Heaven's a Beach

by J. A. Cipriano

  “Nope!” I called out, already getting a bit buzzed. “No naked people in here. Just little ole me.” I giggled and played with the tiny bottle in my hand.

  Mandy opened the door and took one look at me before stomping across the room. “What did I tell you?” She snatched the tiny bottle from my hand before I could drink it.

  “Hey! I was going to drink that.” I scrambled for the others before she could take them.

  “No, you don’t. And where’s Lucifer?” she looked around the room as if he were hiding somewhere.

  I tipped another bottle back and giggled, “He had to go. Some emergency.”

  “In Hell?”

  “Or Heaven. Who knows? I didn’t ask.”

  “And he left you here by yourself? After finding a dead body like that?” Mandy clucked her tongue and shook her head. Moving around the couch, she plopped down next to me. “Move over and give me one of those.”

  I tossed her a tiny bottle and grinned as she downed it. “Welcome to Chateau de Jane.”

  18

  I woke the next morning with a foot in my face and an elbow in my back. How that was possible could only be explained by Mandy’s weird sleeping habits.

  And the snoring.

  I shoved the foot away and rolled out of bed, a movement I instantly regretted. My stomach rolled, and I rushed to the bathroom.

  After I emptied my stomach in the toilet, I turned the cold water on in the sink. I soaked a cloth in the water and then wiped it over my face and the back of my neck.

  Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw. My face was so pale that a vampire coven was probably looking for me to join their ranks. My hair had seen better days. It didn’t have that usual lustrous glow but lay dull and lifeless around my face.

  This is the face that angels adore. I scoffed at the thought. The only thing adoring this face today would be the shower and my pillow.

  I twisted toward the shower and turned it on. Pulling my shirt over my head, I didn’t even bother wondering where my pants had gone last night. Mandy and I had gotten so plastered that I was lucky I had clothes on at all.

  Stepping under the spray, I let out a pleasurable sigh. Hot water was a miraculous thing. How anyone ever survived without it before, I’d never know. I knew I couldn’t. No Middle Ages for me, no boiling water just to fill a tub.

  I’d never really thought much about what Heaven looked like, but now that I’ve met angels I could clearly see it. It was me in a clawfoot bathtub full of warm water with all three of my angels surrounding me. They fed me strawberries and offered me a glass of champagne, while the third one rubbed my shoulders. No! My feet. Okay, so they could rub another part of me that had started to wake up during my little fantasy.

  My fingers trailed down my stomach and slipped between my thighs. I had only just started to relieve my need when a pounding on the door stopped me. I peeked out the shower door and cocked my head to the side. The pounding wasn’t in the room, it was from outside the room.

  Growling, I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me. When I got out of the bathroom, I could clearly hear O’Connor yelling from the other side of the door.

  Stomping through the bedroom, I smacked Mandy’s sleeping head as I passed. “Get up, sleepy head. Your wakeup call is here.”

  Not caring that I was only in a towel, I opened the door. Looking the detective up and down with a frown, I said, “You’re not the strippers I called.”

  “Ha, ha, very funny.” O’Connor put his hands on his hips and scowled. “Is Stevenson in there?”

  “Mandy, are you in here?” I yelled over my shoulder. A groan was my only response. “It seems like she’s still alive. Lucky for you.”

  O’Connor tried to investigate the room over my shoulder, but I blocked his view. “What are you doing?” he growled.

  “Keeping you from embarrassing you and Mandy. I don’t know what kind of state she’s in right now, but I think it’s probably best if you wait for us in the Lobby.”

  He tried to glance over my shoulder one more time, but I moved into his view again. Frowning, he straightened up and brushed a hand over his nose. “Fine, be there in five minutes. Not a minute more.”

  I sighed. “It’s no wonder your wife divorced you.” I gestured to my towel clad form. “This takes more than five minutes to put together. Any guy would know that.”

  O’Connor gnashed his teeth at me, stepping into my personal space to poke a finger at my chest. “Don’t ever talk about my wife again.”

