River's Edge

by Terri Blackstock

  But that was the question, wasn’t it? Was this a seed planted by God, or was it something else entirely?

  She drove back home, muscles drawn tight by the anxiety of dreaming too big, the stress of wanting more than was in reach. It wasn’t like her to be greedy, to take shortcuts to success. If she had to go into deep debt to expand, if she had to scheme against her own accounting, if she had to take such tremendous risks when she’d barely gotten the paper off the ground—then she was pretty sure this wasn’t of God.

  Until she was sure it was, she would put the plans on the back burner. But keeping herself from thinking about them might not be all that easy. Her Pandora’s box of dreams was open now. She didn’t know if it was possible to close it again.

  CHAPTER 50

  Morgan rose Saturday morning while it was still dark and went downstairs to gather herself before Caleb got up. Karen was already up, sitting out on the sun porch nursing Emory.

  Morgan put a pot of coffee on, then stepped out to join her. “Good morning. You’re up early.”

  Karen smiled up at her. “Emory woke me up. If I can get him to sleep till five I’m happy. Besides, I’m so excited about the wedding, and there’s so much to do. I couldn’t hardly sleep anyway.”

  Morgan hugged her. “You sure you can get it all together that quick? A week from Saturday is awfully soon.”

  “I’d do it today if I could. I can’t believe how the good Lord has blessed me.”

  When the couple had chosen to have it so soon and asked to have it at Hanover House, Morgan and Jonathan pointed out that it was impossible to do much in preparation. The debate was this Saturday; the election Tuesday. But Gus and Karen didn’t want any flowers other than the ones already planted in the front garden. Melba Jefferson, a dear friend of the family, got the news and immediately volunteered to make Karen’s wedding dress. They wanted it simple and sweet.

  Church members offered to help with the food, the music, and the chairs on the front lawn, and Jonathan would conduct the ceremony. Morgan just hoped it wouldn’t rain.

  “So are you getting ready to go get Sadie’s mama?”

  “I am.” Morgan sat down next to her. “It’s a three-hour drive, so I hope to get off early. Jonathan’s staying behind to do some campaigning.”

  “You want me to keep Caleb for you?”

  Morgan thought about that for a moment. “I’m trying to decide whether to take him with us or not.”

  “It’s a long trip. Three hours, one way.”

  “I know, but when I put myself in Sheila’s place, I think how anxious she must be to spend time with him. She’ll want to hold him the minute she’s free. She could sit by him in the backseat and bond with him. I think he’ll be okay if we make frequent stops.”

  “That’s sweet of you to think of her, Morgan. I know this is hard for you.”

  Morgan hated being so transparent. “I want her to be happy here. I want to give her every opportunity to be what her children need her to be.”

  “That’s what you gave me,” Karen said. “A chance to start over, get my life right. And watching you mother Caleb has taught me how to be a mama to Emory.”

  Ironic, Morgan thought. Here she was, not even a mother herself, modeling motherhood to the mothers who would live in the house. That heaviness fell over her heart again. “Well, I guess I’d better get Sadie up, and I need to go through the clothes we’ve had donated. Sheila may not have anything to wear.”

  “Guaranteed she’s not the same size she was when she went in. I was two sizes bigger when I got out.”

  That had been the problem with virtually all of the women who came here from jail. They’d spent whatever money they’d earned working in jail on candy bars and junk food at the commissary. It helped anesthetize the grief, boredom, and loneliness. She went to the closet where they kept the donated clothing and picked out a couple of outfits in different sizes close to what Sheila probably wore. She was still slim, but she’d been nothing but skin and bones when she’d been arrested.

  Help me to think of her today, Lord. Not me.

  If she could focus on her, maybe she would get through the day without falling apart.

  Sheila was waiting in the holding room in the prison when Morgan, Sadie, and Caleb went in. She still wore her brown prison jumpsuit, dingy white socks, and the fluorescent orange flip-flops that were issued to all the inmates.

