Tomorrow's Lullaby

by Lindzee Armstrong

  She’d had another lesson with Dr. Stone. For the first time ever, he’d actually berated her.

  “Move on,” he’d demanded. “Do you want to keep spending time on the lullaby, or do you want to focus on your Juilliard audition? You need to figure out your priorities. Put the song away. Start composing something new—your junior recital will be here before you know it, and you used Hunter’s Lullaby last year.”

  She knew Dr. Stone was right. She had to let go of the lullaby and start working on something new. She had to move on.

  But first, she had to say goodbye. It was time to finally close that chapter of her life for good.

  Sienna took a deep breath, then started playing Hunter’s Lullaby. The music flowed out of her without any effort, just as it always had. She’d created the original medley while pregnant with Hunter, and Kyra had played the CD every night before bed when he was an infant. Now, every time Sienna visited, Hunter and Sophie begged her to play it.

  Sienna leaned over the keys, the notes flowing from her. She’d been exultant and devastated when she’d gotten the acceptance letter from Juilliard. It had been a stiflingly hot July day. She’d walked to the mailbox in flip-flops that were uncomfortably tight on her swollen feet, her back aching from the ever-increasing pressure of her growing belly. Her first stretch mark had appeared that morning, and she worried it would never fade.

  The letter from Juilliard sat on the top of the small stack of mail, a large white envelope that’s size and weight whispered of an acceptance letter.

  Sienna wandered back to the house, the mail clutched to her chest. At least she was home alone. She still remembered the smell of paper, the way she struggled to open the envelope because the oppressive heat made the adhesive extra sticky. And then she pulled out the letter.

  All she saw was one word: accepted.

  Her eyes blurred, and she started to sob. God had prepared her heart, and she’d known immediately she couldn’t go.

  Sienna pounded on the keys, her touch too heavy for the gentle melody. In that moment, she’d been consumed with a sense of complete and utter failure. Juilliard had been her dream since she was six years old. Because of one poor choice, she had to turn them down. She couldn’t move across the country while in her third trimester and give birth alone. And Juilliard had refused to let her defer even a semester, despite her tireless petitions.

  “It’s okay,” her mom had said. “God has a plan. You’ll get in next year.”

  Mere months after Hunter’s birth, Sienna emptied her savings account to fly from Philadelphia to New York for the audition.

  They’d turned her down.

  Sienna stumbled, her fingers missing a note as she struggled with the new transition between two of the pieces in Hunter’s Lullaby. Her hands felt clammy, and her pulse thrummed in her temple. This was it—her last chance. She’d be a senior next year. If Juilliard didn’t want her for an undergrad degree, she’d never make it into their highly competitive master’s program.

  She missed a note in an arpeggio and cursed, slamming her hands down hard on the piano keys. The discordant notes filled the practice room. Sienna stretched her spine and blinked back the tears. Why did Dr. Stone have to be right? She didn’t know how to stop holding onto something that was such a huge part of her past.

  Sienna stood, pacing the piano room. She shook her hands, as though she could shake away the medley.

  “You are good enough for Juilliard,” she said to the silent room. “Your life doesn’t have to be defined by that one mistake.”

  Silence echoed back her words. She sat down on the bench, feeling like an idiot.

  Her phone dinged, and she swiped to open the text from Kyra. A picture of Hunter in ragged pants and a pirate hat filled the screen. He had an adorable smile on his cherubic face, and his blue eyes sparkled with joy.

  Kyra: Getting a jump start on Halloween shopping. Hunter can’t stop talking about pirates lately! Too cute. We miss you and love you!

  Sienna held the phone to her chest, tears aching for release. She’d given up so much for that little boy. And she didn’t regret a single sacrifice. That included Juilliard.

  She took a deep breath, then started playing again. This time, she didn’t stumble over the transitions. Every note was perfectly timed, every inflection full of a wistful sadness, but also hope.

  The last chord sang through her soul. She held it for a full sixteen beats, feeling as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

  The buzzing of her phone interrupted the moment. She wiped underneath her eyes, clicking open the text.

