Heaven's a Beach

by J. A. Cipriano

  “No, please don’t stop.” I quickly lifted my head up and looked to May, my new best friend. Or at least, I was trying to make her that. However, she didn’t quite have the same kind of sense of humor as Mandy did. She did have magic fingers though, that was always a plus.

  “I’ve warned you already.” Not-my-best-friend narrowed her eyes, her white outfit a stark contrast to the darkened room. “I’m happy that you are enjoying your massage, but those kinds of sounds and comments are meant for the bedroom, not the massage table.”

  “I understand.” I nodded, trying to look as contrite as possible. “I promise not another peep from me.” I zipped my lips and laid back down on the table.

  “Very well but one more and we’re done.” May went back to doing miraculous things to my body. The urge to declare my pleasure loudly bubbled up, but I forced it back, not wanting to lose my time. Once Mandy and O’Connor made the arrest, I was sure to lose all my spa privileges. I had to use them while I could.

  “Enjoying yourself?” Lucifer’s voice murmured in my ear just as I had settled into a state of euphoria.

  “Very much, now go away,” I hissed low, hoping May wouldn’t hear me.

  “I’m hurt.” Lucifer pouted. If I could see him, I was sure he had pressed his hand to his chest trying to be as dramatic as possible.

  “No, you’re not. Go away.” I muttered again, trying to get him to leave.

  “What was that?” May asked, her hands pausing on my calf.

  “Nothing,” I said, a bit louder. “Just thinking aloud. Lots of things to do today is all.”

  “Okay,” May said, the suspicion in her voice telling me she didn’t believe me.

  I swore if Lucifer ruined this for me, I’d never speak to him again.

  “I can tell you are busy right now, so I’ll talk. You can just listen.” Lucifer started and then his face was before mine beneath the table. “I heard about your date with Michael, and I want in.”

  “You—”

  “No, talking remember?” Lucifer put his finger up against my lips causing them to buzz.

  Rolling my eyes, I sighed.

  “Right, so. Michael told us about your date, and I think it’s high time I took you on one of my own.” He clasped his hands in front of him as he squatted before me. “I’m sure you will be utterly delighted with what I have planned. After all, it has to be better than some work party and donuts.”

  The utter disdain in his voice made me want to protest, but I couldn’t do that right now with May in the room. Instead, I could do nothing but listen to Lucifer downplay the date I had with Michael.

  It wasn’t as boring as he said. We had a lovely time at the party which, of course, had been interrupted by work, but after I had reported to Mandy, we stopped and got a whole box of donuts. I spent the rest of the night showing Michael some of my favorite shows while sharing the box. Of course, donuts have icing, and that somehow ended up in naughty places that were totally not my fault, and we ended up sticky and naked in bed. Something I felt embarrassed about since I knew the people who cleaned the rooms.

  Overall though, the night had been fun and satisfying in every aspect. Not that I didn’t think Lucifer could show me just as good a time, but for him to try and say he could outdo it that easily was laughable. Some of the best dates were those that didn’t cost an arm and a leg.

  “All done,” May announced, moving away from the table. I sat up slowly, grabbing the sheet to cover my chest. May wiped her hands off and nodded toward my robe. “Take your time getting dressed and please feel free to fill out a comment card for your service.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered and waited until she left before hopping off the table. I glanced back at Lucifer, whose eyes were firmly on my barely covered form. “I’ll have you know my date with Michael was perfect. Nothing you say can ruin it for me.”

  “You misunderstand.” Lucifer came up beside me, his eyes scanning my glistening skin. “I don’t wish to taint your experience with Michael, I only wish to outshine him. I am the brightest star in Heaven. It’s my birthright.”

  “Was,” I reminded him with a smirk. “You were the Morning Star. Now, you are the Lord of Hell.”

  “King, get it right.” Lucifer’s lips twisted. “Are you going to change? We should get moving if we are going to have our date. Though I’d be just as happy to stay in here with you.” His fingers trailed along my bare shoulder causing tingling to shoot through my arm.

