Jesse

by Jo Raven

  He grimaces, his movements growing faster, frantic. He swells inside me and he lets out a pained groan, his mouth falls open…

  Stars burst behind my eye lids—I didn’t realize they’d fallen shut—and I manage to whisper his name before I shatter into a million pieces.

  ***

  “Hey, kitten.” He’s in the bathroom, drying his hands with a towel, his eyes bright, a small smirk on his lips. He crooks a finger at me. “Come here.”

  “We’re late.” I fuss with my dress. Crazy that we never got undressed. The shiny fabric falls flawlessly over my hips and thighs. No sign that he pushed it up and made me come on the kitchen counter, then fucked me on the table.

  Oh God, that was…

  “Embers.” He catches me in two strides, throwing the towel on the rack, and cups my face in both his hands. “Look at me.”

  “Why?” I have no choice by to lift my eyes to his, and I tumble into their depths—a starburst of moss green against smoky gray with flecks of gold. It’s dizzying, so I place my hands on his hips to steady myself.

  “Because.” He leans in and drops a soft kiss on my mouth. So warm. So unbearably sweet and full of promises of tenderness that a knot forms in my throat.

  “Now you’ll tell me you’ve never done this before, either,” I whisper, my voice rough. Because I sure as hell haven’t, and it makes me nervous. I’m falling deeper and deeper for him. “And I…”

  “I haven’t,” he says, his hands shifting on my cheeks, cradling my jaw, his gaze clear and honest. “Any of this. And certainly not this.” He bestows one more kiss on my lips, the briefest caress, and there comes that faint smile no one can fake. Boyish, innocent, full of happiness.

  Shooting me straight through the heart.

  We’re late for the wedding, but right now I don’t care. I smile back and we just hold on to each other.

  Could he be serious about this? About wanting to be with me? Give up on one-night stands, stop hooking up with the hordes of girls lusting after him? How can I believe a sex god like Jesse Lee will keep his word?

  Has he even given me his word?

  Does it matter?

  “You’re trembling,” he whispers, and he pulls me to him, crushes me to the wall of his muscular chest. His heart thuds steadily against my ear. “Are you okay? Is it because of wedding reception?”

  I say nothing, letting him think that’s the cause. I’m afraid, but the reception is the last thing on my mind right now.

  Though that’s going to change, soon. The reception. People. Noise.

  Oh God, why did I ever agree on going?

  Well, at least it will take my mind of the fear of falling for Jesse and the mess I’m getting myself into. Have gotten myself into, ever since I met him.

  “Let’s go,” he says, squeezing me one last time but keeping one arm around me as he starts walking us to the living room. “Don’t worry. I won’t let you down.”

  At the reception, or in this thing happening between us?

  Don’t ask, Amber.

  I’ve always been insecure, and frankly, bullying hasn’t helped things, but I have to at least hide it. Get over it. Fight it. Take this a day at a time, read nothing into the fact he’s still holding on to me as I grab my purse and wedding gift, and we make it out the door. That he holds my hand down the stairs and while waiting for a cab.

  Or even that once in the back seat of the car he puts his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple, then rests his cheek on my hair, rubbing it like a big cat.

  Read nothing into this at all, and live for the now.

  If only my heart would listen.

  ***

  The wedding is being held at the Gates of Heaven shelter in James Madison Park, near Lake Mendota. The shelter itself is a beautiful nineteenth-century synagogue, and when I see a crowd at the entrance, my stomach sinks.

  “Do you think we missed the wedding?” I ask as Jesse pays the cab and we get out.

  “Nah. Everyone’s looking this way. I think the groom and bride have been delayed.”

  He’s right. Besides, it seems we’re doing this out in the open. There are flower stands with ribbons fluttering in the breeze set on the side of the synagogue, on the grass, lit up with spotlights. As the evening light is fading, the flowers seem to float on the air and their scent drifts over us, ghostly.

  Roses and lilies. I breathe in their scent, mingled with grass and the freshness of water from the lake. Familiar faces and a blue Mohawk draw my attention. Clustered around a table decked in white cloth are Ev, Micah, and Kayla, and the guys I met at our party.