  Aaron: I can’t stop thinking about you. :) Can’t wait for our date.

  A stanza of music fluttered in the back of her mind—just a few measures worth of music. She grabbed a blank piece of paper, quickly jotting down the notes.

  Her fingers tentatively found the keys, and she played the phrase. The notes were happy. Light. Hopeful.

  She played them again, and another stanza came to her. She closed her eyes and kept playing, letting her soul feel for the notes.

  It was time to write a new piece.

  Sienna woke up on the day of her second date with Aaron, stomach full of butterflies and the new piece she’d started composing in her head. She wasn’t much for art exhibits, but even that sounded exciting if she was with Aaron.

  Classes and piano lessons dragged. After her last lesson, Sienna raced home to change before her date. Liv was already at the apartment, getting ready for her own date.

  “Which boy are you going out with today?” Liv asked, expertly applying eyeliner to a closed lid.

  Sienna stripped and pulled on a fresh shirt. “Aaron.”

  “Oh, good. I really like him. Hey, what are you doing next weekend? We should finally all go out together.”

  So Sienna would finally get to meet the infamous Eldon. She thought of asking Aaron out, and her palms grew damp. He’d made it clear he liked her, but her stomach still rumbled with nerves at the thought of asking him out. “Next weekend should be fine.”

  “You’re going to invite Aaron, not Jared, right?” Liv popped her lips, blotting the gloss she’d just applied. “I mean, Jared is nice and all, but kind of boring. Aaron is hot.”

  Sienna rolled her eyes. He was so much more than hot. He was sweet and romantic and thoughtful and fun to be around. “Yes, I’ll ask Aaron.”

  A knock sounded at the front door, and Sienna’s heart started pounding.

  “That’s Aaron,” Liv said, following Sienna toward the door. “Eldon never comes to the door.”

  “Well, he should,” Sienna said.

  “Oh, don’t be so old fashioned. You’re going to love him.”

  Sienna seriously doubted that—she had yet to like a single guy Liv had dated. She opened the door, Liv still at her side. Aaron had pulled his dreads back in a half ponytail, and wore a leather jacket and jeans that had Sienna’s mouth watering.

  He looked back and forth between them, one eyebrow raised. “Hey.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m just leaving.” Liv waved as she hurried down the stairs. “See you next weekend.”

  Aaron leaned down and gave Sienna a quick kiss on her cheek, leaving a trail of longing where his lips had been. “What was that about?”

  “Oh, Liv has been begging us to double with her and Eldon. I said I’d ask you.” Sienna buttoned up her jacket, hoping the movement looked casual. Geez, asking someone out was terrifying. How did guys do this constantly?

  “Sounds fun,” Aaron said.

  Sienna dropped her hands, relaxing. “Really?”

  He laughed. “Absolutely. In case it wasn’t obvious, I kind of like spending time with you.”

  “I like spending time with you, too.”

  “Good.” His hand slipped easily into hers, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “I thought we’d walk to the gallery, if you don’t mind. Parking is such a nightmare on campus.”

  “Fine with me. You really d
on’t mind going out with Liv and Eldon?”

  “Of course not. Liv’s important to you, and I’m honored you asked me to go on this date with you.”

  A strong breeze blew out of the north, making the fallen leaves swirl about their feet. Sienna knew decent weather in early October was a blessing that would soon disappear. She stood closer to Aaron, letting his body heat keep her warm.

  “Tell me about Eldon. What’s he like?” Aaron asked.

  “I haven’t met him yet, but I don’t have high hopes. All I really know is that he’s thirty-nine and a lawyer.”

  Aaron whistled. “Liv goes for older men, huh?”

  “Liv’s likes and dislikes change on a minute-by-minute basis. For now, I think it’s Eldon’s lifestyle more than his charm that she’s attracted to. Her last boyfriend worked as a manager at a small clothing store. The hours were awful and the money scarce. I think she got tired of going to community theater instead of Broadway for date night. I doubt Eldon and Liv will last long.”

  “Well then, we’d better go on this date and meet him while we can. Sounds like an entertaining evening.”