  Sadie carried Caleb in, and the moment she saw her mother she let out a joyful yell. Sheila bolted out of her chair and threw her arms around them.

  Morgan stood back, holding the clothes over her arm. Sheila took Caleb and covered his face with kisses.

  It was as it should be.

  “He’s so big. Look at him. He’s grown up. He’s not a baby anymore.”

  The child stared up at his mother, as if he didn’t quite know how to react. Morgan prayed he wouldn’t cry.

  “His hair has a curl. I didn’t know he had curly hair.”

  “I sent you pictures, Mom,” Sadie said. “Don’t you remember seeing the curl?”

  “It’s not the same.” She ruffled his hair and kissed him again. He smiled—miraculously…beautifully. “Look at you, smiling at your mama. Oh, you’re so different in person, Caleb! Do you even remember me?”

  Of course he didn’t, Morgan thought. He’d only been a few months old when she’d been arrested.

  She stepped up then. “Sheila, we’re so glad you’re coming home with us.”

  Sheila looked as if she could have floated out the door. “Well, I’m ready to get out of this place, only they won’t let me go in the state-issued jumpsuit.”

  “I brought you some clothes. I wasn’t sure of the size, but one of these should work.”

  Sheila took one of the pairs of jeans with her free hand and held it up to her. “You people are unbelievable, you know that? I’m just blown away.”

  “Go change, Mom,” Sadie said. “I can’t wait to get you out of here.”

  Reluctantly Sheila handed Caleb back to Sadie and, giddy with excitement, disappeared into a bathroom.

  When she’d finished dressing and signed all of her paperwork, they left the depressing building. Morgan unlocked the car and opened the door to the backseat. “I thought you’d want to sit next to his car seat. Here, I’ll put him in.”

  “I can do it. I remember how to put a kid into a car seat.”

  Morgan didn’t like hearing Caleb referred to as a kid, but she knew loving parents did it all the time. She got into the driver’s seat as all three Carusos lined up in the back.

  They had scarcely gotten to the highway back to Savannah, when Caleb started to cry. Morgan listened helplessly as both Sadie and Sheila tried to calm him.

  She glanced into the rearview mirror. “Maybe we should pull over. He might need to be changed. We need lunch, anyway.”

  “I can change him,” Sheila said quickly, and before Morgan could stop her, she had unclipped his car seat and pulled him out. “He just wants his mama, don’t you, Caleb?”

  Alarms went off in Morgan’s head. “He really needs to be in the car seat, Sheila. It’s dangerous to have him out of it. It’s also against the law.”

  “Well, what are they gonna do, put me back in jail for holding my own baby?”

  Morgan swallowed and decided to pull over at the next exit.

  Caleb didn’t like the new arrangement, so he cried louder, kicking and bucking to get out of her lap. He was just about to break free when Morgan pulled into a McDonald’s. “We can eat and let him play for a little while. He’ll probably be ready for a nap by the time we get back into the car.”

  She could see the frustration on Sheila’s face, and she told herself to have compassion. Sheila was trying, after all, even if her methods were a little wrong.

  Caleb got sleepy after lunch and fussed until Morgan finally took him. He laid his head down on Morgan’s shoulder and began to suck his thumb. She saw the disappointment on Sheila’s face, so she tried to distrac
t her. “I’ll go change him. If you guys need anything, there’s a big convenience store next door.” She pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to Sheila. “I’m going to pull the car over there and get some gas.”

  Sheila’s face changed, and mother and daughter hurried across to the store, like best girlfriends on a shopping spree. It had been over a year since Sheila had been in a store. She would probably head straight for the Cokes, as the residents often did. Then she’d get some mascara, if they sold it, maybe some lip gloss. Things that made her feel human again.

  Morgan tried to get her bearings. She changed Caleb and hooked him back into his car seat. “Go to sleep, sweetie,” she said, kissing his forehead. “You’re being such a good boy.”

  His eyelids began to close even as she got into the driver’s seat and pulled over to the gas pumps. She looked toward the door and saw Sadie coming out. Her face was pale, and she looked as if she might burst into tears.

