Dime a Demon

by Devon Monk

  “Freeze,” I yelled, pulling my gun in one smooth motion. Ryder was half a second behind me, dropping the box with absolutely no hesitation, his weapon drawn.

  The lid creaked open the rest of the way.

  “Ta-da!” Xtelle threw her front legs up by her ears and jiggled them like jazz hooves.

  “Jesus,” Ryder said, holstering his gun.

  “What are you doing in my trunk?” I didn’t lower my weapon an inch.

  “Exactly what you told me to do.”

  “I told you to stay at my house and watch videos about horses.”

  “I’m sorry? No speaka da being held prisoner in a town you insist is equally welcoming to all creatures.”

  “How long do you have to listen to that?” Ryder asked.

  “Every minute her mouth is open.”

  “I never thought I’d be happy about the pig,” he said.

  “Pig!” She narrowed her eyes and tipped her head to ramming position. Good thing her horn wasn’t visible. “What did you call me, human?”

  “Simmer down,” I said. “It’s a dragon anyway. It just takes the shape of a baby pig.”

  She lowered her hooves and placed them neatly in front of her on the edge of the trunk so she could peer right and left. “It’s a…a dragon do you say? Isn’t that interesting? So interesting. Does it…uh…run wild in the town?” Her eyes were too big. She looked nervous.

  Ryder gently pressed down on my gun arm. “We don’t let it run wild.”

  I sighed and holstered my firearm.

  “Dragon pig lives with Delaney and me.” He nodded toward his truck. “And rides shotgun.”

  “So it’s…here?” Her voice carried a small flutter. “Dragons and unicorns do not mix. I hope there’s no reason we’d need to interact?”

  “There’s nothing written in stone about it,” Ryder said.

  Then the door to his truck flew open. Xtelle scrambled out of the trunk and quickly trotted around to hide behind me.

  “Oh, come on,” I groaned.

  The pig seemed to get more adorable the longer it stayed in Ordinary. It tip-toe-trotted between the two vehicles, the pebble-on-rock sound of its hooves announcing its approach.

  “Help me,” Xtelle breathed into my knees. “It knows what I am!”

  “Take it easy,” Ryder started. “It’s just a little…”

  “Violence isn’t allowed,” I reminded Xtelle. And myself, because, really? The drama coming off of this unicorn could fuel a high school theater company.

  “…dragon pig,” Ryder continued. “Perfectly harmless. Hasn’t done anything violent toward anyone. Unless you count that thing it did with the fire hydrant. And that was more a theft with intent to break my leg. Not actual violence.”

  “Just settle down,” I said. “Laws of Ordinary apply to you too now, you know.”

  “I don’t know the laws!” Xtelle moaned. “I haven’t read them yet!”

  “You would know them if you’d stayed home like I told you to.”

  “But that’s boring, and unicorns cannot survive boredom. It’s our one flaw.”

  One flaw? Oh, let me count the ways.

  “Really? Boredom?” I asked, calling her bluff. “I’ve never read that fact before.”

  “We’ve never allowed it to be written down. Because it’s our weakness,” she stage-whispered.

  “Uh-huh.” I so didn’t believe her.

  “You so don’t believe me!”

  “Unicorns can die of boredom?”

  “Yes! Why do you think we search out virgins?”

  “Yeah, I don’t want to know,” Ryder mumbled. “C’mere, dragon buddy. Let’s not eat any government property today.”

  “Virgins have nothing to do with their lives and are more likely to spend time keeping a unicorn company,” Xtelle said.

  “You have a weird idea about virginity,” Ryder said.

  “Keeping you company,” I stated.

  “So we don’t get bored! And die. Of boredom.”

  I looked over at Ryder for some sympathy. He kept his expression blank, but there was a twinkle in his eyes.

  “Yeah. Good luck with that, Myra. Keep your guest entertained. So she doesn’t die of boredom.”

  “I will shoot you.”

  “Naw.” He grinned. “That’s just what you say to the guys you actually love.”

  I did?

