Tomorrow's Lullaby

by Lindzee Armstrong

  Jared wasn’t here. Disappointment dropped like a pit in her stomach, surprising her with its intensity. They’d had a few good dates, but it wasn’t like they’d been dating.

  She took her usual seat at the back row. Maybe he was running late, although that wasn’t like him. He could be out of town again on business. A couple of months ago, she would’ve texted to find out.

  The pews slowly filled with familiar faces, and a few unfamiliar ones. Pastor Tanner wandered up and down the aisles, shaking hands and welcoming everyone to the services.

  “Good to have you back, Sienna,” he said, extending his hand.

  “It’s good to be back,” she said.

  “How was Utah?” His eyes asked a deeper question—are you okay? He knew how hard her visits with Hunter could be. Sienna had moved to Pennsylvania only weeks after giving birth. She and her mother had visited several churches in the area, but Sienna had instantly felt a connection with Pastor Tanner. She’d told him everything about her past, and he’d been nothing but compassionate and loving.

  “It’s always nice to go home, but I’m glad to be back,” she said.

  “Good. We’ll talk more later.” He patted her hand, then moved on to greet another member. She’d spent hours in Pastor Tanner’s small office that first semester, crying while he offered counsel. As the weeks dragged on, she’d met with him less and less. But he still checked up on her at least once a semester.

  “You’re back.”

  The deep voice instantly brought a smile to Sienna’s lips. Jared. She couldn’t stop the happy laugh that bubbled up as he pulled her into a tight hug. Even in heels, her head barely reached his chin. The height difference had made their few chaste kisses a little awkward. Aaron’s height—a few inches shorter than Jared, but still close to six feet—would be much more kiss-worthy. Not that she’d ever find out.

  Dark chestnut brown hair brushed the collar of Jared’s white shirt, like he hadn’t made time for a haircut in weeks. There was a quiet maturity about him that she’d always been attracted to.

  “I wondered if I’d see you here today,” Sienna said. “I thought maybe you were out of town again.”

  “I just got back on Tuesday. Things have been crazy with work. Sorry I didn’t text more.”

  She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, pasting on a smile. “That’s okay. I was pretty busy, too.”

  “I’ve missed you.”

  The sincerity in his eyes was unmistakable. He looked good in his black suit and tie, with his thick glasses perched on the end of his nose. Clean-cut and wholesome—just what she needed. No teasing tattoos here. “I missed you, too.”

  Jared motioned to the bench. “Mind if I sit?”

  “Be my guest.” Sienna scooted in, and Jared sat down beside her. “So what have you been up to?”

  “Work has been insane. I was in Chicago for almost three weeks. We had a situation with a branch there, and I was working fourteen-hour days trying to straighten everything out. I barely had time to eat, let alone sleep.”

  “Sounds awful.” But it made her feel strangely better—this explanation made sense. Jared always gave himself wholeheartedly to what was right in front of him.

  Maybe he was still interested in pursuing a relationship. But was she?

  “The mess definitely was, but the people were great to work with, and I ate lots of Chicago-style pizza.” He slung an arm across the back of the bench, like nothing had changed between them. Maybe it hadn’t. “How was Utah?”

  “Good. It was nice to spend time with my family.” And especially to spend time with Hunter. “We went to Lake Powell for a week and had a lot of fun.”

  “I’d love to hear about it. Can I take you to dinner sometime this week, and we can catch up?”

  So he was still interested. She hated the uncertainty phase their relationship seemed to currently be caught in. “I’d like that. Text me, and we can work out the details.”

  The piano neared the end of the hymn, and the pastor made his way toward the pulpit. Jared’s arm was mere centimeters from hers. If he moved even slightly, they’d be holding hands. It wouldn’t be the first time. But the month apart seemed to have erased all the progress they’d made.

  The pastor paused halfway down the aisle. A man shook his hand, then slipped into the end of a pew.

  Did he have dreadlocks?

