’t know if I can keep this from him.”

  “Let me do this in my own way.” I looked at her, with my eyes begging her for a reprieve. “Please.”

  “He’s going to be at the Johnsons’.” She took a deep breath. “We have a surprise for you. I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, no.” I looked at her in fear. “What did you do?”

  “I’m sorry, Noah, but Zane went and picked Robin up. She will most probably be inside with the Johnsons as well.”

  “What?” I shouted. “Why would you do that?”

  “You’ve been so lonely this last week. I know you guys had an attraction and I convinced Zane that it was in your best interest to bring her over this afternoon. I’m sorry.”

  “Fuck, I can’t believe you did that.” I clenched my fists. “I don’t need you interfering with my love life, Lucky.”

  “I’m sorry.” She looked at me with huge eyes. “I made a mistake. I thought it would help. I didn’t realize, well, you know. I didn’t realize that you had so much going on.”

  “I have nothing to say to Robin, Lucky. If I wanted to talk to her, I would have called her and asked her out on a date.”

  “I don’t believe you.” She shook her head. “You’re scared, Noah. I don’t know what that girl did to you in Palm Bonita, but you don’t owe her anything. She missed out. You’re a good guy and you deserve better.”

  “I don’t miss the girl I dated.” I sighed. “You have it all wrong. It’s a lot more complicated than you think.”

  “Well, maybe if you didn’t keep everything to yourself I’d know why you’re still so hung up on Skylar, who frankly sounds like a bit of a bitch.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Lucky.” I shook my head and got out of the car. “You have absolutely no idea.”

  “I’m sorry, Noah. I’m just trying to help.”

  “You don’t understand, Lucky. You can’t help me. I’m not Zane, you can’t save me.” I shook my head and then lowered my voice as I saw the hurt expression on her face. “Look, I know you’re trying to help. But this is not something you can fix.” I grabbed her hand. “Maybe in another life, in another world.” I shrugged as I stared into her face. “Like I said before, Zane won the jackpot when he found you, Lucky. If he hadn’t found you first, I would have done my darndest to get you for myself.” I laughed at the shocked look on her face. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to steal you away. I just want you to know that I appreciate you more than you know. But you can’t fix this, Lucky, and you can’t fix me.”

  “I understand.” She squeezed my hand. “But there’s a girl in there who could be a part of that process. And I don’t want you to miss out on that because of your demons.”

  “You’re not going to give up are you?” I shook my head exasperated.

  “No, I’m not. Not with that and not about anything else. Tell Zane the truth, please, Noah.” She whispered up to me. “It won’t break him. I promise you. He deserves to know. He’s hurting more now then you’ll ever know.”

  “You don’t know everything, Lucky.” I looked at her with a strained expression. “There’s more to the story.”

  “Tell him, Noah.” She said firmly. “It’s not up to you to protect him.”

  “He’s my brother. That’s my job.” I argued.

  “No, Noah. Your job is to love him and to be honest with him. Always. No matter how hard or difficult it is. You need to be honest with him. You can’t shield him from the truth.” She took a deep breath. “Because the truth always has a habit of getting out. And you don’t want him to find out from someone else, do you?”

  I shook my head and I realized that she was correct. There was no way that I was going to be able to keep this a secret from Zane forever. He would find out eventually, and if he found out from someone else, he would resent me forever. I knew Lucky was right. I had to tell him. Even if that meant breaking him down again. I hated to do it, but I knew that our relationship would never be without a strain if I didn’t come clean.

  “Hey, you two.” Sidney opened the door and waved us in. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it in.”

  “I was just talking to Noah. Sorry, Sidney.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “How are you?”

  “Good. Your lovely fiancée and his friend are inside.” Sidney grinned and closed the door behind us. “Though, I think she may be more of Noah’s friend, yes?”

  “You’re so astute, Sidney.” Lucky smiled at him and they walked arm-in-arm. I took a deep breath to steady the nerves that had suddenly hit me. I suddenly had nerves in my stomach and I realized that I was excited to see Robin.