  “What is it, honey? Is everything okay?”

  Sheila came out then. A lit cigarette hung from her mouth. She held a brand new pack in her hand.

  Morgan glanced back at Sadie.

  “I told her, but she wouldn’t listen. Morgan, please don’t get mad.”

  Sadie got into the car. Morgan waited for Sheila to reach her. “Sheila, if you read the rules of the program at Hanover House, you know that smoking is forbidden.”

  “Well, we’re not at the house yet. Don’t worry. I won’t smoke in the car.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t smoke at all.”

  Sheila huffed and took the cigarette out, exhaled a long stream of smoke. She looked poised to argue, but then seemed to think better of it. Dropping the cigarette, she stomped it out.

  “I don’t want you bringing the pack home, Sheila.”

  Sheila sighed. “Well, you paid for it. You want me to just toss it?”

  “I’d appreciate that.”

  Her face was tight as she dropped it ceremoniously into the trash can, then got back into the car.

  “Thank you, Sheila.” Morgan took the nozzle out and put the gas cap back on.

  Sheila didn’t answer. She just closed the door hard.

  Morgan didn’t know why she felt like crying as she got back into the car. This happened almost every time they got a new resident. They were always happy and grateful to be accepted, but as soon as the rules and the reality sank in, they began to resent Morgan and Jonathan. Usually, if they could just stick it out for the first month or so, the resentment would eventually fade, and the real work could begin.

  But she wanted it to be different with Sheila. Her children were watching.

  Sheila seemed to be sulking as she sat next to her sleeping child. Her arms were crossed, and she stared out the window as Morgan pulled back onto the interstate. Sadie was just as quiet.

  As she drove, Morgan realized they were walking a tightrope between strict adherence to the rules and the knowledge that Sheila could leave, taking Caleb if Sheila felt provoked. Morgan couldn’t let her love for the child temper her expectations. It wouldn’t help Sheila change her life. It wouldn’t do her any good at all. Since the other tenants had to follow the rules, it wouldn’t be fair to bend them for Sheila.

  If Morgan were still pregnant, everything would be different. Maybe it would be easier for her to let go. Or maybe not.

  After a while, Sadie tried to get her mother’s mind off of her anger. “Mom, there was a murder a couple of weeks ago in Cape Refuge. I’ve been helping Blair cover it for the paper. This woman, Lisa, was found in her car at the bottom of the river…”

  This woman, Lisa, Morgan thought. Her friend, who had been barren. She wondered if this third treatment would have helped Lisa conceive, if she had been close to seeing her dreams come true.

  Maybe they could still come true for her. In vitro was a drastic approach so soon in her infertility struggle. But maybe the doctor was right. Maybe they needed the big guns first. She didn’t want to wind up like Lisa, with an empty womb and an empty crib where Caleb used to be.

  When she got home, she would tell Jonathan she wanted to try. Somehow, she would come up with the money. But Dr. Sims was right. She couldn’t put a price on having a family.

  Whatever it cost, she would figure out how to get the money. Even if it meant mortgaging Hanover House.

  CHAPTER 51

  Have you seen this autopsy report?”

  McCormick’s question cut into Cade’s thoughts as he studied Carson Graham’s phone records. “No. Anything we didn’t know?”

  McCormick came in and dropped the report on his desk. “You might want to take a look at it.”

  Cade glanced down at the long report. It would take him a while to read it.

  “Look under General Health History. The part about her uterus.”

  Cade scanned the pages until he found that section. “What’s a bicornuate uterus?”

  McCormick sat down. “I looked it up. It’s when the uterus is split in two parts, and there’s a wall between them. It causes a woman to miscarry early in her pregnancies, which is obviously why Lisa was never able to have a baby. Read on.”

  Cade looked back down at the report. Keith Parker, the medical examiner, had made a notation. “Subject’s IVF procedures were misinformed and suggest malpractice.”

  Cade froze. “Malpractice? Why?”