  The pianist stopped playing. Pastor Tanner took the pulpit and welcomed everyone to the service. Sienna barely heard him announce an autumn potluck. She was fully fixated on Dreads Man.

  Rich dark brown hair just brushed his shoulder blades. He glanced at the clock on a side wall, and she caught a glimpse of his profile. Strong, angular nose. Thick eyebrows over narrow eyes. A square jaw. She’d admired that face more than once in class.

  Tingles raced up and down her arms. She wouldn’t have pegged him as religious. Did he attend services weekly?

  The choir began singing, and Sienna tried to focus on the lyrics. But she couldn’t stop staring at Aaron. His white shirt was rolled halfway up his forearms. When he leaned forward, his hair fell over one shoulder. She thought she saw the tattoo on his neck.

  Jared shifted next to her. Sienna looked down at her hands, willing the blush to leave her cheeks. Why was she so obsessed with Aaron? She had good, strong, dependable Jared, who still wanted to pursue a relationship.

  Sienna barely heard the sermon. Aaron focused on the pastor the entire service, with laser-like precision that was beyond attractive.

  The choir began singing. Had she seriously been staring for almost an hour? Sienna fumbled for the hymnal and held it so Jared could share. She bowed her head as the pastor offered a prayer. Her eyes popped open at the final amen, searching for Aaron.

  He rose, shaking the hand of the man in the pew in front of him. And then he finally turned around.

  A furrow appeared in his brow, and he looked around, as though sensing someone watched him.

  Their eyes locked. His widened.

  Aaron. At church. Her church.

  “Sienna, are you okay?” Jared asked, following her gaze.

  “I know him,” Sienna said. “We have a class together at school.”

  Jared glanced at Aaron, then nodded. “Oh yeah. He moved in about two weeks ago. He said in Bible Study that he’d transferred from Virginia State. I’m not surprised you’ve already run into him on campus.”

  “I didn’t know he was religious,” Sienna said. His bad-boy appearance didn’t jive with attending services.

  Aaron made his way down the aisle, heading toward her. Sienna fought against the current of people streaming out of the sanctuary, aware of Jared following closely behind.

  “What are you doing here?” Sienna asked.

  Aaron folded his arms, his hazel eyes amused. “I’m going to church. What else?”

  “It’s good to see you again,” Jared said. He motioned toward the sanctuary doors. “Are you staying for Bible Study?”

  “Sure,” Aaron said. “I’ve been very impressed with the class.”

  He attended services every week. He stayed for Bible Study. Sienna’s mind whirled, trying to reconcile this new information with the image she had of Aaron.

  They took the stairs to the basement and fell into their seats in the small classroom, Sienna between the two men.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” Sienna said. “There must be hundreds of churches in Philadelphia.”

  Aaron chuckled, the warm sound raising goosebumps on her arms. He had affected her more in five minutes than Jared had in an hour. “I thought you might be religious when you were so concerned about being alone at my apartment, but I couldn’t think of a good way to ask.”

  Oh gosh. He would remember that awkward conversation. “I thought for sure you would laugh at me, but you were so nice about it.”

  The assistant pastor called the class to attention. Sienna couldn’t focus—she was too aware of the two men on either side of her.

  Aa
ron was hot. Too hot. It made her nervous. And he was good and kind and fun. But she knew what to expect from Jared, and he obviously wanted their relationship to go somewhere.

  But Aaron might not be off-limits now. He went to church every week. He stayed for Bible Study. It wasn’t like she and Jared were exclusive.

  Dane went to church, too, she reminded herself. He’d even been heavily involved in the youth group. Just because Aaron went to church didn’t mean he’d respect her rules. It didn’t make him dateable.

  As Sienna sat through the lesson, her mind continued to churn. Aaron had flirted. He seemed interested. Didn’t the way he’d easily accepted her apartment rule say something about his character?

  Aaron raised his hand and made a comment on the lesson, quoting a Bible verse from memory.

  That wasn’t the kind of thing a casual Christian could do.