  The party where I met Jesse—who had just been sucked off by a blonde in the bathroom.

  Stop thinking about that. He says he wants to try with you. He didn’t know you then, so why hold it against him?

  Because… Come on, Amber. Do you really think you’ve miraculously changed him? You? The wallflower at parties? The boring jewelry maker? Where every other girl has failed?

  Shit.

  A table with the wedding presents stands by the synagogue entrance, and I drift toward it.

  “Wait up.” A second later, Jesse is by my side, his arm back around my waist.

  I admit I’d not expected this. Not in front of everyone. It’s as if he’s telling them we’re together, and it has to be a first, if the shocked looks on their faces are any indication.

  “So showing me a good time means holding on to me?”

  “Busted.” He winks at me and grins. “I like holding on to you. Don’t you think we’d have a good time fused together?”

  God, yes. But I shake my head, unable to keep from smiling. This boy…

  I place my wrapped up package with the rest, and glance up at him. “Your gift?”

  “I haven’t bought it yet.” He rubs the back of his neck and winces. “I didn’t want to ask for your help with that, too. Gotta man up and do it, right?”

  Laughter bubbles up my throat. “Man up and buy some baby clothes?”

  He shoots me a crooked smile and shrugs.

  And here I am, making fun of him for something he can’t help. This from a person who needs help to get through a party without getting into a panic.

  Nice job, Amber.

  Before I get a chance to apologize—and how didn’t I think he’d need help to buy a present if he had trouble going out to buy clothes for himself?—a murmur goes through the small crowd. A white limo is arriving, and going out on a limb, I’d say the bride and groom have arrived.

  The door of the car opens, and a tall, broad-shouldered guy in a dark suit steps out. His hair is short and spiky, and even from the distance I can tell his eyes are very pale. He’s very handsome.

  “That’s Asher Devlin,” Jesse whispers in my ear, sending goosebumps all over my skin. His arm is solid around me. He points at the tall, blonde girl who steps out of the other side. “And that’s—”

  “Audrey.” I nudge him in the ribs. “Duh.”

  He laughs. “Actually, that’s Tessa, Audrey’s best friend and bridesmaid.”

  Oh. Tessa is tall and willowy, like a supermodel, and her short red dress shows off her endless legs. Whoa. A bridesmaid straight out of Bridal Guide.

  Not that I feel short and ungainly.

  Okay, I do. I mean, who wouldn’t, in my shoes?

  “That’s Audrey,” Jesse says as Asher helps out of the limo a small redhead with a tiara on her head, clad in a long white dress, and holding a baby. “And that’s Scott, the little brat.”

  A funny note in his voice makes me look up. He’s grinning affectionately, and he looks almost… wistful.

  Whoa, back up a sec… “You like kids?”

  “Love kids. They’re so damn funny. And so small and defenseless. I feel a need to protect them, you know?” He draws me closer to his side without looking away from Audrey and the baby, an unconscious move.

  A protective move—and crap, I think I’ve fallen a little bit more for him.

  If I take a
step back and think about this, I have to admit I like this boy. I want him. I crave his company, his touch. I love talking with him.

  And that only serves to drive the point home… Holy crap, this isn’t just a crush. I’ve fallen in love with him. When did this happen?

  Probably from the very beginning, I realize, reeling a little. With every word he said, every gesture he made.

  Like his arm around me now.

  A tall, blond guy with the shoulders of a quarterback and two little boys by his side arrives to take Tessa’s hand. Dylan, I think, trying to recall everyone’s names. And his little brothers. He’s Tessa’s boyfriend.

  Then applause rises from the gathering as Asher leads his radiant bride and their baby son to the simple altar. Their friends gather around, clapping them on the back and talking.

  Jesse starts moving in their direction, tugging me along, and I don’t resist. He’s pulling me gently, slowly, toward the small crowd, and although I can feel panic welling inside me, a rising storm, it doesn’t break.

  He’s got me, like he said. He’s with me, around me, a buffer, a warm place where I can hide.

