Mailroom Delight

by Khardine Gray

  That just made her madder.

  “You know what? I’m going home. You can go fuck yourself.”

  I laughed as she moved away from me.

  “Paige you are quite the character.”

  “Are you kidding me?” She stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face me. “I’ve known you for less than a full day and I think you’re the most irritating man I’ve ever come across in my life. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  I stood up and moved over to her.

  “Nothing Sweet Thing, but guess what? You see how you think something’s wrong with me? What made you come to that conclusion?”

  “You are abrasive and insensitive. What other conclusion could I come to?” She argued.

  “Good. I’m glad you think so. Because that’s precisely what some people think when they read your column, and your advice.” There, I had her exactly where I wanted her.

  My comments hit a nerve, so I thought I’d continue.

  “A wife that’s just found out her husband of God knew how long is cheating on her doesn’t want to be told to grab the first guy she can find and hop in bed with him. Maybe some women want to do that. But I really doubt that they all do. There are kinder ways of saying things that may appeal to both types of women. That is what I meant by heart.”

  She stared at me long and hard and I wasn’t certain what her next move would be. She was close to the door, so she could indeed go home, or she could listen to me.

  I wanted her to listen to me. I wanted her to listen to me because what I had to say would make her do her job better, but I also had my own interest in her.

  I felt relieved when I saw her shoulders loosen up.

  “I’m listening.”

  Good.

  I’d just moved off square one. Let’s see how far I’d get.

  Chapter 5

  Paige

  I was only agreeing to this meeting because I felt so bad about Bernice.

  As usual I went to see her before coming up here, and she wasn’t herself. I’d brought her usual hot chocolate with hazelnut syrup from Starbucks, but I didn’t even think she wanted it.

  It was a small attempt to salvage my worries over her.

  She told me she enjoyed herself with her handsome stranger, but when it was all over that was it. It ended as quickly and as abruptly as it began. All with haste.

  She didn’t have feelings for him, but she said she didn’t think she’d ever do such a thing again. It was okay for some people who could disconnect their emotions from sex, but she couldn’t.

  Bernice didn’t blame me for my advice, it was more the case of her wanting to save the way she’d allowed herself to be with Mr. Handsome for someone she actually cared about.

  When she asked me if I did things like that, as in took my own advice, I was so embarrassed. I told her my business life took over my social one. There was no way I could tell her the truth and say even I wouldn’t take my own advice.

  What I told her to do, even if I was drunk, was something I wouldn’t do for myself.

  I didn’t know she would actually take my advice, but it got me thinking the advice I gave in my column worked exactly like that.

  I thought I was also mistaken by what my popularity signified.

  Maybe it wasn’t because I gave good advice.

  Maybe it was because my words were so shocking, so out of context, and profusely raw.

  I looked at Jason, hating he had any power over me, hating he had any effect on me whatsoever, but I had to admit that there was some element of truth to what he’d said.

  I just wished I didn’t write that stupid letter.

  He held that over me like an axe, ready to drop it on my neck.

  Also, I never swore at anyone. Let alone my boss. I had guts, and I could stand up for myself, but I hated being so abrasive.

  I didn’t think I’d ever told anyone to go fuck themselves, but he took me from being mildly annoyed to enraged and that was the only thing that came from my brain to say.

  This man was bringing out the worst in me, twisting my brain into knots and sending my emotions into overdrive.

  He pointed back to my chair, so I moved back to it to sit. I expected him to move but he didn’t. When I got up to him he stood there and looked down at me with those eyes.

  My pulse quickened, and those knots got tighter in my stomach.

  “Are you going to stand over me while we talk?” I was still trying to hold on to my firm composure, but it faltered the more he looked at me.

  He made a show of moving slowly around me, but stopped again as we were about to pass each other.

  Now we were close, really close. Inches away, and I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t feel that spark of energy shoot straight through me.

  “We’re going to have to do something about this. You know that right?” He smiled down at me.

  “What are you talking about?” I knew what he meant, and could have kicked myself for the damn feeling, but I would pretend until it killed me that I didn’t feel anything.

  To my horror, he lowered. Moving closer, and I stood there in my determination to be firm.

  “This. I know you feel it.” The smile that filled his handsome face actually made me feel faint. It was hypnotizing, the kind that would melt you.

  With great force I made myself move. I looked away and I moved to my chair which was only a breath away, but seemed so far away.

  He laughed and, thank God, walked around to the chair that was on the other side of my desk.

  He sat down, and still had that commanding personality. It was like he was still in the driver’s seat and I was the one who was in his office.

  I sat too and watched him retrieve some folded up paper from his jacket pocket. It was the same place he’d kept the letter.

  This looked like a print out, like when I printed out our emails.

  “What’s that now?” I asked.

  “You, four years ago.”