  Class ended, and Sienna realized she didn’t even know what the topic had been. Aaron was messing with her head.

  “Are you headed back to the apartments?” Aaron asked as the room broke up into smaller conversations.

  “Yeah,” Sienna said, her heart pounding in anticipation of what he’d say next.

  “Me too. Did you walk or drive?”

  “Walk. I don’t have a car.” Even with scholarships covering most of her tuition, a car was a luxury she couldn’t afford.

  “In that case, I can drive you home,” Aaron said.

  Jared’s hand rested heavily on her shoulder, and she fought the urge to shrug it off. “I’ll take you home, if you need a ride.”

  “That’s twenty minutes in the opposite direction of your house,” Sienna protested.

  “It’ll give us a chance to catch up.”

  “Sienna lives right across the street from me,” Aaron said. “I’m heading there anyway, so it isn’t a problem.”

  Jared took Sienna’s hand in his—the first time since her return. It felt like he was staking a claim. “I don’t mind taking you.”

  Sienna firmly pulled out of his grip. “It makes more sense for Aaron to drive me. Thanks for the offer though. Text me so we can arrange things for this week, okay?”

  He stared at Aaron, then leaned down and kissed her cheek, lingering longer than was necessary. “Okay. We’ll talk soon.”

  Sienna followed both men up the stairs, then said goodbye to Jared.

  “I’m parked over here,” Aaron said, his gaze like a deliciously warm fire.

  Two hours ago, she’d been excited at the prospect of catching up with Jared on another date. Now, all she could think about was Aaron.

  Aaron drove an ancient Toyota with flaking blue paint and a fender held on by duct tape. But any car felt like a luxury to Sienna. He held the passenger door open for her, and her palms grew damp at the gentlemanly gesture.

  “Thanks,” Sienna said as she slid in.

  “No problem.” Moments later, they were leaving the parking lot. “Why don’t I just drive you to church every week?”

  Inside, Sienna was dancing. “That’d be great.”

  “Jared won’t mind?”

  Sienna had a feeling he probably would. But he didn’t own her. They could’ve been a couple by now, but instead he’d ignored her for a month. “He’ll get used to it.”

  “Are you two dating?” The words were casual, but she heard the interest underneath his words.

  She could shut him down right now, without hurting his feelings. Jared was exactly what she needed, and Aaron was a dangerous distraction. His question had given her the perfect out.

  “We’ve been on a few dates, but we aren’t dating,” Sienna said. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Hadn’t she learned to not play with fire?

  “Looks to me like he wants to be exclusive.”

  “Maybe.” She looked down at her hands, feeling suddenly shy. “I’m still trying to decide if that’s what I want.”

  “He seems like a nice guy. But I’m a nice guy too.”

  Sienna’s stomach blazed with heat. He was interested. Interested, and very bold.

  Time to change the subject. “I can’t believe we both attend the same church. It’s not even that close to campus. What brought you to Pastor Tanner’s congregation?”

  Aaron relaxed back against his seat, one hand loosely holding the steering wheel. “His son is my best friend from high school. Things were hard at home, and I hung out a lot at Evan’s house. Eventually, he invited me to church. My parents were pretty mad when they found out, but that just made me want to go more. Evan and his family moved to Philadelphia my senior year, but we kept in touch. When things exploded last December, I looked into moving here.”

  Right when she was celebrating Hunter’s first birthday. “Wow. Why were your parents so upset?”

  “They don’t believe in organized religion—Sundays are for football and fishing. But I’ve never really fit in with my family, and I did with Evan’s. Pastor Tanner never pushed me toward conversion, but here I am. What about you—is your family religious?”

  “Extremely. I grew up going to services every week. It must be hard not having that kind of support.”

  “I think it’ll be easier, now that I’m farther from home.”

  “Can I ask why you don’t fit in?”