  “Ex-wife,” I reminded him. “And O’Connor, if you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask.” I smirked down at his finger at the top of my towel. I reached up and pretended like I was going to undo it.

  O’Connor’s face reddened, and he immediately removed his finger, turning on his heel and shouting over his shoulder. “Twenty minutes, Stevenson!”

  Chuckling to myself, I closed the door on him. Mandy came stumbling out of the bedroom, only half dressed as well. “Who was that?”

  “Your partner. Don’t worry, I sent him on his way.” I moved over to my bag and pulled out my last pair of clean underwear. I probably should have done laundry. Or brought more clothes. Either way, at least I was leaving today, so it didn’t really matter.

  “Please tell me you didn’t answer the door like that?” She grimaced at my towel ensemble.

  “Okay, I didn’t.” I smiled over my shoulder before standing. “Don’t worry, I didn’t mess with O’Connor … much.”

  Mandy shook her head and tugged her bedhead into a high ponytail. “I swear, one of these days he’s going to pull a gun on you, and I’m not going to do anything to stop him.”

  “Oh, yes, you would.” I pouted, and came over and hugged her. “You love me too much to let that mean old meanie kill me.”

  Mandy snorted and patted my arm. “I didn’t say you’d die, just get maimed a bit.”

  “Fine, then my angel boyfriends will come kick his ass.” I pushed off her and dropped my towel.

  “Jane!” Mandy jerked her head the other way.

  “What?” I shimmied into my underwear. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”

  “Still, give a girl some warning. I was face first to Jane ass. Not something I want to see first thing in the morning. And you better keep your angels away from my work.”

  Slipping on my bra, I laughed. “Hard to do that when they are my ticket to the whole being a psychic thing.”

  “Also, what’s up with you and Lucifer going on a date? I don’t see the Devil doing that.” Jane moved into the bathroom, her voice becoming muffled. “While we’re on the topic. Have you asked him about Hell? Is it a real thing? Cause the priest and all the nuns have been telling me for years that Hell is just your guilt trying to make you do what is right.”

  I finished getting dressed and then followed her to the bathroom. Leaning against the bathroom wall, I laughed. “You’ve now met the actual Devil, and you still doubt the existence of Hell? The Pope would be so proud.”

  Mandy flipped me off before shoving me out of the bathroom. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to wash last night off, and unlike you, I don’t like an audience.”

  “I don’t need an audience,” I told the closed bathroom door. “I can’t help that your partner has no sense of timing or humor. He really needs to lighten up.”

  “His wife left him. What do you expect?” Mandy’s muffled voice said through the door. “Imagine your three guys suddenly leaving you one day. How devastated would you feel? I doubt you would be in a good mood either.”

  I frowned. The thought bothered me. I’d gotten so used to the three of them being around, it was hard to imagine that they would ever not be there. It made something in my chest tighten.

  Instead of thinking about it, I started to pack my bag up. If I was being forced to leave today, I might as well. Not like I had anything better to do.

  I finished packing up long before
Mandy came out of the bathroom. She had put back on her clothes from last night. Rubbing a towel in her hair, she picked up her phone and frowned.

  “What? Your latest conquest not texting you back?” I teased her.

  Mandy gave me an exasperated look before tucking her phone into her back pocket. “Like that’d ever happen. No, it was O’Connor bitching about getting down there so we could arrest Crystal.”

  “You’re going to do it now? You don’t even know if she did it.” I threw back over my shoulder, and shoved my feet into my shoes. “Can you really arrest her?”

  Mandy shrugged, putting her badge and gun on. “She’s the only suspect we have right now. We can hold her for twenty-four hours, hopefully long enough for the M.E. to get back to us about the cause of death. You said it yourself, she has a motive. If I found out my boyfriend was only with me to pay off his debts, then I’d be pretty pissed too.”

  “Enough to murder him?” I cocked a brow and held the room door open for her.

  Mandy smirked. “Hey, don’t think that just because I’m a cop means I can’t commit a crime of passion.”