  “Anything with Liv is entertaining. I’ll let her know we’re on for this weekend. Friday night, maybe? Does that work for you?”

  Aaron tapped her on the nose with his finger. “For you, I’ll make it work.”

  Sienna tingled from her head clear down to her toes.

  The student ballroom had been transformed into an elegant art gallery. Student pieces with expensive plaques were showcased in neat rows. Classical music played quietly overhead while people milled about the room. The crowd was sparse, and wide aisles laid with red carpet enhanced the spacious feel.

  “Wow. This is a lot classier than I expected.” Sienna looked down at her blouse and dark denim jeans. “I feel under-dressed.”

  Aaron kissed her temple. “You look beautiful. And if you’re under-dressed, then so am I.”

  “Next semester, you should submit something to showcase.”

  “Maybe I will.” He led Sienna to the edge of the ballroom, and they started wandering up the first aisle.

  “So what is the assignment?” Sienna asked.

  “Write an essay detailing my experiences and how the art emotionally impacted me.” Aaron snorted. “Freshman work. I can’t believe an upper-level course assigned this.”

  “Sounds like a fluff piece.”

  “I think the professor is using it to increase attendance at the show. He organizes it, and all the money goes to the children’s hospital.”

  “It’s a good cause then.”

  “I suppose I can suffer. For the children.” He winked, and Sienna laughed.

  Aaron pulled her over to an abstract sculpture made from old tires. He pursed his lips and rubbed his chin.

  “I feel emotionally impacted by this work because it reminds me of the time I got a flat tire and had to wait two hours for my dad to get off work and bring me a spare,” Aaron said.

  Sienna mimicked his stance. “Yes, I can see that. If you were to express that feeling in watercolors, what would it look like?”

  “An immense quantity of bovine excrement.”

  Sienna snorted. A severe-looking woman with bright red lipstick and a slicked-back bun glared at them. More laughter bubbled up, and Sienna covered her mouth, leaning into Aaron as she tried to control her laughter. He grinned and tugged her toward an oil painting. Greens and blues blended together as laughing children ran through a meadow.

  “This emotionally impacts me because that looks like a great place for a picnic, and now I want fried chicken,” Aaron said. “I think I’ll write my paper about the emotional distress I experienced because of my sudden huger.”

  Sienna cocked her head, staring at the painting. The children looked young—two boys, perhaps four years old. They both wore overalls without shirts underneath, and were barefoot. “Really? Fried chicken is what you get out of this painting?”

  “Well yeah. A meadow obviously means a picnic, and a picnic obviously means fried chicken. Because fried chicken is amazing.”

  “Hmm.” Sienna tapped her chin. “I don’t know. I’m more emotionally impacted by how I want to fly a kite, but don’t own one and so can’t.”

  Aaron laughed. “We can do a picnic-with-fried-chicken-and-kite-flying-date another time.”

  Sienna shivered at the promise. She couldn’t wait.

  Her purse started buzzing, interrupting the moment. Sienna ignored it and followed Aaron to the next exhibit. A few minutes later, her phone buzzed again. She could feel the vibration against her hip, though the slight sound was lost in the noise of the exhibit hall.

  Sienna motioned to a picture made entirely out of thumb tacks, the sharp ends pointed out. “Explain what the heck is happening there.”

  Aaron laughed. “Modern art emphasis is my guess. See how it’s a heart?”

  “Yeah. I think even I could arrange thumb tacks in that shape.”

  “It’s saying that love hurts. That loving someone can make you bleed. See how each thumb tack is tipped in red?”

  “I thought that was to make the heart red.”

  “That’s one interpretation, but I think the artist is trying to get across a deeper message. Love is beautiful. But it’s also sharp and painful.”

  Sienna nodded, enjoying his more serious tone. She loved that she could laugh with Aaron, but have deep conversations with him as well. “Have you ever been in love?”

  Aaron nodded, not shying away from the question. “Once. We mutually agreed it wasn’t working and parted on good terms. Last I heard she was living in Los Angeles with her fiancé and working in marketing, which had always been her dream. I’m happy for her.”