  “What makes you think I want to go on a date with you right now?” I asked, moving away from him to grab my underwear. To his disappointment, I pulled them on underneath the sheet not once showing anything other than a flash of leg.

  “Are you saying you don’t?” Lucifer purred, blocking my path to the rest of my clothes. I could have put the robe on May had offered, but it only covered part of me, something that Lucifer would easily discard with a pull of the tie.

  I sighed and shoved a hand through his middle ignoring the numbing effect it had. I grabbed my pants and then shimmied them on. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying you are presuming too much. At least Michael asked me on a date.”

  “My apologies, love.” Lucifer bowed slightly. With how close we were, he ended up with his head in my mid-section. Talk about getting to the center of things.

  I reached through him and grabbed the rest of my clothes before backing away. I turned my back to him and dropped the sheet. Surprisingly he didn’t try to peek around me but waited behind. I quickly snapped my bra on and then threw my shirt on over my head.

  “So …?” I twisted back around my hands on my hips and my foot tapping. “I’m waiting.”

  Lucifer’s brow raised slightly. “Waiting? Oh, right. Jane,” he started, taking a knee on the carpet, “will you do me the honor of going on a date with me this evening? Or day? Your humans’ limited conception of time is so debilitating.”

  I looked to the heavens as if God could help me through this. “Sure. Why not? I don’t have anything else to do.”

  Not to be swayed, Lucifer hopped to his feet and clapped his hands together. “Great. Let’s go then. Give me your blood, and we can start our date.”

  “No.”

  Lucifer frowned. “What do you mean no? Our date won’t be any fun if I can’t touch you. Besides, I want to try that hot sauce Michael and Gabriel keep complaining about.”

  “You want to try hot sauce?” I giggled, grabbing my bag. “I’m sure they told you how hot it is.”

  Lucifer scoffed. “I live in the bowels of Hell. Don’t tell me about hot. I know hot. Some wimpy sauce made by humans is nothing.” He waved it off as if it really wasn’t worth his time.

  “Fine, I’ll get you some, but you’re not gonna like it,” I taunted him. “And I can’t turn you corporeal in here. I came in alone. I can’t very well leave with someone, now can I?”

  Lucifer didn’t seem happy about it but followed behind me as I left the room. I waved a hand at the front desk as I left, Lucifer hot on my heels. He followed me until I ducked into one of the private offices they had reserved in the lobby for guests to use. Plopping my bag on the desk, I dug around for the nail file I’d put in there this morning.

  Grabbing it in my hand, I tried to decide where to cut myself this time. I didn’t want to cut my arm again, that had hurt like a bitch, but then again, my fingers were getting really abused.

  “You know,” Lucifer began, his eyes watching me, “you could always bite your tongue. I would be more than happy to heal it for you.” His heated gaze made my lower half do a happy dance.

  It actually wasn’t a bad idea. I didn’t have to risk getting an infection by whatever I was stabbing myself with, and your tongue heals faster than any other part of your body. But biting my tongue and stabbing myself were two different things entirely. Both painful but one easier to do than the other.

  Scrounging up all my courage, I stuck my tongue between my teeth and bit down. Not too hard, I didn’t want to bite the damn thing of
f, just enough for the metallic taste of blood to fill my mouth. I didn’t have a chance to tell Lucifer that I’d done it before his mouth was on mine. I opened my mouth, letting his tongue dip inside, and suddenly the buzzing on my face was real solid flesh, and the hands on my face were warm and strong.

  Lucifer didn’t stop kissing me once he turned corporeal. He pressed me up against the desk, his hands holding my face to him. The Devil kissed me until I was breathless and couldn’t think of anything but the taste and feel of him. Which was just like him. No one but him would demand all my attention that way. How he didn’t die of jealousy with Michael and Gabriel sharing my bed, I didn’t know.

  When he finally released me, I wasn’t thinking about dates anymore but about getting him naked and in my bed. Sadly, before I could do either thing, Lucifer took my hand and led me from the office, I barely had time to grab my bag before we were barreling down through the lobby.