  But he’ll let go, I think, when we reach the others. Surely he’s only doing this until he thinks I’m over my initial discomfort, and then I’ll be on my own.

  We walk between the pots of flowers and the milling guests who have to be family and friends, until we reach the tight core crowded around the couple. Ev spots me and rushes over to kiss my cheek. Her eyes widen when she sees who I’m with and notices his arm around me, but snaps her mouth shut and sends me a look that says we’ll talk later.

  Oh boy, looking forward to that one.

  Kayla ambles my way, nods at Jesse and tucks a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “Nice place, huh?”

  Jesse’s friends wander by to say hi—Shane, Seth, Ocean, Tyler, along with his pixie-like girl, Erin, and their four-year-old son. Cute as hell, that kid, and he looks just like his gorgeous dad.

  The thought of kids—specifically of having kids with Jesse—sends heat through me. I glance up at him and find him making faces at the little boy.

  I clap a hand over my mouth, stifling laughter.

  Zane comes to greet us with his girlfriend, Dakota, and his shrewd dark gaze takes us in.

  “Jesse,” he says gravely, then his face breaks into a grin so wide I’m afraid his face might split in two. “And Amber. What a surprise.”

  I have a feeling it’s not a surprise for him at all. Did Jesse talk to him about me? I glance at the man cuddling me to his side, but he’s waving at a tall blond guy who’s attached like a limpet to a pretty girl with skin like caramel.

  Rafe and Megan, Jesse’s coworker at the café.

  So many hotties, but the cutest one is by my side.

  “Hey, guys.” Megan does a double take when she notices how close Jesse and I are standing, how interlocked we are, and I want to laugh.

  Because he’s right , his presence warm and real, shoring me up. I’ve never felt so relaxed around people before. I bet he can sense it.

  But still he doesn’t let go.

  Before I know it, we’re moving again, this time away from the altar. I guess we’ll talk to Asher and Audrey later. Looks like the ceremony’s about to start.

  In the gathering dusk, the spotlights illuminate the pair. Audrey’s hair is loose on her back, red curls tumbling like a waterfall. It’s as if she stepped right out of a medieval castle, in her long white dress. She’s cradling the baby in her arms, her bunch of flowers clasped underneath, and Asher has his arm around her waist.

  Like Jesse has his around mine.

  The best maid and best man take their places at the sides of the couple—Tessa and Zane, the latter standing out with his Mohawk and the colorful ink sleeves running down his arms.

  I glance at Jesse’s tattooed arm, remember the scars and the terrifying story behind them. I somehow don’t think he’s told me everything that happened to him that night. Not that such an attack isn’t enough to give anyone nightmares.

  The Justice of the Peace, a tiny woman in a gray suit, clears her throat, and the whispers fade. A sultry breeze blows from the lake, and I shiver.

  Jesse tucks me to his front and wraps both arms around me. I lean back against his hard chest, my mind blanking out. It feels so… familiar. Intimate. Natural.

  Easy and yet exciting, exhilarating, and sexy. Fire races over my skin, and the tips of my breasts tighten when his hands shift over my belly.

  From the hard rod digging into the small of my back, I’m not the only one aroused.

  The Justice of the Peace says a few words, inviting the couple to reflect on the journey ahead of them and reminding them they hereby agree to a legal and binding contract of marriage, or something of that sort, the words lost in the buzzing in my ears.

  “Okay?” Jesse breathes in my ear, and I gulp.

  “Yes.” I really am, much better than I thought I’d be, though I’m pretty sure his arm around me, his warm presence is helping. “I’m fine.”

  I take a fortifying breath, as if about to jump into the ocean, and brace for him to release me.

  He still doesn’t let go.

  “Good,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice as he tugs me back against his hard-on. “I’m fine, too.”

  Laughter tickles my throat, wants to spill out, and I swallow it down, trying desperately to pay attention to the ceremony.

  Asher is saying his vows, telling Audrey that she and their son are the most important people in the world to him and that he’ll love them forever, that she saved him and he’ll never forget it.