  Sienna’s phone rang again, tickling her hip bone. Who was trying to call her so insistently? She should’ve silenced the phone instead of putting it on vibrate. It was probably Dane.

  “Have you ever been in love before?” Aaron asked.

  “Once,” Sienna admitted, echoing his words.

  “With your ex-boyfriend, Dane?”

  “Yeah, with Dane. But that was a long time ago.”

  Aaron’s eyes clouded, and he brushed his knuckles along her cheek. “He hurt you.”

  Sienna took a deep breath. She could be vulnerable with Aaron. He’d earned that much of her trust. “Dane crushed my heart. I don’t know if what I felt for him was real love, but it felt real enough for a seventeen-year-old. I was devastated when he broke up with me.”

  “Are you sure he doesn’t want to get back together with you? He’s bothering you an awful lot.”

  “What Dane wants doesn’t matter. I don’t feel anything for him anymore.”

  Aaron nodded, his eyes light and hopeful. He cleared his throat and pointed to the next exhibit. “Apparently pipe clears are used in art after the first grade. I had no idea.”

  Sienna match his tone, glad to put the conversation about ex’s behind them. “Clearly the artist is expressing his longing for the simplicity of childhood.”

  “Really? And I was so sure it was depicting a gruesome unsolved murder.”

  Sienna burst out laughing. “How do you figure?”

  He pointed to a red pipe cleaner stuck through the center of a peach-colored circle. “Obviously, someone has been stabbed in the head.”

  “Obviously.” Her phone rang again, and she let out a groan.

  “Something wrong?” Aaron asked.

  “Someone keeps trying to call me. I’m just going to turn my phone from vibrate to silent. Sorry.”

  “Maybe it’s something important. You should answer it.”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing . . .” Sienna froze when she saw the number.

  Not Dane. Kyra.

  “I’m sorry. I have to take this.” Sienna plugged her exposed ear with a finger to try and block out the noise. “Kyra, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m sorry to bother you,” Kyra said, her voice thick and nasally.

  Sienna’s heart dr
opped, and tears welled in her eyes. She blinked, refusing to let them fall. “It’s Nana, isn’t it?”

  “She passed away about an hour ago. A massive stroke. I wanted to call and tell you before word got out on social media.”

  Sienna covered her mouth, fighting back a sob. “Kyra, I am so sorry.”

  “It was her time to go. But it hurts so much.”

  “What can I do for you?” Sienna asked. “How are the kids taking it?”

  “Sophie is really sad. Hunter’s a little anxious because he’s not sure what’s going on. I’m a wreck, which isn’t helping.”

  “Should I call and talk to them later?” Sienna asked. “It’s pretty noisy where I am right now.”

  “They’d love that.”

  “When’s a good time?”

  “Maybe an hour? David took them out for ice cream so I could have some time to myself.”

  “Absolutely,” Sienna said, her voice thick. “I’ll call them in an hour. What else can I do?”

  Kyra laughed, but it came out as more of a sob. “Nothing. I’ve got to make a few other phone calls. We’ll talk soon.”

  “Of course. Goodbye,” Sienna said and hung up.

  Aaron’s hand rested on her shoulder, his eyes filled with concern. “Is everything okay?”

  A single tear rolled down Sienna’s cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. “No. Nana died.”

  His arms immediately wrapped around her, pulling her close. She rested her head against his broad chest as a few more tears squeezed out.

  “I am so sorry, Sienna. Were you close to your grandmother? Was she sick?”

  How would she explain her relationship with the Petersons to Aaron? “She isn’t actually my grandmother, but she might as well be.”

  Aaron’s brow furrowed. “Okay . . .”

  “There’s this family back home in Utah, the Petersons. They’re like my second family. Kyra’s grandma has been sick for a few weeks, so we knew this might be coming. It’s still so hard.” She wiped under her eyes.

  Aaron pulled her in for another hug. “I’m sorry. I can tell you were really close to her.”

  “Kyra thinks it’ll help if I video chat with her kids. I’m really close with them, and with everything going on, they’re stressed.”