  He laughed. “The look on your face. Did you just realize that? When you like someone, you threaten them. It’s how you show the love.”

  “I do not.”

  “You do. Pretty much constantly. Here we go.” He bent and scooped the little pink bundle of piggy cute into his arms. “No eating a car today, buddy. There’s not enough insurance in the world to take care of that again.”

  “He ate a car?” I asked.

  “He is a dragon. Needs fuel for…whatever it is dragons do when they’re not trying to chow their way through the town’s infrastructure.”

  Xtelle behind me made a little “eep” noise.

  “Oh, for all the…” I reached around to get a handful of her mane. “Come here, Xtelle. Let me introduce you to Ordinary’s only dragon.”

  “No.”

  “This is a part of being a citizen of Ordinary. You have to get to know people. New kinds of people you might not have met before. This is a great first step, don’t you think?”

  She pressed her head against the back of my thigh and shook it side to side. “No, I do not. I do not need to meet a dragon.”

  Ryder rubbed the little piggy on the head right between its little pointy ears.

  “Come on now, Xtelle,” he said in a gentle tone that I thought might work on spooked horses. Too bad she wasn’t a horse. “Dragons don’t mean anyone any harm. The worst this one does is track down demons. We see that as a benefit, not a flaw. Since you’re not a demon, this isn’t going to be a problem at all. You might even make a friend.”

  “A unicorn does not cavort with those things.”

  I caught Ryder’s gaze, tipped my chin at the unicorn behind me, nodded. He nodded back, shifting his hold on the dragon pig so its little piggy face was in his hands.

  I mouthed: “one, two, three.”

  Then I stepped to the side, exposing the unicorn at the same moment Ryder pivoted and bent so the dragon pig and the unicorn/mini-horse were eye to eye.

  The pig rumbled, a very not-pig sound.

  “This! I object!” Xtelle said.

  The pig’s eyes widened, going shiny with fire. Two puffs of smoke curled up from its little nostrils. The rumbling got louder.

  “Huh,” Ryder said. “That’s weird. He’s usually really good meeting new people.”

  “Unicorns and dragons do not mix,” Xtelle whispered again.

  “Hey,” Delaney said as she approached. “What’s going on?”

  “Just doing a little community relations,” Ryder said. “Did you know dragons and unicorns don’t mix?”

  Delaney reached over and tugged the dragon pig’s ear. “I don’t think dragons and most things mix. Isn’t that right?” She scratched the little pig’s eyebrow and the pig blinked, its eyes going back to more piggy and less dragon-y. “We’re still a little fond of it.”

  “Our fondness is severely tested when the dragon eats his way through the junkyard,” Ryder said.

  “Again?” she asked, exasperated.

  “Yep. Just a riding lawnmower this time.”

  “We said no eating vehicles, didn’t we?”

  “I think we mentioned no eating cars or trucks.”

  She lifted the pig’s chin and stared it in the eyes. “No eating any kind of equipment. If you need metal to keep you going, we can get you some scrap buildings. Someone around here is almost always tearing down a shed or something. We can just say a strong wind destroyed it, okay?”

  The pig wagged its little curly tail.

  “No,” she said sternly. “The cute will not work on me. I need your word that you will not eat any veh
icle or piece of equipment of any sort in this town unless you ask me or Ryder first. Yes?”

  The dragon pig rumbled, and it sounded like laughter.

  “That’s not a yes,” Ryder said. I had no idea he was picking up dragon-speak.

  The dragon pig oinked once.

  “Good.” Delaney gave it one last tug on its other ear. The dragon pig looked inordinately pleased with itself.

  “It’s up to something,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Delaney agreed. “It usually is. How’s it going, Xtelle?”

  “Better before I knew there was a dragon in town,” she said.

  “That makes two of us,” Ryder said.

  Delaney made a face at him. “Yeah, well, this dragon has been very handy. More than once. So. I’m glad it’s here.”

  Ryder got that sappy look that meant my sister was the world, the stars, and the moon to him. She was looking right back at him with the same gooey bliss.