  “You researched me?” Of course, the thought annoyed me even more.

  “I research everyone when I’m buying a company. I need to know who’s working for me.”

  That was expected, and I would have been more accepting if he didn’t make it sound like he was God or some supreme being who ruled the world.

  I held my tongue, because I knew arguing wouldn’t get me anywhere.

  He quite rightly stated, he was my boss. It didn’t matter what I felt. He owned the place and I worked for him.

  Since I loved working here and what I did, I had to play nice. This place had become a refuge for me. A refuge for my soul. It was the only controllable thing I had in my life. The only constant that had always proven to fill me with what I needed.

  Energy, life, soul.

  That was my work.

  He cleared his throat and read from the paper.

  Dear Paige,

  I’ve always had feelings for my best friend, but he’s a player. I think he may like me too but I’m too scared to try and find out. What if we cross the line and lose our friendship? Please help.

  Tilly

  “What would you tell Tilly now? What would you tell her now if this landed on your desk?” Jason asked.

  I smirked. “You have what I wrote there right?”

  I could see from here he had the response I sent Tilly four years ago. And I didn’t know what the hell he was playing at by doing this. It was pointless. I was a lot less popular four years ago.

  Elizabeth had the Ask Paige mailbox set up so I could respond to readers directly. At the time only a few letters came in a week. Like maybe a hundred. I responded to every single one.

  Now they came in by the thousands and we had to close off the enquiries access until I’d gotten my workload down to a manageable amount. Time had passed, and I knew how other advice columnist managed what they did, but I still took it upon myself to respond to every single message and letter.

  “I want to hear what Ask Paige would tell her
now.”

  I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Fine. I’d say a snake is a snake, and a leopard never changes their spots. If you know this guy is a player, then don’t even go there. Why would you want to put yourself through heartache and unnecessary stress? Plenty of fish in the sea, move on to someone more suitable.”

  That sounded good to me, and come on, why would I advise anyone to hook up with a guy that was bad news?

  The look on Jason’s face however spoke his complete disapproval. His expression actually surprised me, because I thought what I said was quite blunt and to the point. Plenty of people would agree with me.

  “Okay Paige. Do you want to know what you told Tilly four years ago?”

  “Sure, fire away.” I was sure I must have said something very similar to the answer I just gave him.

  Dear Tilly,

  Thanks for writing in. Love is about taking a risk even when you know there’s a chance you could get hurt. If you’ve always had feelings for your best friend and he is your best friend, then you have to tell him.

  If you’re concerned about him being a player, then you need to talk about this with him. If you guys decide to cross that line of friendship you need to trust each other but do tell him and see what happens. No one ever got anywhere in life by turning away opportunities and never taking chances.

  Paige.

  He cleared his throat as he finished. I simply looked at him, stunned by the response I’d given Tilly. I would have believed he made it up if I didn’t see the print out for myself that I did actually write that.

  For added confirmation he placed the paper on the table before me and slid it over, so I could get a better look.

  “That’s heart, and it would appeal to everyone. The woman who would be worried about getting involved with a player, and the woman who believed her best friend could change for her.”

  I was taking in his words but honestly, I was shocked by them. His arrogance and cockiness didn’t suit the warmth I felt emanate from what he just said.

  “What happened to that Paige?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

  I went to answer and tell him something about rolling with the times and the modern woman, but in an instant the words evaporated from my mind.

  Rolling with the times and keeping up with the modern woman was not what happened to me.

  What happened to me had nothing to do with that, or trend spotting.

  Four years ago, I had Paul.

  A lump formed in my throat as I thought about him, and I couldn’t believe he wasn’t at the forefront of my mind from the minute Jason said four years ago.

  Life was different for me then.

  Very different, and I guess I had heart.

  When I had Paul everything I wrote poured straight from my soul.

  I didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

  “Okay, whatever. I’ll review my answers before I send out my advice.” Anything to get rid of him.

  “Just like that. You’re agreeing just like that?” He tilted his head to the side and looked at me with assessing eyes.

  “Yeah. I can see there are some differences and I’ll look into it.” I still thought the right thing to do was to stay away from the player, but I couldn’t think properly now.

  “One second.”

  I sighed again, feeling even more frustrated when he took out another piece of paper. Another printed off email.

  “Tilly again. Ten months after the first message. Do you want to know what she said?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  He started reading:

  Dear Paige,

  Thanks so much for your advice. I just had to let you know I took your advice. I took the risk and he changed for me. We’re getting married next year. Thank you so much for giving me the courage I needed. You’re an inspiration to women like me.

  Tilly.

  “Do you want to know what you said?” He smiled.

  “No. I don’t.” He was having fun at my expense. I wouldn’t indulge in it.

  “This person, this version of you can’t just be shaped overnight. I can’t leave you to simply look into it.”