  My eyes fill up. I barely know these people, and yet his speech is so passionate and rings with so much honesty that I’m touched. He really loves his woman and kid, and you can tell she feels the same way when she turns toward him and they hug, their baby held between them gently, like a fragile flower.

  A small applause goes around, and I find myself clapping, too, because honestly, this is heartwarming. Even more so when they part, and she gives her vow, too, telling him how much she loves him, and how glad she is he made it out of hell alive to be with her.

  Crap, they’re going to make me bawl. I wish for love like theirs, for someone to hold me as tightly as Asher does Audrey and their son.

  Like Jesse is holding me right now—but for how long? Until tomorrow, next week? What about forever?

  Jesse shifts, and I realize the ceremony is over. The couple are kissing amidst cheering and clapping, and Zane has taken out a piece of paper and is frowning at it.

  Then he steps in front of the now wedded couple, balls up the paper, throws it to the ground, and lifts a hand.

  “All hail Zane Madden,” Jesse whispers in my ear, and although there’s a hint of laughter in his voice, he manages to sound sincere at the same time. “Asher says Zane saved him too many times to count. He is the shit, you know?”

  Boy worships Zane. Knowing now that the man took him in from the street and gave him a home and a future, I can understand why.

  He has quite a presence, too, imposing with that war-like hairdo and the tattoos. I don’t know his history, but from his almond-shaped eyes and broad cheekbones you can tell he has some Asian ancestry. A sexy, handsome, dangerous-looking boy, like his friends and protégés.

  One of whom is squeezing the breath out of me, his arms crossed underneath my breasts, his chin resting on my shoulder.

  Not that I’m complaining. Frankly, as Jesse whispers my name and kisses my neck, raining shivers down my back, there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be. In fact, I wish I could stop time and keep this instance, this precious moment where everything is possible.

  Where Jesse Lee might be in love with me.

  ***

  “Good evening,” Zane says, when everyone has quieted down. The spotlight casts him in stark contrast, leaching out all color from his tattoos and hair. “I believe it’s custom for the best man to make a speech. I hon
estly don’t see why the best maid can’t make one, too,” he winks at Tessa who grins back at him. “But I leave that up to her. I have a few things I want to say.”

  A few whispers escape the gathering. Speculation, probably, as to what he’s about to talk about.

  “I know I’m supposed to give a speech after everyone has been seated at the table, but I’ll do it now. I have my reasons.”

  More whispers.

  Zane waits until they fade away. Asher and Audrey are looking at him solemnly, and I wonder if they know what he’s about to say.

  “I also know the groom and bride might want to give a speech, but who the hell cares? They’ve said more than enough for one evening, if you want my opinion, and I bet they’re dying to be on their way to their wedding reception. They can’t believe I’m keeping you for this stupid shit, can you, guys?”

  A round of laughter begins as he grins and waves at the couple. Asher flips him off and shakes his head, snickering.

  “I don’t have any funny stories to tell you about the groom. His only saving grace is loving Audrey and having such an awesome kid with her. Well done, Ash, you fucker.”

  More laughter. Hooting. A few shocked exclamations.

  “As for how he met Audrey, well that’s a long story and who cares anyway? Main thing is they’re here now, right? I mean…” His voice softens, as does his face, and his gaze goes distant. “Now isn’t a good time for bad memories, and I don’t wanna get all misty-eyed and shit, but there were moments I thought we’d lost Ash for good. Especially one cold winter night when things turned to shit and he went missing. We thought… We thought we’d be too fucking late, because…” He swallows hard, and the crowd is silent, barely breathing. “Because Audrey and I hadn’t realized how close he’d come to dying this time.”

  A collective gasp. I glance at Asher to see his reaction and find him wrapped around Audrey and their baby, his face hidden in her hair.

  Oh God.

  “We looked everywhere,” Zane goes on, his voice wavering, “and snow was falling. It was goddamn cold. But Audrey never lost faith we’d find him, and we did. Right here, behind a tree.” He points, and we all strain to look into the darkness beyond the glare of the spotlights. “Because Ash loves the water and Audrey had a hunch he’d come here. That’s how we found him, and how we find ourselves here today: Audrey saved Asher from death and they lived happily ever after.”