  Last winter, the dragon had saved Ryder’s life. He’d been coming back from a job and had been in a car accident in the middle of a snowstorm. Bathin, who is good at finding and moving people, hadn’t wanted to bring him directly home.

  It turned out the dragon was an amazing demon tracker.

  Dragon pig had disappeared and reappeared with a very put-out Bathin and an injured Ryder in tow.

  Knowing there wasn’t any place in the world where Bathin could escape the dragon’s reach was one of the only reasons I slept at night.

  “All right,” I said, breaking up the kissy-kissy looks. “Don’t you two need to be going? God mail waits for no man. Or woman. Or pig.”

  “Hello, Reed Daughters,” a mellifluous voice said from behind me.

  I turned, and the unicorn trotted around with me so that she was once again hiding behind my legs. She stuck her head out to one side and watched the man stroll our way.

  Well, not man. God. Death. Than.

  He wore expensive gray slacks, shiny black shoes, and a light-brown leather jacket which was unzipped. Beneath that was an outrageously yellow T-shirt with 100% Ordinary splashed in red across it.

  Than was tall, lean, and carried himself with an unconscious authority that commanded attention. His hair was dark and trimmed to perfection, his skin pale, and unwrinkled. His eyes were deep and black as the night, cool and endless as the ages, older even than time.

  He caught me staring and tipped one eyebrow up. There was amusement in those eyes now, but he didn’t smile. I’d never seen him smile.

  “Hey, Than,” Delaney said. “Myra’s going to handle your training for the day. Show you the ropes.”

  “As you wish.” He turned his body to fully face me, and his attention carried weight. “The creature behind you?”

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “What is it?”

  “What does it look like?”

  “A unicorn!” Xtelle stomped out from behind me, head lifted high. “I, sir, am a unicorn.”

  Than notched his unsettling gaze downward to her. “I see.”

  His cool gaze drifted back to me. “You know what she is?”

  “Yes. This tiny horse thing was her choice.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if she were to run around Ordinary in her true form, it would cause havoc.”

  “Indeed, it would.”

  “All right,” Delaney said. “Call me if you need anything or if anything weird happens.”

  “Weird in Ordinary,” Than mused. “I do wonder what that would entail.”

  Delaney laughed and she and Ryder headed toward his truck.

  They didn’t catch the way Death directed his gaze back to the unicorn/not-unicorn.

  They didn’t catch the way his eyes went hard and bright.

  Chapter 12

  The unicorn refused to ride in the trunk no matter how many times I told her to get back in there. She settled into the backseat and was not happy about it.

  But hey, driver makes the rules, and Death rides shotgun.

  I handed the other laws and rules book to Than. “Read through this and be ready for some pop quizzes. Later, you’ll have to take a written test.”

  He held the book almost delicately between his long, thin fingers. “These are the laws I shall be required to learn?”

  “All reserve officers must know not only the mortal laws, but also the supernatural laws.”

  “I’m sure it will be riveting.”

  I glanced over to see if he was giving me shit, but he already had the booklet open and was calmly scanning the page.

  He was a hard guy to get a read on. Most of the time he seemed aloof to the world around him, but at the same time intensely focused, as if he were savoring every little detail. Like he didn’t want anyone to see how much the mortal world, and being a part of it, fascinated him.

  “If you have any questions about any of it, please ask me. We’ll talk through it until it makes sense.” I guided the cruiser out of the parking lot and onto the street.

  The unicorn blew air through her lips and flopped her head on the window. “Boring.”

  “More boring than the trunk?” I asked with a sunny smile.

  She met my eyes in the rearview mirror and flipped her ears back. “No.”

  “Good. I’m going to drop you off at my house. You can read some books, watch TV. About real horses. I’ll be home later to check on you.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “Xtelle,” Than said calmly.

  “You can’t boss me around,” she snarled.

  “Enough.” Than snapped his fingers once.

  Xtelle pressed her lips together, her nostrils flaring as she glared. Silently.