  “Hey, Noah.” Betty rushed over to me and gave me a hug. “I just can’t get over seeing you.”

  “I missed you as well, Betty.”

  “Boy, do you know how many tears I shed for you?” She shook her head and shuddered. “But all’s well that ends well.”

  “Yes.” I smiled at her warmly and gave her cheek a big kiss. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise as I heard footsteps walk into the room. I turned around slowly and saw Robin standing there, looking at me shyly. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” she responded back and gave me a quick smile.

  “It’s good to see you.”

  “You, too.” Her eyes searched mine, and before I knew what I was doing I had stepped towards her, brought her into my arms, and given her a kiss on the lips. “Why, hello to you, too,” she laughed, flushing a little.

  “I hope that was okay.”

  “It was more than okay.” She giggled and touched her lips quickly. “You taste like chocolate.”

  “Good taste buds.” I smiled. “I had a hot chocolate before I got here. Lucky gave me one before we left the house to calm down my nerves.”

  “That doesn’t sound too good.” She looked at me curiously.

  “It’s not that good.” I sighed. “But I’m better now. How did your audition go?” I changed the subject and she shook her head and made a face.

  “Let’s just say I’m not interested in dying my hair purple and getting 48DDD implants for a role.”

  “You’re not?” I laughed, and turned around when I realized that everyone in the room was staring at us.

  “Hey, bro.” Zane winked at me. “Maybe you can save the chat-up lines for tonight.”

  “I’m not …” I glared at him. “What are you doing here anyway?”

  “I came to see what’s going on with the documentary.” He shrugged. “Plus, I had a special delivery to make. You can thank me later.”

  “Thanks, Santa Claus.” I rolled my eyes and then turned to Robin quickly. “Not that I’m saying you’re my present or anything. Trust me, I am not objectifying you.”

  “Uh, thanks, I guess.” She laughed and made a face. “I know you most probably think I’m crazy and quick to ignite, but I’m really not like fireworks. You don’t have to be that careful around me.”

  �
��I think I’d rather be more careful than not right now.” I smiled.

  “Fair enough.”

  “So would anyone like tea and cookies?” Betty picked up her teapot. “I just boiled some water, so it should still be hot.”

  “Betty, get the kids some Cokes. Not everyone wants tea.” Sidney responded to her, and she glared at him.

  “I’ll have some tea, thanks Betty.”

  “Of course you would, Noah.” Sidney smiled at me. “Let’s all go sit down. I’ve got old bones, you know.”

  “You’ve got old everything, Sidney Johnson.” Betty handed me a plate of cookies. “Let the children relax for a moment before you have them working.”

  “It’s okay.” I grinned at her. “I’m pretty excited to talk about what I’ve been working on.” I followed Sidney to the couch and sat down. He leaned over to me and gave me a stern look. “You told your brother the truth yet?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Soon.”

  “I still got them papers.” He sat back. “You let me know when you want them.”

  “I’ll let you know,” I nodded.

  “So who’s the girl?” Sidney continued and nodded towards Robin, who was standing next to Lucky and laughing at something. “She’s real pretty.”

  “She’s just a friend.”

  “Seems like more than a friend to me.” He looked down at his wedding ring. “I mean, I’ve only been married for a few hundred years. I don’t know much about love and them things.”

  “Sidney.” I admonished him. “I don’t love her.” I hissed quietly to make sure no one else could hear us. “I barely know her. We barely went on one quasi-date.”

  “She gets to you though.” He looked at me thoughtfully. “You get to her as well.”

  “She’s fragile.” I sighed.

  “Yes. I’m glad you see it. She has a hard exterior. But it’s a shell that’s easily broken. She’s got a story, that one. Be careful not to break her heart.”

  “I would never do that,” I retorted, angry that he thought I was capable of such a thing.

  “You need to finish your business off in Palm Bonita before you start dating anyone new.” He stared into my eyes seriously. “That’s some serious business you’re involved in, Noah. You got to be careful.”