  “Where are we going?” I asked, intrigued and a bit hopeful that he had the same idea that I had. However, when we didn’t head down the hallway to my room but instead into the dining room, my hopes dropped. He wanted to eat now?

  “Unlike Michael, I like to do my research before a competition.”

  “This isn’t a competition,” I reminded him, trailing after him until he stopped before the door that read ‘Employees Only.’ “And we can’t go in there.”

  “Sure, we can,” Lucifer said with a grin that could charm the pants off your grandma. “People have been going in and out of here all day.”

  I tugged on his hand before he could take us in and shook my head. “Those people work here. We don’t. That’s why it says employees only.”

  “Nonsense,” Lucifer huffed. “I saw a couple come in here earlier. Which is what gave me the idea to bring you here. What’s more romantic than making a meal together before we eat it?”

  Before I could protest further, he had dragged me into the kitchen. It was between meal times, so it wasn’t that busy. A few bus boys were stacking dishes in the dishwasher, and someone in a chef’s hat was stirring something over the stove. Whatever it was smelled delicious and I was suddenly on board with Lucifer’s idea.

  “Excuse me.” Lucifer released me and held his hands up in the air. “My lovely lady here and I are hungry and would like to make a meal to eat together.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and swung around to grin at me before adding, “And if anyone has a problem with that you can take it up with me. Lucifer. The Devil.”

  I crossed my arm under the other and placed my face in my palm. I didn’t want to see these people’s reaction. I didn’t need this kind of excitement in my life right now. Really, what had he been thinking?

  When there wasn’t an immediate call for our dismissal, I slowly lifted my face to see everyone completely ignoring us. I stepped up beside Lucifer and stared in awe.

  The cook at the stove came over to us, threw us a pair of aprons and said with a Latino accent, “Don’t break anything,” before he went back to his business.

  “What happened? Why aren’t they throwing us out?” I put the apron over my head and tied it around my waist.

  Lucifer beamed as he did the same and led me over to the counter. “You keep forgetting, love. I’m the Devil. Getting people to do what I want is what I do.”

  16

  “So, what are you in the mood for?” Lucifer started pulling things down from the shelves in front of us. A bowl. A knife. A spatula. Which he promptly smacked me on the ass with.

  “Um, well, I guess it depends on what we have to work with. You said you wanted to try something with hot sauce on it, so maybe we should make something we can put that on.” I glanced around the counter for other things we might need.

  “And what kind of food would that be?” Lucifer asked, genuinely curious to know. I’d never met a man who listened as much as these guys did. Really, it was like they were hanging on every word. While it was good in some ways, I also had to watch what I said because I had a tendency to embarrass myself and these guys heard everything.

  “Well, you can do anything really. Gabriel ate it on burritos and Michael did it with eggs. But you can also put it on chicken or pasta.”

  Lucifer snapped his fingers and pointed at me. “That. Let’s do that.”

  “What?”

  “Pasta.” Lucifer grabbed a huge pot, large enough I could fit in it if I sat down.

  I laughed and put my hand on his arm. “Hold up. How much are you planning on making? That pot would feed the whole hotel.”

  “No, it wouldn’t,” the lone cook still stirring his pot said over his shoulder. “A dozen or so people but not the whole hotel. Believe me, I’ve done it.”

  “Good tip.” I glanced back at him and then asked, “What’s your name?”

  “Jose.”

  “Hi, Jose. I’m Ja-Patty.” I caught myself before giving my real name. There was already too much confusion as it was. I offered him my hand, but he seemed reluctant to take it. Eventually, he did give it a small shake. “This is Lucifer, as you already know.” I pointed back at my angel still gathering up supplies we didn’t really need.

  “Is he really the Devil?” Jose asked, nodding his head in Lucifer’s direction.

  “Sure, I am.” Lucifer finally stopped long enough to turn around and answer. “I can read into your very soul. Tell you your darkest secrets.”

  Jose blanched, and I giggled nervously. “Oh, don’t mind him. He’s a bit dramatic. You can hardly blame him when his parents named him after the literal Devil.”