  I snorted. “It’s not passion if it’s premeditated.”

  “Semantics.” Mandy pushed past me and into the hallway. “What are you going to do?”

  Closing the door behind us, I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. I quit the bar, so I’ll probably go by Gotcha! and see if I have any messages. Or take a nap. Either or.”

  “You quit the bar?” Mandy asked, her face scrunched in confusion. “When’d this happen?”

  “Uh, the night you came in to tell me about this job. I thought I told you?” I tapped my chin with my finger. “Maybe that was Lucifer. I don’t know. I’m not used to having so many people to talk to. It’s hard to keep up with who I told stuff to.”

  Mandy rolled her eyes. “Where are your boyfriends anyway? Lately, it seems like they’re always around and visible.”

  “You noticed that, huh?” I grinned, extremely proud of myself. “Lucifer had some emergency last night like I said, and the others I haven’t seen in a few. Which means one of them is bound to show up—”

  “Hey,” Gabriel popped out of nowhere and matched my and Mandy’s stride.

  “Speak of the angel.” I beamed up at him. “Where’ve you been?”

  “Which one is it?” Mandy asked, searching around for Gabriel.

  “Gabriel,” I told her before turning back to him. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  Gabriel shrugged. “Been busy. I don’t just get to spend time with you, you know.”

  I frowned at his tone of voice. Gabriel rarely ever gave me lip. Not the non-physical kind anyway. It bothered me, it was almost like he didn’t want to talk about what he’d been doing.

  “Does this have anything to do with the emergency Lucifer got called away for?” I waved a finger at him, narrowing my eyes into slits.

  A forced smile crept up his face, and I knew the next words out of his mouth were going to be a lie. Could angels lie? It didn’t seem like they should be able to.

  “No, nothing like that. Just lots of things going on.”

  I glanced at him sideways but didn’t pry anymore. The fact that he hadn’t told me meant it was something important. I wanted to ask more but didn’t want to push him. He’d tell me when he was ready.

  We entered the lobby and found O’Connor and a couple of officers waiting with the manager, Riley Parks. When they saw us, O’Connor started toward us, an angry jerking movement in his stance.

  “Took you long enough.” O’Connor shot us a glare before looking to Mandy. “We’re ready to go get Crystal. Are you done having your girls’ night?”

  Mandy shifted uncomfortably. “Sorry about that. I just needed to blow off some steam.”

  O’Connor for once didn’t make a rude comment. Instead, he nodded his head as if he understood. “Just, next time, give me a heads up.”

  “Got it.”

  It was interesting to watch the two of them interact like this. Most of the time Mandy was trying not to get on O’Connor’s bad side, and other times she seemed not to give a rat’s ass. O’Connor was a wild card. The fact that he’d been so understanding rather than blowing up on her was a miracle. I just prayed it lasted.

  We followed O’Connor as he gathered the officers he’d brought. Parks led the way into the room where I knew the maids gathered in the morning. I started to inch back, not wanting any of them to see me with the cops and think I’d betrayed them.

  When I didn’t enter after them, Mandy held the door and asked, “What are you doing? This was your case. Don’t you want to see the big arrest?”

  I shook my head, my ponytail whipping me in the face. “Nope, I’m good. It’s all you.”

  Mandy pursed her lips but didn’t argue the fact. The door shut behind her and I leaned against the wall next to it, listening for any raised voices.

  “How was your date with Lucifer?” Gabriel asked, his voice low as he tried to act as if he didn’t care.

  I glanced up at him, tilting my head to one side. “It was going well until we found the dead body in the fridge. Then he went incorporeal, and you called him back for something.”

  Gabriel rubbed the back of his neck and had a guilty look on his face. “Sorry about that. It wasn’t my fault, I swear.” I nodded, not completely believing him, but I wasn’t going to try and pry it out of him. After a moment, he said, “So, the dead body? Who was that?”

  “The security guard, Ernie.”