  “What do you suggest then Mr. Dempsey?”

  “Oh no, you call me Jason.”

  I would prefer to call him asshole, but again I held my tongue.

  “What do you suggest then, Jason?”

  He leaned back in his chair and gave me a purely sexual look that made my nerves scatter.

  “Go out with me.”

  I blinked several times and glared at him. “What the hell?”

  “Go out with me.”

  “No. I’m not going anywhere with you.” I protested.

  “Afraid you might like it, Sweet Thing?”

  “Don’t call me that. I’m not sweet.”

  “You are to me, Sweet Thing.” There was that smile again. “You look sweet, but when I taste you I’ll have better confirmation then.”

  I swallowed hard as my cheeks heated up. “When?”

  “When. I’m only ninety percent sure now that you’re sweet.”

  I didn’t think I’d ever met anyone who was so blatant and overly sexual.

  “There will be no when.” I tried, but the thought of being tasted in whatever way he meant filled me with pure desire. Something I hadn’t felt in years.

  “Yes, Paige. There will. Go out with me tomorrow night. Think of it as research.” He rose slowly and stood, flashing me that smile again.

  “Research?”

  “For work. The Paige who wrote to Tilly way back when didn’t need to look into things and change the way she gave advice. The advice she gave came straight from her soul. I want that girl back. That woman.” He looked at me now, knowing he got to me. Knowing he had a hold on me. “Meet me at eight at the JLM Bar.”

  I felt too displaced to answer him.

  He walked out though not needing my answer, because he knew I was going to say yes.

  Even if I didn’t want to.

  Chapter 6

  Paige

  I was so drained that I fell into bed when I got home.

  I spent the day answering the messages and letters I didn’t do yesterday. But, I also gave into my fears and admittedly spent a good part of the day going over some of my old emails and responses.

  Old emails from about four years ago.

  I did sound different, because I was different.

  And, I wasn’t sure I wanted that Paige back.

  I got by from one day to the next now. It was hard because of what I’d been through. I must have evolved into this woman I was, and now it was affecting my readers. Today I tried to be the old me.

  I ended up sounding objective, as opposed to giving my opinion on whatever problem I was being asked about.

  I felt bad for it. Really bad. It felt like I couldn’t do my job anymore.

  Sleep took me the minute I set my head on the soft silk of my pillows. I drifted into the dream that pulled me in.

  It was a dream I’d had before, several times. Once it was every night, then it was every once in a while. This must have been one of those times and I felt the excitement take me. It always did when I knew I was going to see Paul.

  Always.

  It was always the same.

  This dream was always the same.

  I ran down the stairs and straight outside. I paused and looked around absorbing the wondrous scent of the pine trees that mingled with the slight hint of the salt in the lake and it soothed my mind. It immediately reminded me of happiness. Happy times spent out here with Paul and all our friends.

  We were ten when we first met. My family had just moved to San Francisco from Wisconsin. My dad had taken a job here as the new consultant for an accounting firm.

  I met Paul and I loved him at first sight.

  Where was he?

  It had been such a long time since I’d seen him.

  “Pa…” my voice trailed away as I turned towards the boardwalk and saw him standing by the edge of the d
ock.

  He was waiting for me.

  Always waiting for me.

  His golden hair glistened against the remaining sunlight, and he stood tall and proud, his broad shoulders pushed back and that confidence I loved rippling off him.

  I ran to him, missing him so much my entire body ached. He turned to face me just as I reached him and caught me as I threw myself into his arms.

  “Don’t, don’t let me go. Please.” I begged.

  I inhaled the rich woodland scent of his cologne and savored it.

  Oh, how I missed this scent, the magic between us, this feeling. This feeling I had that made me believe I’d always have that happiness I felt with only him.

  But he pulled back.

  He’d never done that before. Usually he’d hold me too like he never wanted to let me go.

  Today he pulled back and stared at me. I recognized that look in his eyes. It was filled with so much sadness. I was already shaking my head before he got the chance to say anything to me.

  “Paige. You have to let me go.”

  “No.” I winced grabbing on to him.

  He took both my hands into his.

  “You said you’d never leave me.” Tears ran down my cheek.

  “I didn’t. I’m always going to be with you, but you have to let me go. It doesn’t mean we have to forget.”

  “I don’t want to.” My shoulders shook as I sobbed.

  “You have to sweetheart. You have to. You have to let me go.” Those piercing green eyes that always looked at me with so much love now beheld me with firm determination.

  He leaned forward and kissed my head, and that was it.

  He disappeared right before my eyes…

  I jumped up, out of my sleep, out of my dream in a cold sweat.

  It was difficult to breathe as all my emotions built up within me. I had that feeling of being displaced again, but as the dream world unraveled from reality everything came rushing back on me.