  Blessedly silently.

  “I don’t know how you did that, the snap thing? But I want you to teach me,” I said.

  “First, you become Death. Is that a position you to aspire to attain, Reed Daughter?”

  I grinned. “Nope. Not at all.”

  “Well, then. Perhaps there are other ways to install cooperation in those around you. Might I suggest coffee?”

  “You want a cup?”

  “Is it not the standard beverage for officers of the law, Reed Daughter?”

  “First, you’re a reserve officer. Second, please call me Myra. Third, this officer of the law prefers tea.”

  “Is that so?” He smoothed his fingers along the sharp edges of the book. “So do I.”

  I flicked on my turn signal and crossed traffic to head to the drive-thru tea shop—the first one in Ordinary. It carried a wide variety of specialty teas, because I’d basically promised I’d keep them in business by making sure I came there, and sent everyone else I knew there too. They also carried homemade pastries and several coffee options.

  Xtelle hadn’t stopped breathing heavily through her nostrils, but her gaze slipped between the back of my head, which she looked like she wanted to punch, and the back of his, which she looked like she wanted to ignore. Finally she leaned her head sideways against the window with a defeated clunk.

  “Still think that would be a really useful snap to learn. Does it work on anything other than unicorns?”

  He looked away from the brochure and blinked. “I can only imagine it would.”

  I waited for a break in traffic, then pulled into the drive-thru behind two other cars.

  “Can I ask you a question? Not about the snap,” I said. He nodded. “What’s going to happen to Delaney’s soul?”

  “Eventually?”

  “No. If I don’t find a way to force Bathin to give it back to her. Will it kill her?”

  He shifted in the seat, angling his shoulders so that he was more fully facing me. “Every creature eventually journeys through death.”

  “I’m not talking about eventually. I know we all die. I just want to know how much time I have left to save her.”

  The unicorn snorted and muttered to herself. Sounded like “martyr” and “ridiculous” and “boring” and “worst sibling ever.”

&nbs
p; But Than held my gaze, his own steady and solid. “I do not possess the ability to see the future, Myra Reed. I only know that she will die. As all living things are intended to.”

  “Pretty much what I expected you’d say.”

  “I see. Perhaps you could ask the unicorn’s opinion.”

  “No!” Xtelle yelped. “She should not ask the unicorn about anyone’s soul. Why would she ask the unicorn about souls? The unicorn is not a soul directory that can be dialed up at the whim of a derelict deity tramping about like a transient vagabond.

  “The unicorn,” Xtelle went on in a rush, “is a creature of purity and white light. I wouldn’t know what happens to a human soul.”

  “A creature of light understands shadow more than any other,” Than said. “Are you not well-versed in all things demonic?”

  Xtelle shifted her eyes side to side, looking for an escape route. “You’re saying I’m an expert on demons?” She jiggled the door handle. It didn’t do anything.

  “No.”

  “But you’re inferring that, because I’m a unicorn, purest of all creatures, I would know about my very opposite, demons, the dirtiest of all creatures?”

  Than lowered the visor and watched her in the mirror. “I advise you to tell Myra Reed the insight you may have on what happens when a soul is possessed by a demon such as Bathin.”

  “I don’t have to listen to you. You’re not even a god right now.”

  Than slipped two long fingers into the front of his jacket and removed a thin fold of leather. I knew exactly what he had in his hands. In that moment, I knew Delaney’s instinct for our new hire was right on the money.

  “This metal badge gives me a unique authority. I may not hold my power at this time, but my power resides in Ordinary. Therefore, as an officer of Ordinary’s laws, I am still in possession of my power. In a sense, I am more powerful here than I could ever be outside of these gentle borders.

  “If you wish to test my powers, whether of the supernatural or mundane, I would encourage that. I hunger to sate my curiosity as to which limits I might find no longer apply.”

  Let’s hear it for the scary guy.

  I wasn’t even sure if he could do what he was implying—wield his power because he was more than just a vacationing human now that he was entrusted by us to uphold the laws here.