  Aaron’s relaxed posture didn’t change, and he gave her an easy grin. “I don’t mind telling the story, but it’s kind of long.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “My parents always wanted a big family. When my mom had an emergency hysterectomy after my sister was born, they were pretty disappointed. About four years later they decided to adopt, and two years after that I came into the picture.”

  Sienna’s heart thudded loudly in her chest. Could Aaron hear it? She pulled her sweater tightly around her. “You’re adopted?”

  “Yes. My bio mom was an immigrant from Mexico, and my bio dad was white. That’s all I know.”

  Adopted.

  “I was never really a part of my family, you know? You could tell just by looking at us. All three of my sisters look just like our parents—fair skin and blonde hair.” He flashed a grin, but Sienna felt numb. “Like you, only way less beautiful. My parents are always trying to shove Mexican culture down my throat—a Hispanic middle name, Spanish lessons, Taco Tuesday. But they brought me home from the hospital—the only connection I have to the Hispanic culture is DNA. My family doesn’t seem to get that.”

  Is that how Hunter would feel as an adult?

  No. He loved Kyra and David and Sophie. He wasn’t treated any differently, and he wasn’t forced to deal with a cultural divide.

  “That must’ve been really hard,” she said, her voice thick.

  “It was a lot to deal with, especially as a teen. But at Evan’s home, all of that disappeared. I loved listening to Pastor Tanner read from the Bible during dinner. The verses about acceptance are my favorite.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Sienna said.

  “I love my family, and I know they love me. But it’s not enough. I don’t know how birth moms can sentence their children to that kind of confusion.”

  Sienna’s blood ran cold, and she tried to keep her face blank. “I think most birth moms are doing what they think is best for their child.”

  “I’m sure they are. But maybe if they knew what adoption was like for their kid, they’d reconsider.”

  Sienna couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. “I had a friend growing up who was adopted. She fit into her family perfectly. A few years ago, I asked if she wished things were different, and she said absolutely not—that she couldn’t imagine any other life.”

  “I’m happy for your friend. But I think she’s in the minority.”

  Her chest was tight with barely contained emotions. “What about orphans? Abusive situations?”

  “Okay, I’ll give you that.” Aaron’s posture was still relaxed, liked he hadn’t noticed the tension zinging through Sienna. “I’ve met a few people like your friend, who don’t wonder about their bio famil
y and feel completely at home with their adoptive family. But most of the adoptees I know feel like they don’t quite fit in.”

  “Why? Did your family treat you badly?”

  “Of course not. But as much as we love each other, I still don’t belong. I hate my birth mom for abandoning me.”

  Sienna closed her eyes and willed her hands not to tremble. I made the right decision, she reminded herself for the millionth time. “You don’t know what her circumstances were. What your life would be like now.”

  “True.”

  “I’m sorry adoption has been so hard for you.”

  Aaron gave her a grateful smile. “Thanks. Things are better than they used to be, but it’s still hard. Anyway, now I’m here in Philadelphia, and my family’s really upset.”

  She grasped at the subject change like a lifeline. “That you moved?”

  “That I’m attending the Academy of Arts. Three generations of Johnsons have graduated from Virginia State, and I’m breaking the trend.” Aaron pulled into her apartment parking lot. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to unload that on you.”

  Sienna tried to smile. “I asked. And I’m glad you told me.”

  “It sounds worse than it really is. I still talk to my family on the phone every week, and I’ll visit when I can.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yeah. Thanks for driving home with me.”

  Sienna nodded, trying not to stare at his full lips. She could never date him now. This was too much baggage for any couple to overcome.

  But they could still be friends. “You’re the one doing me a favor. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”

  “Absolutely.” Aaron pointed to the corner. “Meet me at seven-thirty if you want to walk over together.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Sienna waved as Aaron drove away. Her mind reeled as she trudged up the stairs and opened the door. Liv straightened from where she’d been sprawled on the couch, watching an old black and white film.

  “Hey,” Liv said. “How was church?”

  Sienna kicked off her heels. “Aaron, the guy from my television history class?”