  My words made Jose relax slightly but not much. Instead, he turned back to his pot and kept glancing our way every once in a while.

  I smacked Lucifer on the arm. “Now, look what you did. I was trying to make friends, and you scared him.”

  Lucifer gave me a sideways look. “You really think I’m dramatic?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m far from dramatic. I just like to add a bit of flair to everyday life. Makes things more interesting.” He grinned wolfishly.

  “So, you call rebelling against Heaven adding flair?” I asked, moving away from the table to where the dry foods were kept. I found a box of pasta noodles and brought it back to the table. “Or how about this whole ‘I have to have a better date than Michael’ business? That’s not dramatic?”

  Lucifer took the noodles from me and put them in the pot. “First off, wanting to beat that ‘I’m better than everyone’ douche is not being dramatic.” I rolled my eyes, and he put up two fingers. “Secondly, I didn’t rebel against Heaven so much as move out of my father’s house. Humans do it all the time.”

  “There’s a difference,” I argued. Lucifer started to stir the pasta in the pot, and I sighed. “You need water, or the noodles won’t soften.” I took the pot from him and took it over to the sink.

  Turning on the faucet, I glanced over at the busboys who were busy working on the dishes. They smiled shyly, but when they saw Lucifer come up behind me, their smiles dropped.

  “How do you know how much water to add?” Lucifer looked over my shoulder while I waited for the pot to fill.

  “You need enough to cover the noodles. It doesn’t matter a whole lot in any case. You won’t be keeping the water. It’s just so you can boil it.” I tried to pick the pot up, but it was a bit heavier than the one I had at home.

  “Here.” Lucifer bumped me out of the way and lifted the pot out of the sink. “Wow, that is quite heavy.” He held it in front of him as he shuffled across the room.

  “To the stove, not the counter,” I instructed him before he could set it down.

  Huffing in effort, Lucifer placed the pot down hard enough that water sloshed over the side, making the stove hiss and Jose glare. Lucifer shrugged a shoulder. “What? I’m an angel. I’ve never cooked before.”

  Jose just shook his head and went to grab something from the pantry. I moved over to where Lucifer stood and picked up a large, clean black spoon. “Here, move the noodles a
round, so they don’t get stuck to the sides. You also want to put some salt in there and turn the burner on.”

  “How do I do that?” Lucifer bent down to where the knobs were and stared at them like they were an alien life form.

  I pointed at the knob in front of our burner. “That one will turn it on. Now, be sure to stand back because this is an industrial stove and I don’t want you to - ah!” I cried out when Lucifer turned on the stove without doing what I said, and a large flame spouted out from beneath the pot, singeing the Devil quite good.

  “Holy mother of - fuck!” Lucifer grabbed his face and jerked to a standing position. There goes the idea that they couldn’t get hurt while corporeal, though we’d already established that with Michael’s couch incident.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, reaching for him. I turned him to face me, and the moment I saw his face, I forced my mouth shut.

  “What?” Lucifer touched his face. “Is it bad? I’ve never been burnt before, so I don’t exactly know how it feels. Angel, you know.”

  I shook my head and clamped my fist over my mouth. I tried really hard not to laugh, I did. But when the Devil stood before you with only one eyebrow, it was hard not to laugh.

  “Why are you laughing?” Lucifer frowned, his brows furrowing, but with only one there, it looked even more ridiculous, causing me to laugh harder. “What? What is it?”

  Jose came back in that instant and saw Lucifer’s face. He burst out laughing, pointing a finger and smacking his thigh. “You only have one eyebrow. You look so loco, eh?”

  Lucifer’s eyes widened, and he searched for something to see himself in. “I’m missing an eyebrow? How could you not tell me I’m missing an eyebrow?” He grabbed a shiny silver pot and held it up to his face, moving his head one way and then the other, trying to see his face clearly.

  I shook my head and laughed. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to feel bad.”

  “Well, I feel bloody brilliant now,” Lucifer snapped, shooting daggers my way with his eyes.

  I slid in behind him and stroked along the missing brow. “It’s fine. No one will notice. And I bet when you turn back, it’ll regrow.”