  Some yelling came from the room behind me, and I straightened up. I stood back as the door slammed open and revealed the two officers trying to restrain Crystal.

  She yanked at her arms, already in cuffs, and yelled, “I didn’t kill Ernie. Why would I kill my own boyfriend?”

  “Well, we have a security tape that says otherwise,” O’Connor said coming out of the room. He glanced my way with a curious look before following the officers out.

  When Mandy came out, I stopped her. “You have a security tape showing her killing Ernie?”

  Mandy frowned. “No, we have a security tape of her and Ernie arguing, and she hit him. It’s not enough to get a conviction but enough to bring her in whether she wants to or not.”

  Gabriel moved up beside me. “It wasn’t her.”

  “Huh?” I turned my head to him. “What do you mean?”

  His eyes had that far off distance look in them, and I knew he had a vision. “The person who killed Ernie was smaller than that woman. Scrawny build. I couldn’t see their face, only the back of them.”

  “What does the back of them look like?” I asked, hoping for something to work with.

  “What’s he saying?” Mandy asked, her eyes going toward the front door and then back to us. I could tell she was antsy to get out of there, but not enough to miss what Gabriel had to say.

  “He doesn’t think it was Crystal,” I told her. I paused as Riley Parks came out of the room they had been in.

  He glanced at Mandy and then to me, a scowl on his face. “I presume your time here is finished?”

  “Yes,” Mandy answered, offering him a polite smile. “Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.”

  “I’m just happy we found the thief before this got leaked out to the press.” Riley sniffed, adjusting his suit.

  “Well, I’m sure we’ll have it all cleared up soon,” she explained. “I’m not sure about getting the stolen items back though. If Ernie was the thief, then unless he told Crystal, we’re out of luck.”

  “That’s fine. Just get her out of my resort.” He waved a hand at me as if my very presence disgusted him.

  “We’re leaving now,” Mandy assured him.

  Riley didn’t bother to say good-bye. He marched to the front and started rifling through things at the reception desk. Every few seconds, he looked up from the desk to stare at us as if that would make us leave sooner.

  “Anyway, back to Gabriel. What was he saying?” Mandy asked, leadin
g me through the Lobby and outside.

  I stopped at her car and leaned against it, tucking my hands into my pockets. “He says it wasn’t her. She doesn’t fit the profile of the person he saw killing Ernie.”

  Mandy smacked her lips together. “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Jane. We can’t go off some vision an angel had. We need more than that.”

  I glanced at Gabriel who stood behind her. “Anything else you can add?”

  He focused for a moment and then shook his head. “No, I can’t tell if they are male or female, only that they don’t have the same build as Crystal, and there’s no way she could have faked it. Her hips are too big.”

  I quirked a brow at his description. Really, that’s what he was basing it off. Men. To Mandy, I said, “He says the person who killed Ernie is smaller, like in the hips.”

  “Any clue how he died?” Mandy asked, glancing down at her phone.

  “They shoved a pillow over his face.” Gabriel stared down at the ground as if the death really bothered him.

  “He said suffocation.”

  “Okay,” Mandy sighed, and put her phone away. “Well, there’s nothing I can do until we get confirmation from the M.E. and talk to Crystal. Why don’t you just go home or wherever, and I’ll call you when we need you.”

  As I watched her get in her car and drive away, I suddenly felt irritated. They had asked me into this case and now they weren’t going to listen to me? How’s that for gratitude.

  Turning to Gabriel, I asked, “So, what should we do?”

  This time, Gabriel gave me a genuine smile, the kind that made his eyes sparkle and my panties wet. “How about a date?”

  19

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do on our date?” I asked Gabriel, my nose scrunched up as I tried not to take in the smell of feet and stale beer. It almost felt like I was back at the bar and not in the middle of the bowling alley.

  The strobe lights blinked over us, the pounding of the music making my body hum with energy. Kids were shouting and chasing each other as their parents hollered at them to behave. It was like I’d gone back in time. to a time where there were no crimes. Only fun.