  “I don’t know, but I thought it was worth following up on.”

  “I’ll call Keith.” He dialed the number and waited as the call was routed to the medical examiner. “Yeah, Keith, this is Cade from Cape Refuge.”

  The ME sounded rushed, busy. “Yeah, Cade. What can I do for you?”

  “Listen, I was just looking over your report on Lisa Jackson, and I wanted to ask you about something. You mentioned that Lisa had a bicornuate uterus.”

  He was quiet for a moment, and Cade pictured him fumbling through her file. Finally, he spoke. “Yeah, that’s right.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Absolutely. I saw it myself.”

  “You mentioned that her IVF procedures suggested malpractice. What did you mean by that?”

  “I mean that any doctor who performed an in vitro procedure on a woman with a bicornuate uterus was either stupid or a fraud. Her problem was not in conceiving. She simply couldn’t carry a baby for very long.”

  Cade tried to follow what this meant. “So is it possible her fertility doctor didn’t know this?”

  “Hardly. It’s a birth defect. He would have seen it in a hysterogram, which is one of the earliest tests he would have done on her. He also would have seen it in any laparoscopy. And he would have done those in the first two IVF procedures when he harvested the eggs. No way he didn’t see it.”

  Cade locked eyes with McCormick across his desk and changed the phone to his other ear. This couldn’t be right. Had Sims lied to her?

  “Keith, can this be corrected?”

  “Sometimes it can.”

  “Then why wouldn’t the doctor have done that?”

  The ME hesitated. “The only reason I can think of is that there’s more money in stringing her along. Three procedures would cost over thirty thousand dollars, and that doesn’t even add in all the other treatments he’d tried on her over the years. He had a long-term money bag there, and much of it didn’t have to go through insurance companies. It was cash out of pocket.”

  Cade felt sick. Could someone really be that manipulative? That evil? To drag someone’s hopes and dreams through such trials just for a buck?

  When Cade hung up, he told McCormick what Keith had said. “I think it’s time to interview Sims again.”

  McCormick agreed. “You think he had anything to do with her death?”

  Cade drew in a long breath. “I wouldn’t rule anything out. But even if he didn’t, he could be lying to all his patients. He has no business practicing medicine. And because of Lisa’s murder, he’s going to be exposed.”

  “Looks like we have t
wo major crimes to investigate,” McCormick said.

  Cade nodded. “I think I need to call the DA.”

  CHAPTER 52

  Sadie didn’t like the distant, restless look she saw in her mother’s eyes as night began to fall. So many times she had anticipated Sheila seeing Hanover House for the first time, with its garden of color lining the front of the house and the big, luscious ferns spilling onto the porch. It looked like something from one of those foggy dreams of heaven, a picture of hope. The reality of a home.

  But Sheila didn’t catch that vision. Even when they showed her the room Sadie had worked so hard to fix up for her, Sheila’s gaze strayed to the window, as if she scoped out her escape.

  “I know it’s all really stressful to you, Mom. Being in a strange place and having so much expected of you. But it’s going to be all right. You’ll get comfortable in a few days. Caleb will get to know you.”

  “I don’t see why he has to go to bed so early. He was down before dark.”

  “It gets dark pretty late this time of year. He’s little. He needs his sleep.”

  “You used to stay up till after midnight,” Sheila said. “It never hurt you any.”

  Sadie didn’t want to tell her that many of the choices Sheila had made about her childhood had hurt her. “He’s got a routine. It’s good for him.”

  Sheila turned to look at her. “What does he call her?”

  “Who?”

  “Morgan. Does he call her Mama?”

  “Usually he calls her Mo. I guess it’s his shortened version of Morgan. Sometimes Mo-mo.”

  “It sounds awfully close to Mama.” Sheila’s voice sounded hollow, and in it Sadie heard the waver of fear.

  “It doesn’t matter what he calls her. It matters that he’s happy. It’s good that there are people like Morgan and Jonathan, Mom. They can love without expecting anything in return.”